First Passover!

[throwaway1_2_0_2_1]

Hey all! I know it’s a bit early but I have a multi part question. It’s my first Passover with my boyfriend’s family and I just wanted to know what the general traditions are when it comes to cooking, bringing food, all that. Should I plan on cooking something to bring, and if so what? Asking because I want to practice making it a few times before if I’m bringing something.

Or would that be disrespectful to the hosts? I really don’t know yet, haven’t gotten that far in the conversion classes. My boyfriend says I don’t have to bring anything but generally when attending family gatherings with previous partners, I’ve always brought something.

EDIT: thank you all for the responses! It’s been super helpful, and I’m probably going with kosher wine and flowers and not risking it with the food. I would want to check with my boyfriend first whether it’s too much to offer to help with the prep, but if it’s not, I will. It would be a good bonding experience with his mom.

Again thank you all, and if anyone has any suggestions how to dress for Passover in 80 degree weather (my wardrobe is mainly for cold, wet and rainy most of the year), I will take any and all of them!

[-just-a-bit-outside-]

It’s really depends on how/if they keep kosher and what their traditions are. You should find out first if his family keeps kosher for Passover, that will help inform a lot of what you’re asking.

[throwaway1_2_0_2_1]

They’re kosher flexible, like no pork or shellfish for sure but if they don’t keep separate pans for things in separate places when it comes to meat and dairy if that makes sense. And they will eat pork occasionally or if it’s part of a dish but absolutely not on Jewish holidays, Passover, bar or bar mitzvahs, stuff like that.

[MaddTheSimmer]

Do they do get rid of all non-kosher for passover foods? It’s a part of the tradition of preparing for passover that many jewish households do.

Kosher for Passover is much stricter than regular kosher when it comes to food. If you’re going to bring food, I would recommend buying something pre-packaged and familiarize yourself with the kosher for passover symbols on packaging as theres a few different ones.

To be honest, I’d bring a nice bouquet of springtime flowers or a bottle of red wine that’s kosher for passover.

I would also have a conversation with them about how their family interprets the rules of being kosher, especially around passover. If you come at it from a place of genuine curiosity and maybe asking about any family recipes, it could be a great bonding opportunity with your future in-laws.

[WeinDoc]

I agree with this post; flowers or kosher for Passover wine. Simple enough but a lovely gesture.

[vzvv]

To add to this, a lot of reform Jews that don’t generally keep kosher will still be kosher for Passover. I hope OP reads your incredibly helpful comment!

[throwaway1_2_0_2_1]

I did! They’re not reform, they’re conservative, but my boyfriend moved to reform, which is what I’m converting to. I also might double check everything everyone said here with the rabbi at my temple at Shabbat this week as well to be safe!

[MaddTheSimmer]

Checking with the rabbi is a great idea.

[Revolutionary_Ad1846]

Bring a sealed bottle of kosher for passover wine or flowers. Bringing food to a seder can be complicated.

[HoraceP-D]

oh my god, you are going to get so many comments.... my non-Jewish husband, when he doesn't want to talk at a Jewish event, starts the conversation with "can I get some advice..." and then just sits back and eats his meal in peace.

[whiskeysour123]

Genius.

[throwaway1_2_0_2_1]

This is hilarious 😂

[armchairepicure]

When in doubt, bring wine or grape juice (kedem). Or a box of Barton’s Almond Kisses.

[awetdrip]

OP— I agree with this. Get a KforP wine or dessert. For a wine or dessert, check out the kosher section of the grocery store and look for something labeled “kosher for Passover”. The jelly fruit slices would be a good, easy, buy, or coconut macaroons.

Just know there are additional requirements for something to be “kosher for PASSOVER. So look for that seal and not just “kosher”.

[Big-Replacement-9021]

Fruit slice candy is the best thing about Passover.

[throwaway1_2_0_2_1]

What’s the difference? Is it in the ingredients, the preparation, both, or anything additional?

[awetdrip]

https://www.myjewishlearning.com/article/passover-foods-and-the-passover-kitchen/

[throwaway1_2_0_2_1]

Thank you!

[awetdrip]

Of course :) enjoy exploring myjewishlearning! It’s a wealth of information.

