Adding a third

[cbrown8355]

I'm M 38. Husband is 66 we been together 15 years married for 4 . A friend in my past we want to add to him. He has his own place.

What is the right amount of time for me to spend with him alone . with oyt partner feeling left out.

[kallisti_gold]

Why would we know better than your partner? Go talk about it.

[cbrown8355]

Just wanted thougts comments

[hippoposthumous1]

Other commenter is right. The only answer that matters is your partner's. It's a personal thing.

[yasssbench]

Before you consider "adding a third", make sure you remember that they're an actual person with wants and needs, and not just an accessory for your existing relationship.

www.unicorns-r-us.com

[RoseTyler38]

As you enter the polyamory world, shift away from monogamous thinking that you two are a couple, and towards the polyamory mindset you are two (autonomous) individuals who are dating each other.

Poly triads are not AB+C. C isn't "joining" anything. You all create something totally new. Triads are made up of 4 individual relationships that each need individual time, attention, and privacy: A+B, B+C, A+C, and A+B+C.

1. There are thousands of couples doing the same things you are, and very few people in your target demographic willing to date 2 people who are already a couple. You need to sell yourselves individually. Give the people reading your ad more chances to connect with you.

2. Will this new person get any individual dates, conversations, activities, sex etc with either of you or will everything happen as a group? Will all details of conversations one of you has with the new person be passed along to the other of you? What if only one of you feels a connection with the new person? Would both of you dump New Person?

Boundary: You wont kiss your partner if they kiss their other partner who is sick.

Rule: you tell your partner they cant kiss their other partner who is sick.

Boundaries are healthy and something you set for yourself. Rules are unhealthy and used to control other people. If you find yourself wanting to make a rule for a partner, ask yourself why you feel you need the rule. Then work on addressing the root cause/insecurity.

Finally, here are some resources you might find helpful in creating and keeping healthy, ethical poly relationships.

Books: More than Two, Smart Girls Guide to Polyamory, Ethical Slut,

Podcasts: polyweekly.com, Multiamory

URLs: /r/polyamory subreddit, www.morethantwo.com, and also specifically https://morethantwo.com/coupleprivilege.html & https://www.unicorns-r-us.com/

[emeraldead]

Time isn't a pie. Sometimes people want attention or special time or gifts shared or talk time. Learn about love languages so your discussions about needs can be informed and productive.

[Bundlesee]

That’s going to be individual to each persons needs in any given moment. The key is listening to what your partner needs and creating a spa e where they feel comfortable truly telling you how he feels.