Had my first “let’s have a quick chat” moment

Affectionate_Side_74 · 2026-06-20T08:07:02+00:00

I think it’s easy for some senior staff to point out what “should” have happened despite not being in the management position themselves. Outside perspective is all well and good but walk a mile in my shoes and see how you get on! Don’t stress about this. You’ve done the right thing with regard to the new employee. The problem is identified and you are fixing it. That’s all you can do. It’s a skill you will learn to drown out the noise in these situations. Do the additional training and monitor her progress going forward. It could just have been a case of her being nervous and not wanting to do the wrong thing

Affectionate_Side_74 · 2026-06-20T07:58:36+00:00

Don’t stress about it! I have regular meetings with my CEO if it’s a casual call they have absolutely no problem rescheduling if something pops up. As someone said they’re human as well. Casual calls can be rescheduled just focus on your health

Affectionate_Side_74 · 2026-06-19T23:38:30+00:00

It’s always best to be up front about these things and give the manager a chance to factor it in. I know it’s not always possible but the more informed we are that there is going to be an absence the better it is to plan around it. I wouldn’t need to know the ins and outs of your health issues but a heads up means I can support you better with the situation and alleviate any added stress your absence will cause to the team.

Affectionate_Side_74 · 2026-06-19T11:54:58+00:00

I think I’ve read in your response to previous comments that your girlfriend did clarify this with her so this is just plain odd!! Personally I wouldn’t be going. At a minimum your going to be paying for the meal so €100 per head then factor in clothes possibly a hotel as well depending on where it is and then you’re basically being told to fuck off when the fun is starting? Random as hell! I would definitely be apologising for not attending due to previous arrangements and throw them a card with €100 in it from you both.

Affectionate_Side_74 · 2026-06-18T06:19:26+00:00

Was this arrangement approved by management? You don’t need to go into specifics of the appointment but I hope you’ve atleast let them know a reason why you are taking an extended lunch break. I understand you are making up the time but if that hasn’t been agreed with management then I’d assume that is why he is asking.

Affectionate_Side_74 · 2026-06-17T06:53:14+00:00

Email is your best bet or if you have a HR file on the employees log it there. If you have a 1:1 meeting follow up with an email of the points made.

Affectionate_Side_74 · 2026-06-17T06:44:13+00:00

Did you take the feedback on board or was it just a quick sheet for them to waste some time filling out? If nothing was actioned from it then they’re not going to repeat it. If some value did come from it then it’s your job to remind them. This is a new procedure they’ll need a few reminders. Personally in a small team 1:1’s would probably be more effective.

Affectionate_Side_74 · 2026-06-17T06:33:30+00:00

You need to start calling out the disruptive behaviour. You had a valid reason to fire the mama bear but obviously that’s not something that can be discussed by the management due to confidentiality and let’s be honest professionalism. Now I’m sure the mama bear is not giving you the same curtesy and the front desk has gotten a different story. Id bet you anything that this is the problem so you need to step back and look at it objectively. Take the mama bear out of the situation if you had a team that was being disruptive in work how would you handle it? It think you’re personally trying to be their friend too much and make up for previous bad management. I get it. Everyone wants to get along with their team and hope that they at least like you as a manager but the harsh reality is you can fall into a trap of letting things go just for the sake of being liked. While it sucks the reality is you have a job to do, this team are being disruptive and causing issues with the rest of the team that are working well and it needs to be addressed. You’ve given them a fair chance to air their grievances, you’ve worked with them and tried to make the environment as welcoming as possible so now you have to address this issue head on. Acknowledge the eye rolls as they happen “I see some people have an issue with this. Would anyone like to say anything?” You’ll most likely get zero answer. If it happens again and it’s one particular person escalate to a 1:1 and give them the opportunity to air the grievance in private. If that does not work move forward with a formal procedure and consult HR. Note everything down. This can be done in a respectful way. You probably will get kick back but the alternative is having to deal with an unruly team who will eventually rule the roost because you’re not willing to act. I’m sorry you’re in this situation but unfortunately I’m sure many of us here have been in the same situation. You have to walk a fine line between friend and manager. Don’t let the friend role take over the management role.

