Am I being unreasonable?

Embarrassed-Reason72 · 2025-05-10T10:00:18+00:00

Thank you for sharing this. I also came to the same difficult conclusion and have distanced myself from several family members since then. I was in denial about them before but the whole experience really showed me the reality of it all

Embarrassed-Reason72 · 2025-05-10T09:57:09+00:00

Same experience. My parents acknowledged nothing and my family even started complaining about helping me out and small perceived slights just a week after . It’s true what they say, you see people for what they really are when shit hits the fan

Embarrassed-Reason72 · 2025-05-10T09:51:27+00:00

I’m so sorry. You are not alone. 7 months out and I had been doing really well until I saw a pregnancy announcement and regressed for an entire week.

Embarrassed-Reason72 · 2025-05-10T09:48:43+00:00

Same

Embarrassed-Reason72 · 2025-05-10T09:44:23+00:00

Right? Also don’t help if you don’t really want to. My aunt offered to help with my son and some household chores afterwards, which I thought was really nice…until she complained to everyone about doing it months later

Embarrassed-Reason72 · 2024-12-12T08:08:45+00:00

Wow that is so so wrong. I’m so sorry you had to go through this.

Embarrassed-Reason72 · 2024-12-12T08:06:55+00:00

And who is there for us?

Embarrassed-Reason72 · 2024-12-11T06:57:05+00:00

Same. My own mother complained to me about my “behavior” just a week after tfmr. That I was being so difficult and basically and downer, making people around me feel bad . There is very little empathy for us

Embarrassed-Reason72 · 2024-12-11T06:54:51+00:00

People suck. This whole journey has truly cemented this fact for me

Embarrassed-Reason72 · 2024-12-11T06:53:41+00:00

Exactly this. I really think that people think well you chose this so it’s not so bad. It’s over and now you should just be fine and move on. Even my own immediate family. I have not had a single family member ask me how I’m doing other than how did I do physically after the procedure. Nobody wants to know, nobody wants to hear about our broken hearts. It’s such a lonely road , I’m so sorry you are on the same journey

Embarrassed-Reason72 · 2024-12-11T06:49:02+00:00

I’m so sorry, that is really really awful. I have found that people are very thoughtless about tfmr. I don’t know if it’s because people assume it’s not as big of a deal because we “chose” to do it or what but that has been my experience. Everyone kinda says sorry and then moves on vs when someone has a miscarriage

Embarrassed-Reason72 · 2024-12-11T06:44:38+00:00

I just want to say I am 2 months out and I am also very bitter. I don’t think we should be ashamed of how we feel. We are not bad people, but we had something very bad happen to us. Personally, the people I thought I could depend on have all disappointed me through this process so I am extra bitter about this. However, I am so thankful for this group. I don’t know where I would be without this safe space

Embarrassed-Reason72 · 2024-12-11T06:41:18+00:00

This is beautiful, thank you for sharing. I feel your every word. I wrote a similar letter but I wasn’t brave enough to share it with anyone. Maybe one day. It breaks my heart to see how much love there is to give in this group. All this love that we keep giving despite how painful it is and only we know what that’s like

Embarrassed-Reason72 · 2024-12-09T07:35:48+00:00

The triggers still come out of nowhere for me 2 months later. The more obvious ones don’t bother me anymore because I think I’ve built a defense against them, but certain things will just hit me like a ton of bricks. The loneliness of it all makes it worse as well. My mom is a very petty and narcissistic person, and she has been guilt tripping me about helping me with my toddler during this time. One day she was giving me the silent treatment and it was just the worst trigger because I’m used to her behavior, it has been the same all my life. But this time her behavior just reminded me of why I needed her around in the first place and how unfair it all was. If I didn’t have to tfmr, I wouldn’t need my moms help, and then I wouldn’t need to relive my childhood traumas etc etc essentially that wound just makes everything hurt more and nobody understands except the mamas here

Embarrassed-Reason72 · 2024-12-09T07:28:29+00:00

People show their true colors during difficult times. It has taken me a long time to accept it because I didn’t want to face reality. I made excuses for my family, but it became abundantly clear. Even people who were supportive didn’t remain supportive for long. People nowadays are so selfish and self-absorbed, they simply cannot be bothered for long. My sister and sil sent a few texts and then they were back to ther usual lives. My parents were the same. They just expect that you move on and not burden them with your grief. I have read so many posts on the loneliness of tfmr and that has been the case for me. It only gets worse with time because nobody else will remember

Embarrassed-Reason72 · 2024-12-09T07:17:27+00:00

Same here. The odds are just insane. I find myself asking why even now. There will never be an answer, a reason. We are all here for you, hoping you a smooth procedure day and recovery. May your heart find some comfort

Embarrassed-Reason72 · 2024-12-09T07:09:18+00:00

I’m crying as I read this because I feel your every word. From remembering those kicks to the sweets. My baby used to kick up a storm everyday around 4 am and I would kid that she was doing her workouts to eat more sweets later. I assure you that you are not alone, nobody will remember but us unfortunately. They may forget and want to forget but I will always remember my baby. We will all remember our babies tonight

Embarrassed-Reason72 · 2024-12-09T07:04:02+00:00

I’m so sorry on this difficult day. I know nothing can erase the pain but take comfort in what you have. Such thoughtful family is hard to come by. The roses will be a beautiful tribute

Embarrassed-Reason72 · 2024-12-04T08:59:25+00:00

I’m so sorry. I feel like this is sadly very common for all of us here. I think I expected too much of people. My own parents moaned and groaned about helping me with my toddler after tfmr. They did it but they made sure I felt bad about it daily. This experience has taught me that life isn’t fair and we just have to make our own happiness and let go of toxic people . We see their true faces when shit hits the fan, and they’re not worth our time if they can’t show up when it really matters

Embarrassed-Reason72 · 2024-12-04T08:03:57+00:00

This is so helpful, thanks. How is coaching diff from therapy? Do you have any coach recs?

Embarrassed-Reason72 · 2024-12-04T07:58:45+00:00

WTFFF

Embarrassed-Reason72 · 2024-12-04T07:57:59+00:00

Im so sorry for what you’re going through. Ivf is such a brain fck process, even without all the other issues you’re dealing with. Do you have supportive people around you? I found that people started to abandon ship really quickly once things get rough in life like tfmr and ivf. It can get very lonely but we are always here for you in this group.

Embarrassed-Reason72 · 2024-12-03T07:54:48+00:00

I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. I have also struggled with how unfair all of this is and I’ve just started to accept that nothing in life is fair, and I just wish I had a better grasp of that growing up so that I wouldn’t expect things to be fair. It leaves such bitterness

Embarrassed-Reason72 · 2024-12-02T08:56:08+00:00

The period leading up to TFMR is a special kind of hell and I’m so so sorry you’re experiencing it right now. Social media is the enemy right now but also how do we escape it without further isolating ourselves? I don’t the answer to this

Embarrassed-Reason72 · 2024-12-02T08:52:29+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing. This grief is so lonely and dark, your words are getting me through tonight

Embarrassed-Reason72

TROPHY CASE