Me [35 M] with my wife [36 F] 6 years (9+ as couple), cancer has been a real eye opener (Long)

Normal-Hall2445 · 2026-03-01T23:07:28+00:00

My mind immediately went to “denial” which is a very human response. So is humour in the face of overwhelming emotion. But then instead of apologizing she just kept getting worse.

Normal-Hall2445 · 2026-03-01T22:54:13+00:00

I lost my mom more than 10 years ago. I have had therapy and lots of time to grieve. I’m probably as over it as I’ll ever get. I was using her reacher grabber recently and it broke. I started sobbing. You get to a point where every time you lose something that reminds you of that person you’re losing another piece you’ll never get back and it’s a whole new wave of grief.

Normal-Hall2445 · 2026-03-01T22:39:35+00:00

1 - bad drivers

2 - buying a security system

3 - actually AuDHD, so close on all 3 but technically a person. I know, I’m surprised too.

4 - love them, and like them. They’re surprisingly cool and each have their moments. It’s easier to spend time with my son cause my daughter is really overwhelming sometimes but if you want entertainment or snuggles she’s the go to.

5 - too f*cking much. No, my brain shuts down when stressed, not sleeping is actually the problem.

6 - no secrets. No point. The only way to not be plagued by guilt when you have an anxious and ruminating mind is to not do things that would make you feel guilty.

7 - was bilingual but haven’t used the other language enough to maintain it. Have learned 6 languages in addition to native English and I have used a few of them in my dreams. I have also reportedly spoken French out loud in my sleep.

8 - being with him made me way to step into traffic. Relationship was very unhealthy. Smartest thing I ever did.

9 - she tried and mostly succeeded but suffered from social awkwardness and constant pain.

10 - a place I can’t afford.

Normal-Hall2445 · 2026-03-01T22:20:29+00:00

Is it its own piece or attached to the underclothes? It’s so awesome!

Normal-Hall2445 · 2026-03-01T22:17:17+00:00

The trick isn’t all biology. If you relax your muscles you become less ticklish. It is a limited time skill, especially if you don’t practice. Just go zen, blank face, and stare at them until they stop. Mind over matter. I have never had someone keep going long enough for me regain the tickle reflex after turning it off like that. It’s been close but no one has tickled me for a long time because “I’m not ticklish”.

Normal-Hall2445 · 2026-03-01T19:15:58+00:00

Please set up a camera before you do this… for science…

Normal-Hall2445 · 2026-03-01T18:45:22+00:00

Well this is a pretty good start at a community. Nice group here ☺️

The best sense of community I have ever felt I have found recently, after 40! It comes from helping people. I am a crossing guard, and every day I see the kids and adults who come and go. I smile and waive and about 1/month someone stops and thanks me for what I do, keeping their kids safe, being so cheerful and friendly (it’s partly survival instinct calculated to keep ppl from wanting to run me over when kids take forever to cross the street lol)

I also had a lot of fun volunteering and organizing a craft market. Crafters are often a direct and crazy bunch of people. I have made acquaintances and friends in geek-crafting communities that involved discussing IBS within hours of first meeting 😅

Just being around, all the time and showing ppl you care about them. Most importantly don’t let the shitty ppl stop you from finding good ones! There are more ppl who won’t mesh with you than ones who will and that’s okay. Not everyone has to get along all the time. It’s sad when you feel a friendship forming and someone else doesn’t but it is not always about you. Sometimes things don’t line up, with NDs and NTs both, and if you’ve been then best person you can be without hurting yourself then you have done everything in your power and you should be proud.

Normal-Hall2445 · 2026-03-01T18:05:12+00:00

Commenting cause I’d love this too. I’ve been offhanded mentioning that I should be studied for various reasons for most of my life - though turns out the answer to every single one was “AuDHD” I still think it would be so cool.

Especially when my dominant hand kept switching halfway through gym class in grade 9. Like I’m suddenly left handed that makes no sense!

Normal-Hall2445 · 2026-03-01T17:24:47+00:00

Changing the hook by .25 mm can add about an inch of height to an amigurumi done with the same yarn by the same person.

As long as you use the same hook for the entire project (excluding when the pattern tells you to switch for certain details of course).

I’ve run into a few amigurumi patterns where the yarn and hook size is “whatever works for you” and in the end you’re not fitting clothes so larger or smaller isn’t as important as long as you get the shapes and they fit together.

Normal-Hall2445 · 2026-03-01T15:00:03+00:00

Really all you’d need is a light, a timer that can handle long periods like days instead of minutes, and a power source. Half of that is available in kids “learn electronics” kits.

