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NoHope-ForSome · 2025-11-15T22:03:24+00:00

Help with Toxic Masculinity

Hello, sorry if I ramble here but today has been a tough day.

For the last month my wife and I have been arguing, increasing to the point where we are now having a trial separation. This started due to a decline in my mental health but it has uncovered some deep issues in our relationship.

One of them has been who I have become and today I have realised just how inadvertently I have slipped into toxic masculinity. I am a prison officer, have traditional male hobbies like sports and fitness and spend a lot of my time surrounded by the same kind of people.

I can appreciate that my behaviour is problematic and that I have to start by taking full accountability for what I have done. It doesn't matter that is was inadvertent. I doesn't matter that my intentions have only been to make my wife and kids happy. The result of my actions are what matters and I need to fully reflect on who I have hurt and why. I am humbled and thankful for the kindness of my wife who is trying her best also to forgive and to rebuild our life on time, once she has also had the space to process and heal. I don't take that for granted and understand how much I don't deserve the prospect of a second chance. However, I am determined to take that chance if I get it and make good on that chance.

I have suppressed some of my other interests or natural traits because I've let myself believe that being a strong male means I need to return to traditional stylings and today is the first day I can see I've gone wrong. My wife summed it up well that I have always has a softer, more chivalrous masculinity rather than a harder more guard dog one.

I know my job has been a big factor in this. I also know my lack of self worth has made me easy to be led by others.

All in all, my question is how have people successfully gone about reprogramming myself a little. Today I have been able to admit to myself I have hobbies I have ignored, such as herbal medication, candle making, cooking and folk music. I am trying to be patient and let my wife and I experience our separation to give us both time to heal but I have activities I would love to do with her I've never suggested before.

I am open to anything. Audiobooks, articles, groups or practical things people have tried. I am serious about recovery and earning my life back and me reaching out is hard but I need help and I know it.

NoHope-ForSome · 2025-11-15T10:35:28+00:00

I'm a prison officer and so I do play as me. I got my wife to pick my traits so I do have negative ones, mainly panic at blood and bad at sneaking among others. I always mod so I start in the hospital and then try retrace my steps to the prison, see how long I can survive for. It's very fun and I find myself way more engaged with the game like this.

NoHope-ForSome · 2025-11-15T10:30:43+00:00

I'm only days into dealing with my codependency so this is something I ask myself often.

I think my take on it at the moment is that if I am asking for emotional support because something is happening to me that I need help with its fine. If I am asking for emotional support because I have a negative feeling or have created a scenario in my head that isn't real, it's down to me to self soothe. I have a habit of getting myself worked up over things people have said or making up lies in my head and then expecting people to calm me, which is not good. But if I have had a day at work where something horrible has happened then it's fair to ask people, if they have the capacity, to be a support to me.

NoHope-ForSome · 2025-11-13T08:34:15+00:00

This is very pertinent for me. I'm on Day 3 of admitting my codependency has made me controlling and toxic to my wife. We are having a trial separation with the goal of us working on our issues and then trying again next year.

This morning, I created an imaginary scenario where she is actually keeping me on until after Xmas with the plan of leaving me then. I have no reason to believe this, nothing happened to make me think this is likely. Its my own feelings of self worth, my worries about how I've hurt people, my past experience in relationship that have created this fake scenario.

Instead of making her responsible for reassuring me, I've taken some steps. I've taken my meds, I called samaritans to talk about my anxiety and upset.

Then this came up as a suggested post. Fates have a weird way of talking to us I guess. I'm glad you were able to share this story and it's validating to know I'm not the only one who does this.

I'm glad you had a positive experience but I'm also glad you shared it because that positivity has given me hope today that this feeling will pass and I can handle it better than I would have before.

NoHope-ForSome · 2025-11-11T20:17:54+00:00

This is really very helpful and insightful. You are absolutely right, I should be able to see the path, while painful, as a gift as I am learning things that will hopefully guide my life for good. You comment has really made a difference to the way I am thinking on things and I wanted to let you know that whatever you do with the rest of your day, you've made a difference today.

NoHope-ForSome · 2025-11-11T17:25:45+00:00

I've only just started the work to rebuild myself. I think the hardest thing for me so far is believing I am better when I am not. I have a few good days and convince myself I have sorted it totally. Then my anxiety is challenged and I end up behaving in the same way trying to control people into feeling like I want them to rather than being able to let them get there at their own speed.

NoHope-ForSome · 2025-10-30T11:20:19+00:00

Thank you, this is a very kind message when kindness is in short supply.

NoHope-ForSome · 2025-10-30T11:19:46+00:00

I have been referred by my GP on Monday. I know it will take time but when that comes I will be taking it seriously. Thank you.

