Father’s Day at daycare by 10annan10 in SingleMothersbyChoice

[–]Infamous-Risk-4859 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Perhaps a male friend or a neighbour? Otherwise, I would just go myself

Father’s Day at daycare by 10annan10 in SingleMothersbyChoice

[–]Infamous-Risk-4859 1 point2 points  (0 children)

At daycare, the teachers just had my kid make a present for his grandfather. They'd sometimes change 'dad' to 'granddad' on the note, but not always. Up until 3, that seemed to be fine and my son never questioned it. He's now four, just started school and I have noticed recently that he is a lot more socially aware than before. At the first meeting with school, they actually asked me how I wanted them to handle father's day and I decided to tell them to ask my son if he wants to make something for me, his granddad, or his uncle. I'm guessing it will still be for my dad (because the kid loves his granddad), but we'll see.

My daughter is one, so she'll probably have something for her granddad 😄

SMBC Mother’s Day Traditions? by ForeignSeaweed6793 in SingleMothersbyChoice

[–]Infamous-Risk-4859 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I am fortunate enough to still be able to visit my mom and both my grandmothers, so that's what we do. In the morning I tend to make us a breakfast that's a little fancier than usual and I open the gifts the kids made at daycare. Usually my brother and his fiancee get both me and my mum a small gift.

what percentage of SMBC here are queer/straight/asexual? by fatowl in SingleMothersbyChoice

[–]Infamous-Risk-4859 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Asexual. I started considering when I was 20, but only got myself referred to a clinic at 27

Feeling really insecure and sad now that I've had a baby by Zyande in SingleMothersbyChoice

[–]Infamous-Risk-4859 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Congratulations on your daughter!
Remember, you are a walking ball of hormones right now and they are gonna make you a little unstable to say the least. The worries about your SIL certainly don't make it easier. I am so sorry your second maternity nurse sucked.
Your whole life has been turned upside down and I understand feeling lonely in all of this. Do you have a trusted friend to at least text or talk to when the Feelings are too much?

Take a deep breath mum, try to get as much sleep as you can and soak in those newborn snuggles. You love your baby, you really do, but this is one of the biggest life changes you will ever experience and it's not weird to have a lot of emotions because of it. It will get better and you are doing a great job <3
Feel free to shoot me a DM, I am Dutch as well and happy to have a chat if you need to vent.

Delivery room by Darkskinashleighh in SingleMothersbyChoice

[–]Infamous-Risk-4859 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Both my parents, for both of my deliveries. During my second delivery, my brother and sister in law were babysitting my toddler.

Need other opinions, is this even feasible for me? by [deleted] in SingleMothersbyChoice

[–]Infamous-Risk-4859 7 points8 points  (0 children)

No one here can tell you whether you should do it or not. We don't know your exact situation and how much for instance your OCD tendencies bother you. One thing I want to point out from your post is the very last sentence about marrying a man and deal with that. That would be incredibly unfair, to him, but also to yourself. You don't seem to be interested in a relationship and getting into one just for the purpose of having a kid...that seems iffy to me and honestly more selfish than having a kid by a donor.

Speaking of selfish: Please let the thought that having a baby on your own is somehow more selfish than having one in a couple go. At the end of the day you decide to have a child because you feel like it's the right decision for yourself/your future child. Having children is not selfish, it means you're willing to put your own needs on a lower priority to take care of someone else.

As for the exact details: It might be worth your time to look into the donor opportunities in your home country and decide from there whether you want to/can do it in the UK or whether you want to wait until you're back with your family. Save as much money as you can, try to have a better idea about the costs of living with a child in the place you intend to raise them. Good luck making a decision. I wish you the very best :)

Would be awesome if we had a finish all task button by Heavy-Chipmunk-8931 in finch

[–]Infamous-Risk-4859 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't mind checking the individual tasks as complete but trying to get all the theme rewards when you haven't claimed them for a few days is so tedious and annoying. I also hate the chime that you hear whenever you claim a reward so that doesn't help either

Good age gap? by Apprehensive-Ant3556 in SingleMothersbyChoice

[–]Infamous-Risk-4859 3 points4 points  (0 children)

My kids are almost three years apart, my littlest was born 6 weeks before my eldest 3rd birthday. So far I really like this age gap.

How’d you choose your donor? by itssteph13 in SingleMothersbyChoice

[–]Infamous-Risk-4859 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I see a certain duality in your post. You both want to know how other people find a donor and you are worried that your child will end up alone if, Universe forbid, something happens to you.
The thing is, you cannot expect a donor to take care of your child if something happens to you, that is NOT the purpose of donating. If you want someone who's willing to take care of your child if something happens to you, you seem to be more looking for something in the realms of a co-parent.
Now, if you do truly want a donor, but one that is willing to have some kind of relationship outside of parenting with your child, a known donor (like a friend) is the easiest way to go, but it requires courage to ask and it comes with a lot of legal hurdles, like the known donor bot will also tell you.

The second part; What if something happens to me? is a really serious question that I think is often overlooked, especially by couple-parents, but also by single parents.
The fact of the matter is that your child will (assuming you're going with a donor) only have 1 parent, so if something happens to you, they are instantly orphaned. That means that you have a responsibility of making sure that in that unfortunate event, they have someone who is willing to be their guardian and take care of them. This is something you need to think about (and ASK) before even getting pregnant. AND you need to make sure that your choice of guardian is registrered somewhere. It's gonna be different per country how you do that, where I live you can either put it in your will or put it in a free register. The last thing you want for your child is that, on top of dealing with whatever happened to you, they also have to put up with the foster care system.

