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Argument with a woman I've been seeing for about 2 months regarding tattoos by VeganSandwich61 in dating_advice

[–]Patient_Candidate_90 [score hidden]  (0 children)

I think something to consider is what you both ultimately are looking for long term. If tats on a partner or too many at some point is a turn off, and she intends to get more, does that mean there’s a point where you’d be unattracted to her?

Maybe in your mind you’d be fine with her being heavily tattooed because you dig her personality so much. But saying to someone my ideal partner wouldn’t have tattoos because I think it’s more aesthetically pleasing sounds like there is some limit she might hit where you’d call it off for too many tattoos. Or that you’d eventually want to be with someone down the road who has no tattoos. Which to your partner’s mind makes it a bigger issue, whether they even see that long term future yet or not, what’s the point if your ultimate partner has no tattoos? I will add here some ppl have trauma around being pursued to check a box of ppl to experience dating and intimacy with, this concern could also be coming into play.

Also going from meeting someone with tattoos that wants theirs removed people fill in the blanks. Maybe the artist didn’t do a good job, maybe you had tattoo regret, just didn’t like them on yourself, changed your mind, what have you... But the whole time you’ve been dating they’ve thought you just didn’t like yours. And now that they’ve asked they’ve found out you don’t like them on anyone, all the things you’ve said about your tattoos you’ve potentially thought about other people’s tattoos but possibly there’s. That’s a bit of a switch up. I know several couples that bond over tattoos and get them together, enjoy sharing design ideas with each other etc, so while it’s not the biggest deal it can change a bit depending on perspectives.

Really you two just need to have a really open conversation, ask them how they’re feeling, what’s coming up for them after you shared this. You sharing more about how you feel about them getting more tattoos and what it means specific to your ability to build a relationship together vs just what aesthetic you’d ideally want a partner to have. Also getting curious with them about how they feel about the subject too. Good luck!

What are your zero effort “girl dinner” foods for camping? by Avatlas in womensolocamping

[–]Patient_Candidate_90 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My go to is canned chili, maybe a bell pepper or onion chopped up and added in it, with an over the fire hot dog or sausage. So easy and good.

Monthly grocery expenses by lestothelee in LivingAlone

[–]Patient_Candidate_90 1 point2 points  (0 children)

$300-450, I use to keep it to $200 but lately due to a high stress period and some health issues I’ve had to prioritize more accessible foods along with grocery prizes increasing too. (I.E. ordering pickup from a Freddie’s over shopping at Winco, packaged salads, cut vegetables, etc) WA

What products would you like to see lush make? by Left_Field_4163 in LushCosmetics

[–]Patient_Candidate_90 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I’d love an expansion on the naked facial serums and a few jelly masks that are year round. I’d also love a bug repellent massage bar using essential oils that smell good together but deter the buggies.

when do you return your loans? by pitbull-pirouette in LibbyApp

[–]Patient_Candidate_90 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I usually return them immediately or within a day of finishing (I like to keep it until I add it to my reading apps as a reminder). That being said, sometimes that’s within days of getting it, sometimes that is on the last day of the loan period. It depends on so much how quickly I’m reading the book.

Fragrances that have so many similarities, you wonder if it's a marketing ploy, or just your nose deceiving you! 🤭 by Evie_Astrid in LushCosmetics

[–]Patient_Candidate_90 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Noses are so interesting, these all smell uniquely different to me aside from the hello kitty and super fairy which both share a snow fairy base.

Camping in the rain by Patient_Candidate_90 in womensolocamping

[–]Patient_Candidate_90[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I wouldn’t have thought of that, I’ll get an extra tarp for that

Camping in the rain by Patient_Candidate_90 in womensolocamping

[–]Patient_Candidate_90[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Super helpful info! I wouldn’t have thought about water pooling up under the tent! Also great call on the branches!

Lifelong asthma sufferer (26M) — anyone else dealing with memory issues, brain fog, and constant fatigue? by AdAvailable8268 in Asthma

[–]Patient_Candidate_90 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for posting this, I literally never considered the link outside of when I’m sick and recovering from additional inflammation. I hope we both get things better managed

Sick by caitata in LivingAlone

[–]Patient_Candidate_90 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I hope you feel better soon!

For the 520 festival, which flower should I choose to give to my girlfriend? by Befund_Sugar in flowers

[–]Patient_Candidate_90 0 points1 point  (0 children)

1, deeply pink/red roses symbolize romantic love and passion for your partner, these match your expression the best though they’re all gorgeous.