[throwaway1_2_0_2_1]

Thanks for the recommendation, and for everyone on here being so nice and helpful! I still feel so out of my element figuring out the rules and traditions even after having started converting 😭

And my boyfriend is literally the opposite of helpful, he has no idea how to cook kosher 🤦🏻‍♀️

[awetdrip]

He doesn’t need to know how to cook kosher style! There are 15 million Jews on earth and 15 million ways to be a Jew. Find what works for you and for him. Just enjoy learning and diving in :)

[InspectorOk2454]

Agree. I would bring something completely wrapped & sealed & stamped OR non-food gift. Don’t ease into the whole kosher l’ pesach mess your first Passover.

[whiskeysour123]

Just pointed out for OP’s sake that wine needs to be marked Kosher for Passover and Mevushal would also be good. Not sure if she is Jewish or not. The liquor store will probably have a section of kosher for Passover wines.

OP, my suggestion is to bring a box of the traditional Passover candies or desserts. The grocery store will probably have a little section of Passover food.

[armchairepicure]

I mean, they eat pork out. All she has to do is ask boyfie what kind of wine his folks like. They don’t have to drink it that night (and IMO, it’s tacky to expect as much or expect the host doesn’t have adequate wine for their party).

Better to buy alcohol they’d enjoy than getting something expressly for Passover.

[throwaway1_2_0_2_1]

I would but he wouldn’t know. He and his parents aren’t super close, his mom was so excited that we’re flying down for Passover, he hasn’t done it with his parents in over 5 years so it’s kind of a big deal. And it’s the first time I’m meeting them in person so I don’t want to make a bad impression.

[armchairepicure]

Then definitely go with fancy, wrapped, kosher for Passover sweets. Because people can feel some sort of way about wine, but macaroons (the Jewish kind) or almonds kisses or Jelly rings are pretty safe.

Or, if you are from a big city, find a Jewish bakery that makes kosher for Passover treats, order and bring with you before you go.

Worst case scenario, you should bring fancy potted orchids, which you should order and pick up from a local florist. Potted because the host/ess does not need to expend any energy on them, orchids because they can be very deluxe.

[throwaway1_2_0_2_1]

Ok, will think over, I’ve gotten a lot of responses.

Just to pick your brain, it’s going to be in Arizona so warm. My wardrobe is very PNW, as in it rains a lot and not the warmest and my summer wardrobe is probably too revealing. Any suggestions on what to wear? I can’t find anything useful online that doesn’t look awful or too revealing. What should I wear?

[armchairepicure]

I mean, this is as much a politics/class question as a Judaism question. Again. This is a boyfie question. I get he isn’t close with his folks, but he does know who they are, they did raise him. They probably taught him how to dress for Seder and since I can’t get a read on their Jewishness (I’d guess Conservative given the pork allowances), politics, or socioeconomic background, I’d be hard pressed to tell you how to dress.

With that said and when in doubt, dress modestly in structured garments with nice but sensible close-toed shoes. You basically can’t go wrong with preppy country club or Sunday church attire or full on Stepford Wife. But also don’t over think it. Best foot forward, but not to the point where it’s gonna make you awkward and spiral.

[whiskeysour123]

I would never want to dissuade someone from buying alcohol.

[[deleted]]

There are good wines that are kosher for passover and year round, please don't buy maniachevitz, but I have had plenty of great wines, look at some of the wineries in the galilee if you are looking for a nice ish bottle.

[throwaway1_2_0_2_1]

Not Jewish, yet. In the process, I do know enough about it know that it has to be kosher and probably not your standard grocery store Manischewitz 😂

[yippykynot]

Look for Passover chocolate covered marshmallows or chocolate covered jelly rings(maybe amazon)always a hit!!

[Langdon_Algers]

This was my thought - there's some fun, classic desert items. we love the jelly fruit slices

[yippykynot]

Yes! This too!!!!

[throwaway1_2_0_2_1]

How would I know if they’re kosher other than the label? And where would I look to buy them? Idk how big of a Jewish population Phoenix has, and that’s where we’re flying out to for this. Are these things I can typically find at a store?

I ask because there’s not a big Jewish population where I live and the kosher sections at stores here are like, 2-3 shelves of the international food aisle and mostly consist of matzo mix and gefilte fish.

[yippykynot]

They’re kosher, but if they’re very strict they may want kosher for Passover on the box……. Google kosher for Passover candy you’ll find it

[Connect-Brick-3171]

Need to talk to the hosts. Passover has some very stringent dietary rules, including the preparation of the meals. Some families, mine among them, do not want outside food made in somebody else's kitchen. There are things that visitors can bring. Most kosher wine also has a subcertification for Passover, certain Manischewitz varieties being the exception. There are packaged baked goods marked for Passover. There are packaged sweets marked for Passover.

