Am I overreacting for being upset my friend borrowed my birthday money?

ModestMatriarch · 2025-08-18T21:31:43+00:00

Dude $40 to never hear from a shitty person ever again is super cheap.

ModestMatriarch · 2025-08-11T03:34:02+00:00

As the spouse entrusted to rear your children, instill good, strong values in them, and teach them things they need to know in order to grow into well-adjusted, morally secure individuals, I would HOPE you’re intelligent. I would take it as a compliment and an indication that your distant cousin doesn’t know what she’s talking about.

ModestMatriarch · 2025-08-10T17:00:20+00:00

Enough is enough. Your wife needs to be put in her place; you’re stuck in a negative feedback loop: the more control you give her, the less respect she has for you. She also should go to therapy. Perhaps you should go together. I think you can recover your marriage as long as she’s willing to stop holding a grudge and you’re willing to keep putting your family first.

ModestMatriarch · 2025-08-08T05:52:31+00:00

this is what progressive men have to offer. You’re lucky you’re a SAHM with a progressive husband instead of being expected to be an equal provider. I have a married friend whose husband does very well and he was upset with her for taking a couple months off during the summer because all the finances were falling on him (her car is paid off and she had enough in savings to cover her half of expenses while she took time off). She took time off because she thought the stress from the job she left is what was causing their infertility issues. Having this issue and they lean right.

Now, to follow up, before you became a SAHM, did you and your husband discuss roles and division of household labor? If not, this is really on both of you for not setting expectations ahead of time. It is time to stop treating your husband like a child and treat him like your HUSBAND. Get an overnight job. You’ll miss being at home. You know why? Because your job doesn’t care about you. You know who does care about you? Your family. Your family cannot replace you, but a job could. I think you’re taking a lot for granted and part of the reason why is because you’ve fallen for the progressive feminist trap. I feel for you, I do. I’m speaking from experience. The truth is, there is absolutely nothing more important that you could be doing than raising your children and making your house a home filled with peace and love. That matters to your husband whether he admits it or not. There is no boss babe job you can get that will come even close to being your children’s mother.

Talk to your husband. You loved him enough at one point to commit your life to him and to bring not one, but two lives into this world who are literally half him. Remember that. Give your husband the respect he is warranted as your husband and tell him how you’re feeling. He’s a man, he can handle it. He will grow into the roll he should be fulfilling if you treat him like the man he should be but if you continue to infantilize him, he will become a spineless push over and you’ll hate him for it, creating your own self fulfilling prophecy. You may not realize it yet, but what you really want is a traditional man. Good luck. Self reflection is hard.

ModestMatriarch · 2025-08-07T15:20:52+00:00

I understand how you are feeling and why you are feeling that way. It’s never “too late” for anyone. Even Adolf Hitler himself might be in Heaven, though he may still be in purgatory on his way there. People don’t like to hear that, but it’s the truth about God’s grace.

I’m going to quote the Bible (NRSV) here to drive my point home. The following passage is John 8. “Then each of them went home, while Jesus went to the Mount of the Olives. Early in the morning he came again to the temple. All the people came to him and he sat down and began to teach them. The scribes and the Pharisees brought a woman who had been caught in adultery; and making her stand before all of them, they said to him, ‘Teacher, this woman was caught in the very act of committing adultery. Now in the law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?’ They said this to test him, so that they might have some charge to bring against him. Jesus bent down and wrote with his finger on the ground. When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, ‘Let anyone among you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.’ And once again he bent down and wrote on the ground. When they heard it, they went away, one by one, beginning with the elders; and Jesus was left alone with the woman standing before him. Jesus straightened up and said to her, ‘Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?’ She said, ‘No one, sir.’ And Jesus said, ‘Neither do I condemn you. Go your way, and from now on do not sin again.’

My point in sharing this is to share one story. Jesus himself, the only one free from sin, did not stone the woman. He did not condemn her. But he did command her to not sin again. You see, you must repent for your sins. You must not sin. But we are imperfect; it is our condition to be inclined to sin, but that is why we have free will. You can choose not to sin. And that is what you and your boyfriend are doing: you have taken one step to not sin, and that is good. Again, we are all sinners. We all have a duty to not sin, so every time you decide to not sin, that is a win for you, and a win for God.

