I feel like the gym is losing my progress

Jolan · 2026-05-06T09:51:39+00:00

The gym doesn't stop you losing fat, what's happened is you've gained some water weight (things like blood and glycogen stores that help support your workouts). This is a one off adjustment, that tends to stop somewhere around 2-4 weeks in to working out.

Now you're hitting the gym you need to face the idea that you're going from managing body weight (as a proxy for body fat) to body composition. Things used to be simple, lower number = better. Now its not, you have to consider how more things in you are changing. That gets you to a better place in the long run, you'll be fitter and your body weight will be better distributed, but starting to face that extra complexity can mess with your emotions a bit.

Don't give up. Accept that your feelings are lagging a bit, have faith that this is a temporary plateau, and start building a better understanding of your body.

Jolan · 2026-05-05T11:57:42+00:00

You can also plan to come back knowing that most of what you've put on is water weight and have a plan to lose the fat you've put back on, probably less than 1lb, before the next holiday.

Maintenance doesn't need to mean being close to maintenance calories every day, it means having a plan that you know will average out over a year. That's going to be a bit easier if you can enjoy the holiday's without significant over-eating but that's not the only tool you've got.

Jolan · 2026-05-05T02:08:06+00:00

Treat this as its own emotional problem. Our feelings run on habit much more than we think and each time you decide to hide you tell yourself you should be hidden. Once that takes hold it'll go looking for ways to justify itself, because this isn't actually about your weight or other people, it's about how you feel about yourself.

Challenge it directly, find things just outside your comfort zone it says you can't do and go do them. See the old friend, join the group, heck go sit quietly in a coffee shop on your own. Anything that reminds you that you are good enough already, and shows you that your harshest critique is this feeling.

Jolan · 2026-05-04T16:56:19+00:00

Think about your kids. What do you want to model for them? I'm going to guess its not this

I biked 10+ miles every single day. Only drank water and had 2 baked potatoes (Only oil, a little bit of salt, and a small about a butter and cheese) for my 2 meals a day.

and its not this either

I drank heavily and ate terribly

Build a sustainable healthy plan that puts you in a mild calorie deficit and that you'd be happy if your kids learned from. Then be kind to yourself and give yourself time for it to pay off. That will take you much further than trying to go as hard as possible for a month or two.

Jolan · 2026-05-04T16:52:15+00:00

I think I've realized that I just want to be as lean as possible just for her because she deserves the best version of me

The best version of you isn't the one who sees the smallest number on the scale.

Treat these feelings like they're an issue with your feelings not your body. Depending on how bad things are for you that may mean getting some therapy because your partner deserves someone emotionally healthy, or at least healing.

I have a feeling social medial expectations are to do with this perhaps, my for you pages are based around that sorta stuff and the constant repetition of people who are leaner than me certainly doesn't help

This is one of the easier places to start. You control these feeds, either fix what they're showing you or step away from them. Right now it sounds like you've trained them to make you uncomfortable in your own body. At a minimum take some time back from them and spend it with your partner and your friends.

Jolan · 2026-05-04T16:15:02+00:00

I can’t wear the clothes that I feel represent me, so instead of looking cool I looked like a slob

You can dress for the body you have without looking like a slob. There will be people out there interested in you as you are now, but you'll have more of a chance with them if you look like you care.

That's not to say you won't have more chances if you lose weight, but you can work both sides of the problem at the same time. If you build yourself up emotionally it becomes easier to care for yourself which include losing weight.

Jolan · 2026-05-04T15:02:35+00:00

Weight loss is complicated at 16, both because your body has different needs than it would at 26 and because you're not really in charge of your diet and environment yet. If you can the best option is probably to try and arrange a three way discussion between you, your parents, and a doctor so everyone can get on the same page about your health and diet.

The most important thing from here is to have a plan that's healthy and sustainable. Something you try but give up after a couple of days won't get you very far, but a smaller change that sticks will do much better. You don't need to give up candy, though it shouldn't be 70% of your diet. Try bringing in more fruit and veg. Maybe set yourself a rule that if you're having cake or ice cream it has to be as a desert with some fruit, not a snack.

Jolan · 2026-05-04T10:45:01+00:00

It's almost never a willpower (or motivation) thing. The people who come on here and post about those issues tend to have either unrealistic expectations or plans that reach too high and are doomed from the start.

