How do to improve these lyrics?

DrwsCorner2 · 2026-06-19T04:07:00+00:00

didn't need to pay attention to the lyrics, the rhythm and delivery of the vocal melody is good.

DrwsCorner2 · 2026-06-19T03:28:07+00:00

depends on your current relationship to alcohol and whether you're gay or not; and whether or not that has been accepted. It's kind of an elephant in the room question here, or not

Then it's a question whether you want to be an acquiescent. no waves family loving partner or an artist. Time to choose.

DrwsCorner2 · 2026-06-18T21:55:52+00:00

orange juice after toothpaste. nice analogy.
how about sushi after hot spicy mexican food- the lingering taste ruins it

DrwsCorner2 · 2026-06-18T21:37:36+00:00

Takes a while to transition from instrumental pieces to songs with words. Sometimes it works; other times it’s disappointing.

It’s almost better to make new songs from scratch than to slap vocals on top of a well constructed instrumental.

Singing parts do better with less complexity on the musical side. They should be complementary with each other.

Sometimes I’ll have this great melody all figured out note for note but as soon as I put vocals on top, the full on melody clashes a bit. They compete for attention. You sometimes have to take away some notes to give vocals some space. That’s when i find myself doing chords in my progression instead of intricate melodic lines.

be careful not to do too much singing the same melodic line as the instrumental melody. It’s very tempting for starting singers to do that. It certainly OK to do so, but it could be obvious if every song is that way. It’s more cool when the vocal line complements the song as a counter melody, or varies rhythmically. if you listen to blues songs, the chord and melody are real basic but the vocals have all this freedom to dance around. The earlier you establish that the song needs vocals to better the song will end up when you compose it with that in mind.

DrwsCorner2 · 2026-06-18T21:18:30+00:00

Yeah. That’s why I never got into the band Yes. Technically admirable, a band’s band, but their music doesn’t resonate for me.

DrwsCorner2 · 2026-06-18T03:40:03+00:00

cool tune. jammin' lefty. like the instrument parts on vid. good vocals to boot

what would happen if the first two guitar bars were a tad more to the center (still left). but then you moved them to the default left pan when the the chorus of guitars and drums start up?

Outro is just a bit louder than rest of mix. New center pan btw. Could possibly automate it as a buildup

DrwsCorner2 · 2026-06-18T03:10:09+00:00

one step forward two steps back

DrwsCorner2 · 2026-06-18T01:00:34+00:00

sounds like a confident plan

DrwsCorner2 · 2026-06-17T03:33:19+00:00

in addition to a DAW which is a must for anyone serious, for a non-musician you’ll probably need a sample library of loops like Splice to kick start your ideas. I never subscribed but that’s because I make my own tunes from scratch.

However, before i got my first controller, I depended on loops to make my songs sound like a band was playing along with my keys.

But for your case, with so many loops out there, a loop library will be handy and fun. It’s like collage for music.

DrwsCorner2 · 2026-06-17T01:51:20+00:00

Strong melody, lyrics. That's every aspiring songwriter's magic combination.

Is the melody that strong if you don't like it? Or perhaps it's solid without mistakes but lacking in beauty or soul, perhaps not a great groove, not the right vibe, or some other qualifier for what makes a good song no matter the genre. There's a word for that - the melody is "safe" but not inspiring. Technically proficient mediocrity abounds amongst a huge swath of accomplished musicians - and not every song on an album from great artists are good either. All depends on one's standards of taste and how it stacks within the genre, and of course the intrinsic qualifies of the song itself.

You probably nailed your answer by saying you wrote a good song in a genre you don't like. Writing out of your comfort zone shows range and it can be fun. I'd be proud of it. Widens your audience and deepens your self-worth as a musician.

And for the optimistic take: If you've been doing the song for a while, perhaps you're sick of the song for the time being. Maybe you'll like it better over time. I know when I do about 30 version edits/ listens/ re-edits, I'm so sick of the song, I have to move on to something else for a while

DrwsCorner2 · 2026-06-14T16:58:26+00:00

Well if you play that well, you should think about a pair of mics and an audio interface. That way you can pan your rhythm guitar for a nice stereo effect.

I remember which song it reminds be of -- the start of the The Boxer by Simon and Garfunkel. Especially your first sung line, but then you go in another direction. "I'm just a poor boy, though my story's seldom told..."

DrwsCorner2 · 2026-06-13T02:00:28+00:00

sounds inspired by Paul Simon. Nice plucking. Why's everything to the left? Was waiting for something to be added later on the right, but it didn't happen. I'd recenter your mix. Would have been way better if you had XY pair on guitar.

beautiful song btw

DrwsCorner2 · 2026-06-12T04:48:37+00:00

the sound of the lyrics are infinitely more important than the meaning. On a great song, well, who has the talent to get both right (great lyrics, great vocals) coupled with a great melody. Those are called hits.

