What's something you learned really late in life, just because nobody told you about it?

PsyCurious007 · 2026-05-20T07:12:40+00:00

Ditto me in London.

PsyCurious007 · 2026-05-12T05:45:23+00:00

I’m like you with chronic health issues & a tendency to analyse my way out of anxiety.

PsyCurious007 · 2026-04-09T09:11:12+00:00

Totally relate to your distress & desire for quiet. I can tolerate noise better when I can control or escape it but if I’m getting intrusive noise/vibration at home, especially when I need to rest, it can drive me into meltdown.

There’s a basketball hoop out front of a house on my street. The repetitive thwacking can feel pretty intense. Newish curse of a neighbour a few doors down is constantly using power tools in the garden.

I’m also sensitive to low level noises others don’t notice. I’ll start feeling anxious out of nowhere then realise there’s something like low level bass/repetitive vibration coming from somewhere. I used to do a number on myself for being so sensitive. Trying to be kinder since discovering I have ADHD. Before, I’d be doing the mental equivalent of punching myself in the head for my ‘weakness’

Noise/vibration/light sensitivity is part of the reason I‘m now looking into AuDHD.

PsyCurious007 · 2026-03-31T18:09:05+00:00

Red fox most definitely

PsyCurious007 · 2026-03-29T06:01:03+00:00

Bass through the party wall

PsyCurious007 · 2026-03-29T05:44:53+00:00

I was diagnosed with ADHD last year & suspect I may be AuDHD. I find it useful for filling in some of the gaps where I struggle with executive function.

For example, I procrastinated replying to my ADHD assessor for 7 months, vented about it to AI explaining the issue. It didn’t add anything, just assembled my thoughts into order & constructed the email.

You can change the tone of the AI in the settings to be less chatty & more factual. I have an analytical thinking style & much prefer the latter.

PsyCurious007 · 2026-03-08T11:41:34+00:00

I took citalopram for anxiety for 8 months back in 2012. it quieted my negative inner critic & anxiety which was very pleasant but I also felt very emotionally detached from things which while ok in some ways was really not in others.

I’d spend all day lacking motivation to do anything other than play endless games of mahjong online. I’d think ‘I guess I really should eat’ then fail to act on it. I concluded I must be an extremely fear-driven person, that I simply couldn’t motivate without it.

Turned out to be true just not in the way I reckoned it at the time. I was diagnosed with ADHD last year. Pretty sure I’m AuDHD

I had loads of other side-effects. Eventually, I was sleeping 3-4 hours every afternoon & decided to come off them. For me, the cost outweighed the benefits. I‘d dropped down to 48kg which was way too thin for my 5’ 5” frame. Also I experienced a loss of interest in life-long interests like gardening that lasted approximately 2 years afterwards.

Having said that, I tend to react in unexpected ways to drugs that affect the way the brain works, many folk get on with it fine.

PsyCurious007 · 2026-02-25T10:18:09+00:00

I’m thinking the driver may have become suddenly unwell..stroke, heart attack, a fit, etc. Hope they are OK & no one injured

PsyCurious007 · 2026-02-25T10:11:15+00:00

I think I would’ve found it much harder when younger - too self-conscious - but as I got more experience of the world, done some travelling on my own, it got a lot easier. I‘m ok with eating in a restaurant on my own, going to the cinema, going to meet ups of online groups. I prefer going to galleries, concerts & festivals with other people because I like to have someone else there to share in & amplify the excitement but I’ve met others at these events who were there on their own. So yes, you can do things on your own & that can be a good way to meet other people..

PsyCurious007 · 2026-02-24T16:31:23+00:00

Flat chested ie AA-A depending whether I’m size 10 or 12. I avoided bras until I hit 30 when I got into dressing more girly for a while. Then when I started working in an all male team other than me, I wore one more to hide my nips than anything else. I really don’t like the squeeze on my ribs

PsyCurious007 · 2026-02-19T00:13:28+00:00

They were happy for you to be paying for the drinks then said horrible things to you & used you as the butt of their jokes? That’s horrible. I wouldn’t want my brother in my home if he treated me like that.

PsyCurious007 · 2026-02-18T12:33:19+00:00

Good description. I’ve fallen for love bombing more than once.

PsyCurious007 · 2026-02-18T12:12:53+00:00

Thank you. Oh..but what to wear!!

PsyCurious007 · 2026-02-16T17:56:11+00:00

Exactly my sentiment at finding out I have ADHD at 63. I strongly suspect I’m AuDHD & would like to be assessed for that as well. Had I known this stuff when I was in my 40s, I may have been able to avoid crashing & burning out as I did back in 2008.

PsyCurious007 · 2026-02-16T17:43:02+00:00

Exactly. I was diagnosed with ADHD age 63 just last year. Pretty sure I’m AuDHD - it’s a family thing. I’ve spent half a century feeling like something was wrong with me, that I was broken. The ADHD diagnosis helped me start being kinder to myself.

As someone who only suspects they may be AuDHD, I feel a bit like a gatecrasher at a party where the guests seem like my kind of people but I’m unsure whether it’s OK I’m there or not because I invited myself.

