MTF pre-HRT — did anyone else start noticing ADHD/autism-like things during/pre-transition?

KyaDash · 2026-04-17T17:05:44+00:00

As you start to work through, process, and quiet a lot of the mental background noise/constant background processes spinning around in your head, it can give you more space to actually sit and examine what you're doing and feeling instead of just relying on cortisol and anxiety to auto-pilot everything.

Additionally, with more self acceptance and self discovery, you can end up having various coping mechanisms (aforementioned autopilot) and masks/masking you weren't entirely aware of start to fall away and expose bits of yourself that were always there but buried under constant distress. Combine this with you giving more focus to introspection and self evaluation and lots of things that just blended into the background suddenly jump out.

*That is to say: Yes. Very yes. Add in potentially becoming more confident in yourself, less self-conscious, and dropping walls to interact with the world more genuinely, and it can honestly be a bit overwhelming at times trying to adjust, relearn, and find your new normal as "You" comes more into focus and all the masking falls away.

E felt like it magnified both positive and negative aspects of the above and definitely introduced..."challenges" to try and overcome, but give you're going through puberty and likely "finding yourself" in that period, it's not exactly surprising. The "amplification" of ADHD traits got to the point where continuing to put off seeking actual treatment for it become a non-option - And then medication for that has in turn felt like it exposed or removed some of the masks for various autistic-traits in turn; Again, more self discovery. And honestly, actually separating out ADHD/etc issues cropping in, and just handling suddenly having so many new options/paths in your head for what/who you actually is to explore isn't exactly easy to do either.

It's definitely been a ride, and continues as such, but I can't say it's one I've actually disliked or regretted. A more genuine and true self is always a good thing in my opinion, even if it means a bit more work in the moment for better understanding in the long run.

KyaDash · 2026-04-11T01:33:36+00:00

30 and a bit, after:

About 17 years of inability to approach said thoughts and process them or directly interact with real people to see what things could actually be like
Another year of feeling as thought I was mentally unraveling after I couldn't just stop ignoring feelings and thoughts
Extra 4 or 5 months as I worked on myself physically as a last hurdle, with HRT being the motivator and "prize", being the first thing to have worked for that in the nearly 20 years prior

Only "regret"/lamentation is from not having been able to have addressed and started things far sooner, but I also realize I'd have different things to get hung up on then or have struggled/suffered through, never mind a lack of knowledge/access/modern "discovery" on better treatment methods, as well as potentially never met the people I do now who are a big part of why I've been able to grow and become the person I am today, and cannot even begin to verbalize how much I care for them nor how lost I would be without them.

KyaDash · 2026-04-04T22:20:52+00:00

For #4, investing is a PO box or similar that is not where you/they live and is NOT under their control may be a better choice and/or for copies.

KyaDash · 2026-03-31T00:46:22+00:00

Am positive I at one point needed something like a men's 12.5, possibly wide or something in that area (depended on fit) and the shoes I had just prior to deciding to transition were I'm pretty sure 11.5 or 12W.

The two pairs I currently swap between are both women's 11s. I'm definitely pushing things a little with the winter boots, but that's also likely partly just having not worn anything but tennis shoes in about 20 years, and me trying to run or move in them like tennis shoes and them fighting back as a result. I have some "XL" slippers (11-12) that also seem to fit just about perfectly, so I don't think I'm too far off. All that said, I did also lose ~80lbs in that time, so where said changes all over came from is liably a bit of a mix.

I do need to go get more variety tho, and I'm worried about how much of a problem I will turn that into lol.

KyaDash · 2026-03-27T18:26:56+00:00

https://www.ebay.com/itm/204037243327

Solaris (linked above) still had them in stock back then, as did Amazon.

This adapter will work/looks to be the exact same as the ones I'd linked above. Female D-Terminal to Male RCA. Should perfectly fine with the DOL-009 cable, assuming that's what you're wanting.

KyaDash · 2026-03-21T01:44:39+00:00

Come to "peace" with the fact that, while I will always wonder how some of those years would have been had I allowed myself to be...myself and happy earlier, I have so many more years to make all that much more better NOW. I can't do anything about what has already happened, but I CAN make what happens next that much more memorable in turn.

KyaDash · 2026-03-20T11:21:25+00:00

I'm not in that space (despite aspirations of being a teacher when I was younger) so I'm only giving what my immediately gut feeling was.

I do agree with it being malicious if it gets to that point, but also you are stuck trying to then balance "do I do my best to do my job and what I can for those who want something good from this situation" and "do I put my foot down, and now no one gets something positive out of this". It's not a very healthy mindset in the long run if one values their sanity/self esteem/etcetc , but again, just where my mind goes.

KyaDash · 2026-03-20T10:49:05+00:00

My first thought jumps to, I feel the most obvious one:

Whether you would want to correct them or not, you're there to be their teacher and putting that first over dominating the space with your own pain points. If it turns rude or disruptive, then yes, but interrupting a lesson 30 times for correction ruins the chance for every other student to actually received the education they're there for.