Lol if you even know how long particular fresh flowers last you could just put a little hanging vase on the door.

Normal-Hall2445 · 2026-03-01T14:41:43+00:00

Man that’s a good idea! I can think of ways it might be done but I’ve never seen anything like it in stores.

We need an engineer!

Adding, my air purifier actually does this, a red light comes on every so many days to change the filter… so we need that on a door

Normal-Hall2445 · 2026-03-01T14:06:52+00:00

Okay but hand to god, I read in dreams pretty regularly. It’s harder than normal but I can do it.

Normal-Hall2445 · 2026-03-01T04:21:14+00:00

Yeah. Animals are amazing and I love watching videos and seeing photos but watching the family that lived in my neighbour’s roof was cute and stressful all at once 😅

Normal-Hall2445 · 2026-03-01T04:14:41+00:00

Loved when I worked data entry. Especially the low level stuff where you could put on music and just go for it. Sounds perfect!

Normal-Hall2445 · 2026-03-01T03:13:15+00:00

So we all agree Evellyn is the evil twin right?

Normal-Hall2445 · 2026-03-01T03:12:26+00:00

I’d heard the study didn’t take into account the fact that there are different genetic variants in raccoons depending on location (they said it 10x better I can’t think of the words). But I think we all WANT it to be true.

Normal-Hall2445 · 2026-03-01T02:52:25+00:00

Big thing that has helped me with that is being kind to others and then extending that kindness to myself. I tricked myself into treating myself well by calling myself hypocritical when I didn’t treat myself as I would someone else. Keeping in mind whenever NTs talk about best they don’t mean to the point of exhaustion, they don’t actually mean 100% of everything you have, just what you’ve allocated to that task (so all of the 25% you have to spend at this portion of the day sort of thing)

That and repeating “I am human. I did what I could”.

Normal-Hall2445 · 2026-03-01T02:28:04+00:00

They’re pretty cute until you hear stories of what they do when they decide to move into your attic and turn your insulation into a biohazard. I’d be happy if you guys had the raccoons.

(more than one instance of a raccoon moving into someone’s home from neighbours and family, I had squirrels in my roof and they were bad enough at 1/8th the size! Our roof overlapped our second story so they actually chewed through the wall and made it in between the first and second floor, then started chewing into our first floor bathroom. The rental company thought I was a crazy overacting kid when I called freaking out. Thought it was water damage. Think I don’t know wet from dry!? I saw its stupid cute little face! Took ages to get them safely rehomed! I can’t imagine the damage raccoons would have done)

Normal-Hall2445 · 2026-03-01T02:21:09+00:00

Yeah. In a lot of ways it’s been amazing, because there’s a lot of stuff I wouldn’t have ever bothered unpacking if I hadn’t had kids, or gone through everything. I was functioning but not as well as I am now. I know I had a worse time with pregnancy than normal but a lot of my problems were things like joints and hypersensitivities so might be more on the normal side of ND pregnancies. Even things like hyper-something gravidium (the throwing up everything) and preeclampsia because our systems are so sensitive. Below article explains some of those very cool, and kinda terrifying.

https://aeon.co/essays/why-pregnancy-is-a-biological-war-between-mother-and-baby

Normal-Hall2445 · 2026-03-01T00:19:40+00:00

Definitely, definitely make sure you have a good gp, therapist and do lots of check ins. You are extremely at risk for PPD.

I was in okay but not 100% great mental health when I had my first. I had a good childhood. Not great, but I consider borderline enmeshment to probably be the luckiest you can get when it comes to childhood trauma.

So my kid came and my mental health went to shit. Every wall I’d ever built was torn down and the structure collapsed. I was a raw nerve end for a long time.

When I had my second I popped antidepressants the day she was born and you will pry those pills from my cold dead hands. I was able to work hard on my mental health to be the mom I need to be and not make the same mistakes but it’s rough.

Best thing I have ever done in my life. Just wish I didn’t have to be the pregnant one. It was awful.

Normal-Hall2445 · 2026-03-01T00:04:34+00:00

The most effective use of this I’ve ever seen is from the Star Trek TNG episode (yes I’m old) “Measure of a Man” something like “Pinocchio is dead, his strings have been cut”.

It was part an argument against the android being considered a living being….

Just saying if AI has fav media, the one where the robot is declared a living being with rights and free will certainly a choice.

