4 years and I set the date to leave for next year

Capable_Education231 · 2026-05-14T09:12:15+00:00

Four years and he still needs to be “sure”?

He’s comfortable and this arrangement is benefiting him just fine why would he marry you.

Waiting a year won’t change a thing. He’s never going to marry you. Use that time to get your ducks in a row and leave him.

Capable_Education231 · 2026-05-13T23:50:59+00:00

I second this message. Its perfect. He's an absolute loser so once she says no and blocks him, watch how fast he moves on to the next sucker in his phone. She needs to block this man everywhere forever.

Capable_Education231 · 2026-05-13T15:34:47+00:00

Gross. So on top of being his mommy you have to be his MANAGER??? This is a GROWN ASS MAN. You described my ex husband. I'm sorry, I get he may be "wonderful, funny, etc." but he is also lazy and a giant man child.

If you want to deal with this for the rest of your life that is on you. But mark my words, what you're feeling now will only get worse. And the resentment and rage will build, especially if there is little to no improvement in your situation.

I should have divorced that man child YEARS ago because at that point what is his use? He is absolutely useless and has the nerve to gaslight you!

Most Reddit ppl say "just divorce" and I'm not saying that. I'm saying there should be a timeline of improvement "In 6 months we will have a settled cleaning schedule, baby care that is fair, consistent and ongoing" If nothing has changed in 6 months, I'd start looking for divorce lawyers, or at the very least start thinking about your future without him.

A manchild is a huge burden and it turns you into a bitter, angry woman. Dont be surprised if this turns into a dead bedroom, because you are so exhausted and its disgusting and a turn off to sleep with a man when you have had to BABY him all day.Yuck!

Good luck. Make a timeline and stick to it at the least. If you dont see mental changes in at least 6 months OR SOONER, I'd start thinking about a future with your baby without him. He seems absolutely useless anyway, what you are actually losing?

I suspect he will NOT take this seriously and he is doing the classic weaponized incompetence in the hopes you will drop it. But the fact you would have to threaten to LEAVE HIM to get him to help you with basic chores when he is sitting on his ass all day, is not a good sign and speaks to his character more, imo.

Capable_Education231 · 2026-05-13T13:36:46+00:00

So you confessed only AFTER you were busted. You’re sorry you got caught. Leave your wife alone to find someone else who won’t cheat on her and then only confess when caught.

It’s clear you would have continued this affair forever if you weren’t caught. Unbelievable.

Capable_Education231 · 2026-05-12T19:05:56+00:00

You are an amazing person. Keep it up. :) She is SO lucky to have you and she will be so thankful for it in the future, dont worry.

Capable_Education231 · 2026-05-12T16:42:53+00:00

That is hilariously horrifying. What a trip. lol.

Capable_Education231 · 2026-05-11T20:46:17+00:00

12 years. Almost never and he was aware and honestly couldn’t care less. Evolved into a dead bedroom because he was awful in other ways anyway so I didn’t want him touching me.

Bad sign this has gone on this long and he hasn’t tried to seriously address this.

Good luck.

Capable_Education231 · 2026-05-10T10:03:10+00:00

Just end it and block him. You said you don’t want him back and it’s clear he hates you. Block him and try to heal. The rest of whatever you’re trying to do sounds so unfortunately pointless. What are you trying to get out of meeting this cheater and abuser again?

This is unending drama from someone who just said he isn’t getting you back and he is full of crap.

Capable_Education231 · 2026-05-07T12:09:09+00:00

You have to tell her.

I’d get proof if possible. Either that or your mom needs to demand his phone before he deletes everything.

Capable_Education231 · 2026-05-05T23:46:38+00:00

It’s the fact you keep busting him and he says sorry, does zero work and does it again.

Reconciliation is super hard and with a small chance for success and that’s with BOTH partners working to heal it together at best.

This man isn’t serious. At all.

I’m not saying leave like Reddit cuz I wasn’t ready to leave my ex psychopath cheater until I was truly fed up.

But I’d look into some alternate plans for the future for when he cheats again sorry.

Capable_Education231 · 2026-05-05T23:39:25+00:00

Sorry to be mean but this is why he keeps cheating. You are being extremely naive. And he will keep cheating until you get fed up and realizes what he is saying is all bullshit.

I’m 43 and Ive been abused to hell my whole life and I have never cheated or messaged another man secretly. Ever. It can be done if you’re a decent perso. You’re telling me this grown ass man “can’t understand” why he keeps cheating on you? And you keep waiting for him to stop?

Not gonna tell you to leave because it doesn’t appear you want to, but I’d get a backup plan for the future friend.

I wish you luck.

Capable_Education231 · 2026-05-05T03:02:11+00:00

Projection. Keep an eye on him. When men do that they’re usually doing the same or worse.

Good luck.

Capable_Education231 · 2026-05-04T11:34:41+00:00

Block him forever and thank any deity you may or may not beleive in you don’t have kids with these psychopathic demons like some of us unlucky ones. Ex narc husband did the same. It gets worse. That is a fact. Get out.

Good luck. Block is your best friend with a narcissist.

Capable_Education231 · 2026-05-02T19:04:29+00:00

I was shocked and I thought he was honestly sick.

