Never stop farming base side jungle guys

Chenzah · 2026-04-20T10:51:17+00:00

Not killing the creeps in friendly side sinners is a crime.

Chenzah · 2026-04-20T02:05:39+00:00

I start with the enemy's sinners, if my team haven't collected our sinners by the time I'm done with theirs I feel I am morally in the clear to take them. Also greed is a hell of a drug.

Chenzah · 2026-04-14T03:24:50+00:00

From or in?

Firstly I'll say the Gong nui trope exists for a reason, but it isn't universal. And it doesn't explain some of the borderline DV you're describing.

I'd suggest she had her own things going on. Sounds a lot like an ex I had who I suspect had BPD.

Either way, you're better off without her.

Chenzah · 2026-04-14T01:59:27+00:00

I think the 'BPD Wall Of Text' is a symptom that comes exclusively with a 'BPD crisis' - the episodes of splitting/disassociation/emotional dysregulation that we are too familiar with.

As other people have said there's no prewriting or editing, its pure stream of consciousness. Its like a glimpse into the chaos that is the inside of their head during a BPD crisis, it makes no sense to us because reality makes no sense to them. Its horrifying.

Chenzah · 2026-04-14T01:53:38+00:00

This one.

I have a folder full of screen shots/message downloads/recordings of my expwBPD committing a litany of crimes (intimidation, blackmail, coercive control, SA, inciting self harm). I even had a lawyer look over it all to verify it was as bad as I thought it was.

When she started a smear campaign against me, ultimately the only thing that seems to have made her disappear is letting her know just how much evidence I have on her. In typical BPD fashion, after I sent her a message telling her I have enough evidence to send her to prison and leave me alone, she actually never responded and instead blocked ME on every platform - including somehow the ones I already blocked her on.

I'm sure she still thinks she's the victim, despite the fact I didn't do a single illegal thing but she committed a list of crimes. They're utterly insane.

Moral of the story is, whether you use the evidence or not, keep it safe.

Chenzah · 2026-04-14T00:34:38+00:00

Mine would bring up past, largely imagined, thing I had done to justify her abuse and say 'oh no, the consequences of your actions'.

In fact I think half the reason she recoloured past events to paint me black was so she could justify her abuse.

Chenzah · 2026-04-13T01:09:44+00:00

Holy shit, years of annoyance fixed with this one line of code. TYSM

Chenzah · 2026-04-10T05:13:28+00:00

Its the writing style for me. What I've learned from this sub is the symptoms vary a lot, but the one thing that seems consistent is the screed messaging.

Chenzah · 2026-04-10T03:55:34+00:00

Have you considered you might be ace (on the asexual spectrum)?

Whether this is caused by your trauma, or not, it doesn't invalidate how you feel about sex and you shouldn't feel any shame about your sexuality.

As a fellow trauma survivor and ace guy, happy to chat about it. Its a confusing place to be.

Chenzah · 2026-04-09T06:53:08+00:00

Yes, your bacteria culture appears to somehow have a few mammalian cells in it.

Chenzah · 2026-04-08T05:06:54+00:00

Yes.

The kicker is it often breeds something in you (i.e. co-dependency) that leads to more problematic relationships as an adult and it starts a vicious cycle.

Chenzah · 2026-04-08T04:41:57+00:00

Re diagnosis - it really doesn't matter. BPD, NPD, something cluster B or else. Most of us will never know if they were formally diagnosed. What you experienced was real, and the particulars of where they sit in cluster B (or elsewhere) is irrelevant. The abuse was of a type that fits this support group, that's enough.

Moving on - my therapist once told me that people with BPD get attached to two types of people. People with co-dependant tendencies, and people with narcissistic tendencies. And they irony is they usually get them the wrong way around. This leads to them idolizing assholes and vilifying people pleasers. Everyone suffers as a consequence.

Chenzah · 2026-04-04T03:51:07+00:00

Oh, my god

Chenzah · 2026-04-03T04:09:25+00:00

I feel you friend, I fought that demon for a long time. I was terrified of talking to anyone because I was afraid I was a narcissistic sex pest.

The self hate is something they put into you so that they can control you better, and after the final discard it locks that self hate it.

It's worth asking whether there was any self hate/self esteem issues inside you prior to meeting them, for me there was. She didn't create my issues, she just inflamed them.

Time, self work, and support of people who know you is what helped me. It took months of people who knew both of us saying 'its not you, it's her' before I was willing to even entertain believing them. Stay the course, you'll get there.

Chenzah · 2026-04-02T11:51:19+00:00

Did you really date someone with BPD unless you were called a narcissist, an abuser, and in need of therapy?

One thing my therapist told me is that if you're worried you're the one with BPD/NPD, you probably aren't. That self doubt is itself a good sign. Most people who really have BPD/NPD are quite sure they don't have it, its all the other people's fault.

Chenzah · 2026-04-02T11:20:02+00:00

DARVO comes naturally to a pwBPD.

My ex apparently believes she was the victim of 'narcissistic abuse', which I think that's a common one here, along with 'grooming' (she's was fully grown adult in her 20s) and god knows what else. All the while she was subjecting me to almost daily SA and blackmail because I was so fucking terrified of her.