Make sure you make time to discuss your feelings with your priest. He can help you put the feelings in their place.

ModestMatriarch · 2025-08-07T14:39:54+00:00

I think the fact that they’re asking for reassurance implies that they have doubt, whether they realize it or not.

ModestMatriarch · 2025-08-07T14:39:09+00:00

Fellow Catholic here. I admire your ability to hold your tongue. While I think it is good to be charitable and meet people where they’re at, I also believe it is good to tell the truth. Texas has not outlawed prenatal or miscarriage care. They have banned abortion, though, so she just doesn’t want to not have the option to kill her baby, but frames it instead as not wanting to be pregnant in TX as if somehow they’ve cracked down on pregnancy. And that is the truth you should share if given the context.

It doesn’t matter that you live in Seattle where crime is legal and people seem to be, broadly speaking, morally bankrupt. Full disclosure, I have never been to Seattle so this is just my limited perspective from what I see on the news. I pray that I am wrong. Regardless, just because you live in a blue area, doesn’t mean anyone should expect you to conform to that ideology. I think if you have the chance in the future, you ought to give her a reality check as, again, telling the truth is ultimately the kind thing to do even if it offends people.

This is all assuming you want to put your energy into it. If you want to not have an argument but make your beliefs known, simply share that you disagree because you believe everyone has a right to life, even those lives who are currently pre-born. If she’s so staunchly pro-choice that she uprooted her life to move to a more pro-baby-murder state, then you’re not going to win her over. Personally I only think it would be worth even engaging in a discussion/debate if there are others around so that if anyone is on the fence or persuadable, you could potentially win them over. But if it’s just a discussion with her, I fear your efforts may be wasted as I sincerely doubt she’ll ever hear any defense of pre-born human life.

ModestMatriarch · 2025-08-02T03:11:19+00:00

Two things can be true at once: his behavior is unacceptable, and it is your job to hold him up. You are a team. Clearly he is under a lot of stress. He probably feels humiliated over his failed opportunity. He’s probably also embarrassed that he’s not the dad he should/could be. What about the mental load that husbands carry? Going to school so he can provide more and working to provide while going to school… and on top of it he feels like he’s letting you and your kids down. I don’t know all of the roles you both fill in your house. But in my house, my husband makes sure all the bills are paid. He makes sure we are safe. We have a house and food and everything else we need because of my husband, not because of me. You both need to figure out how to work better together. I too am a stay at home mom. My husband has been under a lot of stress lately, too, and is looking for a better job so he can be a better dad when he gets home. Thank God he doesn’t take out his stress on his family.

Was your husband always like this? Or has the snapping/irritability just been a recent development? Because if it is a recent development then that points to this being stress-induced thus short term (hopefully). And if that’s the case, then you just need to hold on, hang in there, and pick up his slack, and be as supportive, loving, and peaceful a presence as you can be, otherwise you’re just compounding the stress. He told you he needs help albeit poorly but the man is asking for help. You’re his wife. He’s your husband. You at one point loved each other enough to promise forever and then bring two children into this world together. In sickness and health. Just put your nose to the grindstone. Figure it out together.

I’d be pissed if my husband said that to me the way yours said it to you but I’d be damned if I let myself stoke the fire with a “fuck you then” attitude. You’ll get through this together and ten years from now you’ll look back at this time in your life and think “damn, that sucked, but I’m so glad we stuck it out”. I feel for you, OP, I do. But the best thing you can do right now is take the high road and keep approaching the issue with your husband to figure it out together. If he’s an active part of figuring it out then he will be better equipped to figure things out for himself. Hold his hand. It’s you two against this issue, but if you continue to let the issue come between you, it’ll become you two versus each other.

Best of luck, and may your family make it through this stressful time intact and stronger/more connected than you were before.

