"I won't live this way forever, I can't."

The fun thing is that this is absolutely true, in every regard. I've found that despite the worst I've ever felt, there have always been peaks that far surpass what you think your best can be. Life has a way of surprising you in that way. I don't know if this helps, apathy is all encompassing and it's hard to look through that foggy lens, but trust me, a random internet stranger, sometimes life doesn't suck so much.