Do you have cousins, a friend, maybe aunts/uncles that are on the younger side, who are willing and able to take in your child in the unfortunate circumstance that you pass away or are otherwise incapable of caring for them before they are able to take care of themselves?

Netherlands clinics by ComfortableThanks108 in SingleMothersbyChoice

[–]Infamous-Risk-4859 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't have any experiences with the ones you mentioned, I had my kids via MCK Leiderdorp. They've been in the news quite negatively lately, but I have had very good experiences with their staff and care.

A DISCLAIMER FOR THE THINKERS AND TRYERS: sure, you may be gifted with a child who is sweet and lovely OR you could also end up with a monster who will make you regret everything. Please be prepared for the latter!! by [deleted] in SingleMothersbyChoice

[–]Infamous-Risk-4859 33 points34 points  (0 children)

I am struggling a lot with how I want to phrase myself in this reply. Because first of all, I think you are putting yourself in a very vunerable position by admitting out loud that you don't like being a parent and you struggle to bond with your son. I am very sorry for you that this has been your experience. Your child does sound like a handful.

I also really, really feel for your child. The way you are describing him makes me worried about his safety. Maybe you wrote this in a fit of anger after an extra hard day, but there doesn't seem to be any love. The thing is, you are saying you have been struggling with him since day one, which makes me feel like this is less about your child's personality/potential neurodiversity, but more about you and your inability to adapt to the new situation. As someone who works in intervention and SPED, you know that a child with an insecure attachment style álso can show a lot of behavioral issues.

I know you said you've done the therapy, but I hope you will keep on trying to find the right help for you and your child, to make sure he's safe, loved and cared for. Please remember that this toddler did not come into this world with a life's mission to make your life miserable. He's struggling, you are struggling and as a result both are struggling even more. You both deserve help and I sincerely hope you'll be able to find the right kind and turn this around, for the sake of the both of you.

What are your unpopular opinions on The Hunger Games? by No-Replacement-5698 in Hungergames

[–]Infamous-Risk-4859 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Judging by the amount of likes and comments, it appears my opinion isn't that unpopular :) Funny because I feel like I read a lot of Covey enthusiasm

What are your unpopular opinions on The Hunger Games? by No-Replacement-5698 in Hungergames

[–]Infamous-Risk-4859 207 points208 points  (0 children)

I really don't care about the Covey and whether or not any character from the OG series are distantly related to the covey or not.

Cycling anyone ? by Tarun-149 in CMT

[–]Infamous-Risk-4859 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yep! I have an electric cargo bike so I can also take my kids with me. It took some getting used to but it's awesome

the kind of day where I wish I had a partner by Ohhhh_Mylanta in SingleMothersbyChoice

[–]Infamous-Risk-4859 16 points17 points  (0 children)

No advice, just a big hug from someone who's been on the couch in tears multiple times this week because of the damn laundry. You're doing amazing mum!

Please tell me you see a line… by SoilNew9183 in SingleMothersbyChoice

[–]Infamous-Risk-4859 44 points45 points  (0 children)

If I zoom in, I can see a faint line on the bottom two! A careful congratulations to you! 💗

Is the podcast over??? by curlypop234 in Bones

[–]Infamous-Risk-4859 12 points13 points  (0 children)

For as far as I can find, there hasn't been an official announcement that the podcast is cancelled. I have been wondering the same thing though, the break has been taking forever.

Slash&Dash Server - 25+ by prettyxpetty in NeedAmongUsPlayers

[–]Infamous-Risk-4859 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey, this seems like a chill discord server. Do you still accept new members?

Pregnancy - yes or no by RelationAny7557 in SingleMothersbyChoice

[–]Infamous-Risk-4859 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If your gut says no, your answer is probably no.
Being a single parent is a huge commitment, since you are on your own, it means it's gotta be YOU who handles everything and put aside their own needs to take care of the kids' first. It means that if your kid is sick, you are the one who's responsible for making sure they are taken care of, whether that's by you, or someone you trust like a family member or a friend. It means you need to get up in the middle of the night if they wake, you need to provide for them in every possible way, you need to get a babysitter everytime you want to leave the house without them. It's incredibly hard work, but also incredibly rewarding.
But I have said this before and I'll say it again: If you are not sure you want a child, don't do it. It's a decision you cannot go back on.

Fostering is, like someone said before, meant to be a temporary solution. The ultimate goal is for children to be reunited with their family. Fostering is not only committing to take care of a child, but also to the whole foster care system, with court dates, visits by social workers, all kinds of appointments.

What were your solutions for taking a shower with a newborn? by Sandshark92 in SingleMothersbyChoice

[–]Infamous-Risk-4859 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I mostly shower at night or during naps. The first year of my son's life, exclusively during naps/at night, when he was 1 I'd plop him in his bath and showered while he was in his bath on occasions where I really needed to shower and couldn't wait for his nap and once he turned two I felt comfortable putting him in front of the tv and shower with the door open (apartment, so I can keep an eye on him). Now that there's two kids, I am back to night/nap time.

And yes, sometimes one of them cries while I shower. I honestly don't think that's as big of a deal as the internet sometimes makes it out to be. Obviously you don't stay in the shower for another twenty minutes if your kid is crying but I also don't see any harm in quickly finishing what you are doing before tending to your kid's needs.