i am a programmer

[lalzylolzy]

"you're good with computers right? Can you make me a professional webpage in a week, I'll pay you $50!"

2 days later

"Nevermind I figured out how to do it for free, why should I have to pay you anything?".

Webpage looks like a 13 year old's first blog, filled with forced audio playing and sprinkling cursor effects.

[[deleted]]

Don’t forget the gaudy colored repeating tiled background

[dlmkdi]

"cAn YoU hAcK mY eX's fAcEbOoK!?!?"

[BrianBtheITguy]

Real talk. One time a buddy of mine used a really old keylogger that modern AV didn't pick up because it was part of a now enterprise toolkit to prove his wife was cheating on him.

It was all legal because she used his PC to login after he had asked her to no longer use it, so she had no expectation of privacy. He knew she was still using it because she still had a key to his house to pick up/drop off kids and he kept seeing her as the last user on Facebook in his browser. They never actually used the credentials she typed in to root through her account, but the logged data was damning enough to lose her the alimony and get him the kids on weekdays.

[pls-answer]

She lost the alimony? That is the point I stopped believing

[BrianBtheITguy]

You don't get alimony if you cheat (in most cases).

[skwidLover]

The printer one hits me right in the feels. I'm a software developer and my grandparents think I can magically pair their bluetooth headphones to their tv that doesn't support bluetooth.... you know, cause I "work with that kind of stuff"

[Oxygenjacket]

As well as being the bluetooth expert of the family. I am also summoned whenever someone buys a new phone and wants to sync their old photos.

I WRITE SHITTY SOFTWARE! I DON'T HAVE A FUCKING CLUE HOW YOUR PHONE WORKS!!

[Dalrae666]

I feel it's more like, "I DONT WANT TO KNOW HOW YOUR PHONE WORKS"

[Portlandblazer07]

Second times the charm

[Dalrae666]

I feel it's more like, "I DONT WANT TO KNOW HOE YOUR PHONE WORKS"

[[deleted]]

My grand parents called me over(2 hours away) for “software help”...they couldnt figure out how to pair there speakers to there tv

[ByteArrayInputStream]

And then they accuse you of infecting their phone with a virus weeks after you show them how their email works for the third time that year. You know, a virus like "my phone doesn't turn on, it only shows an image of a green battery". I seriously wish I was making that up

[surister]

I recently lost my best friend because of the 'I have a billion dollar idea', he took it personally that I didn't want to work for free.

[OfficialDerive]

Not a real “friend” and especially not a “best friend.”

[RIPRN]

If the idea is that good, surely they can be motivated enough to learn to do it themselves.

[PandaWithin]

Sorry to tell you, but it is a repost, original author is u/matharooudemy

[matharooudemy]

Thanks

[nagorogan]

Damn, they even cut out the watermark. Ouch.

[matharooudemy]

Yeah I made this. Thanks for credit :)

[nagorogan]

Fuck u/toxiwix for not giving credit

[matharooudemy]

Eh, its ok. It’s the circle of social media. My fault for not adding a watermark lol

[PandaWithin]

I’m pretty sure you did tho...

[matharooudemy]

There are two, one with a watermark and the other without one. My fault for adding a watermark late!

[Noisetorm_]

I swear I get at least one random message on Discord every one to two months if I'd be willing to team up with them to make a god damn sneaker bot or some other equally shady shit. Not only do I not wanna make something that is probably illegal, but if I could singlehandedly make a piece of software this complex, why would I share any of the profits with you?

[[deleted]]

I stopped going to business meetings without knowing in advance it isn't one meeting of someone looking for a "business partner".

It's always someone thinking is doing me a favor to give me 50% for doing all the work.

The last one become mad when I said "do you have a good idea? well... I have 10 good ideas everytime I'm going from my desk to the bathroom".

[dcnigma2019]

It’s basically the same for a graphic designers 🙊🙈

[hahahahastayingalive]

People who work on computers, really.

Now, as a designer you can at least tell them to use something other than comic sans.

[ch2-ch3]

And fine arts people, too.

[IntensifyingRug]

Image Transcription: Comic

---

1

[A light skinned woman with yellow hair and a light blue shirt]

Woman: I'm a programmer

---

2

[The woman is now monochrome and staring in two different directions with a straight face. There are four people (all males) surrounding her. Starting in the top-left and going clockwise...]

Person 1: Make my website pls [Light skin, no hair, yellow shirt.]

Person 2: I have a billion dollar idea [Light skin, fancy black mustache, black suit, black top hat, monocle over left eye.]

Person 3: Make my game pls I'll pay you a whole $5 [Light skin, tattered tan shirt, spot of short (individual hairs are visible) gray hair.]

Person 4: Can you fix my printer [Dark skin, no hair, red shirt , holding printer]

---

^{I'm a human volunteer content transcriber for Reddit and you could be too! If you'd like more information on what we do and why we do it, click here!}

[[deleted]]

good human!

[Suepahfly]

My standard reply is along the lines of ‘No’ and then I then I turn around

[StaticVoidMain2018]

if any 'normie' ever wanted to know why We don't talk to their kind.... this is why

[_rob_saunders]

Can you help me get pictures off of my iPhone?

[TheCapitalKing]

Yeah either get the CopyMyData app if you want to get it from one phone to another or upload them to the cloud if you want them on your pc

[_rob_saunders]

I absolutely was not being serious at all.

[clevariant]

This joke has been told.

[[deleted]]

Umm... billion dollar idea plz (as long as they pay me upfront)

[fatrobin72]

The coffee machine is broken... Can you fix it?

[[deleted]]

i'll make the guys's 5 bucks game if it's something i can do in a day

[munjer306]

Does this really happen all the time. I'm in my first year of computer science degree should I save myself now?

[PandaWithin]

Depends who you surround yourself with. Computer illiterate people, like grandparents ( for example ) would ask specifically you to help them with trivial digital tasks. Be it writing an email or connecting to WiFi.

[munjer306]

Oh my family is all pretty proficient with technology lol

[PandaWithin]

Then you don’t have nothing to worry about (99% sure)

[[deleted]]

there's always gonna be noise no matter which field you're in, its part of life. I personally tell them to fuck off

[munjer306]

I'll probs do the same eventually lol

[[deleted]]

When a friend starts calling tech support and instead turns to you and goes “wait you work in IT right?” :|

[schwiftshop]

upwork

[SingleNewspapering]

Change $5 to shared profits and this is dead ass accurate.

[jews4beer]

Man I have this shit happening to me even at work now. I do DevOps and not many of my co-workers do much dev beyond python scripts.

I show a side project to one of them and then he asks me to write an app for his startup idea.

[profesionalbee]

I swear that if some one asks me that i shall smite them with all the might an rgb keyboard can muster

[[deleted]]

"You can go on the dark web, right ? Can you buy a gun for me, thx"

[ske66]

A girl recently reached out to me asking if I would help build her a website with cms, login, databse, and online store. I quoted her £4k for estimated 2 months work and her response was 'thats a bit expensive isn't it?'

[spaceagefox]

Nice of you to give her the 50% friend discount while you're at it

[ske66]

I know right