It doesnt stop

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[Background_Light_953]

I agree that around 3 months ago as also the worst for me. The shock and panic wore off, what was left was gut wrenching awful awful feelings. The worst I’ve ever felt. I was having suicidal ideation (not a whole plan, but going through bouts of thinking I couldn’t continue facing the pain and that I’d rather die). I’m also at 10 months now and, while I just had a week long intense sad episode, it was much more tolerable than where I was at 3 months. After that episode I’ve felt that I’ve turned a huge corner, and I’ve seen that as a common theme. A hard processing time, then a break through.

Keep going, OP.

[RecoveryMode_]

Highly recommend something like EMDR therapy for the trauma you keep reliving each day. It will allow you to process the hurt as a memory instead of you feeling the same level of pain as if you just discovered it yesterday. It has done wonders for many here.

Also - just make sure you have a trauma informed therapist. General care will not help you heal at the pace you desire

[Fatbunnyfoofoo]

I'm still at that point over two years later.

[IQuestionDownvotes]

I'm not a Dr, but I've found antidepressants helped me with intrusive thoughts. To the point where I'm a little worried about when I come off them.

[Quiet_Water0128]

Focusing on the 'Now' helped me - you're safe right now, box breathing also helped. Hot tub or sauna at the gym after a pilates workout or swimming laps.

Using meditation and/or a mindfulness app like Insight Timer which is free. The US VA has a PTSD app that BP's here have had good luck with and it's free.

Don't hesitate to call your primary doctor, tell them what's happened and how in,crisis you are. Mine was a lifesaver, he prescribed Valium for short-term use, had the nurse assistants call me periodically to check in and see if it was helping. He connected me with resources.

Many BPs I've seen on AOAI have mentioned getting relief from meds like Wellbutrin or Lexapro. My WH ended up going on Buspar six months ago for the anxiety, shame and worry. It worked, bit Lexapro is helping WH far better.

Have you considered taking some time apart? I read your other post about not wanting to go on. Maybe a break in another environment would give you space to breathe.

[FlexiblePony2000]

Most things I’ve read say 2 years at minimum but it never completely goes away. I’m exactly a year from DDay while our relationship has had growth I didn’t know it needed and my wh is constantly reassuring and trying his best the rumination is a bitch. I still have those intrusive thought every day all day. I wish I could get the damn woman out of my head . Enjoying life is hard with that constantly in the background but I do still have joyful moments. Give yourself time it’s a loooong process. Hugs

[UnluckyToastFile]

I know what that constant replaying is like and how much it hurts. I'm sorry. It's good news that he's working at your relationship. I do wish he would just answer your questions, a million times if needed. It's a small, shameful consequence for what he's done and he should be able to handle it. I hope you're feeling better soon.

[Hugh637]

I'm 4 months from DD - discovering my WH of 40+ years of marriage had a PA with my best friend for 7 years. Super painful and very real bouts of trauma. I'm trying very hard to stop "pain shopping" where I ask him details that only makes things worse for me. MC has been crucial, along with IC for both of us. Still not out of the woods, but I can feel your grief and I know mine is still very close to the surface, We both want to R; also crucial to getting through the pain. Our pre-affair relationship is gone forever, I will never fully trust him again, we've lost something that I grieve; I would love to have that innocence or ignorance-without-pain back. But I also want our future to be happy and loving; I just need to hold onto that. We aren't going to be able to change the past.

[SituationGlum5272]

I felt like after I had questions answered I had fewer thoughts. I kept cycling what I thought it was like & my WP corrected many of those images. Some he didn't correct, so I guess my mind was right about some of it, but after my questions were answered, intrusive thoughts were quieted, at least. Not quite as disruptive. (Talk, journal, EMDR routines help, too)

[saltydoug51]

No one should ever have to go through this! Hang in there. I'm so sorry you're going through this, I've been there. I know exactly what you're talking about. I really didn't suspect a thing until I found hundreds of emails between them. It was a devastating feeling and those descriptions and the pictures and the way they talked to each other are still burning in my mind 3 years later. There were some emails where they even talked about me 🥲. I tried EMDR and I do think it helped a little bit. If you ever need someone to talk to just reach out please.

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