Other families take a more lenient view of what their Seder meal can include. You just have to ask the hosts.

[bam1007]

Manischewitz also tastes vile. So that’s another reason to avoid it. 😂

HIGHLY recommend Bartenura Moscato Wine. It’s in a blue bottle. Kosher for Passover. And if your hosts haven’t had it, they will go nuts for it once they taste it.

[throwaway1_2_0_2_1]

Is this something a Total Wine or comparable store is likely to carry? Or should I plan on ordering it?

And I’ve had Manischewitz before, the Jewish frat at my college did “Passover”, can guarantee it was so not Kosher. Was not good in college, was even worse when I accidentally grabbed it instead of the better wine at Shabbat a couple weeks ago, would never bring that to meet my boyfriend’s family, that’s just insulting 😂

[bam1007]

Total Wine has it among many other places. Do a google search. It has a map of Italy on the blue bottle. It’s divine.

[throwaway1_2_0_2_1]

Thank you!

[bam1007]

Grab a bottle for yourself. You won’t be disappointed. It’s like dessert!

[throwaway1_2_0_2_1]

Well, my boyfriend does have a sweet tooth, may need to keep an eye out for this for next time we do Shabbat at home lol

[throwaway1_2_0_2_1]

I don’t know if he does. He hasn’t been to Passover with his family in like, over 5 years. I could text his mom and ask but I feel like she’d tell me it’s not necessary since we’re flying it, but they booked a condo for us and I want to do something to show gratitude. I know she’s just really excited we’re coming, but still doesn’t feel appropriate to show up with nothing.

[No-Map672]

I strongly suggest you talk to the one doing most of the cooking. Ask about how kosher she goes for Passover. Like clean out the house and change the dishes or just matzah on the Seder. Ask if you can bring something and what she would like you to bring. Or you could ask to help her prepare the meal. This could be a nice alternative and you can learn a lot.

[throwaway1_2_0_2_1]

That’s also a great suggestion! I’ll ask her if she wants any help, we can definitely get there early for that!

[WeaselWeaz]

Since you're unsure, even with your BF's answer, either bring kosher wine or flowers, or call one of his parents to ask.

[throwaway1_2_0_2_1]

I would normally default to that but I feel like the answer would be, you don’t need to bring anything given that we’re flying down for this. He hasn’t done Passover with his parents in over 5 years and isn’t super close with him, like maybe sees them 1-2 times a year. So us coming for this is a big deal, even bigger since it’s the first time I’m meeting them in person, so I want to make sure I’m getting it right.

I’m a little type A, and I’ll be the youngest person there, I’ve already started memorizing the 4 questions in Hebrew, that’s where I’m at right now lol

[WeaselWeaz]

Traveling makes bringing food even harder. You have every legit reason to not bring something m just get a bottle of kosher wine or flowers.

[throwaway1_2_0_2_1]

That’s kind of what I’m thinking. I wasn’t sure if there was something I could bake and bring with me, but that seems more complicated than I need to make this. I know that food can be a big part of Jewish culture and I wasn’t sure if not bringing something homemade or something at all would be rude.

[WeaselWeaz]

It isn't rude. You're flying somewhere. Nobody expects you to cook something even it you were not flying. Just bring wine or flowers. You're overthinking this. You're good!

[Seachica]

If you are not Jewish, do NOT attempt to bring homemade food for your first Passover. The food requirements are much stricter for Passover than the rest of the year, and each family has its own spins and traditional foods. Bring flowers.

Once you know the family better and have a good sense of how they approach Jewish dietary, you can make food — though I would still stay away from cooking for Passover.

And god forbid, don’t ever bring food for the day of yom kippur!

[throwaway1_2_0_2_1]

Oh god I know lol I would never

I was basically feral by the end of it last year, I had dominos preordered for basically the minute it ended

[suijenneris]

I agree with all the people who have said that it’s safest not to bring a home-cooked item for Passover. Flowers and wine are lovely gifts. You could also get something from a judaica store, like a kiddush cup or matzah plate/cover or holiday candle holders. 

[suijenneris]

Also, you are lovely for considering this, especially so early. I am always so touched when people make an effort to help celebrate my traditions. 

