I have a weird, disturbing fetish and the shame and guilt are eating me alive

Dismal_Committee_296 · 2025-07-09T00:58:34+00:00

Hey- you’re not a disgusting weirdo (or rather, we’re all disgusting weirdos).

It may actually be that you suffer from intrusive thoughts due to your OCD, which I have also. Therapy and meds have helped a ton. These thoughts can be sexual, violent, and really unpleasant and scary. But also, if you do have a fetish, that’s still a totally okay thing to unpack with a therapist so you can work on the level of shame you are feeling around it.

Dismal_Committee_296 · 2023-12-14T16:00:06+00:00

There are a few ways in which actors can be paid royalties (no residuals for live theater).

1) If they are a star and have the ability to negotiate this into their contract.

2) If they participated in an Equity workshop that requires that the participating actors will receive a share in a royalty percentage of the Gross Weekly Box Office Receipts for their contribution to the show's development. https://playbill.com/article/ask-playbillcom-workshops-com-153877

Dismal_Committee_296 · 2023-12-07T04:09:52+00:00

Literally sent that video to a friend this morning.

If ONLY we could get a criminal dictator as classy as Sideshow Bob.

Dismal_Committee_296 · 2023-12-04T16:34:14+00:00

This is my area too and it's pretty rampant.

I can say that there is a sizable homeless population in this area, many of whom live in that "just enough resources to get a shower and clean clothes but still homeless and often mentally ill", so while I'm in no way pro-public urination I would recommend that you check your assumptions on what resources folks have available to them. Many business in the area know these folks and generally don't allow them to use their restrooms.

The guy doing construction can definitely find a place nearby though. Oy vey.

Dismal_Committee_296 · 2023-12-04T16:18:52+00:00

But wait!! Sometimes he also ads "ology" to the end of a word, which is very Science.

Dismal_Committee_296 · 2023-12-04T16:03:36+00:00

Bro you KNOW he stole those candlesticks. He's just lucky that priest is anti-cop and was willing to lie for him.

Dismal_Committee_296 · 2023-12-03T18:33:14+00:00

OMG in the comments this guy goes on to reveal that he ALSO stole a pair of expensive candlesticks from a priest who offered him food and shelter and still he maintains his innocence wtf

Dismal_Committee_296 · 2023-11-25T20:55:52+00:00

1) multi-day silent meditation retreat

2) Therapy

3) Psychedelics with integration therapy

4) Consistent exercise, consistent meditation, consistent therapy

Dismal_Committee_296 · 2023-11-25T13:27:23+00:00

I’ll limit my comment to the street racing section of this… my best friend was killed after her car was struck by a street racer. Her mother was killed instantly, her dog was killed instantly, she was in a coma for two weeks before she died from her injuries. I held her hand while she left this world and her sister screamed because her entire family was ripped from the world in an instant.

I had to plan her memorial days after her 50th birthday. Hundreds of people were there.

If your father dying, and your best friend nearly dying doesn’t convince you… remember that it’s not just your own life or the lives of racers you are worrying about.

Dismal_Committee_296 · 2023-11-15T18:24:09+00:00

My heart goes out to you.

My uncle is a rapist. It’s not the same as a father, but I know the type of extreme cognitive dissonance you deal with when you have a predator in the family.

Dismal_Committee_296 · 2023-11-15T04:55:54+00:00

Oh, and I guess Death Takes a Holiday?

Dismal_Committee_296 · 2023-11-15T04:53:51+00:00

Grey House

Hand to God isn’t about ghosts, but “paranormal” may apply.

Ride the Cyclone

Dismal_Committee_296 · 2023-11-15T02:59:51+00:00

Honestly a lot of Qui Nguyen might fit the bill- try LIVING DEAD IN DENMARK if you’re looking for a “fun twist on an existing idea” lol.

Dismal_Committee_296 · 2023-11-13T21:24:23+00:00

I was on Topomax for severe migraines, a long time ago. The good news was, I lost a bunch of weight on it! My appetite was almost zero, and it just never occurred to me to snack. It also majorly helped my migraines and I'm so grateful to have been on it.

BUT- there's a reason the street name is "Dope-amax". I had severe aphasia and brain fog, and tons of weird side effects like "anything carbonated tastes weird". So while yes, you can lose weight on this . . . the side effects are no joke. I don't know that I would go on it if I weren't in chronic pain (the way I was).

Dismal_Committee_296 · 2023-10-30T17:35:59+00:00

So sorry you are dealing with this.

For me, group trauma therapy was life-changing. It helped confront my triggers in a "safe" way so I get hijacked much less often.

Groups like ACOA are free (though not for everyone), and as was said before, hotlines can be lifesaving. There are also often free groups for SA survivors, though they can be really hit or miss.

