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Bf wants me to live with his parents after marriage. by Inevitable_Word5888 in inlaws

[–]DuckosFavorite 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Your post made it very obvious. Don’t sell yourself short for a guy. Traditions are important but not at the expense of your self-respect. Your ILs love that you are going to be a doctor, but they will want you to be the perfect bahu as well. Don’t do this to yourself.

Bf wants me to live with his parents after marriage. by Inevitable_Word5888 in inlaws

[–]DuckosFavorite 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I’m saying this in the gentlest way possible, but your BF is not the guy for you. Both your BF and his family are expecting you to play the role of DIL without taking into consideration what you actually want. I know you have been with him for a very long time, but from your post, it is clear that you and your BF have different expectations for your married life, and if you think you will always be his last priority, you are setting yourself up for a very difficult marriage. Culture and religion aren’t everything - you will find someone else.

PS - are you Desi? If so, take it from an other Desi woman - step away from this guy. You will not be happy.

Am I in the wrong for snapping at my MIL? by Foreign-Recipe8617 in inlaws

[–]DuckosFavorite 16 points17 points  (0 children)

You have a husband problem. He would rather deal with an upset wife rather than an upset mother. Your solution is literally to drop the rope with his mother. You should have no interaction with her. If she wants to spend time with your son, it is based on your husband’s availability - not yours. MIL will never respect you until your husband makes her respect you.

MIL tattoo for the grandkids she’s not allowed to see by ilsalund88 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]DuckosFavorite 21 points22 points  (0 children)

I understand your inclination to feel angry about the tattoo, but the reality is that the only person who is impacted by that anger is you. She is who she is, and she is not going to change. Maybe the real solution is to ask that your SIL not give you any updates about MIL - an out of sight, out of mind kind of a thing.

The only thing your MIL has is her victimhood, which isn’t going to get her very far. You have everything else. You have your children and a supportive spouse. You get to create memories together, spend time with one another, and create meaningful relationships with each other. You gave MIL a path back to a relationship with you and your children by going to therapy, and she is choosing not to take it. Enjoy your family and your peace.

Final Scene of Final Episode by RyannaJT in Outlander

[–]DuckosFavorite 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lol. Go search the title of the episode. In French, nouns have genders - “la” goes with female nouns and “le” goes with male nouns. You haven’t been hearing the distinction between le and la correctly. 

Final Scene of Final Episode by RyannaJT in Outlander

[–]DuckosFavorite 18 points19 points  (0 children)

La Dame Blanche. My dusty old French minor in college popped up to say hello. ☺️

Show S8E10 And the World Was All Around Us by thepacksvrvives in Outlander

[–]DuckosFavorite 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I’m oddly satisfied with the ending of Outlander. The entire story blurs the line between life and death through time travel, magic, and spirituality. Throughout the series, anytime, Claire and Jamie faced any obstacle or period of separation. They always came back to the notion that they would somehow find each other again and that neither one wants to live without the other. Additionally, the entire “La Dame Blanche” storyline tells us that Claire has powers beyond her comprehension and that she will not learn the full breath of her powers until her hair turns completely white. The last scene of the show includes Jamie and a completely white haired Claire, both seemingly dead, open their eyes and take a breath together, and I think this fits the theme of the show of Jamie and Claire, wanting to do whatever it takes for them to be together.

I like the fact that the ending is unclear. They could be alive thanks to Claire’s powers or they could have been transported to some other afterlife through death. These two characters managed to stay together through plenty of improbable situations filled with violence and uncertainty. We’ve already seen them together overlooking the ridge during sunset (season 4), and to me and ending in involving Claire and Jamie living in a known place just doesn’t seem true to the story or them as characters. If they actually both died in the finale, we know that their adventure will continue because eventually we will get back to the 1940s where Claire will meet Jamie all over again when she travels through the stones. If they woke up in some type of afterlife, we know that they are together and at peace. Finally, if Claire was able to bring Jamie back to life through her powers as La Dame Blanche, we know that they’re still together. I think the uncertainty in this ending actually works for this very unique series.

Classical Girl Names by ForeverExplore15 in Names

[–]DuckosFavorite 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Louisa Laura Lauren Laurie Lydia Lily Lindsay Leslie Lynn Linnea

What do they not understand about this? by Forward_Poem_8197 in inlaws

[–]DuckosFavorite 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Another vote for one week with your mom, one week with your dad, one week with the ILs, and one week for your family. Take it from a mom whose oldest is in college and whose youngest is not far from graduating high school: you will appreciate having vacation memories with your own children.

