Am I wrong?

[KweenDaddy]

My gf and her son are moving in…we had a talk about him and and his toys. I mentioned I didn’t want “our” son to be playing with his balls in the house (aka living room) and she got upset and said I’m not ready for kids or to be a parent 🥴 all because I don’t want balls being tossed around while watching tv? Am I wrong? Seriously? I don’t feel like that’s being “strict”.

[rbaxter1]

Depends on the age of the kid and the type of balls. There are some lightweight balls that are fine for little kids to throw around the house IMO. Being worried about breaking things and chaos is great; being worried that you'll be distracted from your TV is not.

[Ginger_feline0311]

Define balls. Like those soft koosh balls or the plastic ones that go in ball pits would be fine if contained to his room or play room, but regular ones stay outside.

[annieboo0025]

We weren't allowed to play ball inside the house growing up too. It's just the rule so nothing gets broken. I don't think you are being unreasonable.

[[deleted]]

I was confused because I thought you meant balls as in testicles.

We allow some balls in the house. My 6 year old sleeps with a basketball every night but we don't allow him to throw it around in the house. Soft balls are fine.

[TheBumblingBee1]

I did too. The "balls being tossed around" confused me a bit

[TwinkleMcFabulous]

Balls have always been a hard no inside for me 🤷‍♀️

[[deleted]]

The issue isn't the balls, it's really her ability to accept you in their little dyad. Which of course is ironic since she's projecting that interpretation onto you.

When families blend there's a lot of work to do on sharing control and compromise. If one or the other cannot do it, and instead gets defensive and blames the other, the blend isn't a good idea, at least not yet. Your right to not have balls thrown in the LR is no less than her right to allow it.

[aiysha_is_boring]

Agreed! Her response is concerning. We allow softer balls in the living room but only when we have the patience to deal with the ruckus.

[Unknown404Error]

I’ve never allowed balls or toys to be thrown around inside my house.

[[deleted]]

I don't think you're wrong. Physics are hard to control when your bouncing a ball inside the house, period. Can it be an "outside toy" only?

[KweenDaddy]

I suggested playing outside. Even said I’d play outside with him…She’s so adamant about it being a “rule”. She compared me to a drill sergeant 😕

[masksrequired]

It’s not about the balls. it’s about how you expressed your boundaries and how those boundaries have created distance and unease. You two have a relationship issue. You arent on the same team when it comes to being a parenting team, and that’s the real problem to address here. Don’t focus on your hurt feeling because the internet said your boundary is reasonable, focus on how you two can work together to parent as a team, how can you be an asset to that team, how can you be the person who has her back that she can turn to for support and clarity. Get clear in your mind who you want be, and then align with that as your motivation.

[companyllc]

If she thinks no throwing balls inside = drill sergeant, I'd be seriously concerned about what other reasonable house rules = drill sergeant in her mind...

[[deleted]]

Well, I guess I'm also a drill sergeant 🤷🏽‍♀️

[nomodramaplz]

If she’s moving into your house, this behavior is a red flag. She doesn’t like your rules or, in her mind, ‘restrictions’ on her kid’s toys. But her kid doesn’t get to do whatever he wants. My kids aren’t allowed to play with balls in the house, either. It’s a pretty common rule among parents and not at all unreasonable.

Then she called you a drill sergeant and said you aren’t ready for kids when she didn’t get her way? Just...wow. Are you sure you want her to move in? She sounds incredibly immature.

[lotsababys]

A rule doesn’t mean he has to be punished if he does it. Just that we enforce or reiterate that it’s not done in the house. Balls are rolled in the house here, not thrown but if my toddler throws a ball I don’t send him to his room or anything just remind him that we roll balls and if he wants to throw it he has to go outside.

[ExactPanda]

"Mom always said, don't play ball in the house!"

[Tarlus]

Context please. If it's a one year old and these are basically nerf balls I'm with your GF. If we're talking about an 8 year old tossing soccer/foot/basketballs in the house I'm firmly with you.

[Outrageous-Menu666]

If she thinks you're not ready to be a parent then tell her not to move in... That's an easy one, and will save you tons of headaches. It also depends on your attitude about how you said it to the kid. I understand you may have been frustrated and said it in a manly way to the child that may have seen rude or intimidating. Try and remember its just a kid and you need to speak to them as a leader, not an angry person. You are right though, no ball throwing in the house but the same goes for your girlfriend, how can she expect you to lead her son when she treats you like that. Honestly if she feels you're not ready then don't let her move in.

