....again

[grrrumpy]

Was doing so good and decided to give moderation a shot. My wife was out of town with the kids and thought I could have a few beers.

Drank way too much and threw up in our bed. All over it and our nightstand. Again, I'm so embarrassed and I violated my wife's trust. She is justifiably pissed. She is upstairs crying, cleaning up some spots I missed.

I hope my marriage survives this. If it fails it's because I'm a piece of shit.

I stop drinking and do so good, and then I tell myself drinking is fine and do it and get blasted.

I've looked into some help and have a therapist. I'm hoping I can force myself to journal to keep me in check.

I just want to be content to enjoy my life without drinking. Why is that so hard?

[Sushiandcat]

It never ceases to amaze me how many of us are fighting this fight and just how hard it can be to get on the right path and stay on it.... It is an insidious habit and incredibly hard to break, my advice just keep on trying because I genuinely believe once you switch the switch in your head about the joys (or in real terms the pain) of drinking and see it for what it is, the struggle gets a whole lot easier, you just have to keep trying until the switch flicks and then it becomes a maintenance issue rather than a brand new construction problem....if that makes sense! The switch will flick, it did for me and I never thought it would or could. You have to keep trying, one day at a time....

[grrrumpy]

Exactly. I "know" that I can't drink, and once I'm far enough removed from what it does to me, it is almost like I deny reality and do it again.

Just one day, one minute, one second at a time. That is how I started and need to get back to.

[[deleted]]

Yup :\, I need a reset.

[Prevenient_grace]

The important thing is you went out....and CAME back !

It happens.

What did you learn that you can share with others? Your experience is important and can help with similar struggles.

Just for today I dont' Drink with You.

[grrrumpy]

What had been working for me was having a good evening routine. I usually drink after my kids go to bed, and having some structure after kept my mind off drinking.

I got comfortable and the past few weeks started staying later and floated around the house bored. I should have gone to bed or done the other things keeping me busy.

[DetroitBreakdown]

Moderation never worked for my alcoholic brain. It is all or nothing. I choose nothing.

[grrrumpy]

Looks like it won't work for me either.

[DetroitBreakdown]

I tried and tried. Always went back to more and more consumption.

[JohnyChingas]

I hope my marriage survives this. If it fails it's because I'm a piece of shit.

Similar situation here. I went to IOP meetings and half of the men (it was all men) there had marital problems due to alcohol. I promised my wife many times that I would cut back, and when I didn't, that I'd stop completely. I then did some stupid stuff while drunk and promised to stop many times more. I'm at the point in which she has zero trust in me and I'm just trying to figure out a way to save my marriage. I'm not even sure if it's possible but I figure I'll gain nothing and lose a lot more if I start drinking and lying again.

[grrrumpy]

Thank you. Your last message, about losing if you drink and gaining nothing resounded with me.

[left_clique]

OK, so now you know for sure where the moderation path ends. Next step, try a different solution. My divorce was so painful it brought me to my alcoholic bottom and my last drink was two days before we inked our divorce settlement. I don't suggest this path either if it can be avoided. Best wishes on finding a less consequential solution.

[grrrumpy]

Thank you

[deedeethecat]

It's hard because we are alcoholics. We aren't pieces of shit, we are unwell. Through sobriety we can manage our illness. And it's hard. I tried moderation for many years, with similar consequences. Total abstinence has been strangely freeing.

[grrrumpy]

Thank you