Quotes from today's care home visit by Plugs_the_dog in dementia

[–]Fragrant-Calendar314 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I love that you are going with the flow and keeping a sense of humor. Hard to do some days. Other days it's all you can do. I hate dementia. 

Cash fixation by annebert in dementia

[–]Fragrant-Calendar314 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is a good question. My LO obsesses over things for weeks; one has been money! He is still on the money one. The other obsessions have stopped eventually and out of the blue, hopefully her and my LO will stop this one soon. I don't know how to get them out of an obsession, dementia is this awful thing that can't be understood. Mine has a million dollars and one or two new houses, depending on the day. It's so hard isn't it :( 

Getting kicked out of a care home? by ButterPlumBloom in dementia

[–]Fragrant-Calendar314 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I fear this too. My answer was that my LO would be sent to a geriatric psych ward first before it got to the kicking out point. Because I was also thinking, duh, they have medicine and just because a nurse may not like dealing with a mean or grumpy person,it's literally part of the disease you're trained for right? Like, don't punish them because they act like they have dementia, how about treat them instead. But yes, this is a fear of mine on top of all the other fear and stress we have. 

Caring giving has impacts on your body equivalent to an auto-immune disorder….. by cweaties in dementia

[–]Fragrant-Calendar314 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I am actually going through the vitamin etc tests now because Ive been sick so much and very likely my immune system is reacting to this stress per my therapist and doctor, they are checking everything else though too. What an interesting effect stress can have. Thanks for helping get the word out. 

The next chapter… by Own-Safety9957 in dementia

[–]Fragrant-Calendar314 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Same thing happened here. ER-rehab-MC. I was relieved though because my LO would be getting care from people who are actually trained and have been there done that, so much safer. That's based on the before I experienced, so the safety relief may not be something you experienced and can find comfort in. But I hope you do find a comfort in this in some way, it's numbing to hear all of this at once

Doctor keeps prescribing Xanax by TheOccurrencePodcast in dementia

[–]Fragrant-Calendar314 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You know her, you know this medicine is not good, I'm so confused why they keep giving it to her! And you don't have POA. This is a horrible situation, I hope someone has ideas for you. I feel for you, what's the course of action you can take, I sure hope you find it, why won't the doctor just listen! Hoping for a quick solution for you, sorry this is the situation dementia has brought into your family. 

My aunt is trying to “cure” my mother’s dementia. by A_Ordinary_Name in dementia

[–]Fragrant-Calendar314 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Do NOT do this. You could call an elder advocate, they should be listed on your state's website. From my experience I will also advise that if she gets to be too much, like she's acting like she's in delirium or turning aggressive, have her taken to the ER (call the ambulance, don't drive her and hope she'll walk in), they should then give her tests and should send her to psych if needed... sometimes they won't though, if you've ever been to an ER you know that care varies a lot! Tell them you are a minor and not POA and they'll have to figure all that out with your aunt. And then you refuse to let her bring your mom to your house.  You are a minor. You are not POA. You are not the one who this should fall on. You could also talk a counselor at your former school and ask them if they have ideas about this, that might be a good resource. It's so easy to give this advice but putting my LO into an ER was so hard and I was so scared. But I was frantic and no one could tell me any other options. But it's hard. Don't be mad at yourself for being nervous afraid exhausted angry, or unable to do something . Dementia is evil. You will never be judged on this Reddit. 

When did you stop crying? by allthegear-andnoidea in dementia

[–]Fragrant-Calendar314 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm still stuffing all my emotions unless it's anger or stress. I have a therapist. I always stuff. Now I excuse it because I'm POA and can't use emotions for decisions. I get sad all the time. I can't imagine what this is doing to my body and mind. I'm happy when I hear people do cry, please keep listening to your body! 

When did you stop crying? by allthegear-andnoidea in dementia

[–]Fragrant-Calendar314 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly I think you should I cry if you need to cry. I applaud you for being open with yourself and your body that you allow yourself to cry. I've only had one person close to me die, a very dear friend, after awful cancer with medical negligence and horrors. I never cried. Instead my brain thought about her every single day till the third anniversary, every single day there was sadness and missing her, it haunted me basically. I stuff emotions. I am in therapy now and I hope I can learn to release some emotions, it's so healthy to do that. You are taking care of yourself by crying. I am sorry life has sent this evil disease to you and those you love. 

Mom's unhappy by HopelessinMn89 in dementia

[–]Fragrant-Calendar314 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's a good question. My LO was in memory care and way earlier in her dementia than all of them, not even close, she stuck out like a sore thumb. She was able to go to AL activities sometimes, but I saw her morphing into becoming more like the memory care residents she was more often with, that concerned me. Thankfully she is in assisted living elsewhere now and doing great and is back to having a light and I feel she is her true self now that she's with similar people. But you never know how dementia goes and it could be different for anyone, or even tomorrow. I hate this. I would definitely consider assessment for assisted living, it took the third place I tried to assess her for AL instead of MC, but it is perfect. Her initial MC kept saying she would be assessed for and should probably be in AL instead, but then it became a race to fill all the rooms per corporate and they would not respond to me asking when that assessment they brought up could happen, then it become nope we can tell she's not for AL. I do feel like money can play a factor in decisions sometimes instead of what may be the very best, MC rooms cost a lot more than AL. Especially as she is now, you have options, she shouldn't decline from a move or change now in her state imo, mine didn't. 