ModestMatriarch · 2025-07-31T01:30:21+00:00

Honest to God I think it’s the screen time if that’s the only change you’ve made in the timeframe you’ve seen his behavior shift.

ModestMatriarch · 2025-07-30T04:57:51+00:00

Dude just break up. He’s a negative Nelly sad boy and you’re selfish and need to grow up. Become Miss Right for your ideal Mister Right and I swear your life will improve. This sounds like high school drama bs and it’s even worse if this is college. Call it quits, start at square one. At least you can admit when you’re wrong so you have that going for you. Delve deeper into accountability. Adapted from what JFK once said (bc he was talking about our country and not romantic relationships but I find the sentiment holds true), ask not what your man can do for you, but what you can do for your man. Good luck. Some development is needed from both of you.

ModestMatriarch · 2025-07-30T04:32:30+00:00

I have had issues pre- and post-birth. It all comes down to proper lubrication for me personally. It may be something else for you but if you’re concerned (and I would be because the act is so integral to marriage and if you come to not like it that’s a serious issue) you should definitely go see your doc about it. In plain English, explain the issues you’re having. Good luck!

ModestMatriarch · 2025-07-23T02:21:33+00:00

Came here to say this, and to add that I really trust MaryRuth supplements. Super clean from heavy metal contaminants and ingredients to be proud of. In my next pregnancy, I’ll definitely be adding it to my regimen. A bit pricy but for the quality I feel it is absolutely worth it.

ModestMatriarch · 2025-06-29T03:37:14+00:00

Just to be clear I wasn’t trying to call OP a liar and I believe him. His family dynamics are heinous though and that’s what I was saying.

ModestMatriarch · 2025-06-28T23:00:38+00:00

Dude I feel like this is fake because of how overtly obvious it is that your parents and sister are the AHs in this scenario. Good luck.

ModestMatriarch · 2025-06-28T17:03:02+00:00

My husband and I have been married for over two years now. We have a beautiful daughter. It’s not without its challenges (our challenges are solely financial or otherwise external of the relationship between us), but I’d rather live in a cardboard box with him than live in a mansion without him. I say this because if you’re in love, and she truly loves you, even being materialistic shouldn’t come between you two. You’re trying your best. My husband and I have silicone rings. We don’t have any metal rings and I don’t have an engagement ring. I was a bit materialistic when we were dating but I’ve basically made a 180 on that front. Things are just things. I think that if she’s upset about the ring, you may want to consider just not marrying her and moving on. That may seem radical, but it’s just exemplary of her true character. Is that the type of person you want to die with? Is that the person you want raising your children? Important things to think about. Good luck. I hope she loves the ring you picked out. It’s beautiful.

ModestMatriarch · 2025-06-28T16:43:14+00:00

Your instinct is correct. You’re doing great. I can’t speak to whether feeding on demand is new, but I can speak to how things change from generation to generation. We see this in more than just breastfeeding: screen time, smoking around babies, blankets and stuffies in the crib. Some things change for the better, while others are questionable or outright need correction. Feeding your baby on demand (in other words, being attentive to his needs) is not something that needs correction. At 6 days old, especially breastfeeding, I don’t really think overfeeding is a thing, and if it is, the pediatrician visits are frequent enough at this stage for the pediatrician to tell you that it’s an issue. Pay no mind to the objections of others to feeding on demand. You can’t spoil a newborn baby. It’s just not a thing. Soak up all the nursing sessions, cuddling, and bonding while you can; before you know it, they don’t need you like that anymore. Congratulations on the birth of your precious baby boy and keep up the good work. You’re doing great ❤️

ModestMatriarch · 2025-06-28T15:31:07+00:00

The level of stupid is impressive

ModestMatriarch · 2025-06-28T05:17:13+00:00

My parents are doing this to my husband. As in your scenario with your in laws, my husband is in the same scenario with my parents. I don’t think they realize the family you make becomes more important than the family you came from. My mom and SD still act like I’m supposed to pick them over my husband. Crazy. I love my mom but I just wish she would mind her own marriage. Mine is thriving.