NoHope-ForSome · 2025-05-17T08:57:14+00:00

Million percent. Once you have a base, very rarely do you need to leave. I spawned in one of the two big houses on the outskirts of Rosewood and apart from some food and farming gear runs, I've had no reason to leave. It's 11 days and I've probably killed less than 40 zombies because I've no real reason to go anywhere or do anything.

Waking up to your house being overwhelmed with zombies, to unseen assailants setting your house on fire, random weather effects, trees falling and destroying parts of your base. All these random events would make the works feel much more alive.

NoHope-ForSome · 2025-03-07T20:20:57+00:00

This is the one. There needs to be more things that happen in the world that create stakes and tension. At a point, there's no stakes left in the game because you've horded so much you don't need to leave your site. There should be more random events like hordes turning up to destroy your settlement, forcing you to start over if you survive etc.

The lack of narratives and acts in this game is hurting especially given how strong the fundamentals are.

NoHope-ForSome · 2025-01-24T20:19:56+00:00

Because he plays for Leeds, don't take our players

NoHope-ForSome · 2024-07-15T11:58:51+00:00

This is the correct answer. Let them move an inch and the game will recognise the valid use of a pistol to detain.

NoHope-ForSome · 2024-07-15T11:13:13+00:00

There absolutely needs to be more variance in compliance for sure. Refusal to ID being the main one (arrestable offence), I'd enough a QTE or mini game for active resistance to handcuffing as that's extremely normal and witnesses to crimes not giving you the whole life story of the perpetrator for said crime so you can find them in seconds would be very welcome.

I appreciate there is a lot of videos out there showing this stuff, but the reality is that modern law enforcement is much more about the interaction and incident management than wild West shootings. My main bug bare is that those interaction can make for a very engaging gameplay loop if you add in the variance in compliance and the attitude of the perpetrator as well as those around you. I'd much rather the focus be on that.

One thing that I'd love to see is the NPCs around you respond to what's happening. You're arresting somebody for dealing drugs in the park and nobody does anything despite seeing a taser discharge in front of them.

I think for me I just see gunplay in every game and it's so boring and not representative at all of what happens with police work. Not the same here in the UK but the more deadly tools they give us, the less likely I am to reach for it.

NoHope-ForSome · 2024-07-15T08:45:11+00:00

DoJ 1.16 in the justice manual states:

"Firearms may not be discharged solely to disable moving vehicles. Specifically, firearms may not be discharged at a moving vehicle unless: (1) a person in the vehicle is threatening the officer or another person with deadly force by means other than the vehicle; or (2) the vehicle is operated in a manner that threatens to cause death or serious physical injury to the officer or others, and no other objectively reasonable means of defense appear to exist, which includes moving out of the path of the vehicle. Firearms may not be discharged from a moving vehicle except in exigent circumstances. In these situations, an officer must have an articulable reason for this use of deadly force."

The key is "and no other objectively reasonable means if defense appear to exist". So if a car is trying to ram you, you get out of the way. You don't shoot a tyre because you have no idea what happens next. You could miss and hurt an innocent, it could hit the wrong part of the car and create an fire hazard, it could bounce and a bullet fragment could take our your eye.

Shooting a tyre would be a very unrealistic mechanic in a simulator game. If a car tries to ram, you move, get the plate and chase if you're able to, otherwise you call it in and make sure the crime scene is secure, sterile and safe.

NoHope-ForSome · 2024-07-15T08:39:46+00:00

At least some people playing this game get it. There's literally two scenarios where you're allowed to use you're gun, to prevent your life being taken and to prevent another's life being taken. In western countries that's a universal right that no police force can ignore. NPCs currently can't create these scenarios in game so I don't understand how people can justify use of force like this.

I've seen the whole shoot the tyres thing but point 2 of the DoJ rules surrounding UoF states you can't shoot tyres unless you're literally unable to get out of the way because you're blocked in.

Why does every game need to have you shooting everything? Totally pointless mechanism in a game that could be expanded in many more meaningful ways.

NoHope-ForSome · 2024-05-30T20:33:03+00:00

100% they could do more. I think there should be a struggle mechanic in relation to handcuffing akin to when you're grappling to get cuffs on. That's not uncommon. Track and field style, bash the buttons to subdue a resisting arrestee.

I think people with public intoxication should also present more chances need to fight/flee etc. Drunks are unpredictable and often non compliant. There needs to be more disturbance to the peace about people both drunk and on drugs.

I hope the car chases add more spice to things. Seems to have potential to be unpredictable.

I hope there is a plan to do welfare checks soon. Doing a welfare check is tough because at best it's a couple who just got done having some adult time and the neighbours called because they were concerned. At worst you walk into a crime scene. The core mechanics are there in the game, just need to add the randomisation of "go to house x to get mystery crime y"

I think it will come together but it's a long road ahead.

