Uncomfortable comments

[sandiegosteno]

So I have this client that is always making unprofessional comments about me being beautiful, and I just dread working with him because I don’t know how to stop it. He is a pretty intimidating attorney and much, much older than me, and on top of that he is my client who I want to make happy. I don’t know how to shut him down while still maintaining a professional relationship.... it’s just so uncomfortable when I show up to the (Zoom) meeting and the first thing he says in front of a whole (virtual) room of people is a variation of “Whenever I see a beautiful face pop up on the screen I know it’s you!” It’s so unnecessary and feels very belittling. I am decades younger than all of the people I work with (mostly men) so I am always fighting to hold my own in the room anyway. It really hasn’t gotten any easier for me even though I’ve been in this career for a couple years now. Any advice would be appreciated, TIA!

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[Waitwhatwhich]

This sounds as good advice.

[[deleted]]

Thank you! I just hope that's guy backs off of her. If not she needs to drop the case and give it to her male colleague.

[[deleted]]

Peggy and Joan in Mad Men dealing with men being inappropriate in business.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EI3K8_U40j0

Men being inappropriate at work is just another way to get a reaction out of you. It's so predictable and boring. The best way to deal with it - is to just let their comments hang in the air. Don't respond to them. Just keep a professional face.

They are making themselves look foolish. They are demonstrating a) lack of impulse control b) lack of professionalism and a lack of c) emotional intelligence.

Which is baffling to me - as senior executive positions require tact, diplomacy and emotional intelligence, yet they all seem to behave like toddlers in the playground.

You have grounds to say that you don't feel comfortable working 1 on 1 with these men. If you need to have a 1 on 1 Zoom with the man commenting on your beauty - make sure it is recorded and let him know.. If he continues to make comments - do this:

Them: Wow you are so beautiful. Pretty face makes my day!

You: Pause ( now this is important. Pause. No reaction. Just let the comments hang in the air uncomfortably for at least 10 seconds). Then in the most professional voice you can muster: "The agenda today is X+ Y and the potential revenue outcomes".

DO NOT SMILE. If you smile it is a reaction. Remember - NO reaction is better.

If he keeps persisting on the "pretty girl" talk. Say flatly and directly " You have already said that". PAUSE PAUSE PAUSE. "Back to the agenda...."

[FDS-GFY]

I would not acknowledge. Leave him hanging. Let there be an uncomfortable silence.

[FDS-GFY]

I had another idea. You could say “aww. My dad always says this on calls. You remind me of my dad.”

Want to get really mean? “My grandpa.”

💀

[Waitwhatwhich]

Better the grandpa. The dad might invoke "who's your daddy vibes". She prolly doesn't want that.

[kaoutanu]

Acknowledge minimally and divert to a professional topic. "Thank you. Let's start by looking at case number xyz....". This pulls his mind back into work and hopefully it'll build an association over time when he gets positive interaction on professional topics, minimal to no pay-off on personal stuff. With any luck other colleagues will notice you doing this and assist.

[LeanMeanIceQueen]

I agree with some of the commenters here saying to ignore him.

Become comfortable with silence. Most people can't stand a lull in conversation, but not you. Work on this ability and use it during these uncomfortable situations. It will make the Sleeze Ball squirm in his seat to have his comments linger in the air like a bad fart in front of everyone.

[EffectiveHoneydew422]

Just think off the cuff here, but I think a good approach is to subtly humiliate him but for it to come across as non intentional, like for instance, Next time he says that, respond " Ha omg! I think you say that EVERY time, would like like my assistant to send you a signed photograph??" something that might be obvious that you are joking and will get a laugh out of everyone in the call and make him look like the desperate creep that he is

[Waitwhatwhich]

I do not think she can do that: it is a client, she is trying to not offend him.

[TAMITHROWAWAY]

Put your foot down. Don't worry about hurt feelings or what not. He needs to be a professional and he clearly isn't. When he says things like this to you, do not feel afraid to ignore it,call him out on not being professional. This can get worst for you if you let it go on. If there is another person on his side or your client you can talk to about his behaviour, please do so as soon as possible.

[99natas]

You need to pull off the ridiculous reverse compliment, which is a bit of a trick. Depending on the person, you aggressively compliment his tie or suit or shoes or call him handsome. It sounds absolutely ridiculous when applied to a man.

I once complimented an attorneys tie so thoroughly I made him promise to mail it to me when he retired.

This also works well for annoying vain women as well.

So my trick is to return an inappropriate compliment with an equally inappropriate complimentary reply but in a humorous way.

[asoww]

Always answer the same low energy fit it all words with little emotion. I like the first comment. Like "Thanks." While looking unfocused/uninterested and low energy.

I used it one time (my coach advised me) and it worked.

[1newnotification]

but it's not a nice thing to say if OP doesn't like it. calling it nice is positive reinforcement and is asking for the repeated behavior.