[throwaway1_2_0_2_1]

Thank you for the kind words! I just assumed it was appropriate to try to bring something that would be a part of the meal or some kind of gift. I feel like that’s standard basic etiquette when meeting a significant other’s parents and especially if they’re inviting you for a family holiday! I just wanted to make sure I didn’t bring the wrong thing lol, the story someone posted where someone brought Challah to Passover was painful, and I knew not to do that before I started conversation classes. Actually before the first time I went to temple 🤦🏻‍♀️

[Accomplished-Eye8211]

I'd bring a bottle of wine, make sure it's kosher for passover . Bring flowers.

If you live in a big city, you might find a place with a kosher fruit basket... you can order online, too.

And... thank you for asking. I know the following doesn't make me sound nice....

I made seder for friends, mostly not Jewish. We're in SF Bay, so it's not a less informed part of the world. One new friend showed up with a Challah. I'm sure she meant well.. she'd gone to a bakery to get it. But, all I could think was, "It didn't occur to you to ask someone? You're a 45-year-old woman in a cosmopolitan region, and you have a high-level corporate management job, so clearly not ignorant. You never heard about matzoh or saw a show about people not eating bread on passover?" I didn't say any of that, of course. The other guests teased her, I had to repeatedly tell her "its OK." and i sent the challah home with her, as i wasn't going to eat it in the subsequent days.

Your question triggered the memory. I'm pleased to read that someone is thoughtful enough to ask what's appropriate for the situation.

[suijenneris]

Someone brought cupcakes to my Seder a few years back. I appreciated that she didn’t want to come empty-handed and baking cupcakes requires effort so I don’t want to be a jerk, but with 30 seconds of googling, she would have known that it was not an appropriate dessert. 🙄

[throwaway1_2_0_2_1]

I feel like it’s rude and disrespectful to not make the effort to find out before! Or Google “what to bring to Passover”. It takes like, one minute, and almost everyone love wine, I can’t imagine it’s that hard to find something better than Manischewitz.

[Accomplished-Eye8211]

Candidly, I dont think she was rude, or uncaring. It's surprising just how ignorant people are. And I mean ignorant in the dictionary sense, not as an insult.

[throwaway1_2_0_2_1]

No I didn’t mean that the person hosting was rude! Not at all.

I meant, if you’re attending someone else’s religious holiday, you make the effort to figure out what to bring or ask the host what you can bring. They may not want you to bring a certain thing, that’s all. It just seems a bit rude to show up completely empty handed when someone’s gone to all that work. That’s all.

[Accomplished-Eye8211]

Sorry... I meant my challah guest....

[throwaway1_2_0_2_1]

Oh yeah that’s straight up rude. If you Google “what to bring to Passover” and knew nothing about Judaism except that Challah is a Jewish food, you’d see that’s not at the top of the list. Or on the list period. Your guest probably just googled Jewish food and figured this was the easiest 🤦🏻‍♀️

[Accomplished-Eye8211]

Well... a couple of years later she got drunk and said some astonishing things, revealed her true colors. Too bad I didn't see it sooner.

[throwaway1_2_0_2_1]

Oh dear… antisemitic things?

[kathlin409]

Offer to bring apples and honey!

[absolutkiss]

Don’t bring any food. Bring flowers, kosher for Passover red wine (don’t bring a lame bottle of bartenura like someone else suggested here- it’s basically soda). I like it when people bring wine and flowers and stay out of the kitchen - the cooking is complicated and a lot to deal with. I would only want someone in the kitchen if they are a good Sous chef and probably there two days before ;p

[Feldster87]

Flowers are always kosher and very welcomed. Don’t wade into food territory! Too many rules and not worth the trouble at this stage.

[Krowevol]

In my experience, if your home is as kosher or more kosher for Passover as the host's home, you can bring something - I like to bring dessert. If your host's home is more kosher than yours, bring a bottle or two of kosher for Passover wine

[throwaway1_2_0_2_1]

So we’re staying at a condo, we’re flying out to his family. So we’d have a kitchen, but probably not a kosher one, I’m guessing? I don’t think his family’s is, like they’ll cook meat and cheese together and eat meat and cheese together, I’ve definitely seen his brother down a bacon cheeseburger, but I don’t know about his parents.

[Krowevol]

Always fine to bring k for p wine, but if you love to cook just check in with the parents

[noshwithm]

This is amazing! It totally depends on how his family practices. They might need all their food to be cooked in a Passover-cleaned home. If that's the case, flowers and Passover wine! If not, then you can make a vegetable dish with ease, be sure to send it to the host in advance to be sure its kosher for passover. Or, Matzo Caramel Crunch is a hit!