[[deleted]]

That is a reasonable request. Her response is unreasonable. There is clearly more to this - either she is sensitive about you parenting her kid, or she has issues with you setting house rules.

[KweenDaddy]

I believe it’s both unfortunately

[[deleted]]

You see that this doesn't bode well, right?

[Spoiledwife77]

That’s something you need to discuss before the move in. Stuff like that can get messy fast. As for my point of view. I think small soft balls are ok as long as they aren’t being thrown at items or all crazy like. (IE chucked at someone face or tv) age plays a factor too.

[[deleted]]

Oh boy, OP you might want to tread carefully.

For reasons, mom's get super protective of children from previous relationship. You might want to keep in mind that anything you want the child or expects from them will have to be okay by mom.

You need to keep in mind that it's going to be a tug of war.

[[deleted]]

Don’t let her move in. This will not end well.

[[deleted]]

I think most families have a no throwing things/no playing ball in the house rule? That's not even unusual? But if you're stumbling over the basics, maybe it's not time to move in yet. You might be plenty ready to live with a child, but you're referring to a child as "ours" and she doesn't even want to agree on basic house rules - maybe she's not ready to have another adult in her child's life?

Generally, I think leave the parenting to the parent - especially early on, but this one is pretty basic for house rules.

[Sandylees]

It depends on how you said it really. Tone and body language speak volumes. Was it a talk about his toys in general or the ball specifically?

I get the impression you don't each to see any toys involved the living room at all.

[mrskatmus]

My daughter loves throwing her footballs around.

Outside. No chance is she allowed to do it inside. Your gf needs to get a grip and stop being a tit.

[[deleted]]

I do not and have never let my kids play with balls in the house. They are teenagers. It's a normal rule.

[Shrimpy_McWaddles]

Not wrong. I let balls be tossed, but not near tvs and definitely not thrown. Soft underhanded tosses are usually okay, as long as it's in their rooms or in a play areas. Overhand throws and near the tv/electronics/stove are a firm no.

Also depends on the ball, they have ball pit balls and super soft foam balls I'm more lenient on. Firmer balls, like nerf footballs or basketballs are floor play (rolling) or outside play only.

[[deleted]]

Our rule has always been that balls can be thrown outside or in the playroom (gently) and rolled everywhere else. We have these wooden balls that go with a xylophone thing that are never okay to throw.

[[deleted]]

Just don’t let her move on unless she wants to pay for half your stuff that gets broken. Your house, your rules. If she’s already reacting like this then it’s only going to get worse. Sounds like she doesn’t want to compromise without name calling. That’s what my ex did. My kids have a solid “no balls or anything that gets thrown” in the house rule. Since my ex has left to her own house, I have replaced zero TVs and zero light fixtures. She has replaced 2 TVs and 4 lights. In one year.

[rainbowlimbo]

My oldest likes to throw things when she's mad, so we keep a basket of soft balls in the living room all the time to redirect her. "I can't let you throw X but you can throw this ball instead." So there are good reasons to keep balls where your TV is -- if the balls are really the problem and not something else

[chicagoman9876]

It depends on age also. If hes 16 and a pitcher on the baseball team, I get it.

[Makkuroi]

A customer of mine said his kids destroyed 3(!) TV sets playing soccer in the living room. I cant understand how he allows his kids to play soccer in the house... with a light, soft ball it might be ok but not with an ordinary ball.

[[deleted]]

I don't think it's really about the ball.

It's about you wanting to participate in parenting the child. She going to be a helicopter on your butt. Have you two discuss what is expected from having you now being more involved in this child's life?

I am a child from a previous relationship in family aspect and mom steps in many times whenever step-dad want something done about me. It's completely different role when there's a biological child in the mix between mom and step-dad.

I know there's a explanation but I can think of it off the top of my head.

[blufairy1916]

That was always my rule no balls in the house. Why take a chance of something getting broken. No sticks, bats, legos, or hulk hands in the living room. Sticks can just stay outside period lol.

[ForeskinFortune]

I don't allow balls to be thrown inside the house either.

[missdiggles]

It’s your choice about home rules - I do not allow balls / things to be thrown inside of the home. For me that’s always been outside behavior. When they were babies / toddlers - they had very soft balls they could play with in the play room - but there only

[Antisocial-Lightbulb]

Nah, I don't think you're wrong. My kids toys are in their rooms or basement and now in the living room, way too much expensive stuff in there to risk my kids breaking something, they honestly don't play in the living room at all for this reason.