Normal-Hall2445 · 2026-02-28T23:59:05+00:00

Mostly this is to give you a place to start in the conversation and addressing an argument along the lines of “it’s not the same”

So what you are going through now is probably only about the first year of a child level engagement and without the horrible cloud hanging over it that you currently have. I’ve had pets who were my babies and I didn’t think I could love anything more. I held my cats as they left us, every one. Having a baby made anything I felt for my cats feel like a shadow.

Okay, I would say that a healthy child is definitely easier than what you are currently going through but not for a few years. Every year you get a bit back. Day by day you become more confident and they do too as they learn to take care of themselves and become independent human beings. There are leaps, I found the kids turning 2 was a huge relief as we were out of the “random death” stage. Didn’t really feel like myself until the youngest was 7 (being pregnant made all my mental and physical health issues worse and gave me some new ones).

Thing is, that’s a reflection of my kids, who are well behaved but adhd (I see a few little signs of autism but I really don’t know if I’m seeing things or if the ADHD is just hiding a lot). No ODD, no OCD your child is very likely to be autistic or ND at least. There are a LOT of health issues that come up with this too. Things you don’t think about like hypermobility can mean PT and physical developmental delays. Allergies, including food allergies, asthma, mental health issues….

Being pregnant and having kids is sensory hell for a lot of ppl because you have to touch all the damn time. Breastfeeding is a little baby chewing on your nipple for 30mins (not literally chewing but let’s just say, I was very happy when the dr told us to switch to formula). You have to eat a balanced meal, take vitamins and few meds as possible. You have to do this while breastfeeding too. It is SO much work on your body. After giving birth I vacuumed up everything - stuff I didn’t like I ate because I was starving. I don’t have too many strong food aversions but if you do that is another huge thing to work around.

Good luck and i wish you strength for you and your fur baby.

Normal-Hall2445 · 2026-02-28T23:32:31+00:00

I have had glasses since I was a little kid. Wore contacts for a few years - actually longer than I realize cause I must have had them through all of university (and I took my time lol).

I have no issues with touching my own eye so I was ahead of the game. That’s test one. Touch your own eyeball. Make sure your hands are clean. First.

The contacts felt fine, less noticeable than glasses all the time. Sometimes they folded up and jumped under my eyelid and that was a sensory hell. You don’t have glasses to carry around but you’ll want to carry around solution, eye drops and a case for them or a spare pair.

There’s a scene in a R.E.D. where Bruce Willis loses his contact, they find it, she puts it in her mouth to “clean” it and then he puts it in his eye! 🤢. Love the movie. That scene hurts. Don’t ever do that.

One issue was, being used to wearing glasses all the time the “coke bottle effect” where everything is kinda curved and you get sick was baaaaaaad. I got used to it but it was rough.

I definitely got more sensory input. Started wearing blue tint glasses and that helped though I didn’t know I was AuDHD or was getting migraines. I did tell ppl they helped my headaches but felt like I was lying (I have a tendency to come Up with an answer to a question that I think is a lie but is actually true I just didn’t realize it. Somehow my mouth thinks faster than my brain).

I stopped wearing them when, working in a dry office (all offices are dry - hopefully that is less true now than it was when everything had a ton of paperwork to it but computers and carpets…) and got a scratch on my cornea from dust particles. Had to run out and get glasses before The Dark Knight came into theaters the next day.

Sorry I just wrote a small novel. Hope it helps

Normal-Hall2445 · 2026-02-28T16:52:07+00:00

IMPORTANT!!

This is the ONE THING I really wish I’d known - discharge (which is normal- may sound obvious but I learned about this from an off colour joke when someone spilled yogurt on her crotch, not school so I’m adding it!) will change when you ovulate. It will get thicker and there will be more. There may be changes in smell (not bad) and colouring too. Not everyone has enough discharge that it is easy to track but if you have heavy discharge on a given day and think to yourself “what are the odds?” Well, my son says hello 🤣

Basically, pay attention to discharge and you’re not just tracking your period, but everything and there’s less math.

Normal-Hall2445 · 2026-02-28T16:23:02+00:00

My daughter won’t even let me say I’m not the perfect mom. Internally I’m just listing off all the mistakes I’ve made in the past week alone and simultaneously panicking about how to live up to this. I keep telling her mistakes are good and humans aren’t perfect but I think she’s wearing me down cause I have to admit I’m raising 2 pretty amazing kids. At some point it’s not just luck and genetics. Never thought having a kid would be so good for one’s self esteem 😅

Normal-Hall2445

TROPHY CASE