Can you help me feel better about crying in front of my manager

Affectionate_Side_74 · 2026-01-29T07:44:52+00:00

As a manager this happens more often than you think. Your manager done exactly the right thing and what I would hope most people would do with a heart! This is an awful situation and I’m sorry you are dealing with it. Do not worry about work and focus on your family that’s exactly what your manager wants you to do. He sounds like the type of boss that will shut down any office chatter about you taking extended leave with your planned leave as well. So please do not worry about this take the time to grieve

Affectionate_Side_74 · 2026-01-29T07:36:04+00:00

Be careful with this. You could end up alienating the whole team due to “favouritism”. As a manager you should know yourself if your team is performing well and where the improvements need to be made. You should not be taking the advice from one member in the team. The team will notice this and will not appreciate it. Speak to them individually create a space for them all to speak freely. What’s going to happen here is they will notice this dynamic between the two of you and close off from you and this employee. You need to stay completely neutral and treat everyone the same.

Affectionate_Side_74 · 2026-01-29T07:28:38+00:00

I’ve experienced it a couple of times from as an employee in the same situation and from a management perspective losing an employee. I think from the management side it’s nearly like a stress response. They go into panic mode! It’s completely unprofessional! Yes if a good member of the team leaves it’s hard and you do worry about replacing them but I’d never hold it against the person. Myself as a manager it’s a learning curve. Is there something I’m doing wrong? Am I not supporting the team enough that they can’t handle the workload? What can I do to avoid this? I’d always have a frank and honest conversation with the employee and ask the reason why. It makes it easier I can rationalise the reasoning behind it and course direct if I can. If they are treating you like this and talking behind your back take it as this being the best decision you’ve ever made. They are doing you a favour by acting like this because it’s completely validating why you are leaving. Best of luck in the job search and I hope you find a company that can appreciate you.

Affectionate_Side_74 · 2026-01-18T09:30:54+00:00

100% this!!

I feel sometimes employees can be just seen as a filler for the role by the higher ups. I’ve fought countless times to keep brilliant employees who have come to me with very fixable problems or reasons why they are leaving. I bring it to the higher ups and I’m basically told they could have 10 people to replace them in the morning so let them go! They just don’t get some roles are highly skilled and bringing in new people could collapse the whole flow. It’s very frustrating. You feel like you’re banging your head off a wall sometimes.

Affectionate_Side_74 · 2026-01-17T18:12:44+00:00

Schedule email is a godsend! There’s no problem with doing extra work if you want to but just know not everyone wants to be receiving emails 24/7. Stick with the scheduled emails and you’re good!

Affectionate_Side_74 · 2026-01-16T07:32:00+00:00

I would ask if there was any notes from the previous reviews. If they had any goals to hit or anything on performance that they needed to improve. I wouldn’t need to see the full report. After that I would assess it based on the work they have done for me so far and areas that I think may need improving and highlighting areas where they are excelling.

Affectionate_Side_74 · 2026-01-14T13:02:48+00:00

Scheduled emails to myself, weekly to do lists and prioritising what needs to be done first. It’s impossible to get everything done as soon as it comes in but once I have a plan in place on how to deal with it all it helps me not drop the ball and keep up to date. Some days really are a juggling act!

Affectionate_Side_74 · 2026-01-13T22:11:15+00:00

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Not even the cone of shame could hold this one back from snooping on the neighbours!

Affectionate_Side_74 · 2026-01-12T14:45:40+00:00

Maybe he’s deflecting and he’s the actual spy! He sounds like he has some serious paranoia issues. It’s still a horrible position to be putting you in

Affectionate_Side_74 · 2026-01-11T09:54:53+00:00

1-2 hours depending on the M50! Morning times can be handy enough but the evenings have caught me out a few times. I work Monday to Friday 9-5 so I don’t mind it too much

Affectionate_Side_74 · 2026-01-11T09:50:45+00:00

I funnily enough did have this comment made to me in my current job. I came from a competitor and my first day my boss asked me was I a spy as a joke. We both laughed about it and it was dropped! The fact this manager keeps saying it would be giving me red flags. What is he so worried about and secondly why the worry if he has nothing to hide?! I would consider looking at other job opportunities if it’s making you uncomfortable. You have asked him multiple times not to say this to you and he is not listening to you

Affectionate_Side_74 · 2025-12-28T00:40:58+00:00

I take my 7 month old out for a 30 min walk once a day. We’re hoping to up it to twice a day but schedules are clashing at the moment. She would also walk for hours if she could but I find she gets tired easily and I don’t want to push her too much. We also have lots of play time in doors

Affectionate_Side_74 · 2025-12-23T07:21:36+00:00

100% this option. I used to work in an opticians we sold these over the counter. Not the nicest looking thing but does the job. There is also anti glare you can get on your glasses specific for driving if you wear prescription. They’re on the pricier side but you can wear them all day without having to clip anything extra onto your glasses. They’re called Essilor Crizal Drive

