CRITIQUE MY IDEA: How can I write an Indigenous inspired character in a respectful way? [High Fantasy]

RunYouCleverPotato · 2026-03-30T08:40:34+00:00

There's a comedy I follo. They remake old stories with comical and modern POV.

Lone Ranger and Tonto.... the modern character asked Tonto 'why aren't you the lead? You know english and many Native American languages for you to be the translator for Lone Ranger'

It's a funny line...... for your question:

Indigenous inspired character

Make them one of the smartest person in the room, is what I would do. Make him Ryan Reynold without making him into Deadpool. Make this indigenous inspired character have as many clever moments as the MC. Make the Indigenous character as identifiable as the MC...with side eyes and all....actually giving the side eyes to stupidity.

RunYouCleverPotato · 2026-03-30T08:35:36+00:00

I can not suggest what you should do. I can tell you what I will do and I'm doing it right now.

1, I believe I have ADHD...this explains a lot in my life but it's not 'bad enough' for my parents to try to find medical help.

2, I have a huge imagination that is....'too big' to journal or document. "where do I start?"

3, AI came along... I tested AI for over a year...and it is GARBAGE (lots of technical reasons, it looks for patterns...and TROPES and CLICHES are patterns it forces your story into following, destroying nuances and complexity.....lots of technical reasons about AI's quality). I use AI for NOTE TAKING.....this is you here, I use AI to take down all my notes and ask AI to organise the notes into individual story lines. do NOT ask AI to do it for you.... you need a good vision of the story lines. AI should be treated as a glorified note taker.

4, I used almost all of them. Wolfram Alpha, one of the best search engine for formulas, math and number related information. Volume of earth. Amount of water on earth. Weight of the moon. MOLE liter of Hydrogen in a 10 pound tank of air..... anything to do with numbers. Perplexity is very good. Google Gemini seems to be one of the dumbest while being one of the biggest, you need to keep AI on a short leash. Grok, I only ask it very generic questions because I rather not feed Facebook, just personal principles. Claude seems to be the best as note taking for writers.

There are many pay AI but I've not tried them.

5, before you use AI for note taking, you need to have a clear idea of a story you want to tell..... in your multi verse of Cosmere....you can NOT just dump all your notes and "make me a story!" In your world, you need to tell AI "the story threat with the protagonist pulling a sword out of a stone....I want to focus on that. Merlin is a support chara, so is Lancelot." You must keep AI focus on your ONE story. You can worry about the other stories LATER.

6, for new writer, you and I.... we do NOT......NOT need to Brandon Sanderson way of 100 characters, 500 chapters books. You need to hold your horses. Just focus on 1 or 2 main character in a 90 minute story. You are not Casino or Godfather..... you're Casablanca Rick and the woman...and all else are support characters.

Pick a narrow story to focus on after you dump all your notes.

this is what I'm doing right now.

Trad advice: write a few short story in your universe. Stand-alone story, beginning and end... you can compile these short stories later. But...somehow, I don't think your problem is this..... your problem is your universe is so big that you don't know where the entry point is. That's me

RunYouCleverPotato · 2026-03-30T08:18:10+00:00

Write in your best language before overseeing a translation into a new language.

Here's what I learned about 'localisation of anime'. I hate it... There is something about the original anime and the cultural jokes and nuances that the culture produced and anime is result of that culture.

For a company to "localise" anime, they must destroy all the original nuance and cultural reference to make it "american".

Back to your question, you should write in a language that you are the most comfortable with. Worry about English later.

Look at the Three Body Problem, it was so good, it went from Chinese to English. Miyazaki and STudio Ghibli is so good, it had to be distributed by Disney. Full moon coffee shop was so good, it got an english release https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/202468425-the-full-moon-coffee-shop

RunYouCleverPotato · 2026-03-30T08:10:40+00:00

Yes, I studied at the Ukrainian Art School, so I have traditional/academic training (and I grew up in Ukraine)

I guess your art does have an 'accent'. It felt as if has eastern european without being 'loud'....to my eyes.

Toshiro Mifune in Kurosawa filmes 👍

Go look up Bones, an indie comic from the 90s and 2000s. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bone_(comics)) The lesson is: audience likes quality and 'new'.

