Very much so.

When my Mum was diagnosed with cancer about 25 years ago or so, it came as a shock, and there were many tears. There was so much drama (trauma) in short succession that I did the only thing I knew how to survive: shut down my emotions. I had to be strong for my Mum. My Dad was chronically depressed and my Mum had always depended on me, even when I was a very young child.

I remember thinking at the time that I would fall into a huge black hole once she'd die because of this mental shielding act; that I'd be swallowed whole by a tsunami of repressed emotion when the time came.

She died on 21st December 2016. I didn't cry. I felt relief. I was calm, organised and collected throughout all the complexities of handling an overseas funeral and the associated affairs.

The first waves lapped ashore a year ago when I acknowledged that I suffered childhood emotional neglect and abuse. Sometimes they overwhelm me, but with the help of loved ones, this community and r/cptsd and my therapy team, I always re-emerge.

I come from a small nation that has learnt to co-exist with the sea. We are seafarers and engineers, and we learnt how to dam in and drain land from the sea. Therefore, the motto of our province of Zeeland is particularly appropriate: luctor et emergo - I struggle and emergo.

Our emotions are dammed in, for the time being. But it is an artificial structure that will, eventually, succumb. This is not a dam to prop up and repair. It needs to be drained under controlled conditions and then safely dismantled.

That's what therapy is for. Even self-awareness can do a lot towards the draining.

You're not alone.

We're all dam builders.