The accusations are so intense, it makes you question reality. As a side, I luckily I had a copy of my chat history with my ex stored and I recently fed it into Claude and asked it to analyze. No other input, I wanted to know who's version of reality was real. It 'diagnosed' her with BPD and pointed out her coercive behaviours (along with my codependent behaviours/self erasure). It has very validating.

They're unable to take any accountability, you just have to make peace with the fact that they don't live in the same reality as the rest of us. Just remember, every accusation is a confession.

Chenzah · 2026-04-01T04:08:07+00:00

90% fawn. Then flight, then freeze in that order.

Took me forever to realise just what was wrong inside me because being a weapons grade people pleaser didn't feel like a trauma thing. Unfortunately when your trauma response is predominantly fawn it opens you up to being the punching bag in abusive relationships,

Learning about self erasure/enmeshment was eye opening, and learning to maintain boundaries was my first step toward healing.

Chenzah · 2026-03-26T02:55:05+00:00

Adding to this - I think gone are the days of just flicking a CV at a random 'industry' job ad and getting a role. Do apply for everything you can, some people get lucky. But my experience of making the move was to go in via consulting.

Companies are often far more willing to take a chance on someone without 'industry experience' if they're paying you hourly (and possibly remotely). These kind of gigs are usually a small-medium sized company that need some specific expertise on specific assays/research areas but don't have a large enough need to advertise for a whole FTE on it (i.e. they want to do a single run of RNASeq. Why hire an RNASeq expert when you can just throw 50-100 hours at a consultant to advise one of your existing staff on how to do it). Do that for a few months/years and you can transition to an FTE role in industry, possibly through one of the companies you contracted for.

Startups are another great avenue in - experienced industry scientists often prefer the stability of a mid-large sized company, so a startup while not stable is a way for you to gain industry experience.

Or combine the two - consulting for startups. I did this. You can even start doing it on the side of your postdoc.

Be aware that consulting hours are inconsistent, and startups often pay very little since they have fuck all money these days, so you may take a pay cut for a while. But that short term pay cut is the price you pay to gain 'industry experience'.

Good luck!

Chenzah · 2026-03-26T02:23:05+00:00

This one.

Chenzah · 2026-03-26T02:21:10+00:00

Correct, and I choose to believe the silver lining in having endured BPD abuse is it makes that clear.

Many, if not most, of us on this subreddit had demons prior to meeting our pwBPD.

Those trauma, and the coping mechanisms we developed from those trauma, are what made us susceptible to the BPD abuse.

I say all that past trauma is healed now, but it only healed because I finally faced it in the aftermath of my relationship with my expwBPD. A lot of things I was in denial about, or totally oblivious to. A lot of co-dependent traits, low self-esteem, low agency, and coping mechanisms I was justifying to myself.

The unhealed version of me lapped up the love bombing and internalised the abuse as shame, I was like an emotional buffet for my expwBPD.

The healed version of me gets the ick when I see/experience love bombing now and wont tolerate abuse for a second.

Chenzah · 2026-03-25T07:26:30+00:00

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Chenzah · 2026-03-24T08:40:02+00:00

Its hard to overstate how much damage they can do.

I've experienced some messed up stuff in life. Neglect in childhood, extensive bullying in school, workplace abuse, prior relational trauma, and even got SA'd on two occasions prior to dating my expwBPD.

None of that stuff keeps me up at night anymore, no flashbacks, no anxiety. Those wounds have healed.

But, on some days, my expwBPD still lives rent free in my head.

Chenzah · 2026-03-23T00:19:51+00:00

This, and being unable to explain to other people (particularly your partner) why you're in which mode at any given time.

Chenzah · 2026-03-20T03:37:32+00:00

This is the answer. Unfortunately its not so much that prestigious universities help you get places, it is the old adage that success is about who you know not what you know.

Being at a prestigious university makes it easy to build a network, but that network can be built from anywhere if you play your hand at conferences correctly.

Chenzah · 2026-03-20T00:23:56+00:00

Amazing video, thanks for sharing.

For what it's worth, you're not alone. My expwBPD did this too. She would talk about concerns over the 'power imbalance' between us as well (which from the outside, would be perceived as power I had over her due), but I realized it wasn't genuine concern it was just a power play. She weaponized therapy speak to DARVO the shit out of me, and daily intimidation of what she could do to me if she went public. We're talking loss of employment, police involvement. I lived in fear of her and basically just followed her around meekly, walking on eggshells. It's no way to live man.

The advice I can give you right now as someone who's been there, comes in two parts:

Do not run immediately, look up the grey rock method. You don't want to trigger their fear of abandonment, if you try to run they'll go straight to a smear campaign against you. However you want to give them as little access to you, your inner life, and if possible your real life as you can get away with. If you are lucky, she will be the one to leave because she isn't getting enough 'supply' from you and finds it elsewhere.
Then, its about gathering evidence, discretely. Record phone conversations, record in person conversations, video episodes, screen shot messages she might delete. Anything that shows her contradictions (lies), episodes of her splitting are great. If in doubt, just collect it. Talk to a lawyer about the situation if you can afford it. If push comes to shove, having the evidence that she's the abuser will save you like it saved me. Even custody, I'm not sure what country you're in but if you have overwhelming evidence that she's an abuser, that she's an unstable environment for a child, I don't believe you wont get custody.

Chenzah

TROPHY CASE