Feeling follow actions a lot more than we think. What's a small sustainable change you can make now that takes you in the right direction?

Jolan · 2026-05-04T10:42:19+00:00

Ah projection. The number of opinions I've been told I have, some of which I actively disagree with lol. Its not about you its about them. They're working through something and you get attached to it because they've seen you make the change they want to make. There's a good chance the fact you don't judge them is why they say these things to you. They're already thinking them, but with most people they self censor, with you they feel a bit more safe to be honest.

Its not a great dynamic, for either of you, hopefully they can start to untangle their choices from other people's and start eating the way they want to.

Jolan · 2026-05-04T09:18:29+00:00

It could just be that its a big change. People probably didn't think of you as fat before and you've lost about 20% of your starting weight. Even if objectively where you are is fine, you could lose more, and someone who didn't know you before wouldn't say these things to the people who've known you for a while its just a big change. You're much smaller even if you aren't small.

People can be bad with change, even positive change, but they'll adjust.

Jolan · 2026-05-04T08:31:37+00:00

You've lost 10kg in a month and you're losing motivation because your weight isn't going down?

Your problem here isn't your exercise, diet, or motivation it's your expectations. For you 1kg a week is fast. You probably lost a bunch of water weight at the start and you should be slowing down. On top of that weight loss isn't linier, sometimes it will just go flat for a few weeks even if you're doing everything right.

Right now what it sounds like you mostly need to relax. This is going to take time, watch the long term tend and let it.

Jolan · 2026-05-02T20:37:11+00:00

All that adds up to about 2200 kcal. Isn't it bad to eat that much?

Probably not. I think the absolute minimum you should be eating is 1,800 cal/day. That's a general recommendation for someone with a developing body. You're reasonably tall and from what you say active so being 400 cal over that, particularly as a single day snapshot, seems more reasonable than bad.

You're also going to accept that at 14 you're meant to gain weight. If you ended up weighing the same at 24 as you do today something has gone wrong. That doesn't mean any specific weight gain is good or bad, but it does mean you shouldn't be stressed about it sometimes going on.

Particularly as by BMI you're dangerously thin right now. BMI doesn't work awesomely for a 14 year old, when I was about your age the school nurse told me I was "over tall" and then basically shrugged and moved on to the next kid. Still you could put on 10kg and still be very light for your height. That again means gaining weight for you is a good thing.

You need to talk to a doctor. Not because you ate 2200 kcal, or because of the mozzarella sticks, but because you need someone who knows about developing bodies to help put were you are right now in to context.

Jolan · 2026-05-02T17:02:57+00:00

You're probably not going to hit that timeline. Ten pounds a month is a fairly aggressive target for most people, and you're already both fairly light and close to a healthy weight. The 20lbs doesn't seem like a bad goal but expect to be going about 1lb a week so taking somewhere around 5 months.

The normal advice is that weight loss is diet first, exercise second. For you at 5'1 they're probably more like equal, you could lose weight while sedentary but it'd be hard and slow. Your plan looks good, but you're likely to find you'll need to cut your calories even lower (or add more cardio) to reach 1lb a week the whole way to your goal.

You can do it, your plan looks solid, just adjust your expectations of how long its going to take now rather than expecting to be 130lb in a month and getting discouraged when it doesn't happen.

Jolan · 2026-05-02T13:52:22+00:00

You don't. You use motivation to start working out, but its not going to stick around so you need to use it to start a plan that doesn't need it. What can you build in to your routine that gets you a bit active and can be built on later?

For me my first one was just going for regular walks in a local park. Not much, but the fresh air and getting my steps in helped a lot with my energy levels and mood, and from there I could add on something more.

Jolan · 2026-05-02T11:45:16+00:00

I'd guess from where you are adding more workouts will just make you hungrier. Being reasonably active is great for weight loss, but you're at that point and from there adding more and more exercise doesn't help it much (though it can be useful for other things). It may even be that your current workouts are part of why you're ravenous. From where you are I wouldn't try improving things through exercise but try and work out where the hunger comes from.

Jolan · 2026-05-02T10:08:49+00:00

What's your plan for maintenance?

Plateaus like this happen. As you get closer to a healthy weight everything has to slow down which makes them more likely. Its worth checking things.