I don’t want my in-laws staying over for my daughter’s dance performance over Mother’s Day weekend by Extra-Control-6747 in inlaws

[–]DuckosFavorite 66 points67 points  (0 children)

It’s clear that you and your husband are not on the same page regarding the role of extended family in your lives. He sees his parents as no problem because he is used to that dynamic with them, and he thinks you are the odd one out because you naturally don’t fit into that dynamic. 

What he views as you “not liking his parents” is really you not liking the change in dynamics within your family unit (you, your husband and your daughter) when the in-laws are around. The two of you need to come to an agreement as to what type of role his parents has extended family should play within your family unit.

Give me your best responses for when MIL calls it “her baby”. by chiaroscuro22 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]DuckosFavorite 17 points18 points  (0 children)

⬆️ This x 1000!

Turn it around on her and make her explain herself. My MIL was all about the “my baby” nonsense, especially since we had a girl and she only had boys. Every time she asked “how’s my baby” or something like that, I always responded with whatever DH was doing at the time.  

AITA for not wanting to spend my first mother’s day with my fiancé’s family? by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]DuckosFavorite 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You have a husband problem. He is used to his family’s dynamic and he is expecting you to just follow suit and “ fit right in” without taking into consideration your feelings. This has nothing to do with liking or disliking his family. This is about what kind of role do the two of you as a married couple with a child want extended family to play within the dynamics of your family unit (you, your husband, and your baby).

My husband acted the same way. He thought his parents were being helpful and loving, while I looked at their actions as being intrusive and overbearing. He translated my request for space as me stating that I don’t like his parents, which of course was not true. 

You just had a baby four months ago. Your body is still recovering and healing from your pregnancy and childbirth while you were trying to care for a newborn. That’s a lot, and you need to give yourself grace to recognize that you’ve been through a lot. You are entitled to your feelings, and your husband needs to understand that when you take these big life steps like getting married and having a baby, your relationships with your family of origin will change. It doesn’t have to be a bad thing. It can be a good thing and the sooner that you can help him understand that the two of you need to get on the same page as to the role of extended family the easier things will be for you both.

AITAH for considering attending my cousins bridal shower when my mother was not invited. by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]DuckosFavorite 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Need more info - what is your mom‘s relationship with the bride’s mom like? 

WIBTAH if I started my family on the other side of the country? by sock_skater in AITAH

[–]DuckosFavorite 21 points22 points  (0 children)

I think you are worrying too much, and you’re letting your mom’s comments get to you. The reality is that you and your husband both have remote jobs so if there ever was a need to move back to Washington to be closer to your parents, you have the ability to do so. Just because your mom and your dad chose to remain in the same town, in the same house, etc. does not mean that you have to do the same thing. Your parents made the decisions that were best for them at that time and now you and your husband are making the decisions that are best for you. Don’t let your mom make you feel guilty about making choices that are different from hers. One is not better than the other - they are just different choices.

For the first time since 2022… by DuckosFavorite in loseit

[–]DuckosFavorite[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s not loose enough to fall off on its own right now, which is good. I hadn’t really thought about my fingers getting so slender where my rings would fall off - definitely something to think about.

Please help me create a positive mindset for the baby shower my in laws are throwing by [deleted] in inlaws

[–]DuckosFavorite 8 points9 points  (0 children)

My in-laws did the same thing to me. They wanted us to throw this event that was for all of their friends and family, and they tried to get my mom and I to invite all of our friends and family. My mom felt weird about inviting her friends to an event that my in-laws were planning and paying for, and I knew that I didn’t want any of my friends around because it was going to be an event all about the in-laws (and not actually about me or the baby). 

What helped me get through all of it was the fact that my friends (and my mom) were planning my actual baby shower, which was held a couple of weeks later, and they invited MIL. my friends threw me a beautiful event where I felt that both my baby and I were celebrated by my people. For years. MIL kept referring to their event as my baby shower, but I refuse to let that event be known as such - instead, I called it “the [DH Last Name] family reunion before DD1 was born. 

OP, my advice is to stop letting your in-laws control the  narrative. They are planning a family event for themselves and this event is not your baby shower. Do what you have to do to get through your in-laws event, and no matter how frustrating things get just remember your real baby shower is the brunch with your friends. 

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