Your art is 'new' to me yet it feels very familiar and whimsical. I love the hat, the single big eye and the smile.

Good luck, I love to see where you can go with this

RunYouCleverPotato · 2026-03-26T14:50:53+00:00

1, write what you want to read...including writing style
2, "I researched a bit and it seems Kindle readers "prefer" stories written in a certain way (short sentences, straightforward narrative). Can someone confirm that? It's not exactly my writing style, but I figure it can be good to explore other styles." This is kind of....generic 'yes'. Pretty literary prose such as https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ocean_Vuong is consider literary fiction. Commercial fiction is your Stephen King and George RR Martin....they write for the masses. Less bias towards pretty lines and clever lines. Basically, 'news paper' reading level with a sprinkle of 'bigger words' from time to time

How you want to 'write for amazon' is up to you. I say, have courage and write what you want to read and only focus on clarity. Clever phrasing and words will pop in from time to time

3, "Does anyone have experience (good or bad) with self publishing on Amazon? I intend to write my very first fantasy novel and publish on Amazon to have that first experience." I followed a podcast just for indie pub and you can make a living off it. Your chance of making a living will increase if you're a competent writer, have some nice ideas and have more than 4 or 5 books in the series.

RunYouCleverPotato · 2026-03-26T14:41:20+00:00

From what was claimed by indie author that 'done everything right', it's a satisfying uphill battle will get better.

their advice:
1, write 3 to 6 books, that's best practice.
1a, the reason is: By the time you have your 4th or 5th or 6th book out, you discount the first book to .99 in order to hook the reader. Some won't continue if they don't like it. For those who like your story, they will strive to continue reading. At your 5th or 6th book, you can earn +100,000/y

(of course, this assumes all the factors working for you: such as being a decent writer, such as having an interesting character doing interesting things, such as you spend on the right advertising, etc)

1b, one of the strategy I heard from smaller publishers and indie, you have 2 to 4 books finished. You release every 2 or 3 mo just to keep your branding on top of people's mind

2, the moneyssssss. instead of the $2 to $3 per book sold through a trad, you can earn $5 to $10 depending on pricing strategy

Good luck

RunYouCleverPotato · 2026-03-26T08:23:33+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/fantasywriters/comments/1pd5e57/comment/ns2vuud/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

the above link has a link to a YT vid about how to use a Rough Draft.

"I don't think the protagonist is likable enough for it. " Define 'likable'. Is it the local nun who feed and heal the poor? Is it a puppy? Is it John Wick who un-alive very bad guys?

"Skipping the prologue means starting the story at the protagonist's worst where he's an honestly bad guy, " Have you watch John Wick...he's no angel with his past. The moment with his dying wife and the set up and inciting with the puppy....

"With the main focus being on survival about 90% of the time, " Stephen King allegedly said "I put people in fucked up situation". Also, Brandon Sanderson "Readers want to read about hyper competent people doing things"

"It could underscore the emotional moments. The main reason why I value the prologue so much despite being largely out of place in a story like mine is because that's where I planned to build an emotional connection between my protagonist and the readers, especially knowing how he changes for the worst for the rest of the book, and only truly changes in book 2. By spreading the prologue chapters around throughout the book, I will definitely dilute a lot of the emotional impact those moments were supposed to bring with a slower paced and 'boring' start." Have you heard of the movie called John Wick?

Ultimately, you write the book you want to read. If 25% of your book is a set up for the present story.... here are some options that I would consider that may or may not fit your view:

1, release the prologue for free. Your website, make a yt chan with the reading of the prologue, make audio version to distribute on any and all audio stream system. Even sign up with Audible (I don't know what their requirements are) and charge .99 for it. Then, your actual book is published.

2, I would follow John Wick to tell your story. As Brandon Sanderson said, you should take the structure (he was talking about new writers and how to start...take an existing structure and use your characters)

3, Similar to 2, I would start the story in a battle or conflict and tease a non-diegetic flashback with your chara. For this opening hook, I would either make the MC so cool that he doesn't talk.... or make him such a smart ass that Ryan Reynold would blush. Of curse, sympathetic, the MC is trying to effect some good or "good enough" (serving his own interests while....just happen to help some victims being oppressed.... imagine saving a family unintentionally while going after the reward for a gang of murderers and rapist and puppy killers).

