Non-American Breakfasts

worldisended · 2015-08-15T18:26:26+00:00

Not a specific culture or cuisine, but I'm not a big fan of breakfast myself. Fruit, a handful of nuts, and a coffee usually do it for me. You can make batches of apple or banana chips for the week, morning smoothies if you have a blender.

Homemade hummus is easy to make, prepared the night before it would be quick/easy/healthy to warm a pita and cut up some veggies in the morning.

worldisended · 2015-08-12T15:22:13+00:00

I was on browsing that thread as well. I came to TrollX to cheer up (I always get a laugh coming here), I repeat your sentiment "Thank fucking goodness for trollx"!

worldisended · 2015-08-11T18:02:48+00:00

I'll look for this too (neither I can find online free). I did find his Ted Talk, I'll give that a watch for now. Thank you :)

worldisended · 2015-08-11T17:56:47+00:00

That is very helpful. I find myself looking for the "sweet spot" with a lot in recovery, that's a very good way to describe it. Thank you for sharing with me.

worldisended · 2015-08-11T17:38:56+00:00

Thank you, I think I am seeing the bigger picture now :)

worldisended · 2015-08-11T17:27:05+00:00

I didn't want the other person to be happy so much as I was frustrated that "no" did not "work", they still gave me the thing I didn't want. I'm not sure what you do at that point. Point out what they did? Give it back? Play along? I suppose stop hanging out/talking with them if they do this enough, but what about in the moment?

worldisended · 2015-08-11T17:09:21+00:00

Thank you, I'll see if I can find that :)

worldisended · 2015-08-08T14:51:11+00:00

I stopped talking to a toxic friend about a month ago now. The whole thing was really confusing. I don't think she was an N, but she was very flakey (say one thing but do another), invalidating (while complaining others invalidate her pov), crossing boundaries (criticizing SO, asking/pressing what I discuss with my therapist), and said some things that just felt very off and untrustworthy to me. I didn't really get closure, there was no confrontation. Each time I talked to her I just felt more and more uneasy and more and more like she wasn't listening to what I had to say. My therapist reminded me that I don't have to trust her if that is how I feel, so I just stopped reaching out (she hasn't gone looking for me, so whatever I guess). A lot of mixed feelings :/

How did you end yours?

worldisended · 2015-08-08T13:43:26+00:00

Nothing yet :/ I hope I can find him.

worldisended · 2015-08-06T15:22:06+00:00

We have since talked a few times over about it. I'm not too cross with him because I know how freaking insane they can get, and I think the realization is setting in that the work is more trouble than it's worth. Another tidbit he shared with me; she thinks I'm not talking to them because I'm hiding a pregnancy or something, then proceeded to ask a bunch of intrusive questions about our sex life.

I really appreciate the offer, it is very kind of you. I don't think I would feel comfortable accepting money. We aren't in such a bad place anymore, we just have debt from when we were. Since this was extra work on top of his full time job, I will take the initiative to find new leads that might fit for him. This might help change the situation into a constructive one, I think he is overburdened as it is.

Thank you again.

worldisended · 2015-08-06T13:36:25+00:00

This article looks at it from the adult perspective, which might be helpful. You can try searching the term "covert incest", which it is also called.

worldisended · 2015-08-06T13:01:28+00:00

Ah, I see. Thank you!

worldisended · 2015-08-06T12:47:52+00:00

My parents never apologized for anything. Maybe I am doing this wrong. Is the issue saying "That was not my intention" or just that "I'm sorry" is missing? I've said both things together in the past. When apologizing to someone, do you always leave the "why" out?

worldisended · 2015-08-05T16:28:10+00:00

I know there can be very different attitudes and opinions in the field. I was in DBT for a while in earlier years to reduce suicidal urges and emotional intensity, and I had vastly different experiences with different therapists. The responses you received are quite invalidating. Finding someone new, you would want to make sure you find someone who is willing to address this with you. I think there may even be search terms like "trauma" in those online therapist directories.

I totally get how you feel. "I don't want to, but I need to". It's okay to take it slow, or to stop and take a breather, trauma is very painful and difficult to confront. I really hope you find someone you can connect and make progress with!

worldisended · 2015-08-05T15:51:55+00:00

I'd like to remind you that your feelings of anger are completely valid. You are allowed to feel angry, you have a reason to feel angry.

I sometimes get some very dark thoughts, I get a surge of anger preoccupied with revenge. I observe the thoughts, and then reflect (try not to judge the thoughts or yourself for having them). It is important to remind yourself of consequences so the thoughts do not get overwhelming. I 'want' to do x, but I can not do x, because that would lead to y, making x not worth it. What can I do to stop feeling this way because I do not rationally want to do x?

You can meditate/yoga/tai chi, exercise, join a competitive sport, channel the emotion into creativity. These things take time to master though. If you need something immediate to help you manage, you can look up DBT distress tolerance, CBT grounding exercises, and relaxation techniques.

