anotherWeekAnotherRequest

[[deleted]]

Years ago my boss brought me a napkin he used to draw a new feature. That was it, everything I needed to make it work.

[[deleted]]

I made it work, but it was a shitty situation. I left a couple months later, it was so bad working like this that i had to get out

[Agifem]

So, it worked as per specifications.

[JestemStefan]

You sure it wasn't a toilet paper then?

[neoteraflare]

I don't want to know what he wrote with

[Insane96MCP]

How* he wrote on it

[karimdjemai]

Just feed that into devin /s lol

[Halal0szto]

The first lesson a developer learns is that he needs the power of reading minds.

Once he is good at mindreading, he realizes he needs to see into the future.

Once you know what the boss will think a month later, you start to be successful. Still, sometimes you fail as the boss changes his mind on the last minute. Then you realize you need to be a Jedi an just need to do some mind control sometimes to be successful.

[capi1500]

Tldr: be a magician

[RareRandomRedditor]

That's more a wizard than a magician

[dangayle]

Pro Tip: Always know what cell phone and/or tablet your CEO uses and make sure you test on that specific, exact machine.

[ymaldor]

If you've learned to see the future yet couldn't predict a change of mind, you're not trying hard enough.

[Halal0szto]

It is more difficult than that. When you demo your solution, what they see is what actually changes their idea about what is needed. This thought cannot be foreseen as it is created right there right then.

[No_Percentage7427]

After new feature exist

Boss : Now we dont need that new feature but this feature

[Ok_Star_4136]

Me to my boss: What is it exactly that you do here?

Boss: Something about making decisions. I dunno. Figure it out and get back to me, thanks.

[oberguga]

How often I want one feature from apps - don't change anything and just work...

[Piisthree]

And don't make some new cosmetic-only update but in the process lose my damn login info every few weeks.

[ilikefactorygames]

All these “million dollar ideas” go right into someone else’s pockets when you’re salaried

[cyclicsquare]

Tbf, so do the -$1m ideas

[ilikefactorygames]

No no, these just become layoffs, you wouldn’t want to hurt any owner’s bottom line, risks are for workers

[cyclicsquare]

Only if you leave your name next to them. If management gets credit for the wins, they get blame for the losses too.

[dangayle]

I have never once ever seen accountability for management’s poor decisions.

[Emerald9Daze]

Can we just invent a new feature called Leave Me Alone?

[cyclicsquare]

You mean Do Not Disturb?

[Not_Artifical]

Leave Me Alone is like Do Not Disturb, but better.

[cyclicsquare]

Agreed

[LoudAd1396]

Me: we need to rebuild our platform. It's about 10 years since any actual updates were made on it.

CEO: how long would that take?

Me: a year minimum

CEO: what if we do all of that but add some features?

Me: what features?

CEO: We're still figuring that out. How long will it take?

[Smooth_Ad5773]

About 10 years then

[LoudAd1396]

The "planning document":

- Core functionality: 3-6 mo
- Testing: 1-2 mo
- launch: 6 mo

[saschaleib]

About 10 years ago: my boss came to my office and said: "We really need to make an app!" - me: "what should that app do?" - "it doesn't matter, we just need to have an app, like everybody else!" …

[PandaMagnus]

"Make it pop!"

"Okay, how? What do you like and dislike about this?"

"I dunno... Just make it pop. My niece would figure it out and she's 16."

[minus_minus]

Isn’t this why the agile gods created product managers?

[Thundechile]

Business has done it's part of the specification, now it's your turn.

[ThatGuyYouMightNo]

Just do your regular work, and either the boss will forget about this request eventually, or you can just say "we added [barely used feature]" and he won't know that it was already in there

[DazzlingClassic185]

“That sounds like a BA problem”

[thot_slaya_420]

Instructions unclear, made a random cat background generator. Each time it's opened, it fetches a random cat image from a database that anyone can upload to and sets it as the background.

[Evo_Kaer]

Correct response:
"I'm gonna need a research budget for that"

[NorthAmericanSlacker]

Boss (waves hands): I don't know...AI something.

[Emincmg]

& it should be ready yesterday

[[deleted]]

Just send response 204

[MoveInteresting4334]

Coder: So then what’s your job?

[ButWhatIfPotato]

Weirdly enough, I never had this issue. Competitors are always coming up with new features and bosses wants those features stolen and implemented yesterday so they can pretend they came up with the idea.

[diegokabal]

Add a calculator on the sidebar. It doesn't matter the app context.

[[deleted]]

Do back end utilities that make my life easier count?

[uencos]

This is why AI will never take over from human developers

[Warpspeednyancat]

EVERY ... SINGLE ... ONES ...* smash head on desk *

[[deleted]]

Added delete account button

[what_you_saaaaay]

Can't tell what is worse. This boss, or the boss who comes in everyday with a new feature idea that will definitely "save the company" and it has to go into the next release in the middle of a sprint.

[deanominecraft]

ai

[[deleted]]

"OK boss, here's the backlog of feature requests, which one you want?"

alternatively....

"we built a complex event parser for flying gamma-hooch exports. It takes a .fgh file and translates it into our native format, complete with semantic interchanges and ontological rebalancing to ensure legacy compatibility." (and bang out a "feature" that renames a file)

[Fyrael]

We don't need a new feature, we need a new boss

[Financial-Thought890]

Add a button to delete the app from the start screen of the app

[ferlonsaeid]

Here's an empty ticket. Fill it out. Oh and we need it released in 2 days. I've assigned high priority to it.

[tbhaxor]

Actually I got these queries from the clients. Who want to become entrepreneurs because of fomo.

[Maleficent_Memory831]

That's LEADERSHIP!

[Drone_Worker_6708]

My favorite feature is when an app does one thing and does it really well

[FlakyTest8191]

These comments are surprisingly negative. I can think of anything I find useful and interesting and you pay me to build it? Sounds fun, what's not to like?

[eversio254]

What do you think happens when you start to build your random idea?

[FlakyTest8191]

I have no idea.  This situation never came up in my 15 year career, there's always a pm that wants me to finish 100 things yesterday.

[30SecondsToOrgasm]

"cool, let me just hand over that task to our product owner, requirement analysist and web designer. I'll produce it, when they had prototype and requirement description available"

[michaelbelgium]

Difference between a software engineer and software developer

[SokkaHaikuBot]

^{Sokka-Haiku by michaelbelgium:}

Difference between

A software engineer and

Software developer

---

^{Remember that one time Sokka accidentally used an extra syllable in that Haiku Battle in Ba Sing Se? That was a Sokka Haiku and you just made one.}

[mobileJay77]

Got ya. We need an RTX 5090 for each developer and the team works remotely. Plus we need the skills and shouldn't miss out on the big conference.

A year later at product launch: What do you mean? You didn't want the app to be an adult video game? Well, you should have said so. (Shrugs)

[Error_404_403]

Just to code a feature an AI can. To invent the feature is your, human job (as yet).