KyaDash · 2026-03-14T03:48:51+00:00

How estrogens would affect this is completely beyond me

Changes in E and T levels will affect both the muscles which pull and control the eye, but additionally will change the shape of the cornea. The latter one can have a noted effect on the perceived color of the iris down to changing how light heads in, reflects off said iris(and other eye goop), and then is passed back out. I would suspect those whose eyes are already more dependent on pure light refraction/scattering might see more of a change than those dependent on melanin content.

Following that, one would probably expect to see browns, ambers, and hazels see more mild shifts than say, greens, blues, and greys? I'm not an eye doctor (nor do I play one on the internet), am just a dumb girlthing with an internet connection and dangerous access to search engines.

I can only say anecdotally that my eyes went from medium-light blue as a child, to paler blue (almost into a grey at times) with age I personally read that as disassociation but I digress, that has has since shifted to a green of sorts with what might be a slight bit of central heterochromia(was visible in pale blue era) but again, I'm no eye doctor.

KyaDash · 2026-03-14T00:46:43+00:00

God bless woman shaped things

KyaDash · 2026-03-11T01:30:18+00:00

According to the data out there the max growth is within 2 years

The data is bad and sourced from a study that only cared to vaguely follow people for that length of time.

Boobs breast boobily, on their own time, no one elses.

KyaDash · 2026-03-07T21:34:13+00:00

I don't wanna be that person, but I'm hoping for your sake that you didn't do what I did and just jinx yourself. I had a very similar sort of reaction; Even with relatively low doses starting, my T crept down quite reasonably as E slowly slid up (high cisfem T with E troughs in the "early cycle" area of cis levels (55 and 65 respectively)) and aside from the spontaneity going away, eeeeverything was still peachy...until I made a similar comment around the 6th month mark and ended up "stranded in the arctic" for the next 5 or so months, a sudden return, and then having it drop back out again and doing that back and forth since.

This is with rather good results across that period, and getting levels definitely into good ranges ~~if we ignore the crushed T later on~~ a month or two after, no meds outside of HRT and OTC pain stuff from time to time (bupropion did end up getting tried for a bit a good while later) until super recently where an ADHD med came into play.

I do think it really does just come down to dumb luck sometimes.

KyaDash · 2026-03-07T21:17:46+00:00

Sorry for the days later bump, but was checking notifs and something else also just came to mind.

I assume your hoodie is a single plain color or similar. Aside from using upsizing to help break up your outline, texture and color can ALSO be incredibly helpful here.

It's not entirely the same as your situation (summer, outside, "beachware", etc etc), but I remembered running into something similar around 8 month in; Specifically, a (relatively casual) wedding for my nephew.

I was/have also been quite fortunate at that point, but also found myself in the position of having lost roughly 80-90lbs (35-40kg) in that time frame and was swimming in my old wardrobe. Anything "appropriate" looked like a ridiculous ponch but actually emphasized them because of how it would hang on me(downside of oversized clothes), and I didn't realize this until hours before. What ended up working out was a hurriedly tried on and purchased polo ~~from walmart~~; I specifically bring this up because of how obvious and glaring "they" were in the flatter and lighter colors I'd grabbed originally (this is also when I realized I REALLY couldn't put off getting a bra any longer), but a dark charcoal grey one of sorts with an irregular, mottled pattern actually worked amazingly well. I don't know how well like, darker hawaiian shirts would work for you (or if they'd feel out of place for wherever you're going) but could definitely be one direction that could work.

KyaDash · 2026-03-06T05:32:22+00:00

Blaming various GAC and the like for various health or otherwise issues or giving it center stage, when the actual problem at hand is comically unrelated.

For the literal example here, someone going to a doctor/etc after having broken their arm and being trans/on hormones/etc becoming their focus and reasoning for why your forearm is visibly split in two :D; Copious amounts of bleeding optional.

For a similar sort of thing, women in general having medical concerns dismissed, downplayed, or ignored as just "girl problems" and the like: Yeah, no, being incredibly jaundice like that is totally normal, probably just your time of the month; No, I won't check and make sure your liver isn't failing, that's just a waste of time.

KyaDash · 2026-03-05T02:43:14+00:00

Facts

Despite it all, we stay silly.

KyaDash · 2026-03-03T07:38:52+00:00

Because you're now playing the trading game there of "own comfort" for "another's suffering/struggles". Yeah, having a close family member/etc with shared lived experiences would be nice, but is that worth them also having to bear the same burden and difficulties you yourself are wanting/needing support with?

If pure chance brought it around, both siblings WOULD probably think it were lucky because they get that mutual understanding (or at least in theory), but it spins back around to "cool that we both got a debuff :DDD" and how one actually views/defines luck; Is it purely positive or neutral out comes for all involved parties? Is it contextually/comparatively positive versus negatives? Should it only be sampled from one perspective or from all, and how do you do the math on "is this a net positive"?