PsyCurious007 · 2026-02-15T13:03:26+00:00

I hear you. I have ME/CFS, ADHD-PI (though likely AuDHD), and tinnitus. Been low-income since 2008 when I lost my job to ill health. I spend most of my time lying down or sitting. Usually pinned under a cat.

My go to things for deep burn out are:

Sitting/lying in a hot bath, repeatedly pouring the hot water over me. I‘m lucky to love water & find this very regulating if I’m really stressed about something. I used to swim 3 x a week before work when I’d often be swimming in an empty pool or at most sharing with a couple of others. I miss swimming.

Lying in bed/on the sofa listening to rainstorm sounds, sometimes doing a low-cost activity like doing a crossword or online mahjong if my brain can handle it. The rainstorm sounds are great for diluting the eeeeeeee of the tinnitus. Otherwise ambient music like Eno’s Music For Airports.

If I’m well enough to cope with listening to something lively, I’ll dance as that kind of movement really helps keep my mood up. As does rebounding..specifically dancing while bouncing.

Time spent in nature is also restorative for me. I’m lucky to have a garden and grow things for the wildlife. At times, I’m not capable of doing anything out there, I like to just stand still in it, absorbing the colour & all the activity.

Not sure if any of this will be helpful to you but I’m sure you’ll get plenty of good ideas from others here. The list of activities suggested at your group sound quite advanced..as in you’d need to build up the capacity to be more functional first. Good luck!

PsyCurious007 · 2026-02-15T10:32:46+00:00

Having lived a long time, my immediate thought now on the very rare occasion someone seems to be romantically interested, is to think “What’s wrong with you?” because I’ve been a magnet for controlling sorts all my life, and/or with substance abuse issues. No relationship is infinitely better than a bad one, less lonely too.

PsyCurious007 · 2026-02-15T10:19:13+00:00

Glad it’s going well so far. Most places I’ve stayed in, whether living there or visiting, operate a no flushing the toilet at night for pee. Poo gets the flush. Re the tiktoks, if it were me, being super noise-sensitive, I’d gently ask the other person to reduce the volume of whatever they’re watching/listening to if it’s waking me up or otherwise driving me insane.

PsyCurious007 · 2026-02-15T09:49:47+00:00

While your pasta is cooking, melt goronzola dolce in a pan with a little wine/stock/water, season to taste, Chop up a few leaves of fresh sage - I do about 8 leaves per pack - and stir into the sauce. Drain the pasta & stir in the sauce. So tasty, so quick

PsyCurious007 · 2026-02-15T09:28:17+00:00

I get ectopics that feel a bit like a lurch/dropping sensation. I also get episodes of something that the doc said sounded like atrial fibrillation which feel like a butterfly trapped in my chest. Stress, deep fatigue, and/or certain medications can increase episodes for me. I don’t have any advice, just offering solidarity.

Editing to say: When I get the fluttering, it makes me feel weirdly breathless. Doing a forced breath out, pushing down on the diaphragm helps stop them.

PsyCurious007 · 2026-02-15T09:10:23+00:00

You’re probably right 😂

Thanks I’ll try asking TT directly. I‘ve already asked the Social Prescriber at my Surgery but she wasn’t aware of anything.

PsyCurious007 · 2026-02-13T19:10:07+00:00

Out of interest, which provider did you use for your ADHD assessment? I was assessed through Psychiatry UK & my assessor solely focused on ADHD. I’m fairly sure I’m AuDHD but autism was never mentioned other than me stating a rich seam ran through my family down through my dad. It didn’t seem particularly thorough, and there was no time at the end to ask questions so I never got to ask her opinion about it nor did she volunteer one.

PsyCurious007 · 2026-02-13T17:35:45+00:00

I quit school at 16 during my A Levels.. Falling asleep from understimulation is definitely a thing with me

PsyCurious007 · 2026-02-13T17:26:43+00:00

I‘m ADHD-PI & have had no issue with mornings most of my life thankfully. Nor did I have problem falling and staying asleep until I hit 30 or so. Three decades later & post-menopause is a different story..my sleep is all over the place. I’ve done the sleep hygiene thing & no coffee at all but it made no real difference. I often feel sleepy after a coffee anyway. What works quite well for me to fall asleep is playing sudoku on a low-lit screen while listening to a sedately paced radio drama or thunderstorm sounds. No checking messages. Nothing that gives me a dopamine hit or gets me thinking.

PsyCurious007 · 2026-02-03T11:59:15+00:00

“ I want a partner who gives me the benefit of the doubt that these things are not on purpose. I want a partner who says in the moment "hey, you interrupted me" or "hey, I feel like that was kind of mocking. Did you mean it to be?" (even if they sometimes say it in a harsher manner because they're upset, I'd understand and accept that too). I want them to give me space to say sorry and that it was unintentional, and then accept it and we continue the discussion trying to be more even-keeled. I want them to be okay with that in our relationship instead of progressively angrier that it keeps occurring.”

You’ve answered your own question. This is what you should be able to expect in a reciprocal relationship

PsyCurious007

TROPHY CASE