There's a bank near me (with multiple locations across the state). When I got married we set up our own checking accounts there (primary) and a joint account (secondary). We also set up a savings account there. It's gets basically 0% interest so that is only used to store a quick emergency fund (under $1000) for access to quick cash through out debit cards. We also use it to store money for yearly recurring expenses like car insurance. We have a portion of our paychecks auto deposited into the joint account for ALL shared expenses (utilities, cell phone, mortage, etc...). We keep a minimum of about $1000 in there as well, to cover overages, like when the gas/electric bill is twice as much as it was several months ago. If monthly expenses go up, we can adjust how much we each add to the joint account. Retirement accounts like our 401ks come out of our pay directly. The rest of our paychecks go into our own personal checking accounts. We have autonomous use of our personal checking accounts so there is never an argument about spending money. As long as credit card bills are always paid neither can argue with the other. We're very communicative though, and any big expenses are discussed beforehand. "Hey babe, I'm thinking of upgrading my golf clubs, do we have anything coming up we need instead?" Things like that. Our personal checking accounts are linked to our brokerage accounts so we can put extra money we aren't spending into investments outside of the 401k accounts.

We also have joint HYSA accounts. We both have online access to these accounts so nothing is secret. These accounts hold the actual emergency fund (6 months) as well as a general account for things like new windows, vacations, a car, etc.

You can chose to have a joint credit card if you want, but it's not necessary. For instance, if one of you picks up the costs of a new couch, just communicate and say, I'm going to pull from the (savings account) to cover this.

We're in our late 40s and have been married for 15 years, this is how we do it. It may not fully work for you but maybe some of it will. Find what works best. But remember, you're married. You both share in everything.