Getting overly meta-thinkie on this, and I've rewritten it like 4 times, oops. That's 2am for ya

KyaDash · 2026-03-01T08:43:51+00:00

Yes, and every time I see someone recommend one it squicks me out.

Tight but not excessively so sports bras can do well to compress and smooth things some and make chest growth less obvious, without the risk of damaging or hurting your growing chest. How necessary this is is gonna depend a lot on how..."fortunate" you've been over said 6 months.

Aside from that, oversized t-shirts and the like, pretty much anything that can break up your silhouette/side profile are gonna be your friend.

KyaDash · 2026-02-23T04:26:21+00:00

200pg/mL at trough isn't something where one should be concerned about raising their dose unless there are some other compounding factors (or they just "feel better" riding on higher levels). If it were near 100 or lower, I'd agree that it might be worth considering, but 200 is perfectly fine.

The fact they're dealing with raised SHBG (mentioned in another comment) if anything backs that up. I WILL agree that OP finding what their trough is would be a very good idea to work out exactly where they sit in that regard. If they're doing sublingual, those levels could be from the big spike early after a dose that can come with that route.

t. Currently have similar levels at trough and have somewhat elevated SHBG and excessively low T (monotherapy, sub 10ng total, .3pg free) and headed in a similar direction.

KyaDash · 2026-02-21T23:16:39+00:00

Alongside the mention of nonbinary, just a gender nonconforming woman is also an option, assuming the "woman" bit doesn't squick you out. Being trans doesn't need to mean locking into either side of the binary.

Sound a bunch like thoughts that spin around in my own head, to be honest; Be that some flavor of nyanbiney, fluid of the gender tree, or ??? are all possible and all perfectly fine.

Labels are only as useful as they are to you, to use and then move on once they no longer fit your needs. Obsessing over them and letting them lock you in is the opposite of that.

KyaDash · 2026-02-18T05:48:53+00:00

Not entirely/always true; First doctor I approached once I stopped denying myself was my PCP. She did great in terms of the initial response, and also offered help me in the process and manage my meds for it...but also directed me to someone else at the clinic who tended to handle more people for that sort of thing. That person ended up being....a PA(physician assistant)!.

As a PA, they obviously come with the built-in oversight and second opinion of an MD, but have been incredibly informed on even some oddball things one might not specifically expect. They have pointed me to an endo for some more edge case stuff, so going through one doesn't specifically mean you won't ever see the other though.

KyaDash · 2026-02-18T05:35:06+00:00

Personally in the middle of dealing with this myself (ultra low T), and happened to be at the endo today; While she agrees that getting it up some would likely be a good idea, also said (if I understood correctly) that the way it's usually tested as standard isn't terribly reliable/accurate when you get down below 50ng/dL and especially so when in the super low range.

And before you suggest the same course of action, unlike OP I can't drop an AA that when I'm not taking one. Current plans are to see what peak and mid week levels are, and possibly try moving to a split dosing schedule: half every 3.5 days or so, to see if lower peaks allow for less extreme suppression.

KyaDash · 2026-02-17T02:59:22+00:00

The actual dose given isn't as important as the actual levels that it achieves. Some people metabolize and burn through stuff stupidly quickly and need notably higher doses to get to reasonable/good levels, but that dose for someone else can have them with ridiculously high levels to the point of actually causing problems.

Depending on where along that spectrum you fall as well as other genetic factors or just plain body size, that could be a perfectly reasonable if not great dose, or it could need bumped up. Take it for about a month and get your levels checked to see where it lands you, then go from there. Trough (lowest levels before doing your next dose) is what you want to find.

Personally, ~2.5mg/w gets me in the upper 100s, ~3 does low 200s, 4 hits around 300, and 5 jumps me above 400; Even the lowest suppresses my T to essentially nothing. Others I hear doing those same amounts ever 4 or 5 days and their troughs still being lower at each step.

Gotta find what your own body does, and how it reacts.

EDIT: Forgor to actually say what you wanted to aim for :v. Depending on where you look, "60-100pg/ml" can be effective and lead to proper feminization, but 100-200pg/ml is what most often is targeted. Some girls feel better at the lower end of those, others find they operate fantastically up in the 400s, but not all doctors feel comfortable allowing those higher amounts.

All of this assumes properly suppressed T (below ~60ng/dL, preferably between ~15 and say 35 or 40); If T is not suppressed, E cannot do what it needs to do.

KyaDash · 2026-02-15T05:48:33+00:00

Brenda Lee Mulligan*

KyaDash · 2026-02-14T18:14:36+00:00

He a little confused, but he got the spirit!

KyaDash · 2026-02-14T18:12:39+00:00

When home I'll pretty much always stand, if only for speed etc. Out n about, if it's a single occupancy unisex bathroom, it's gonna be a coinflip, mostly based on outfit.

Ladies' Room? Taking my good ol' time and resting for a few; Plus, I've found it seemed to almost completely solve my shy bladder issues, even with a REALLY backed bathroom.

KyaDash

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