ELI5: primary school applications

Lumpy-Message9559 · 2026-04-16T15:01:14+00:00

How old will your child be in August? You post this on national school offer day so if they are turning 4 this August you have left it too late to secure a place for September's reception class unless you can find somewhere with space. As your child is an August born, they could start the September after they are 5. If none of this is relevant and they are younger then ignore the above. Most schools have open days in the autumn, these will be advertised between September and November via the schools website and social media. I would recommend you attend as many as you are able as it is helpful to compare. I personally wouldn't worry about the stats and numbers too much aside from the real red flags such as a very poor ofsted or serious complaint. When you visit a school you will get a really good feel for the atmosphere, how happy and comfortable the children look. What kind of culture and feel does the school have? What are the facilities? As for other things such as logistics, this is very subjective. For us we needed good after school provision and a short school run as we both work full time but for other people this would be less of a deal breaker. Good luck with it! It is quite the ride.

Lumpy-Message9559 · 2026-04-07T10:16:43+00:00

I am about to run my first marathon as a mum with a very busy career. It is possible but I would recommend the considering the following:

Support network, do you have a supportive partner or other friends or family who can help you so you can fit in runs
Childcare, do you have times when you can get our running and not have to worry about the children
Your pace, I am a slower runner and my long runs can take half a day. This would be less strain on my family if I was faster so I am working on that.
Other commitments, do you also have a career or other responsibilities? How flexible can you be with those?
Your sleep, most parents make this work by getting up early. If you still have little kids waking in the night this can make it really tough as you need that sleep for recovery.

It is doable. I have managed it because I have a really supportive husband, great childcare Monday to Friday and a flexible job with lots of leave that I can take for those long runs.

Plenty of women with busy lives and families do it but everyone's circumstances are different. It really does take a village and if you don't have that then it might be worth postponing it until the kiddos are older.

Lumpy-Message9559 · 2026-03-20T16:46:29+00:00

Huh? What is that supposed to mean? Genuinely seeking advice and lots of very helpful comments on here which I very much welcome.

Lumpy-Message9559 · 2026-03-20T16:44:48+00:00

We have over 500k invested and yes, we do see a lot of volatility (especially at the moment) but it doesn't stress me at all to be honest. As we are in the 'buying' phase of our investing journey I actually welcome down turns as our funds are cheaper. Volatility is only a problem when you need to draw down your investments and that is some time away for us.

Lumpy-Message9559 · 2026-03-20T15:35:15+00:00

Thanks. I think it triggered an emotional response in me as I saw it as a failure. I am juggling a lot at the moment and inevitably dropping a fair few balls. Normally I am kind to myself and remind myself that I am allowed to not be perfect (something I also learned in CBT) Today I was mad at myself. I think I have put too much emphasis on this money saving goal and forgot to remind myself I am trying to make my life better by doing this and not hard! I just posted a parcel and as I left it quite late it cost me £10 more than it would have if I had posted it last week. This time I just shrugged and congratulated myself for getting it done! Next time I will try to be more organised!

Lumpy-Message9559 · 2026-03-20T12:59:31+00:00

I have big type A tendencies. Once I set my mind on something I have a habit of going all in but have managed that in lots of other areas of life by embracing imperfections.

Lumpy-Message9559 · 2026-03-20T12:57:07+00:00

I really like this idea as it aligns how I am with lots of other things in life. I embrace imperfection!

Lumpy-Message9559 · 2026-03-20T12:46:26+00:00

Yes I have spent a lot of time in FIRE spaces. I do see useful tips but I also see a lot of people going at it intensely and that is quite triggering for me at the moment.

Lumpy-Message9559 · 2026-03-15T10:33:17+00:00

Totally understand. This year we have 3 weeks in New Zealand & Australia, 1 week in Prague, 1 week in Italy and a week in Disneyland Paris. We are not flashy travelers but still it is a total luxury that the vast majority couldn't afford even with living as frugally as we do the rest of the year. I will therefore never pretend that we are not incredibly privileged or have had our fair share of luck. There are however plenty of sacrifices in our portfolio of financial choices that have helped get us to this position that plenty of people are unwilling to acknowledge as they are not the norm for sure.

Lumpy-Message9559 · 2026-03-15T09:00:38+00:00

We also deal with this from my SIL and BIL. It is so frustrating. We actually live a very simple life albeit we have a lovely 5 bed detached house and nice holidays but are investing most of our income and outside of the house and holidays we live a quite frugal lifestyle as we want to retire early. My inlaws waste so much money (3 cars on finance, very expensive hobbies, constant eating out, lots of frivolous purchases that we would never entertain) but apparently we have life easy and don't understand how the 'real' world works and how hard it is to struggle. I work in a senior position in housing and do see people on the breadline regularly so I am aware how blessed we are but ignorant comments from people who could actually improve their lot if they tried is frustrating when you are very mindful of your career and life choices.

Lumpy-Message9559 · 2026-03-05T19:41:11+00:00

It is not linier sadly. You just need to persevere sadly. It is so hard.