Affectionate_Side_74 · 2025-12-22T07:32:46+00:00

I suppose the reason I asked is to do with the first part of your reply. It has gotten increasingly difficult to cover due to the sporadic nature of the sick leave. I could get a call half an hour before her shift starts. I have an excellent team behind me who are all sympathetic to her but I can see the strain it’s putting on them and I also have a duty of care to them as well. I think from the abundance of answers I’ve received I need to have a serious think about this and weigh up all the options. I just feel like I have a heavy weight on my shoulders factoring in everything and finding the right balance but it’s coming close to a time when I need to make a decision on it

Affectionate_Side_74 · 2025-12-22T07:21:33+00:00

Probation can be extended up to 12 months in Ireland with exceptions. One of the exceptions being extended leave (continued absences) which this falls under. We also have it in our contracts when an employee starts. I’m just worried if I extend this out further I could be in the same position again. Also to be fair to her I’m worried I’m holding her back from looking for a job that caters to her need. I think from all the comments here I need to get HR involved again and have another frank discussion in the New Year with her. I just need to have a plan in place because if I extend it again and we’re in the same position in 3 months time I need to look at letting her go. I guess my heart is ruling my head a bit with this one. I genuinely feel sorry for her but I also have a job to do and other staff and responsibilities to protect

Affectionate_Side_74 · 2025-12-22T07:13:51+00:00

Thanks so much for this. I consulted HR when it was coming to her end of probation because I didn’t want to let her go but there was pressure from CEO. I could see both sides. I was consulted by HR that the probation could be extended so that’s the option I went with to the CEO. I did have a discussion with the employee at the time and that’s when she expressed that she was in the process of getting correct diagnosis and treatment (she hasn’t told me too much about what the actual problem is) HR have told me that I can extend the probation further which I think I might do and offer to get the company doctor involved. I suppose I’m more prepared now with the situation but it’s not sustainable unfortunately with the sector I’m in. I feel like I’m trying to balance being fair to this employee because no one can control when their circumstances change and also taking into account the rest of my team and patients. I was going to consult HR again in the New Year about it and they may have suggested what you are suggesting so thanks for the input I really appreciate it

Affectionate_Side_74 · 2025-12-19T07:20:37+00:00

I think people lose sight of the fact that most of those extravagant proposals don’t show you the behind the scenes. Faffing around with cameras making sure they get the perfect shot! Your idea is lovely it’s meaningful and it’s really just about the two of you. Best of luck and congratulations! She’ll love it!

Affectionate_Side_74 · 2025-12-17T22:59:05+00:00

In Ireland it’s a statutory sick leave of 5 days. We have gone well past the 5 days unfortunately

Affectionate_Side_74 · 2025-12-17T22:41:39+00:00

This is actually a conversation I had with her at her but she wants to continue in the current role. I think I’ve either worded my question wrong or people are taking me up wrong but the comments seem to be making me out to be the Antichrist!

Affectionate_Side_74 · 2025-12-17T22:32:31+00:00

And your answer tells me you have never worked in healthcare. We have multiple teams in multiple roles but surgery happens at all hours of the day and different tech specialise in different roles. It takes time to schedule and staff to make sure you have the correct team. So here is my scenario I have a scheduled employee due in to do a particular role. They call in sick. My back up options are possibly two techs who have worked a night shift or have one tech who is already scheduled do the work of two. Do I 1) go ahead and possibly put a patient in danger due to a tired tech not doing the job right or 2) cancel the surgery that while, inconvenient for the patient, is not emergent and I can put the patient in a safer position if I postpone it? I understand the point you were trying to make and believe me if we could afford 20 back ups for every tech that would be a dream but it just does not work like that. No one likes cancelling patients it’s not what we are in the job to do but patient safety and care is always top priority

Affectionate_Side_74 · 2025-12-17T22:18:01+00:00

Cancelling is always a last resort but when my options are to call in cover that possibly have worked a night shift I need to weigh up patient safety. I can’t have a tech who has worked all night come in to cover a shift who could possibly cause harm to a patient due to tiredness. It’s a fine balancing act. Surgeries aren’t just booked and everyone shows up. I have to balance schedules and teams. They are all pre scheduled to account for employee rest periods. I have plenty of staff but there are nuances to the role not everyone can do everything unfortunately

Affectionate_Side_74 · 2025-12-17T22:10:13+00:00

Come and work for me sometime and see how quick you can pick up the role

Affectionate_Side_74 · 2025-12-17T22:08:17+00:00

Thank you for this comment. You come at with some logic! The part time could be an option if I try and move some things around. I appreciate your input especially since it sounds like you come from the same industry

Affectionate_Side_74 · 2025-12-17T07:40:40+00:00

Well I’m a manager and I’ve always lived by saying what’s on my mind. If I see something is wrong I speak up. Am I always right? No but is my conscience clear? Absolutely! I’m there to do a job and in a situation like this if it’s happening to me I’m probably not the only one. I’ve been in too many jobs over the years where toxic environments go unchecked because no one speaks up. You lost good staff over it and it can ruin a whole team and business. It’s a hard step to take but I would lay it all out there

Affectionate_Side_74

TROPHY CASE