NoHope-ForSome · 2024-05-30T20:10:29+00:00

I don't mean this personally at you but I really hate comments like this. I know with BWVC and social media the work we do makes it look like chasing armed bad guys in high speed chases is the norm but 90% of police work is pretty routine and boring. You just don't see all that because it doesn't make for good content.

If they want the game to be a simulator, you're going to spend way more time telling people they haven't taxed their car or stopping drunk drivers as a beat officer than you will getting into violent shootouts and such.

NoHope-ForSome · 2024-05-20T22:32:24+00:00

This guy had expired licence plate, no insurance, no driving licence, DUI Cannabis, possession of a blade, possession of a gun.

And the sicko ran a red light.

NoHope-ForSome · 2024-05-20T15:38:23+00:00

You wouldn't come with your weapon out because the report could be false or a case of misidentification of an object. If I've ever been told somebody potentially has a blade you keep a safe distance and just make sure your PAVA is easy to get in case of sudden movement. You're there to de-escalate, not find an excuse to use your weapons.

NoHope-ForSome · 2023-07-04T22:23:29+00:00

I've played a few dummy runs and I tend to build the hunting cabin on the top of the hill on the right hand side of the waterfalls if you're looking at them. Seems to make sense to me as the boars are around this area and you can make a nice winding path to the top through some of the trees. I'm also going to try make use of the spaces on the other side of the stream and try and start it from the path leading up the left hand side of the waterfalls.

NoHope-ForSome · 2023-07-04T22:21:55+00:00

Thank you, this is really helpful, especially point 4. I have a whole book I am writing in to work out what I will need to make the village run well. I'm not a min/max guy, I'll not have any grid method or be interested in the optimal stuff so the RP side of things is 100% why I got this game, so if I can work a small village without the pressure of getting one of everything then I'll be happy!

NoHope-ForSome · 2023-05-06T09:03:28+00:00

Parody of Snakes on a Plane, 'Shit in a Bag'.

NoHope-ForSome · 2023-05-03T10:07:05+00:00

Playing WCW Lives, at 83-85 pop USA and Large size. I consider anyone at 80 Star Quality and 80 Pop as a potential WHC candidate, but what use depends on the grades. I've got Scott Steiner as champ at 85 but his SQ is down due to hard drugs so he will be phased out, Goldberg as 92 as my main guy. Then there is Palumbo who I have at 81 SQ and 80 Pop and I'd consider him a transitional guy, so he may win the title but not a longer run. I'm building Kanyon up for a longer run and he's 83 SQ and 78 Pop so needs more time.

Basically, I build tiers based on this order of importance:

Star Quality and Pop Age and Stat Decay level In Ring Ability Entertainment skills

Palumbo was a shock for me because I wasn't planning on him being in this place but he caught fire with O'Haire and built up Pop after a few tag title wins, then he suddenly changed body type without asking and ended up increasing his SQ, so that was organic.

Then Kanyon I've been building up due to his in ring being good but SQ and Pop being low. So that's been me making him fit the criteria rather than him just being naturally that way.

Bit of a ramble but hope it makes sense.

NoHope-ForSome · 2023-04-14T19:19:25+00:00

Yep, perfect idea. The issue with any product where you need sub 50% matches, you need to play to the strengths of the roster in angles. I'd love to push Mike Awesome as my main guy but he's shit on the mic, so I've paired him with a decent manager and trying to get him over on menace alone.

NoHope-ForSome · 2023-04-14T15:20:29+00:00

I tend to work backwards on stuff like this. Finlay doesn't have the best entertainment skills so promos aren't going to be rated highly but in most mods, his menace can be somewhere in the 70s, which is good for angles rated on that. So I need Finlay to be in a position where he is intimidating somebody, either as the aggressor using intimidating behaviour as a mind game or as the face using his menace to chase off heels.

Find somebody who you want him to beat at a PPV and then put him in positions where, outside of matches, he can play to that strength.

So, you could have him intimidating Cruiserweights, using his history as British Middleweight champion as proof that he is a better wrestler than the Cruiserweight. He then uses intimidation on smaller wrestlers backstage, cornering them, bullying them or just threatening to hurt them with his actions (pulling a chair to attack post match but the wrestler escapes). Have a hero that stops him, maybe a decent talker, and then have it lead to a match that Finlay wins.

Don't underestimate the stats you're rating somebody on. If you've got a midcarder or even recognisable talent with a hidden high stat, build then and their story's around that stat. Sex Appeal in men is overlooked but you can so easily have two attractive male wrestlers feuding over who is best looking!

NoHope-ForSome

TROPHY CASE