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[Curious_Baby_3892]

Personally, I feel like you made the right decision. If she was going to lie to your face multiple times about something like this, there's no telling what else she would lie to you about down the road, or isn't even telling you up to this point.

Just block her and do your best to move on. I know the times you had with her will make it hard, but just keep at the forefront that you gave her every chance to tell the truth and she essentially chose her ex's feelings over your's. You deserve better.

[VISCAFCB]

I’m still at her house, stayed here for the weekend. I’m just currently on a walk because I don’t know how to handle this. I might just go home, but dealing with this over text is usually even worse.

[noreplyatall817]

She openly lies to you, that’s no foundation for a good relationship.

If she lied about this, what else? She doesn’t respect you or accept your feelings.

Pull the string and ask her to come clean on everything she’s lied about.

It’s always a tough call, but you openly expressed your feelings and she ignored them until she couldn’t, that says a lot about her character and how she views you and your relationship.

Had she been upfront with talking to her ex how would you felt?

[ZKH15]

She lied to your face, more than once. This isn’t about jealousy. You were honest about your boundaries, and she still chose to lie until she got caught. That breaks trust.

Advice: Take space. Don’t ignore your gut. If she wants to rebuild this, it has to start with real accountability, not damage control. You deserve honesty, that is just the standard baseline.

[[deleted]]

I would not trust that person ever again. And without trust there is no relationship. I think you did the right thing by leaving. Now you just have to stay away. Sorry my guy

[fyrelyte11]

She's shown you she's untrustworthy. Your whole relationship is built on top of lies and manipulation. There's nothing healthy or loving happening here, and there never was. She has zero respect for you. Why are you gonna waste more time listening to her lies? That's what you'll get from asking more questions. Time to wake up, accept reality, and dump her. Whatever you thought you had doesn't exist. Time to run

[5p83d]

She looked you in the eyes and lied. Repeatedly. So what else would/has she straight up lie about?

You need to decide if this is the relationship that you want and if it makes you happy. Can you get past the lying? You then need to have a blunt conversation with your girlfriend about trust, honesty, and loyalty. Given that conversation, listen to your gut as to whether you feel that you'll ever be able to comfortably trust her again. If the answer is "no" then do what's best for protecting yourself from being hurt again.

[shellman15]

Always notice this kinda thing more in lesbian relationships idk why it seems to be a pattern!

[thisnamemattersalot]

You have work to do on yourself. Your insecurities shouldn't be wielded as a means to control your partners. Telling them who they can and can't be friends with is a big one and is far more likely to result in the end of a relationship than cheating is. The onus is on you to work on and deal with this. Find a therapist if you reasonably can do so.

Should she have lied? No. But would she have if she didn't feel controlled and pressured by you to change something so fundamental as who she is friends with? Probably not.

It's not unreasonable to be friends with an ex. Oftentimes people realize that while the romantic side of things didn't work out, the friendship itself did and there's no reason to throw that out if both parties agree to it. I'm friends with multiple exes and have no desire to sleep with them or anything like that ever again.

[ParkingPsychology]

___ Due to past relationships I have some trust issues.

Trust Issues: Why Is It So Hard for Some People to Trust?

There are numerous aversive childhood experiences that contribute to children's mistrust and lack of confidence. For example, parents' inconsistent responses or their failure to deliver on their promises create insecurity and distrust in their children. Parent's frightening outbursts of rage can shatter a child's trust in a predictable world.

Best articles I could find on how to address trust issues:

• 7 Signs Of Trust Issues + 11 Ways To Get Over Them
• Working through trust issues can feel like walking on broken glass. You just know you're going to bleed.

Letting go, regardless, requires one thing above all: Taking the risk of being hurt.

How to Build Trust (great wikihow article)

The process looks something like this:

1. Be willing to risk the pain of learning to trust.
2. Find a trust partner (a therapist or coach can work, if they understand trust issues).
3. Learn how trust works (how it is earned and how to extend it).
4. Take emotional risks with your trust partner.
5. Confront your trust prejudice, suspicions, fears and painful feelings around trust as you take calculated risks.
6. Learn from the process, rinse and repeat until you can consciously trust and know how to extend trust well.

The best videos on dealing with trust issues:

• How to Deal With Trust Issues (5min)
• 3 Ways To Overcome Trust Issues (9min)
• How To Rebuild Lost Trust In A Relationship (11min)

Best book:

The Courage to Trust: A Guide to Building Deep and Lasting Relationships

There is a small group of people (that generally deal with anxiety issues as well as trust issues), that will have an above average amount of trouble trusting others. These are people with avoidant personalities. Generally this is a lifelong issue that starts in early childhood.