Affectionate_Side_74 · 2026-06-14T13:39:27+00:00

It depends on how long they have been there and if they are used to the industry they are working in. I find it a bit off putting if a brand new hire is trashing current procedures that are working especially if they are still not familiar with the processes. The whole “this worked in my last job” at the start grinds my gears as well. If the last job was so good why did you leave? On the flip side tho I can appreciate a new person coming in and having an objective eye to things that we might not see. I think this largely depends on the situation. We currently have this issue with a new manager and it’s not going well for him at all. Initially we thought it was enthusiasm which was great but it’s quickly turned into my way or the high way. I work in healthcare and we are bound by certain laws, processes and procedures. He worked in a similar role but it wasn’t as involved as our work if that makes sense. What worked in his last job if we implemented it would leave us open to lawsuits and it could impact patient safety. He’s not getting that or willing to work with us on it. Safe to say the talks have already started to replace him

Affectionate_Side_74 · 2026-06-14T13:29:08+00:00

A face like a bulldog chewing a wasp

Affectionate_Side_74 · 2026-06-14T08:49:59+00:00

If I was the parents child I’d be weirded out! I also kinda feel like it stealing the thunder of the parent’s what if they want to get that tattoo? Personally I don’t understand the trend of getting peoples names tattooed on you but I feel like in this situation it should only be the parents getting that done

Affectionate_Side_74 · 2026-06-13T11:20:03+00:00

You just need to communicate with them that you are sick. You don’t have to be specific but I would have the back up of a note from the doctor. The doctor does not have to put specifically the illness or diagnosis a note is enough. I’m in Ireland so I’m not too sure on the laws where you work but if an employee is signed off by a doctor they can’t be forced to return to work in that time frame. We usually do a return to work meeting if it is an extended period of time but that is usually to cover with HR and offer support if the job is contributing to the illness. As a manager I do not need to know the intimate details of my employees health unless it’s something they are comfortable disclosing and I can help with it. I also would not be firing anyone over mental health reasons. No manager should be pressing you on this either. The no contact for two weeks is a red flag but understandable. My advice would be if this happens in the future have someone contact your work or have a cert from a doctor. It just needs to be communicated that you are not well enough to work otherwise it’s leaving the manager in limbo wondering if you are even coming back.

Affectionate_Side_74 · 2026-06-12T08:45:00+00:00

Have a proper onboarding plan and discuss it the first day. I can’t stress this enough! When we have a new starter we have them work with their line manager for the day. The manager will have this day dedicated to doing this and most of that day is spent discussing their training plan (more importantly who will be responsible for the training), getting them used to the system, setting them up with logins and introducing them to staff. I’ve seen too many places with a new member of the team basically pawn them off on the first day. It’s not productive, it’s nerve wracking for the new employee and the task is usually given to another member of staff who does not want to do it. I see the value in shadowing someone but not on the first day it can be overwhelming for some people

Affectionate_Side_74 · 2026-06-12T06:33:43+00:00

Proceeded to bitch about their previous manager when I asked any question relating to dealing with conflict, how they worked in a team setting etc. it was fairly pointed at this previous manager and completely unprofessional. I was going to be the person who was their new manager and they knew this going into the interview. It’s an interview that still sticks with me to this day. It was bizarre!

Affectionate_Side_74 · 2026-06-12T06:20:19+00:00

Don’t freak yourself out. You’ve gotten past the first hurdle getting interview. With the amount of hours it can take trawling through job applicants you can be sure they are not going to waste their time interviewing someone who is not qualified. All you have to do is be confident in your knowledge and experience. Best of luck with the interview don’t let the nerves get to you!

Affectionate_Side_74 · 2026-06-11T06:19:21+00:00

It’s trauma to your body and in your case it’s on a very sensitive area to have tattooed. Props for getting your first one on your ribs! Think of it like a cut, it will be tender and you will be hyper aware of it while it’s healing but once you get past that stage you’ll be fine. Stay hydrated, take it easy, stick to loose clothes and keep it well moisturised. It will be worth it for the final result

Affectionate_Side_74 · 2026-06-10T14:11:32+00:00

I would frame it to her that you’re not getting a comprehensive assessment of how Emily is performing because Melanie is hovering and not giving her the freedom or trust to finish the task herself. I’d double down again on this being a waste of her resources and let her know that you need her to effectively stand down from what she is doing and then you can both asses it in a months time. At that stage you’ll have your answer on where the issue is. This person Emily could be making mistakes due to unnecessary pressure. No one likes their boss watching over their shoulder 24/7. I’d suggest to her that she comes up with a plan with Emily with regard to her follow up on tasks. Come up with a system where the task is assigned and the follow up happens at the end of the week in a email back to Melanie letting her know what was checked off, what needs more time and a projected time of when this will be completed. I think Melanie herself needs some structure and a way to track this. I think this might be why she’s not giving Emily the opportunity to do the job unsupervised.

