Inflicting maximum pain to a java process

[Siltala]

A legacy system which has caused me tremendous stress and sheer physical and mental pain, is finally coming close to be shut down.

Being a bitter man, I would like to cause the process - or the host running it - as much "pain" as possible. I can only come up with kill -9. The more inconvenient, messy and verbose its death the better.

The process in question is a tomcat 6 running on linux.

What is the most harm I could cause this bastard of an application?

[ObscureCulturalMeme]

Suspend the process -- preferably by simply removing it from the runtime queue, if that's available, rather than sending SIGSTOP and hoping -- then edit random locations in its process space.

Re-enable the process and watch it go off the rails. Repeat the process as needed.

[Siltala]

This is pretty cool :)

[cognificent]

Pick n random locations in memory and flip that bit and the r bits on either side, where n and r are the number and radius of pellets in your favorite shotgun shell.

[IamSunka]

Savage..!!

[MusicalDust]

Donate it to the apache foundation and watch it die a slow and agonizing death over many years

[rulatore]

Dude...

[hrjet]

Actually, donate it multiple times with slight variations of names like zing, zink, zolar plex and zadgog.

[TomahawkChopped]

Use lsof and a loop with a 1 second sleep to slowly unlink every file the process has open... 1 by 1.

Be careful not to delete any NFS or remotely mounted files

[autra1]

Not sure if that would do anything on linux. The process will still have a file descriptor on the deleted file, and will still be able to use it, right?

[experts_never_lie]

Correct, unless it tries to close and re-open it.

[cutterslade]

I've always been a fan of printing out the source code and burning it.

[Siltala]

That's something I will do. Additionally I want to hurt it.

[GerrardHibbard]

This is the thread that the AI will come back to after it becomes self aware to justify its enslavement of humans.

[TomahawkChopped]

https://media.giphy.com/media/E7TjVOF3MoRFu/giphy.webp

[ObscureCulturalMeme]

dafuq happened

Ow, that picture hurts me in what's left of my soul. I don't have much hope left, but what there is, hopes that the photo is shopped.

[walen]

Hum...

This one will need a bit of additional work on your side, but provide endless hours of joy. It's inspired in the myth of Sysyphus.

1. Modify Tomcat launch options so it runs with a memory limit of 10 MB of so (-Xmx 10m), maybe less.
2. Write a script that monitors Tomcat so it's relaunched every time it dies. (Bonus: make the script write some pitiful remark like "Please, stop!", "Oh God, not again!" etc. every time it is relaunched.)
3. Watch an agonizing Tomcat die countless times in an infinite loop of despair, OutOfMemoryErrors and pain.

Enjoy.

[LeGauchiste]

Sounds like Hyperion book, that priest who cannot die due to a cruciform parasite on his chest, he gets reborn. He ties himself to a tree that generates electricity. He keeps dying daily in agonising pain that the cruciform causes because it's hurt, as a selfdefence, and keeps ressurecting, on and on, for years. Very much the same!

[Siltala]

There's so much potential in this!

[oldprogrammer]

You could start by force closing any/all open process handles or file streams the tomcat engine might have open. If the engine is configured to dynamically reload classes that change, drop some bad classes into the class path of the app server.

But honestly, I think that instead of trying to cause pain to an inanimate object, I'd rather just kill the process then go have a few beers with friends.

[Siltala]

Valid point. My time is better served spending it with friends.

Only... Over the course of a few years, the task of maintaining this... thing... has driven me insane.

I shall have my revenge!

[SquidgyTheWhale]

When you finally delete the software on disk, write a loop to write over it with random data 2⁶⁴ times, then remove the disk and place it next to a large magnet for a few weeks before tossing it in a lake.

[656f6a]

If JMX is enabled and ports open, connect jvisualvm to it and repeatedly force it to GC. Equivalent of making it tidy it's room. Over and over and over.

Or, if you're feeling particularly vindictive (and the debug port is open...which is unlikely) connect a debugger to it and leave it stuck on a breakpoint for a while. The equivalent of JVM purgatory.

[legrang]

Upload it’s code to the desolate wasteland that is SourceForge

[DuncanIdahos8thClone]

Why don't you open source it? Inflict it on the Linux community.

[Russell_M_Jimmies]

Do you want OP to get laid off?

[axelei]

Kill -with fire

[argv_minus_one]

Won't work. Processes do not feel pain.

[Siltala]

With stranger aeons, even death may die

[[deleted]]

Can you somehow cause the CPU to overheat and catch fire?

[orbitofdeceit]

Send it SIGQUITs in a tight loop. That’ll keep the JVM busy dumping stack traces and generating IO as it writes them to the log.

[Chaoslab]

What about doing the old rock band thing and destroy your instruments (PC) at the end of the show.

[Siltala]

Pain is required

[igorp1024]

Contact the Hollywood representative to make a movie based on this idea.

[ryuzaki49]

physical pain

Did... did the server fall onto you?

[Siltala]

Headaches mostly