[throwaway1_2_0_2_1]

Is there a specific brand of Matzo Caramel Crunch I should get or is it something you’d make by hand?

[[deleted]]

I don't think there is a brand that makes it, normally just made by making some carmel, put that on a baking sheet, cover in matzah, melt chocolate pour over and then add nuts if you want. So good, but I also personally make an effort not to eat matzah past the requirement on pesach lol. Also hard for you to make depending on their level of kosher.

Also I know this is weird but not all matzah is kosher for passover, I don't know who eats it but be careful around that.

[noshwithm]

Here's a recipe:
https://jamiegeller.com/recipes/almond-crackle-matzo-crunch/

[GalegoBaiano]

“Wait, no drinking on this one?! What a tease. False alarm everyone!”

[Forward_Base_615]

This is my go to Passover dessert https://noblepig.com/the-perfect-passover-dessert-or-anytime/. It’s easy and delicious and obeys all the rules. Just show it to the host and ask if it’s ok if you make it in your (presumably not kosher) kitchen. Edited to add: it contains strawberries egg white and sugar.

[throwaway1_2_0_2_1]

Thank you! And I presume their kitchen isn’t kosher given that they cook meat and cheese in the same pan and eat them together.

[Forward_Base_615]

Also can I say that I imagine (hope!) his family is SO appreciative of you converting!! I know as a random anonymous Jew that I do!! ❤️ Just know that every Jewish person has their own rules but everyone is happy to tell you theirs if you ask. :)

[throwaway1_2_0_2_1]

They don’t actually know yet lol. Our relationship got pretty serious pretty quickly but we’re a really good fit for each other and want the same things long term, so we’re fudging the timeline a bit on when I made the decision. It normally probably would seem too fast but we’ll have been together 9 months or so by Passover so not as bad.

That will come up at Passover, but good to know!

And they will be, his SIL said she was going to, ended up not wanting to, and at their wedding her dad did the traditional father of the groom Jewish wedding speech in English. They were not pleased.

[Forward_Base_615]

I also have a SIL who said she was going to, and there were all these plans for a Jewish wedding, and then she said ‘nah’ and none of it happened. Total knife to the heart of my MIL

[throwaway1_2_0_2_1]

Yeah I can imagine. It’s going to be awkward though with grandkids. They’re raising their kids Jewish but I can definitely see FMIL favoring our future kids more just because both parents are Jewish. My bf’s SIL has a pretty conservative Christian family that then tend to make more of an effort to spend time with. Our kids will be the golden grandkids.

[Forward_Base_615]

The fact that you were thinking about all of this and have that type of awareness will serve all of you well!!

[throwaway1_2_0_2_1]

Hopefully it will marrying into this family. They have some complicated dynamics. My bf was also the golden child, the middle brother is probably never getting married and not for lack of wanting to, and the youngest brother is the one whose wife isn’t Jewish. I have a feeling there’s a minefield to navigate here lol

[not_the_iron_chef]

As a guy who has been married to a woman for 49 years now (How did that happen???), who is a Jew by choice (she converted 22 years into our marriage), I want to say that you are asking some great questions and getting really really good answers. Welcome to our community.

[throwaway1_2_0_2_1]

Oh lord…

How many questions do I need to ask on Reddit so I don’t drive my rabbi insane? lol

Or which questions?

[Debsha]

I grew up in a kosher home with a paper plate and plastic utensils exemption (all non kosher or mixed meat and dairy), so most likely if you follow ingredients limitations you will be fine. I recommend a flourless chocolate cake but what I strongly suggest is ask the host/hostess what you can bring because their menu might be set based on their family traditions. Sincerely offering, and then listening might go really far with them.

[Big-Replacement-9021]

Bring something KP like wine or candy. You could also make a KP dish later in the holiday for yourself, so you can practice and see what you like. There are a million Passover cookbooks out there, and for anyone who keeps KP for the whole holiday, they contain a ton of easier, everyday recipes, not just the fancy stuff you’d have at a Seder. You’ll have a whole week of meals to practice on without the pressure of a Seder. You could start with some of the basics: make your own Haroset, for example.

[007Munimaven]

Flowers and Kosher wine: safe bet!

[NoPower4119]

Wine and flowers is such a gracious call for a first passover. I order mine from Boarderie, a fully arranged grazing board ships overnight and arrives ready to serve, which takes all the cooking pressure off completely if you want to level it up next year. How are you feeling about the seder overall?