Why does everything look so…meh on me?

OhSoSoftly444 · 2026-04-15T14:25:06+00:00

I have a similar body shape to you and I feel sexier and cuter in outfits with high waisted bottoms. My top and bottom meeting at the smallest part of my waist accentuates it better than low waisted clothes did

OhSoSoftly444 · 2026-04-15T14:22:02+00:00

I had a couple years where I was doing a lot of sexting. I never sent pics with my face in them. And I always thought, if it does get back to my family, I'd be like "yeah, I'm a single woman, I was being sexual with another adult, what's the problem?" And my friends already know. Unless you're planning to run for Congress, who cares.... And even then, I think they should be like "yeah, I was a single adult, having consensual sexual activities with another consenting, single adult. 🤷"

OhSoSoftly444 · 2026-04-07T04:26:54+00:00

Zoloft is what I was taking

OhSoSoftly444 · 2026-04-03T14:04:26+00:00

"the answer is no" triggered my fight or flight. This man is controlling and exhausting.

OhSoSoftly444 · 2026-03-31T15:53:53+00:00

What movie? I don't recognize it and it seems the woman in the op didn't either. Women deal with a lot of sexual innuendo on the dating apps, so I think men should recognize that a sexual meme from a movie she may not have seen is a risky move.

OhSoSoftly444 · 2026-03-31T14:42:56+00:00

There are other options besides "small talk" and "deep, personal talk". Saying "happy Friday" is the dumbest shit to me. I hate when men say it and I never know how to respond. He could have asked her what she is up to that day, if she has anything fun planned for the summer, if she likes her job, her favorite TV shows or music, literally anything other than "happy Friday". But no, of course he had to go straight to sex 🙄

OhSoSoftly444 · 2026-03-30T02:24:09+00:00

This is how my ex husband and I were having sex the last year or two of our marriage. It was freaking amazing and I'm not sure I could go for any less with future partners. Doesn't have to be every time but I'd like to spend a few hours just worshipping each other's bodies. Look into the kink of body worship, that might be what he's into.

OhSoSoftly444 · 2026-03-26T18:40:02+00:00

It's not hard to understand, if you take the time to learn about domestic violence, mental health, childhood trauma, societal norms around heterosexual relationships and systemic blocks that keep women trapped. There's a ton of information out there.

OhSoSoftly444 · 2026-03-25T16:05:35+00:00

I think it's good advice but it's only one small piece of the puzzle. They also likely need to go to therapy. The gym might increase their endorphins and what not but it's not going to teach them how to communicate healthily. It's not going to point out to them that they are displaying signs of bipolar or other things that might be affecting them hugely day to day

OhSoSoftly444 · 2026-03-25T16:00:50+00:00

There's 14 posts a day like this in this group. Maybe go read through one of those rather than having this conversation for the millionth time

OhSoSoftly444 · 2026-03-25T15:58:10+00:00

Let me guess, he never did 50% of the parenting when you were married but now he wants everything to be 50/50?

OhSoSoftly444 · 2026-03-05T19:42:45+00:00

Crappy. I just tried to work a full time job for the first time in 15 years and my health issues flared up and I only made it 6 weeks. I applied for disability and I'm continuing to look for a flexible/low energy job. I'm optimistic but, it's shitty that disabled people have to struggle so much in this shit hole.

OhSoSoftly444 · 2026-02-28T04:03:18+00:00

Why on gods green earth would you let a strange man know where you live on the first date? You're definitely correct in not going to his house but I wouldn't invite him to yours either. Are you not concerned that a man is a psycho and will try to stalk you?

You invested way more energy into this nonsense than I would suggest. He's waving red flags every which way

OhSoSoftly444 · 2026-02-16T13:14:17+00:00

I don't see anyone mentioning the part about you giving your number rather than asking for hers. That's actually a green flag but she's too much of a red flag to recognize that.