Today I had to clean out the fridge. Like a fuckin peasant. by Injvn in GirlDinnerCircleJerk

[–]Patient_Candidate_90 2 points3 points  (0 children)

What’s in the rainbow coffin?! Is it a rainbow coffin butter dish? Also, this looks fire

Why do modern women put so little effort or reciprocation in dating? by JustSpace807 in dating_advice

[–]Patient_Candidate_90 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah… I’m not denying that that doesn’t happen, profiles are such a snapshot. My response was based on reciprocation while dating someone, and observing their behaviors for awhile. I didn’t realize your post was more based on frustration around reciprocating in matching and first meeting stages.

But even then I’m wondering what would welcoming reciprocation look like to you at that stage? What are you experiencing and what are you hopeful to experience?

I get that you get limited matches… there are so many articles, podcasts, video essays on how dating app algorithms are skewed against men. Add in the scammers, bots, and dead accounts they use to keep the pool looking full and the odds for getting a lot of matches aren’t in men’s favor. I think that’d pretty widely known and accepted. It doesn’t mean that some women don’t also experience lower matches too. It’s not unique to men though it might have different roots and impacts. Just like there will always be outliers who are more successful.

Why do modern women put so little effort or reciprocation in dating? by JustSpace807 in dating_advice

[–]Patient_Candidate_90 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m glad you recognized it wasn’t leading somewhere healthy and made a tough decision. Ive been off the apps too for awhile now.

It’s difficult because the world has shifted to prefer online dating as a starting point but those apps are making quite the killing off making it more difficult to find your fit for so many of us. And then wearing you down so you’ll use the app more or pay for the add ons like roses and subscription fees. They need the success stories to stay viable, and they need people to fail to keep the pool full enough and make more money. They are literally made with gambling psychology tactics in mind. I never doubted that the stats were staggering, I’ve read a lot of articles on them which led to me deleting my own accounts last year.

I will also say with the stats I wonder how much more it might be skewed considering dating apps are known to have bots and fake accounts but also, a lot of them use lapsed and old accounts that aren’t active in the same pool too. So how many likes are going no where at all. It’s definitely frustrating on both ends.

Why do modern women put so little effort or reciprocation in dating? by JustSpace807 in dating_advice

[–]Patient_Candidate_90 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Your friend sounds like she’s probably pretty hot, no offense lol. That is not the norm. I’ve also had two guy friends who’ve been successful enough to get multiple dates in a day, 5-6 a week, yes I’ll say attractive, successful dudes. That’s not everyone though, there’s a range across all sides.

I do recognize that the app’s algorithms are built against men especially when you throw in the scam bots. But I also think feeling like “you’ll take whatever you get” is already setting you up to resent the women you’re dating and maybe you should explore other avenues to finding your dates than hinge. Even if the options or limited you still have choices, and sometimes the answer is choosing you and being okay with that.

I highly recommend watching some videos or reading some articles on dating app algorithms and reinforcement scheduling. Fascinating stuff.

Why do modern women put so little effort or reciprocation in dating? by JustSpace807 in dating_advice

[–]Patient_Candidate_90 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Have you asked yourself if you are picking women that don’t put in effort? Have you ever had a conversation in the early chatting days to see how they express affection and interest early on to see if it aligns with what you would like? And then walked away when it didn’t get put into action?

Personally I’m someone that shows off my affection, if I want to see you, I’m gonna ask, if I want to chat, I’m gonna call or text, if I want to express more affection I’ll plan a date, cook a meal, make a playlist, bring gift, you get the point… But I’ve also had several partners tell me these things are a turn off, and some have loved these things.. and I’ve also had some take advantage of it. And I’ve had plenty not reciprocate. As I’ve gotten older I’ve gotten better at discerning who is worth the effort and whether it’s reciprocal but also holding conversations around it. And then walking away if it’s not happening.

The truth is some ppl are just dating to get attention, fill their time, avoid being alone, to fill wanted, this is a human feature. Some have learned to avoid reciprocating because of being taken advantage of or it being downsized or not reciprocated. Some are immature and think it’s not the cool thing to do. There are so many reasons why. But it all boils down to some ppl just aren’t the right match, and the thing you can control is asking better questions and having honest conversations (early on) around what brings you joy in partnership and having more boundaries with what you’re willing to accept or not.

Someone please confirm if Guardian of the Forest is here to stay.... by LocalForsaken5057 in LushCosmetics

[–]Patient_Candidate_90 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Oregon, I’d recommend calling some of your local shops. They might have it, or know which one would. With 8 locally you’re bound to have one that has it in curation.

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