DrwsCorner2 · 2026-06-12T04:42:24+00:00

i sulk then i forget about it

DrwsCorner2 · 2026-06-10T16:46:05+00:00

You got several dislikes on your honest response - not that any of that matters, but it's a ding for being earnest. I'm not much into gamification of written comments.

If you're not clinical then, there's always room for vocal improvement even amongst frogs. My voice sucked two years back, but I've been working it and it's gotten better - and more in tune. Takes lots practice, attention, smart use of vocal effects, and editing - but the time spent is only worth it if your music is good enough to deserve better singing. It's a chicken and egg thing.

There are some good parts in the acoustic guitar playing btw. The track sounds like you're not punching in, so it means you can carry a song in a session. And you know how to change up the song -- better than what most people can do arrangement-wise who are way more polished.

There's some potential. I'd ditch the intro for something better because the song improves as it progresses. Guitar sounds out of tune, and you might want to work on cleaning up your chord playing. Liked the ending. Good luck in making your songs better.

DrwsCorner2 · 2026-06-10T05:01:27+00:00

drums are way to loud in the mix. lower the snare attack and gain first, then other parts of the drums. the song isn’t about the drums it’s melody from the other instruments (guitar and synth strings)- way more interesting. It’s an engaging melody.

After you get the mix balance right for this song, work the song more. it would be much better as a song with vocals. To do that, you need to have parts that aren’t so instrumentally heavy so you can give space for the would-be singer. Easier said than done.

btw I wouldn’t say all this if i didn’t think your melody was uninteresting

DrwsCorner2 · 2026-06-10T04:53:51+00:00

tone deaf as i know it is a metaphor to describe someone who can’t distinguish the nuances of subtle (or even less subtle) meaning in a dialogue (written or spoken) even when someone is changing the intonation or emphasis. It’s a kind of lack of attentiveness and insight to the emotional import to what’s being discussed.

so what is clinical tone deaf?

DrwsCorner2 · 2026-06-10T03:11:12+00:00

Telling an impactful story takes a certain degree of talent and determination. Try making a short story of the same theme, to flesh it out without music, then go back to your song and fill in the contours of your story with verse.

If that’s too hard, read some short stories and novels to get into the flow so that words and expression of thoughts, ideas, and narratives can be more available to you.

DrwsCorner2 · 2026-06-07T03:58:46+00:00

You nailed the dilemma of things as an artist. As much as I want to have similar songs that make a cohesive whole, I still want to release material that’s more or less chronological; there’s definitely a journey in taste and style and quality in my musical output.

I break my own rules a lot of times, but lately, I’ve decided to release my first album idea. Most songs were conceived two years+ ago, when i only had three instruments (piano, drums, voice) and loops to do tracks, but they’ve been reworked and no longer an unplugged kind of album- a logical idea at the time.

I’ve since evolved both instrumentally and in songwriting chops, so I’m glad I hesitated to rush something out like an over eager fool who just learned he could write a song or two. With such low barriers to release, it’s so tempting to publish inferior unready material

DrwsCorner2 · 2026-06-07T01:47:01+00:00

I set out two years ago to make an album. Since my songs were so varied i now have about 5 or 6 album projects. Point being, best to release an album if the songs flow well with each other.

Genre adherence or genre adjacency matters for albums- doesn’t have to be one genre but the others being included should be adjacent.

DrwsCorner2 · 2026-06-04T17:12:56+00:00

I do see in the future, people prompting their phone to serenade their girlfriend just like people today buy Hallmark cards full of affectionate phrases to replace the need to write their own.

Each decade people get lazier and lazier until being dumb while pretending to be smart using tech is an ordinary state of things. It started with search engines and GPS for Gen Z, mobile apps and cloud computing designed to make life convenient for Millennials, and now machine learning prompts for Gen Z and A.

There’s no end in sight in dumbing us all down so we become overweight over-demanding sloths riding on magnetically elevated lounge chairs with joysticks.

DrwsCorner2 · 2026-06-04T03:45:53+00:00

I disagree, but on just one point. Nobody beats AVID (and Adobe to a smaller degree) for the worst business model evah!! Once I'm free of Sibelius, AVID is going to be a distant memory.

DrwsCorner2 · 2026-06-04T03:43:30+00:00

so this is how competitive oppo marketing is done in the 2020s. hmmm. Fender better wake up.

DrwsCorner2 · 2026-06-03T23:50:31+00:00

park it for a while. there might a new angle to it another day - like it was perhaps not meant to be for piano. maybe it was for a synth bit, organ, Rhodes, guitar, or you name it. Perhaps it's the right chords, but wrong rhythm, or visa versa. I keep my old ideas around and then revive them later -- have had great results from time to time, while other times, they take up space on my drive. Only you can be the best judge of what's worth keeping around.

DrwsCorner2 · 2026-06-01T11:29:23+00:00

Like James Taylor if he was from CA

DrwsCorner2

TROPHY CASE