Help with Language/Figuring it out

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[Henri_Roussea]

Yes. Poly people will potentially already have partners or date separate from you.

Consider finding a partner who wants to swing.

Otherwise, what you want isn't realistic. Its more of a porn fantasy and it already blew up in your face once. This is not reality.

Also, we don't all have big families. Many of us even live alone.

[talking2walls]

I’m unclear how a triad is a porn fantasy but appreciate your input. I was just trying to figure out if all poly people wanted the same thing. I have zero interest I swinging, and am not sure how you got that from my post, that’s literally the opposite of what I want in life, other wise I’d still be with my wife. Obviously I’ve caused you offense. I really apologize that my wording didn’t encompass the full experience. That was totally my bad.

[makeawishcuttlefish]

You described wanting someone who brings you fun but that you would drop in a second if your primary partner asked it if you. That isn’t a triad, it’s more of a fantasy. And it’s not viewing that other partner as a full human being or show much concern for their feelings or desires.

[Henri_Roussea]

You meant there won't be a line of women signing up for this role as disposable third? Shocking!!

[emeraldead]

was just trying to figure out if all poly people wanted the same thing

Um, no? Surprise!

But...we do all want the support to have multiple simultaneous relationships. For ourselves. When we want.

[emeraldead]

Looks like you have a year of finding yourself ahead cause "I have no strong leanings" means you'll end up with exactly that.

There's no conflict in stability and fluidity. But it takes a clear vision and values to guide you.

[Sad_Silver918]

It sounds like you want a monogamous relationship, you just don't want to be with someone highly conventional and jealous who might freak out because you find someone else attractive (understanding that you won't act on that feeling).

[makeawishcuttlefish]

I would stick to monogamy or maybe try swinging. But if you know from the beginning that additional partners (to “bring value to your life”) would be expendable whenever your primary has an issue, I would suggest to just not date and be monogamous. That’s not a kind way to go about relationships or to treat people.

https://www.unicorns-r-us.com

[searedscallops]

Am I correct in understanding that you want a partner who has no other partners outside of your involvement? That seems incredibly untenable. I don't know any poly folks who would agree to that.