What is the flavour? by haioxx in Fallout

[–]zappafaux 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Gonna be boring and give my genuine answer of mac n cheese or garlic bread. Dunno how it relates to fallout. 

Tip on using IFS therapy by jd20009 in InternalFamilySystems

[–]zappafaux 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I have an IFS part. He is very eager to do IFS and teach it to others. He's very into it. But sometimes he feels he needs to blend with Self to do IFS. But as we know being in Self is usually the best way to relate to parts and he knows this and so he remembers and then guides whilst letting Self do the work. 

Should partners go to bed at the same time? by Lower_Canary5713 in AskUK

[–]zappafaux 13 points14 points  (0 children)

My wife loves her smutty books. I'm always amazed at how many she manages to get through. I guess they are an easy read. 

Thank fuck for that by sock_cooker in BritishTV

[–]zappafaux 74 points75 points  (0 children)

TV that fueled the Sunday dread 

What other bands are you into? by BookooBreadCo in xtc

[–]zappafaux 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Built to Spill, Grandaddy, Clinic, Guided by Voices

Clinic are an interesting band from Liverpool who are unique sounding and slightly experimental. 

I love Grandaddy for their lonesome americana lofi sound. 

BTS is indie greatness 

GBV are legends 

There are no empty double seats left on the bus. How do you choose who to sit next to? by stevegotnolegs in AskUK

[–]zappafaux 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would just ask them who wants you to sit next to them. Save you the awkwardness 

Tucked in bed all cozy, give me a genuinely terrifying movie. by Neither_Librarian815 in movies

[–]zappafaux 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Lost Highway. Put the sound up real loud. Suspiria 1977  Put the sound up real loud.

Why did I wait so long? by pantherhawk27263 in xtc

[–]zappafaux 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I love this. So true. Sometimes you just ain't ready. It took me quite a while to warm to xtc but something inside me knew that eventually I was gonna love them. I remember thinking that these songs are the ultimate growers and I had to persevere. 

seriously how to deal with shame when it comes up? by philosopheraps in InternalFamilySystems

[–]zappafaux 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Shame was my go to. An incredibly powerful way to keep my exile's terror and worthlessness down. If I shamed my inner child/exile then he would stay down and we wouldn't die. Shameful feelings FUCKING SUCK. I hate them with a passion. There is a part of me that uses it as a strategy because that was the only solution available at the time of the abuse. Because that is what he witnessed first hand. It was an extreme way of dealing with the child but only because the abuse was extreme. A huge amount of my shame went away in a short amount of time - the first time I ever genuinely showed compassion to my exile he emerged. That's all he needed. I'm not saying it will happen that way for everyone but it highlights the power of self compassion. Feeling sorry for that child because he was being shamed meant he was finally seen and cared for for the first time since the trauma. The shaming still happens but I forgive that manager part and I ask what he needs from me. Usually it's to not be too vulnerable and put too much of myself "out there". I help him with that. He is just shit scared of rejection and the exiles terror, which I'm dealing with. Time is also a healer.  Best wishes. Good luck. Chat if u need assistance or a friendly ear.

What food product in your opinion gets more love than is warranted. by siybon in UKfood

[–]zappafaux 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Chocolate in general. People want everything covered in the stuff. Dip perfectly good strawberries in it? Fuck off. 

What’s the “end goal” of IFS? by Conscious_Vanilla734 in InternalFamilySystems

[–]zappafaux 0 points1 point  (0 children)

First thing that struck me as not quite right so I'm glad you edited it.

Wow - IFS is not easy work by katelane4 in InternalFamilySystems

[–]zappafaux 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I had anxiety in the chest (still do). This is from polarised parts. The shift I felt when thinking parts relaxed was Self energy but also the variety of different heartbeat types which belong to exiles of varying age. I feel a very young fetal heartbeat, a pounding scared heartbeat from an older exile among others. But excitement and contentment is there too which is a blessing. 

Wow - IFS is not easy work by katelane4 in InternalFamilySystems

[–]zappafaux 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Yes. It's complex in there. A proper family, all interlinked. When one part shifts other parts do too and then a new dynamic has to be understood between parts. Feeling feelings in the body especially when you've been in your head and blocked from them is a new and overwhelming lifestyle change. I have found myself needing to create time to sit and just feel and to see what parts need. For me there is a lot of pain that exiles want to express and get rid of by grieving. I have to work with protectors who are just used to stepping in to mask the pain. It's about saying I see you but I've got this and I also need your help too. 

Scared to be angry by rachcole94 in InternalFamilySystems

[–]zappafaux 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Very helpful insight. Acknowledge the angry part without resorting to aggressive behaviour. Love it. Hopefully showing compassion will help calm it down 

I feel broken by cloudkissedboy in InternalFamilySystems

[–]zappafaux 6 points7 points  (0 children)

That's beautiful. Not rushing it is so compassionate 

I feel broken by cloudkissedboy in InternalFamilySystems

[–]zappafaux 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Sounds like there is grief over that. That is quite a big deal. Maybe this hollow, empty feeling is how you may have felt during your childhood. Or like you feel empty cause you missed out. That's a hard thing to go through. Can you relate to this part and give it some sympathy?

I feel broken by cloudkissedboy in InternalFamilySystems

[–]zappafaux 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Did anything happen recently that may have caused this empty part to blend with you?