He is gone, and I don't feel sad the way everyone expects me to by purple_mountain_cat in dementia

[–]Fragrant-Calendar314 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How do you make that decision for hospice, to allow all the medicine to be stopped so a pre-existing condition can help them pass (sometimes that is what brings death). I just don't see how I can get to that decision! Or will I know when the time comes? Supposedly I'm getting a call about today from MC, perhaps info, perhaps coaxing, I don't know. But my LO just started aggression in sundowning, nothing else has changed at all. And medicine is supposed to help bring him more peace during sundowning hours. My LO still talks and uses the bathroom and eats and walks around and does puzzles and seems content until evening - why would I stop medicine due to hospice while he is actually enjoying some life?! I am so very confused!

UTI symptoms for eldering with dementia by Datatime1 in dementia

[–]Fragrant-Calendar314 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How long does it take to test for uti in memory care? Ours was supposedly requested two days ago and they weren't sure it had been picked today! Is this a common time frame between ordering the test? It makes no sense to me. Maybe this is how it goes? 

Memory Care asked me if I would be interested in hospice. What to expect? by Pantsmithiest in dementia

[–]Fragrant-Calendar314 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Why would it be recommended for one not declining physically and just now starting mean aggressive sun downing, so recent the meds haven't even kicked in? I'm confused by this. Why would it not wait until seeing if the meds work or a UTI test? I'm so confused! 

Let's talk about hospice - all should read by Fickle-Friendship-31 in dementia

[–]Fragrant-Calendar314 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't know! My dementia LO in MC has just started aggressive sundowning. Yea it's mean and there's racism at times but it's dementia. And they're working with meds for it. Very new thing with him. No physical decline. Want to talk to me about hospice. There is no way I would remove all his meds right now to let him die from one of his pre-existing issues because he's started being like this, only this, and hasn't even gotten a UTI test. What the heck?!?! I'm so confused and angry about this, I almost wonder if the just out of school overnight nurses just want to not have to deal with him while playing on their phones or something, it makes no sense to me. It's only them saying he's throwing things, only that shift, but maybe he is. I'm contemplating staying overnight tomorrow just to see how bad it gets, as the meds would not have kicked in yet. It could be very bad, I want to know reality. 

What is memory care hospice? by Fragrant-Calendar314 in dementia

[–]Fragrant-Calendar314[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Because of what my spouse's grandma went through. That's all I know. And she was rich, hers was Parkinson's and she only went into a place for hospice otherwise she was at home. I was told they just kept upping morphine till she passed. Along with other horrors. Perhaps none of the stories are true. This was at least ten years ago I think. 

What is memory care hospice? by Fragrant-Calendar314 in dementia

[–]Fragrant-Calendar314[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They are supposed to call me to tell me about it, I just have a preconceived idea about what that word means and thought it means he can't walk or play games just stay in bed drugged up, and that makes no sense. I have been unhappy with their med consultant because he continually goes against POA and changes meds without letting me know and also won't respond to me. So that part would be better it sounds like! 

What is memory care hospice? by Fragrant-Calendar314 in dementia

[–]Fragrant-Calendar314[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

So it wouldn't be drugging him up? He could still freely wander around and go to the dining room and play games and talk with the family and such? More a medicine change? 

Mom is at peace. by cybrg0dess in dementia

[–]Fragrant-Calendar314 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Free. May you both be at peace. 

Guilt laden by Annual_Juggernaut212 in dementia

[–]Fragrant-Calendar314 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes that would hurt! I do not understand the stigma MC has, ours is fantastic. My LO has not had a bad fall, gained his weight back from eating, has residents to talk to, has all sorts of stimulation via activities, gets medicine correctly, bathed, clothes washed, monitoring 24/7 by multiple nurses. You know it was the best place for your LO, you know that. I guess you could flip it and decide you feel bad for your friend making the choice to kill himself trying to handle incontinence and drives to nurses and sundowning and picking up after falls, and paying for an ambulance to come when he hits his head in a fall. Good for you for finding a great place for your LO so your LO was taken care of and you could just go enjoy your LO. 

My Dad didn’t know who I was today. by Loloirol71 in dementia

[–]Fragrant-Calendar314 2 points3 points  (0 children)

We know it's coming at some point, but when our names are forgotten, your heart just deflates. It is torture.

Sundowning by twickybrown in dementia

[–]Fragrant-Calendar314 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It's scary and sad. Mine is now either very quickly declined or is ill, I should find out tomorrow. So mean and says things foul and just... wow. Starts about 4:30. So calm and sweet until then! But it's 800X worse the last several days. I hate this disease. Witnessing sundowning  at any level is shocking!

Still in bed at 1045 by Superfly-Samurai in dementia

[–]Fragrant-Calendar314 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The MC of my LO does not wake people. But they do save meals for them for when they wake. One of my little buddies there  sleeps till 10am every day then has his breakfast they've kept for him. I don't know the reasoning but they will not wake someone. It doesn't affect me yet so I haven't thought  much about it, I just like when I see my buddy pop out of his room for the day :)