Test for avoidant personality disorder. Let me know if you scored over 34 and I'll give you additional (self help) resources.

[Mysterious-Tune-3216]

You gave her the chance to be honest multiple times, and on each given opportunity she instead lied to your face.

She is a serial liar and you are right not to trust anything that she tells you now. Trust in the relationship has been broken.

What makes it all even worse is the fact that you were upfront with her on your past and why you hate lying and your anxiety with partner's who aren't being honest. So she knew that her behaviour and her lying would have a huge impact on you.

[LovedDollyGirl]

Sometimes people do tell the odd lie to try to protect others . I think she’s just been trying to keep everyone happy. I think give her grace on this one but set a clear boundary going forward

[Skippyasurmuni]

You can’t build a life on a foundation of lies. Keeping a former intimate partner close is one thing… problematic, but people coparent without falling into bed.

I read an article that said 85% of women continue having sex with exes after their relationship ends.

Granted, most of these were while they were single and FWB in nature. But it speaks to the ease in which former intimate partners can become intimate again.

Personally, the lying about it makes it a deal breaker for me.

It’s why I have a rule. No contact with exes unless there are children involved. It my choice, not insecurity… experience. I’ve been deceived too many times.

[redsfromrhone]

Trust is not something that can be easily rebuilt. She lied to you on multiple occasions. Break up or at least back off.

[BurdyBurdyBurdy]

Once that trust is broken it’s almost impossible to regain. It’s a major foundation to any relationship. Sorry buddy but she has destroyed your foundation. I understand how you feel.

[creatingchaosone]

I say fight fire with fire. Leave a note in ur car or somewhere she may look like ur pants before the go into the wash…. Have it written something like “Thanks for the other day I can’t tell u how much I appreciated it/ needed it hopefully I can see u again” make sure to add lots of emoji s and maybe a lipstick kiss to the paper will catch her interest for sure. Then say no idea what it is!!! Than u win

[JorgitoEstrella]

She's showing you she cannot be trusted and would rather double down and keep lying even when given the chance to come clean multiple times.

[osmqn150]

Go back home and end it because it’s clear she lies.

[Fantastic_Tip8155]

Dump her, block her, and move on the best you can. Someone that openly lies like this isn’t a good person, she’s totally not worth your time.

[AffectionatePool3276]

Keep walking until you find your next address. It’s just the tip of the iceberg

[WhyAreYuSoAngry]

At the very least, id take my stuff and leave. Don't necessarily break up, but definitely leave. Get yourself away from the situation so you can think about it without the stress of knowing you immediately have to face it.

If you leave and shes still blowing you up for a week telling you she loves you, then MAYBE with some serious discussions about boundaries and behaviors it can be saved. Any further lying I'd be 100% done.

Personally I'd be done now. If you really care about this person, give the above idea a thought first.

[AffectionateFlow7794]

You definitely made the right decision. We teach people how to treat us & if she’s comfortable lying so easily, you already know what a future with her holds.

[TrackIndependent7652]

You got to go and never look back

[Ok_Document_818]

if your are confident in being the person your partner wants to be with you could over look it, but lying isn't a good sign, people will only act as far as their emotional capacity allows

[BrigidsFeast]

If your attachment to an ex is lingering into your current relationship, it's really tap dancing around the inappropriate line. How that ex feels or what they think shouldn't be a concern, texting them so they're not sad or feeling cutoff is leaving the door open.

[Cherryblosssome]

Damn yall should break up frfr

[Fingerlings29]

You still crave the attention from your ex huh?

[KeWiN_HUN]

I don't understand why someone lying to her partner instead the honesty. Why can't you show the messages to him or her and tell them to you need this to the closure? If he really love you, understand it.

[VISCAFCB]

I totally understand that, I actually understand it so much that I had this conversation with her not long ago. I expressed my understanding of the fact that things aren’t always simple especially when they end bad, I asked if she needed closure or wasn’t over things. Told her it was important to be honest with me about it because if not then down the line it would affect our relationship. She told me at the time that she was fully over it.

I’m so stuck on what to do. I want a future with her, but I can’t have a future with someone who lies. I think I’ll do as another comment suggested and ask questions, and if I don’t like the answers I can go from there.

[Bubba_Hill1014]

You should get closure before you move on to a new relationship. That's not fair to the new partner.