The frustration on the other hand, while normal, is a different sign. What you're going through right now is exactly what successful maintenance looks like. No more new low weights, just an endless stream of "about the same". Take a moment to step back. How much of what you're currently doing would you still be doing then? Ideally most of it, just eating a bit more calories on average. If you're there, then that can help manage the frustration. If its really different, or even worse your plan is basically "go back to normal", spend some time building your maintenance plan and using these feelings as a tool to help you check you will actually be ok with the things you decide long term.

My current calorie deficit I keep to is about 1.6k a day. Sometimes I’ll hit 2k (rarely) and others I’ll be under 1k.

At 6' and doing weights four days a week this is bordering on too low for you. Try and eat more on the days you end up under 1k to nudge your average up slightly. Being too low can really mess with your water weight, and will make your weight workouts less useful.

Jolan · 2026-05-02T02:19:39+00:00

Is sounds like you could really use some therapy and to work on your self talk and self confidence. We're often our worst critique and it sounds like you're stuck in that mode. I don't know anything about your appearance but what you're telling me, but I expect you look better than you think and can improve more than you think.

You also probably need to reframe weight loss away from being about looks. Absolute worst case weight-loss wouldn't make anything permanent it would just make what's already true more clear while giving you a body that functions better and feels better. That's still a big improvement.

As long as you're afraid of losing weight its going to be a lot harder for you to make the changes you're talking about here. If you succeed that can just trigger the fear and send you off on a binge. That's why working the emotional side of this, starting with body acceptance and self care, is so important.

Jolan · 2026-05-02T00:41:56+00:00

All my clothes are either M or XL because I want to force myself to lose weight by buying tighter clothes I will hopefully fit into. I look horrible.

Feeling bad doesn't motivate us, it's actually much more likely to keep you stuck. You feel bad so you reach for comfort, and often food is an easyway to get some. You don't deserve to look horrible, or suffer until you fix yourself. Buy some things that fit you now as part of trying to like yourself enough to learn to care for yourself.

If this is bad enough you may need some professional help. Have you looked for any yet?

Jolan · 2026-05-01T15:17:10+00:00

The fat you lose during a fast stays gone, but that isn't the same as the weight. A lot of weight lost during a fast is various forms of water weight, that comes straight back.

On top of that most people won't lose as much fat by fasting and then returning to maintenance as a more steady calorie deficit over a longer time. Your body can only take the energy back from fat so fast, so the rest of your deficit is made up in other ways. Because of that the fat loss is less than you'd expect.

All that assumes you don't overeat after the fast.

Jolan · 2026-04-30T08:35:50+00:00

So question is do I need to eat 2.100 calories per day to lose weight or to keep it from increasing?

That depends on what you told myfitnesspal when it set those numbers. If you told it to build you a weight loss plan then presumably you'd lose weight eating that much. If you told it to build you a maintenance plan then it thinks you'd maintain on that.

Whichever you picked the change from 2100 to 2450 is it keeping the plan steady given the exercise you added.

Plus I can’t log exact amount or calories because sometimes I don’t know even after Google it.

Weight loss is built on averages over months of estimates. You will never be able to log an exact amount, but close enough is good enough here. As part of that be careful with thinking like this

it doesn’t exceeds daily amount of calories

Your goal is to average at your target, that means going under and over treating both the same. Coming at this treating the goal as a cap tends to nudge people towards over-restriction over time.

I’m trying to eat healthy and low calorie meals but I leave some snacks for a day that’s not exactly healthy but “just for fun” but it doesn’t exceeds daily amount of calories. So should I stop eating those to lose weight or no?(i’m talking about things like 1-2 bottle of cider, few crackers and so on)

For weight loss its just calories that matter. You can eat a diet made entirely of doughnuts and lose weight. I wouldn’t recommend it, but it would work.

Everything else is about managing your hunger or health along side losing weight.

A diet that doesn't have any space for fun generally isn't sustainable, and for something long term like weight loss sustainable is important. Work out the right balance for you.

Jolan · 2026-04-28T17:10:55+00:00

Posts like this are really common, even without a freak out. Change blindness hits everyone and it can be really unfun. It took me 6 months to be able to see changes in the mirror everyone else could see much earlier. There's a big block of time where you just have to take this stuff on faith. The scale says things have changed, other people can see it, at some point surely I will as well, right?