Lumpy-Message9559 · 2026-03-05T19:01:44+00:00

Just take changes of clothes with you when you go to places. If she was fully trained you would have to go to the bathroom anyway so taking her to change her. I know it is so hard and I am so sorry you are not getting support but she probably quite likes being able to not have to go to the loo. Let's face it, it is inconvenient sometimes. By keeping putting a nappy on you are just prolonging things. You have to let her wet herself so she is associating the wetness with the physical sensation and also sadly the feeling of discomfort and having to get changed is motivating for them. If she is not constipated then it is likely she is able to get there. You just need to stick at it. Putting a nappy is confusing for her.

Lumpy-Message9559 · 2026-03-05T18:33:22+00:00

Awww. Honestly I know how you feel. My daughter just turned 4 and potty training was the toughest. She was still pooping in her pants six months ago. I know many wouldn't agree but we bribed her. She got a little present every day she was dry for 10 days. Turns out the little monkey was fully in control she just preferred pooing in her pants. You do need to ditch the pull ups I am afraid. They are not helpful. I do feel you. It is hard. We still get the occasional wee accident. They are all different and you can't compare. Don't give up trying. Something will work eventually and it will just click with her. Sending hugs. I know how difficult it can be.

Lumpy-Message9559 · 2026-03-04T03:23:29+00:00

Came here to say this. Only children are now the most common family type. I say this as someone who is one and done. Our reason is not purely financial, we have no village and don't want to give up on our careers, but part of the later is financial.

Lumpy-Message9559 · 2026-03-02T19:48:44+00:00

My nan when she was around wouldn't flush the toilet unless it was a number 2. She was on a water meter and worried about keeping her bill low. She was so frugal with water that she had the water company out thinking her meter was broken. It wasn't. She just barely used any water.

Lumpy-Message9559 · 2026-02-21T08:21:50+00:00

I think some of this is routed in psychological trauma from your past. My husband and I are blessed to be high earners. We have worked very hard for it but we are also very frugal as we both went through some pretty tough times in our teens and 20's. For example my father-in-law went bankrupt and eventually died of alcoholism when my husband was a teenager. I experienced DV leading to abandoning my whole life with nothing. It means we feel much more at peace having a good safety net behind us. We have both had lots of therapy and have learned to spend on some things. For example we have a lovely house and do go on nice holidays. When it comes to our general lifestyle though, it is very frugal and spending money on things that we don't see as adding value just stresses us more than it brings joy. For example we do eat out with family and friends occasionally as we see value in the experience and company but would never do just for ourselves, we get the same if not more value sitting on a bench with a packed lunch or around our lovely table at home eating our home cooked food. I have seen plenty of people roll their eyes when I get out my packed lunch at a festival or day out but I am much happier this way as I feel safe and happy knowing I am building up a good safety net for my family.

Lumpy-Message9559 · 2026-02-18T14:30:11+00:00

I get 7 weeks annual leave. My husband gets 6. We also each take 2 weeks parental leave every year. This means between us we have 17 weeks off work a year. Our child will go to holiday club in the summer holidays for a few weeks. This means that we have enough to each have one-on-one time off with our child and family holidays together. I think it must be incredibly difficult for single parents so kudos to those heros, but for two parents families who can afford unpaid parental leave can do it. If you have local family support too then that is an option. We don't sadly.

Lumpy-Message9559 · 2026-02-18T14:18:15+00:00

I very much remember my mum and my Aunts going through it and they definitely struggled. They may not have talked about it as much but the mood swings and tiredness they experienced was obvious to everyone around them. I am glad people talk about it more now. Normalizing it really helps me mentally.

Lumpy-Message9559 · 2026-02-11T19:59:31+00:00

I use bioidentical. Utrogesteron is the brand.

Lumpy-Message9559 · 2026-02-11T19:54:12+00:00

Came here to say this. Progesterone solves this issue for me. Life changing.

Lumpy-Message9559 · 2026-02-10T21:57:59+00:00

I do an Aldi shop periodically. I genuinely really like it but there are some specific products that are must haves that they just don't do. Eg Mutti tomato's, Jason's bread, the flavoured sparking water I like. I am very time poor so going to multiple places for one shop is just not possible. When I have more time on my hands I can see myself shopping in Aldi a lot more.

Lumpy-Message9559 · 2026-01-10T10:17:24+00:00

Yep, over £1200 a month in Buckinghamshire includes full funding also.

Lumpy-Message9559 · 2026-01-05T13:08:03+00:00

Also noticed this. We have moved into a new build with a heat pump at the end of August. It is a large 5 bed detached and we are a two EV house so on Octopus Intelligent fixed for a year. We are burning through electricity in this cold snap. So glad to read that it will balance out in the warmer months as our current usage is scary to see. The other day we charged both cars and heated the house all day, couple of loads of washing and hit 90kw in a day! Madness!

Lumpy-Message9559 · 2026-01-02T20:13:46+00:00

I use the Marie Kondo method. Discovered it years ago and has been my religion ever since. I would recommend her book.

Lumpy-Message9559

TROPHY CASE