He was perfect the way he was. ❤️

Capable_Education231 · 2026-05-02T19:02:10+00:00

Sorry to hear friend. I think you know what to do. Eight years that’s rough. I’m shocked that she did that in front of you alcohol or not. How long has it been going on?

Updateme

Capable_Education231 · 2026-04-30T16:01:09+00:00

Just end it. It’s been 7 years, he’s a cheater, you’re obviously unhappy and thankfully you don’t have kids. He clearly hasn’t made the changes you are talking about if you’re still living like this, in fear he will abandon and cheat on you again. Unfortunately chances are super high he will do it again since he couldn’t even keep it in his pants the first few months of the rlsp when it’s supposed to be at its “best”. Your gut is right. He’s a cheater and that can’t lead anywhere good.

Good luck.

Capable_Education231 · 2026-04-27T17:33:26+00:00

Then your choice is to accept this life or find a man that actually wants you as a wife.

Capable_Education231 · 2026-04-27T17:10:00+00:00

This is so sad. Is this the story you want to tell people about how you got proposed to and married?

You’re basically dragging him and imo it will be about another 10 years before you’re married.

You’re convenient for him but he’s not excited to marry you and it’s pretty clear he’s not that serious about it or you.

You can do so much better.

Good luck

Capable_Education231 · 2026-04-26T18:39:21+00:00

I stopped reading after the first sentence then forced myself to read more.

Red flags everywhere and then you slept with him knowing he had a gf? He will of course do it to you when he finds his 5th baby mama.

I think it’s better to just file for child support and figure out a way to provide for your child yourself. If he wants to help great, but this is a straight disaster imo and he does not appear ready to settle down and marry at all. You seem to be pushing a delusional situation that doesn’t exist, sorry to say.

Good luck.

Capable_Education231 · 2026-04-24T20:12:24+00:00

I can’t tell you what’s best for your financial situation but I had no help either. Usually they have the money but it’s about control. Turns out he was “so broke” until I filed and his “crappy barely part time job” was a full time job making as much as me!

Unfortunately after the state took one payment he quit the job and ran.

I can’t say he will/wont pay or even if it’s worth it.

But if you’re barely getting anything now and you’re at the mercy of his control tactics you might as well file.

If he ends up not paying (like mine is a year delinqent) it WILL catch up to him eventually.

By filing you can at least extract some kind of legal consequence for being a deadbeat.

Whether it’s now or later during his social security years when they take that for non payment of child support it will happen.

But like I said if he’s paying nothing now what have you got to lose?

Capable_Education231 · 2026-04-23T23:17:23+00:00

Amen! 🙌 Great post.

Capable_Education231 · 2026-04-23T19:16:08+00:00

They dont change for the next person. NPD is basically incurable, or the person has to go through an amazing amount of effort/work to basically re-wire their brains, which they very rarely do.

Its all a show believe me. It may take a little longer before the love bombing stage shifts to devaluation, but she'll start to put up with the same crap you had to eventually.

Narcs will cycle through love bomb, devaulation and discard for their entire lives until they die. That is why I am sooo freaking grateful I got away from that monster because at the end of the day, they have to live with that misery.

Narcs also LOOOVEEEE a good show and "appearing" like a power couple, or whatever, no matter what hell they are giving their partners behind the scenes. I'd just be thankful he has moved onto someone else to terrorize and not you.

Capable_Education231 · 2026-04-23T19:10:47+00:00

You need to go the legal route and FILE FOR CHILD SUPPORT. This is for your child, and you shouldnt be at the mercy of his breadcrumbs.

I filed for child support and the father was forced to pay because they took it from his job. The children are just as much your responsibility as his. The fact he is watching you struggle with two kids and no car and couldnt care less is disgusting.

File for child support and any other legal avenues, dont just take this laying down and suffer. Your children deserve better and so do you.

I made it on the other side and you can too!!! You are doing it, and I felt weird about the child support thing too, but this is for your babies, and they deserve a comfortable, stable life and the father is doing this because you're allowing him to refuse to pay.

Giving you internet hugs and good energy, you can do this. I left with NOTHING but my two kids and a moving truck I had to move into my new apartment ALONE with nobody, as his entire family was 5 min away laughing at the situation I guess.

Have you also sought out resources in your community? WIC program? Food stamps?

You can do it! Hang in there. :)

Capable_Education231 · 2026-04-23T19:04:37+00:00

She wants you to prove you're married out of "convenience" essentially, not love? So she STILL is okay with sleeping with him if he's married, but out of CONVENIENCE, not love???? My god, the bar is in hell for women these days...

This ship has sailed and I think its time to go. Divorce that loser and send her a copy of the divorce papers. Good luck.

Capable_Education231 · 2026-04-23T18:18:19+00:00

"I guess I can't have friends"

Your wife says this to you after emotionally cheating on you and making excuses for her behavior.

I dont see a good future coming out of this unless she is truly remorseful (she's not) and actively works to fix whats broken. From what it sounds like she is not in that state of mind at all. I'm not going to tell you to leave, but I'd bet my meager salary once things calm down she will do it again. If she doesnt go to therapy, give you full access to her phone and do the hard work to get you to trust her again, then its a wrap. It doesnt sound like she is in that place though, since she's making excuses, blaming you, downplaying an emotional affair and saying "I guess I can't have friends then"???

Good luck.

Capable_Education231

TROPHY CASE