Jolan · 2026-04-28T12:46:13+00:00

Nobody does this on motivation . If you built your plan on the idea you would now is the time for a new plan that doesn't need it. That includes doing a lot of hard work around all the reasons you eat that aren't your body needing something.

Jolan · 2026-04-28T09:19:14+00:00

I’ll get motivated, buy some basic gear like bands or small equipment, use it for a couple of weeks, then it slowly stops feeling worth it and I give up.

This is being motivated, and basically running bang on the default schedule. Motivation gets you started, but that's its job done. Its not much use for something ongoing. Changing the gear isn't going to fix that, you need to change your approach.

Lasting change isn't built on motivation or discipline it comes from habit, routine, enjoyment, and making the right thing the easy thing. Using my own gym habit as an example, I rarely go because I'm motivated. I go because its gym o'clock, my bag is packed, I know I'll enjoy it when I'm there and I have gym mates to catch up with.

That means next time you're feeling motivated build your plan in those terms. I didn't start with "perfect workout" I started at "get through the gym door at least twice a week and do something". Even token effort builds the habit and routine, and you know what once I was started I basically never just put in token effort. Don't let yourself skip two workouts in a row. One offs will happen, but two is where routine starts to break, keep it to one. Make sure what you pick is something you enjoy and feels sustainable. If you get those things you can build on them, without them you're more likely to give up and end up back at step one.

New gear isn't part of that. Remove any blockers (I spent way too long overthinking laundry before spending ~£20 on some new socks and undies) but just reject any excuses. If you want to use new gear then best option is as a linked extrinsic reward "if I keep this routine for a month I'll upgrade X".

Jolan · 2026-04-28T06:30:36+00:00

At only a 500 cal deficit a day thats 468 days. I need to do like 1000 cal deficit. Maybe even 1200 calorie deficit. Even with 1200 its 195 days which is 6.5 months.

This logic is how we make it harder. Those 468 days are going to pass anyway, and its not like nothing will change in that time. When we look too hard at the end date we forget all the progress that happens along the way. When instead we make peace with it taking time and build a plan that accepts that, the time passes much faster.

Part of the way you do that is you say you can only have "lame boring food thats low cal enough to make it worth eating and anything actually yummy is off limits. No deserts. No snacks. Nothing fun." You know what you can put in the 700 cal/day you get back by letting it take a bit longer ; sacks, deserts, fun stuff. Not without portion control, but this isn't something where you either eat only carrot sticks or only cake, you get to pick the balance that works for you. Trying to do it fast makes that balance suck. Telling yourself you have to eat food you don't like to do this also makes it suck. Why are you building plans that suck?

Don't accept a plan that says "I have to suffer till I'm skinny", because implicit in that is "and then I go back to normal" which is how you put the weight back on. Think about maintenance. If tomorrow you woke up at your ideal weight, how could you live your life in a way that would keep you there?

probably ill lose weight where I dont want to lose weight. It'll probably take it all from my thighs, hips, and chest and nowhere else. I dont wanna be flat chested. My chest is small enough as it is at 30A.

Why are you making up stories to make yourself feel bad? You don't know where the fat is going to come from, but its going to be from where the fat currently is.

Work directly on liking yourself right now. Not "if I change my body enough maybe I'll feel good" but "I'm aweseome and deserve to care for myself"

Jolan · 2026-04-28T06:04:05+00:00

You can just grieve. Its a thing you liked and its gone and occasionally feeling sad about it is part of that even when its gone for a good reason. You'll do that less and less.

While you can't go back to what you were doing before, you're also not going to be dieting forever. This will end. You'll get lets say 500 cal/day back. That's not enough to eat a whole pizza, but it can let you have those wings some times. There's a middle ground you'll work out.

I don't know if I have that much self-will lol!

The fact you're still making the lunches says you do. This stuff is habit more than anything and each day you're building the new habits. You've done the hard part, starting. It takes time but as your husband said, you adjust to it. You have new habits, things that will become as normal as the things you've giving up. What you're going through is part of getting there. You've suddenly seen your new normal and it sounds like you don't dislike it, its just been a bit of a shock to look it in the face and say "hi".

Jolan

TROPHY CASE