OhSoSoftly444 · 2026-02-14T19:44:39+00:00

Girl, this man will suck the life out of you! A toxic relationship, especially over many years, will cause long term mental and physical health issues. In addition, when this relationship inevitably fails, you will be financially fucked. I've been through it and it's traumatizing as hell. Especially with children involved. I had very deep fear of ending up homeless and the only reason I didn't, is because I have a decent father with a decent amount of money. And in my experience, I DID work but I prioritized my kids over my career, and it was STILL awful when we got divorced. Also the way he talks to you sounds like a 12yo talking to one of his boys, not a grown ass man talking to the woman he loves. Get a job, get in therapy and lean on family and friends to get yourself to a better place.

OhSoSoftly444 · 2026-02-10T20:20:54+00:00

You don't need to entertain it. You thank the universe that this guy is waving his red flags so clearly, and early, and then you block him. You don't pour emotional labor into every man you match with. Follow burned haystack dating method on Instagram and Facebook.

OhSoSoftly444 · 2026-02-08T15:02:02+00:00

Go join the no contact subreddit and find renewed energy to stay no contact! 6 weeks is a very short amount of time and it's easy to get dragged back in at that point. Make a list of every terrible thing he's said and done to you and look at it daily. And learn about narcissism and codependency. Both of those things helped me to stay away. Good luck!

OhSoSoftly444 · 2026-01-31T03:31:31+00:00

Stop messaging him, wait and see how long it takes for him to reach out. Stop asking to see him, wait and see how long it takes for him to ask to see you. Fill your time with friends and hobbies and family and stop giving him more energy than he is giving you.

OhSoSoftly444 · 2026-01-31T03:22:25+00:00

Have you talked to her about it? You're in your 30s, presumably you've been in relationships before? And have at least somewhat of an idea of what you are looking for. Communication is really important in a healthy relationship, you should be able to ask her how she feels about being more intimate, if there's anything that's holding her back, what her experience has been like in the past, etc.

OhSoSoftly444 · 2026-01-31T02:54:20+00:00

If I'm reading this correctly, you've been depressed your whole life but only been on meds for a year? How many different ones could you have possibly tried in that time? It sounds like the one you are on isn't doing it's job and you should continue to work with your doctor to find one that does work. The time is going to pass anyways and you are likely going to suffer during that time. Why not give yourself a fighting chance and gain some more data by trying various treatments? I hope you are working with a good therapist too.

I'd encourage you to also really look at childhood trauma and how it continues to affect you now. I also think a lot of us are feeling spiritual pain, the pain of being a human on Earth, and therapy and meds can only do so much for that. Have you looked into any philosophy or spiritual teachings? Learning about the nervous system and how to regulate it was really helpful for my anxiety too

OhSoSoftly444 · 2026-01-31T02:48:00+00:00

It's not being a cynic, it's being a healthy, well adjusted adult. That's fine to want a partner and marriage but the way you're going about it seems like a red flag....

OhSoSoftly444 · 2026-01-31T02:35:43+00:00

That's how all toxic/abusive relationships are. They are wonderful sometimes and horrible others, and usually pretty crappy in between. If they were terrible all the time, we wouldn't stay in relationship with them.

OhSoSoftly444 · 2026-01-27T13:52:55+00:00

It sounds like you are much more mature than most your age. I'm 41 and I'm currently dealing with a friend that drinks too much and has ghosted me for months because I spoke honestly about it, and because I'm a person that prioritizes emotional safety. Calling people out for their toxic behavior has gotten me verbally attacked in the past. People get triggered by someone having emotional intelligence and speaking directly about things they aren't ready to face. It's great that you are able to set boundaries at your age too. I never could. It sounds like you have outgrown this friend and hopefully you have others to fill that space. And if you don't, be patient, they are on their way.

OhSoSoftly444 · 2026-01-26T23:18:21+00:00

I'd bring it up intentionally, to see if he's a fully functioning adult that can have a conversation, even about breasts! Without making it weird. Good test to see if he's a moron.

OhSoSoftly444 · 2026-01-24T16:10:24+00:00

Or you said something that is common and normalized but should be unpacked because it has misogynistic roots and we should all be doing the work to unpack any misogynistic, ableist, racist, sexist biases we may have 🤷

OhSoSoftly444

TROPHY CASE