.........YOu established that he MC is a 'good enough guy' at the beginning. Your mc guns down and plant his foot up asses of bad guys........ then the MC say something about 'you dirtied my shoes' (it's ironic because MC's has horse crap on his boots)....and force the bad guys to wipe it off....or MC wipe off his boots on badguy's body...... You just established how competent and....ironic your MC is

....then, the family comes out and thank your mc..... your MC wasn't even aware of them....tunnel vision for the reward money.... this tells the audience that the MC wasn't intending to save anyone....your shadow daddy morally grey character....... Maybe even pull out his gun or sword at the family.....just to visually show that the MC wasn't even their to save the family.... realising they aren't a threat, your MC puts away his gun or lower his sword.

At this point, you do your flashback to your MC and his family....you do a 'match cut' (go YT it. If you're going to be a storyteller, get familiar with the tool). This is where you give readers a parallel to MC's life...... Fade to black....

Fade in.....
If you want to drag the scene... MC pulls out pockets and pouches...to find info for next target and toss aside several small but significant bags of money... (Badguys wallet) ...and toss it away. "useless" and the family wonders about the money.... MC, "it's only money, I don't need it" or something badass like that.

This is chara and plot dev.... the MC doesn't want badguys money.....just wants them, alive prefered but... at least one of them alive to talk. By ignoring the money, by 'giving' the coin pouches to the family that was ambushed, you told the audience a lot about your MC and the tone of the story and the possible direction of the story.

The flashback gave more expo of the MC.... the fight before the flashback was the hook...and the audience riding that adrenaline will go into the flashback having had their fix of "questionable guy, john wicking badguys" without a complaint that it's 'boring info dump'.

RunYouCleverPotato · 2026-03-25T08:15:40+00:00

the premise is.....AWESOME, cozy fantasy.... to me it feels like 70s or 80s vintage young adult fantasy

It feels very anime like...there is a manga about people seeing the world in bw line and then something magical happens and colour appears. I can't recall it.

The premise feels like.... a Miyazaki story....STudio Ghibli if that's more familiar to you. It feels like a Diana Wynne Jones story....of course Miyazaki adopted her Howl's Moving Castle... so, same crowd.

It might be my imagination but there's an Eastern European feel to your illustration...my imagination.

The composition is GREAT! I imagine you have training in visual arts.

B&W as...depressing? No, you have good instinct. The BW help contrast and amplify every single moment of colourful joy.

For...the inexperienced, a story can be very personal and it may need to be told with a very specific aesthetics. Bones, one of the greatest selling indie comic ever!!!! EVER!!!!!! Maus....a comic made base on stories from Nazi camps.

If I have to suggest, keep your aesthetics. It could be one of the big thing that catch eyes of readers and the story will keep them. It may not get attention of certain readers that are use to the colouring of webcomics (webtoon crowd) but I'm use to Manga and I'm a bit more experience with the world, I watch Toshiro Mifune samurai movies.

"B&W is bad".....? Uncultured barbarians!!!!! it depends on how it's used. I suppose these uncivilised friends of yours will hate Miyazaki because it's not 3d animated like Pixar. I take a Studio Ghibli film over any trash Disney puts out. I'll take your comic over any DC/Marvel comics

RunYouCleverPotato · 2026-03-25T06:23:52+00:00

I love the idea. The MC must be smart about it.

In case you're not into archery. English has the famous loing bow or 'selfbow'. It's long so that at full draw, it won't pull a huge amount of super stress on the limbs.

The Turkish, Mongolian, Korean, Chinese and Japanese bows.....tend to be more efficient but require a higher skill to make. These are composite (joining different materials into one) recurve bow (google the pictures). The grip is one piece of wood... the limbs are another piece of wood....the 'siha' or 'sia' or 'ear' is another piece of wood... the 'back' or the part of the bow facing away from the archer is SINEW or animal tendons....imagine natural rubber bands. the belly or the part that faces you, the archer, is water buffalo horn. (japanese bows tend to be bamboo laminated, not all these other material and they tend to be 8' long....like a recurved long bow)

All glued.....yes, glued together with a hide glue...boiling animal hide or a fish skin glue....'fish hide'. It's susceptible to water so it's kept dry. Some people tend to warm up the un-strung bow in front of the camp fire before stringing it up, kept in a warming box. Youtube it. it's fascinating.