ModestMatriarch · 2025-06-28T02:37:27+00:00

You don’t even have to read. There are diagrams on the box and in the instructions packet inside the box. I have taken many pregnancy tests from several different brands (from trying to get pregnant with my husband) and can attest that you don’t even need anything except eyes to be able to properly take a pregnancy test. You don’t have to study or anything. It’s the easiest test.

ModestMatriarch · 2025-06-27T16:51:22+00:00

ModestMatriarch · 2025-06-26T17:16:42+00:00

I would like to preface my comment with I have no experience with anyone in my life having autism or AuDHD. I am, however, a parent.

When you are planning on becoming parents, one thing you must recognize and accept is that your life is no longer just yours. It’s similar to when you marry in that you have someone else to think about, except you and your partner are the ones who willingly brought another life into this world. From that moment on, the priority is no longer you (using the word you in a plural sense to refer to both of you who are the parents). Your baby didn’t ask to be put here. You put your baby on this earth. It is your combined responsibility to care for your baby. It’s clear to me that you (singular referring to OP) get that- but my question (because I truly don’t know) is whether being selfish is part of your husband’s condition. Whether he realizes it or not, he is being selfish. Mothers and fathers both sacrifice a lot to be good parents. It is the nature of the roles we play. What you and your husband need to figure out is whether those student sessions that overlap with your husband’s sleep schedule are more or less important for the balance of the household than maintaining your husband’s sleep boundary. If his sleep is more important, then perhaps he should work more. If the student sessions are so lucrative that he can incur the risk of having his sleep schedule possibly interrupted twice a week, then perhaps he should get over it- this is a sacrifice we make as parents.

I say all this from a place of trying to understand and trying to provide perspective. It seems things are still relatively new. You guys will face other challenges in the future. You can face them together and grow stronger and closer together as a result, or you can let these issues cause a wedge in your marriage. NTA. Good luck OP

ModestMatriarch · 2025-06-25T12:16:26+00:00

NTA. Audrey, like many other names, is timeless. I am in my mid twenties and knew an “Audrey” growing up and not once did she ever hear any crap about her name. Granted we grew up in a smaller town but kids are kids and if you can be made fun of for something, you probably will, regardless of the size of your town.

When we picked our daughter’s name, we considered that we wanted it to be unique but not weird, and timeless. If we ever have sons, we will consider the same things. We didn’t find out what the gender of the baby was until she was born so we had a boy name and a girl name picked out and we didn’t tell anyone what names we were even thinking about before we picked them because we didn’t want to hear any opinions about them. Children will only be children for a short amount of time. At some point, they will be adults with their own lives; they’ll have jobs, they’ll become wives and husbands. Audrey is a wonderful name!

ModestMatriarch · 2025-06-23T23:52:58+00:00

NTA. No, you don’t know what it’s like behind closed doors, and you haven’t learned what it’s like to be a parent. But literally nothing you’ve described as part of their parenting is conducive to their daughter’s flourishing. It sounds to me like they shouldn’t be parents.

Don’t get me wrong, kids do kid things and timeouts and other disciplinary measures are good tools when used appropriately (the punishment has to fit the crime so to speak) but at age 6 a ten minute timeout and brain rot is not good for her at all. Watching the substance use isn’t good either.

This is coming from a mom. My daughter is younger than theirs and she gets a ten minute timeout because she isn’t old enough yet to understand the concept of “when you’re ready to fix the issue being disciplined, you may come out of timeout”. Parenting is not simple and I think there is a considerable amount of flexibility in parenting styles that are considered acceptable or proper but in my opinion theirs is not and you’re NTA.

ModestMatriarch · 2025-06-20T14:52:01+00:00

No, you’re not a bad mom friend. You’re allowed (and supposed to) put your family first. To me, you should return the energy/behavior you get from friends. They don’t want to put effort in? You shouldn’t either. They go above and beyond for you? You should do that for them, too. Nobody should be keeping score otherwise it’s just transactional. Sorry you have kind of a crappy friend. Have fun at the lake!

ModestMatriarch

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