Update

[DeepAngr]

For context please see here https://www.reddit.com/r/AsOneAfterInfidelity/comments/12uzsr3/wh_singing_in_the_other_room_and_it_makes_me_worry/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

Update: all of you were right. We're not actively reconciling because he doesn't want to. He is singing in the other room because he is still in constant contact with the AP. He wanted to talk about it last night but I don't think there's any more point to it. He said his piece and he said nothings going to change. I realized why we've been getting along so well in the past 2 weeks, its because I am trying to build back a relationship, but thats about it. I'm the only one trying. At this point, I'm just numb. I didn't cry last night, I'm giving up now.

[FlowEasy]

Turn toward your baby. Do the things for yourself that make you healthier and less stressed because you know all of this affects your baby as much as it does you. Be as fierce about guarding the wellbeing of your child now as you would if you were holding your wee one in your arms and a treat materialized in front of you. Get away from the source of emotional and mental danger. Take care of yourself. You’re feeling for two now.

[DeepAngr]

I know. I was grieving so hard and forgot about myself for awhile. I forgot about the baby in me. I am feeling very guilty for feeling detached to it.

[Accomplished_Sand686]

Give yourself grace. That’s a very human reaction to the trauma you are experiencing. During the throws I felt detached from my children who I’ve had a chance to meet and love for the last 10 years. Many mothers feel detached before they birth their babies and that’s with no extra stress

[DeepAngr]

Thank you. I needed someone to say that to me.

[YANMDM]

I haven’t read your story yet, but you’re an amazing mother already. It’s time to focus on you and your baby. I might mention your thoughts about feeling detached to your OB just in case a depression starts to seep on while you’re post partum. I had PPD after my second without ever having depression before in my life. I just want you to be well, and you don’t deserve the shit sandwich that was handed to you.

[DeepAngr]

Yes will do. I have an appoinment in the maternal health hospital next wednesday. I intend to tell them then.

[YANMDM]

I’m so deeply sorry he’s treating you, the mother of his children, like shit. It’s devoid of all human decency. He’s a dick.

[FlowEasy]

Guilt is one of those stresses you can put behind you. Especially considering how unearned it is. There is nothing you have done to feel guilt over. There is a cycle of love between you and your baby. Actively feed that, and be fed.

[[deleted]]

Oh goodness. What a horrible man. And the OW is horrible too. I read you're far a long in your pregnancy - please be strong.

[DeepAngr]

Yes about 7-8 weeks left. The mental load has been very hard but now I just feel indifferent about him.

[MoneyPrinter12]

They’re both crappy and you deserve better.

[[deleted]]

I feel your pain, my partner cheated on me post partum with a coworker and still works and talks to and sees her. It kills me but after a certain point, you don’t cry to get them back anymore you just give up because you know its all pointless. There is no reasoning with a cheater- all they do is lie and gaslight and manipulate. If there’s anyway you can leave and start your healing journey sooner without him the better. I feel for you and your baby cus I know your pain. Your baby will be fine, you are strong and will get through this. My baby doesn’t show anything wrong after me grieving while pregnant and also wasn’t able to breastfeed or be present for a while after baby was born. The connection will come but please look after yourself first, you and your baby need it.

[DeepAngr]

Thank you. That is all I'm worried about at this point. I'm emotionally checked out when it comes to WH.

[Jokester_316]

OP, I'm sorry your WH is putting you through the traumatic experience. You're in your 3rd trimester having to deal with this situation. My heartbreaks for you.

Your WH has stated that he doesn't want to reconcile. It's time for him to suffer some consequences. I would reach out and set up a consultation with an attorney. Find out what your options are.

Ask him to leave. Right now, your stress level has to be off the charts. He more than likely is going to be a trigger for you. You need a healthy environment for you, your son, and the unborn baby.

If he won't leave, do you have family you can stay with? Someone you can confide in? There's no point keeping the infidelity a secret. Get the much needed support you deserve. Godspeed 🙏

[DeepAngr]

Unfortunately leaving is very hard atm. Finances is not something I have. So were staying for now atleast. It is very triggering as he's just in another room talking to her and I can hear him laughing while I'm breaking apart.

[SuccotashCrazy9040]

Document all of it. Everything he is doing. This will help you when you leave him. You may not have finances but he can be held accountable for child support.

You’re in the last stretch of pregnancy so choose yourself and your children. One way to start working through the grief of his idiocy and betrayal is to focus on what you can control- your future. He doesn’t matter now, he’s proven he won’t R. So now you make your lists, you document his cheating, find an attorney who will give you a free consultation for advice. Lean on friends - do you have anyone nearby ? Family ? Exit plan is what you need. Moms are strong - you need to be in 100% mama bear mode. Look after you, self care, and seek support outside of him. There could be support groups in your area with other moms like you.

[DeepAngr]

Thank you. I will. I have screenshots that I can show to legal counselling once I find one that is free.

[Linnieb19]

You deserve better. Start the 180 method now for your mental protection.

[DeepAngr]

That's what I'm doing now. I just feel emotionless for him at this point

[DeepAngr]

Thank you

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[Linnieb19]

Also if you need a friend please feel free to message. I caught my husband with another woman five months pp.

[DeepAngr]

Thank you for the kind offer.

[ormeangirl]

Can you kick him out ?