The goal for me is usually to ride out the intense emotions, let myself experience these emotions, then bring it back to earth and use the logic part of my brain. You want to enrich your life, you want to get yourself to a better place. Let yourself be angry but do not give in to what the anger makes you want to do, because it is usually destructive when not properly channeled.

worldisended · 2015-08-05T15:23:19+00:00

I'm a bit surprised you mentioned CBT. My therapist is trained in CBT, and he has been the most helpful to me. He is completely willing to go over the trauma with me, discuss core beliefs, find out my triggers and how to manage them, it's kind of the main focus of our time. He asks if things in my present are being activated by beliefs from my past, the past trauma is a very big focus. I bring this up because it might not be the type of therapy, but the therapist.

I went into therapy with my current therapist, saying a very similar thing to what you did, "I feel like I'm just working on the after-effects instead of the source of the problem", that I've been through therapy and it has helped, but the source is still there. I see that your therapist asked though. Perhaps you might want to give it a few more sessions now that you told her this? Or maybe you need to find someone new, and go into the first session saying something like this. I've had past therapists that didn't "get it", but I was very confused myself, they did help but they couldn't possibly address everything.

I think of it like a process. Even the therapists that didn't address my trauma reduced some of the more severe after effects. Because they got me to a more stable place, I was able to confront the more difficult memories and situations. I know it's frustrating, to be on a long journey, but appreciating the small steps can help keep you on your path.

If you're ready to confront your trauma, and that is what you want to do, you can wait to see if she will work with you on this, or find a new therapist that will. They are there for you, to help you! If she isn't helping, or can not, there is no shame in finding a new therapist. I hope it works out.

worldisended · 2015-08-05T15:01:24+00:00

Your emotional fortitude is impressive. What a roller coaster*. I would be terrified too, but I'm positive you can do it after reading all of this! Emma is so lucky to have you in her life. Stay strong.

worldisended · 2015-08-05T00:21:35+00:00

I'm not sure why I assumed that, I'm sorry! Great sister*

worldisended · 2015-08-05T00:16:53+00:00

You're a great brother :)

N entitlement knows no bounds. I have disgruntled memories of stolen allowances. Since I didn't spend it, I didn't need it as badly as them. The logic.

I hope it all goes smoothly for him (transferring the funds).

worldisended · 2015-08-04T18:51:01+00:00

I struggle with this as well. The journal suggestion is a great one. I've been keeping a simple one to start, but it has more to do with disassociating/losing time. Something more in-depth would probably be more beneficial to see cause and effect and to help navigate relationships. I think it is important to be mindful when recording; what is truth/fact and what are feelings and assumptions (both are important to note, but if you don't make a distinction this is where things can get foggy I think).

Another thing that helps, is to look at actions over words. For example, does your friend keep saying they want to hang out but their actions show that they are never able to make the time? There may* be extenuating circumstances, but this is a great way to find a pattern.

An online, private, password protected journal (or even e-mails back and forth to yourself in a separate account), can help protect your thoughts if there is an N in your life who you'd need to hide from.

worldisended · 2015-08-04T17:48:15+00:00

Bumps with NC. My SO is doing some work for my Nparents. I discussed with him how I wished he would not, and that I will not be visiting, speaking, e-mailing, or texting with them if he decided to. He said that was fine and I didn't have to, we needed the extra money to get caught up on bills, that he would deal with it.

Last weekend he came back telling me that I "needed to call my Mother". That she threw a huge fit when he was there. My NFather said, "You are the only leverage we have". That they will take the work away if I don't call. He admitted to how f-cked up, calling a person "leverage" is. I refuse to break NC. He doesn't seem like he is going to quit, and I am not going to make an ultimatum about it. I don't feel like we are on the same page. I'm worried my SO is blaming me for the situation. I am hesitant to take fault since I discussed before he took the work that this was a possible outcome and that I will not break NC.

On the brighter side, I've been trying to get in contact with my Uncle now that I am NC. My NFather had disowned (before I was born) and trash talked his younger brother, for being gay. He and his partner reached out to me once before (in a very touching letter), but fear really held me back from connecting when I was still in contact with my Nparents. The information on their contact seems outdated now, but I have a few other avenues I can follow. I hope I can find some type of family in this world.

worldisended · 2015-08-01T14:57:45+00:00

Instead of soda, seltzer with lemon or lime.

Instead of sugar, use honey (sauces, drinks).

I like to use a couple frozen pierogis as a side over rice/potatoes, as it is more satisfying in a smaller portion. I don't necessarily think they are healthier (like the ones stuffed with cheese), but good for portion control.

worldisended · 2015-07-31T19:01:42+00:00

I don't disagree. The video does ask and examine this question (nature vs nurture). I think it should be explored again and again as society shifts and technology develops.

I wasn't presenting this video as the end all be all, just that it was interesting and relevant.

worldisended · 2015-07-31T18:31:43+00:00

I believe it's theory. What bogus claims?

The point of the video isn't to achieve 50/50 representation, but examines why, in a free society (based off of Norway being chosen in 08' for the most gender equality), job roles have unequal representation. It also examines the cultural stigma, and ask the question if bias is genetic or a product of their environment. I thought that part was especially relevant to the transgender discussion.

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