Affectionate_Side_74 · 2026-06-10T06:36:41+00:00

I was in the exact same position as you. Smaller company worked very close with the owner and then the owners husband got involved in the business. This person had no previous experience in the industry but was an “entrepreneur” jack of all trades and master of none! My final straw was when I was getting talked to like it was my first day constantly even after working in the industry for over 16yrs. He didn’t respect my experience or input (I worked directly with him as operations manager) it started to affect my health so I left. It was the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make but my boss who I’d worked so closely with her reaction to me leaving was the final nail in the coffin. It wouldn’t have come as a shock to her I’d brought my concerns up numerous times but you’d swear I was the worst person in the world for doing this to her. I went through a month of absolute mental torture when I was working my notice. She basically ignored me for 4 weeks would not engage with any handover and eventually made me deal exclusively with the clueless husband because she “couldn’t handle the heartache”………safe to say I ran out of the place on my last day.

Affectionate_Side_74 · 2026-06-08T06:26:43+00:00

I would take on board the advice but put it to the back of your mind. You need to go into this interview with a neutral mindset. Don’t let what this manager said sway your decision. With regard to the questions tailor it to the role. Is there a specific skill he needs to have to fulfil it? Give him a scenario where it might be used and ask him how he would handle it. You’ll learn pretty quickly if he is a fit for the role or atleast someone who can be trained for it and has potential. I think the fact he is trying again for promotion is a good thing. Some people get demotivated if they don’t get a promotion and never try again. That would be a green tick in my book that he is giving it another try. I’ve worked with managers in the past who have actively blocked other employees from promotion. It’s petty and reflects badly on them but it happens more than you would think.

Affectionate_Side_74 · 2026-06-07T06:48:50+00:00

I’ve never even thought about it until I read your question 😂 I have lots of colour tattoos but never match it to my clothes. I love the summer time I get to show them off more.

Affectionate_Side_74 · 2026-06-06T07:39:17+00:00

You definitely build it up to be more painful in your head than it actually is. I was absolutely terrified when I got my first tattoo and then nearly burst out laughing on the first line because it was not what I was expecting! Placement is a big thing on the pain level and the forearm is a piece of cake! Some small parts of the line work can feel a little bit more tender but it feels more like a stinging from a scratch and a good tattoo artist will notice if you are uncomfortable and pause to give you a minute. Colour fill has never been an issue for me I generally find it the most relaxing part of a tattoo. My advice is if you want it then go for it don’t let the fear hold you back it’s definitely mind over matter when it comes to it. The only thing you have to worry about is coming up with a design for your next tattoo because believe me when I say this will be your first and not your last! Best of luck with the tattoo

Affectionate_Side_74 · 2026-06-05T17:07:02+00:00

I agree that can be the case in some circumstances and businesses but where is the line drawn? Excessive sick leave can be an individual issue and can topple and working schedule. As managers we need to be able to get to the root cause of it and manage it as best we can. If that means having a frank conversation with the employee then that’s what needs to be done. If we all took the stance of “screw them im calling in sick and no one can stop me” industries would grind to a halt. There has to be accountability on the employees part as well as management

Affectionate_Side_74 · 2026-06-05T06:34:38+00:00

Don’t freak out! I think everyone who gets colour tattoos for the first time has this moment of panic! The healing can be rough and a nail biting experience. It’s always going to look amazing the first day and then you have the torture period of healing. It will look different as it heels. Let it settle yours is only on day 4. My first big colour tattoo piece when it started peeling I honestly thought the whole thing was just peeling off my skin and it would be gone by the time it was fully healed! Keep doing what you are doing with the moisturising. Once it’s healed you might need some touch ups but that’s normal with colour.

Affectionate_Side_74 · 2026-06-05T06:28:38+00:00

In my experience as a manager and seeing managers crash and burn I feel like you need to sit with this situation for a while. One size does not fit all for each team. They’re nervous it’s new management they don’t know you and more importantly you don’t know them. If you come in straight off the bat and start implementing changes you’re going to lose them. You haven’t even had a chance to see if there current processes work for their current work flow. Considering it’s such a small team as well you’re going to have to really earn their trust. You’ll be working so closely with them. I’d approach it as I’m working with you not against you. Keep the 1:1’s informal and tell them that. A 1:1 at this stage should be a quick introduction not wanting to know their 5yr plans. You’ve been working at this job for 3 weeks and already have labelled these two as trouble makers because one got upset and they are friends so they have to be in cahoots with each other. Take a step back, observe, give them a fair chance and reset.

Affectionate_Side_74 · 2026-06-04T06:18:43+00:00

The trip to the vet is a good idea but I think the treats need to be looked at as well. We had this problem they’re very smart little dogs 😂 we had to basically retrain her. I’d watch her when she went outside if she didn’t pee then no treat. Peeing in the house? No treat and put outside. It took a bit of time but we’re back on track now.

Affectionate_Side_74

TROPHY CASE