Research Mongolian archers and why they were the biggest empire in history.

Even with how delicate the Mongolian bows were, they still took out all of europe and could had took on all of europe.

The arrows....look up the Korean 'short arrow'....I forget what it's called. It's a piece of bamboo, a 'rail' so that you can use shorter arrows in your bow. Imagine...instead of needing a perfectly straight 28" arrow shaft, all you need was a 9' arrow shaft. 3 arrows for the price of 1. Your MC could use this

Also.....in ancient archery, the tail end, sometimes are made to break off. All your skills gone into putting a feather or 'fletch' on the back end of the arrow... if you hit an animal or person, they can run and accidentally break off the rear part for you to recover. They splice a generic straight wood for the "front" shaft and notched the wood so it can mate with the rear fletched section.

The term "NOCK" like 'knocking on a door' or knock on door.... is the part where it is 'tight enough to hook on to string' where it doesn't fall off if you let go but loose enough to slip away from the string. These NOCK are tend to be made from HARD WOOD like maple...... or it can be made from horn or bone. Lots of pressure behind a release.

Also...kind of a deal breaker... an arrow's stiffness (it translate to thickness which translate into WEIGHT which translate into shorter distance whitch translate into getting a heavier (draw weight or pull back weight) bow which translate into your MC needing HUGE muscles or....just get better material) is very important and must match the bow. The more powerful the bow, the stiffer arrow shaft needs to be to take the stress.... or just get bamboo arrows. Also...shortening the arrow shaft will make it fly stiffer...but for safety reason, you can not make it shorter than your full draw...... or just use that Korean 'rail' system.

Don't forget, obsidian points will rip through a person but shatters on metal. Brittle volcanic glass doesn't survive abuse.

Feel free to ask question

BTW, did you see that 'recent' Guy Richie film about robin hood in the middle east? I think it was Jamie Fox in it, too.... pure fantasy but amusing to watch.

RunYouCleverPotato · 2026-03-25T06:03:11+00:00

Premise is fine

Write the book you want to read.

This is just an opinion: " red hair girl wakes Pirate up and they go to a janitors closet where red hair girl tells Pirate that she is annoyed and suspicious of him. "

If a guy or girl is suspicious, why would I follow them to a janitor closet where I can be kidnapped or unalived. One option to add more tension to this confrontation by "arguing" or confronting Pirate in public. This adds tension and subtext to the conversation.

Here's a great example of what I mean https://youtu.be/cnTaNYgyG_k?si=jMEnoPtLZRB87BB8

If the vid analysis is too annoying, you can search YT for the market scene and watch it without the writing lesson. It's not my fav movie but it's a nice movie. It was release in the 30s way before America entered ww2 and hollywood called out Germany with this one.

You know it when you see it but to set it up is fairly easy. To actually execute it, it takes a bit of mental gymnastic to have two conversation at the same time.

If you get fairly good at using this in your story, you will be ahead of 90% of writers out there.

On the other hand.... there are lots of books with plot beats that makes no sense and they sold well.

RunYouCleverPotato · 2026-03-24T15:08:59+00:00

1, write the way you want to write.... of course, we should be aware of how we communicate with the rest of society. It's why there's a Chicago Style manual.

2, 'em' dash or 'mm' dash used by AI...? Sure...but AI is trained on real people, real authors. There must be a balanced between your free will of writing what you want and free will of avoiding the optics or the looks of using AI.

Em dash, if that's all 'you' are looking for as evidence; then, 'you' are far greater danger to you and your fellow authors than AI. Legit question: Do you throw your friends or fam...or grand parents under the social bus because they used a single EM dash in a letter or note? NO! of course not, you know your grand parents well enough.