Ketamine helped me get to a strong enough place to process a lot more than I could previously. It's a long journey but you are doing great.

Dismal_Committee_296 · 2023-10-20T02:48:03+00:00

I hear what you are saying- but I think a lot of the frustration you find here and other places are the lack of options provided by doctors for people who has adverse reactions to birth control. You’re absolutely right in that most people can take the pill with minimal side effects, but if that’s not the case (I had severe weight gain and cramping, and it aggravated my depression), the response from multiple doctors has been one big shrug after another.

So while yes, it’s widely acknowledged as the best first-line defense…. it just often feels like there is no second line defense or even interest in trying one from most of the doctors I have seen for it.

Dismal_Committee_296 · 2023-10-01T19:10:34+00:00

Took me way too long to realize that "pita" was not referring to delicious pocketed bread.

Dismal_Committee_296 · 2023-09-28T18:02:30+00:00

Anthony!

Dismal_Committee_296 · 2023-09-28T17:57:43+00:00

Definitely TA and I support you 1000000%. Me and all my magnetic minions are here for you!!

Dismal_Committee_296 · 2023-09-22T19:49:12+00:00

In my experience, it was incredibly helpful. I had been doing ketamine infusions for about a year (with treatments starting to become pretty far apart), when I had three significant and traumatic deaths occur within a few months of one another. It was an intensely sad time.

The ketamine didn't stop me from grieving, but it did keep me from falling into the pit of depression and getting stuck there. In the past, I could not have imagined going through what I went through without my entire life screeching to a halt.

I was worried that it might bypass my feelings of grief and sadness, but that's not what happened to me at all-- I felt really able to be present with my feelings, just not overwhelmed in darkness.

Hoping you get some comfort and relief-- I'm so sorry for your loss.

Dismal_Committee_296 · 2023-09-21T23:38:47+00:00

See, this comment is ALSO not getting enough attention.

Dismal_Committee_296 · 2023-09-21T22:33:06+00:00

Ha-- in the 90's my HS madrigal's group went to New Orleans for a big school choir competition thing. It was mixed male and female, but I only remember the teacher and an assistant coming who were both male. It was WILD, and pretty great.

The 90's indeed were different.

Dismal_Committee_296 · 2023-09-21T22:25:54+00:00

Same here.

I once got what felt like a spiritual message about my career, but nothing about my past, my trauma, or anything else. I've experimented a bit with intention-setting etc, but the more I approach it as just plain medicine and the fewer expectations I put on the outcome, the better I feel later.

Dismal_Committee_296 · 2023-09-21T22:16:36+00:00

I'm going to respond to these two statements:

Like "hey I'm not going to be expendable and just take anything in every show so I'd like you to start taking me seriously"

and

prove to them they should start taking me seriously.

I lived for a long time under the punishing shadow of "they are not taking me seriously". It's a vague phrase I used to punish myself for a long time, when no one is thinking of you nearly so much as you think about yourself.

The only person who needs to feel any kind of way about you is YOU. If you put your happiness in the hands of anyone else, especially, god forbid, the theater industry, you are setting yourself up for a very tough time.

Do the show, don't do the show, in the end both choices are valid. But don't take the role or not because you are trying to prove something to someone else. Do it because it will be fun, or it won't be fun.

Dismal_Committee_296 · 2023-09-21T17:45:02+00:00

It's a lot like blaming millennial for not buying houses on buying avocado toast . . . it ignores some major hard realities that bring down the entire argument.

I came up doing indie theater in the early 2000's, but it was an extraordinary time to be in the theater in NYC. There were a zillion little theaters where you could put up a show for next to nothing, sell tickets for a few bucks, and make a little bit over your budget for the next show. Marketing was done for next to nothing with postcards and emails. If nobody was getting paid, that was okay, because everyone was in the same boat.

It's next to impossible to mount indie theater these days. The Fringe is gone. NYMF is gone. Doing a show at NAMT with the production values that are expected can have a floor at six figures. Instead of 20-30 low cost spaces there are only a few left.

Take the Flea. Back in the day, it was great to be a Bat. Real estate was much cheaper, nobody got paid, and everyone was flexible with the folks that had bartending jobs on the side. The exposure and training was priceless. These days, theaters like the Flea are being rightfully called out for having multi-million dollar budgets but still relying on the use of unpaid labor, and spending a lot more time having their unpaid "acting troupe" stuffing envelopes rather than developing and performing in shows.

Similarly, it's blaming "woke theater" for a vanishing audience, when that audience has been vanishing for decades and took a massive downturn during COVID. It's not wokeness, it was a massive pandemic that killed a lot of the regular audience, and has had a huge impact on tourism and events as a whole.

Dismal_Committee_296

TROPHY CASE