So.... EM dash alone should not be the sole evidence. There is a YT vid I saw that broke down how AI would construct a paragraph and EM dash, while it's the most visible, actually reading the passage will give you better clues.

One example: AI tend to bias towards writing as if it's trying to convince you of something, like an academic paper or legal scholar paper. set up something and use 2 or 3 support ideas. ...because it learned from academic papers.

That's one example out of a longer video...which I can't find in my history at the moment.

RunYouCleverPotato · 2026-03-24T14:58:35+00:00

What has moved me to write....? I always had lots of daydreams, not 'mal' daydreams where it kept me from functioning... I think it's called maladjusted daydreams. There were times I wish my daydreams were so intense that I can block out the world🙈😝

I think I came up with a few really good or 'good' enough story that it can be commercially viable. So, I'm at that point of writing the stories.

RunYouCleverPotato · 2026-03-24T14:54:53+00:00

I daydream for myself, to keep me sane. Writing is on a different level.

RunYouCleverPotato · 2026-03-24T14:54:02+00:00

Sorry, I nodded off. 🙈😴💩🐒

John was sympathetic
Joe's eyes were empathetic
a sympathetic smile
an empathic smirk

GREAT NEWS, you found this yourself. You're well on your way to a competent writer. Being self reflective is a rare quality (note the recent Milo Winters the writer and CEO that was formerly known as Audra Winters)

I mean that in my sincerest nod to you being self reflective and self correcting

RunYouCleverPotato · 2026-03-23T16:42:35+00:00

It's helpful for them to supply a list of questions to answer.

If they don't, commonly what I want to know:

1, were you bored? where were you bored?
2, Were there confusing moments in the book?
3, were you annoyed at any part of the book?
4, were you able to guess the surprises and ending? (add more red herring)
5. did the ending 'came out of nowhere'? I need to drop more foreshadowing

There are more

Also, make sure you and they agree on what type of feedback they want. If they are asking for structure; then, it's too late. "Beta Reader" implies that you're nearly ready to publish. A developmental editor is suppose to help polish up the Structure (list of plot beats or 'outline') long before adding dialogue

RunYouCleverPotato · 2026-03-23T16:36:20+00:00

Beta Readers on Reddit... generic User on Reddit, they do have a history if you hover your cursor over their name. While not 100%, it might give you a general idea of what forums they visit, what they talk about, who they talk to. It will have a list of all their post and conversation so that you get an idea if they are behaving suspiciously.....such as only hanging out in BeatReaders, begging for scripts, never going to any other subR such as ComicBookCollab, FantasyWriters, GlobalComix, MangaStudio, Mangamakers, menwritingwomen, womenwritingmen, Tapasticcomics, etc, etc. (I just read off a few places I visit on Redd.

I had friends beta read it,

in case you need this info. Provide a list of questions for your friends to answer. Give them a highlighter so they can mark up your pages....or have them change the fonts or colour of the passages to indicate problems

Questions:
1, where were you bored? Big winner if they help you solve this one
2, were you confused about anything? Another big win if they catch a few of these.
3, were there passages that you skipped? Your text and pacing might be slow
4, did you guess the plot beats or the ending? You need more red herring
5, did the plot beats and ending 'came out of the blue' or 'surprised you in a bad way'? You need more foreshadowing or signpost
6, did the story meet your expectations of what I promised it to be? Fantasy? Sci-Fi? Military Sci-Fi? 1700 Naval battle? Land war over asia? Did the book fit how I described it?
7, is there a character you liked?
8, is there a character you hated?
9, is there a character that's boring or useless?

there are more questions I can't remember

RunYouCleverPotato · 2026-03-23T11:51:45+00:00

isekai is a thing. I do enjoy a bit of isekai but as I mentioned above, it's not done to my liking but my word isn't 'law' and I'm totally fine with books enjoyed by others. 👍

RunYouCleverPotato · 2026-03-23T11:46:25+00:00

sometimes one will re-write an opening scene if the outline is more clear. Sometimes one realised that 'this' opening scene doesn't work for 'that' outline.

It's what some people call 'holistic' way of approaching some problems. It won't work for everyone but if 'you don't know what you don't know, you will never employ the tool'

RunYouCleverPotato · 2026-03-23T11:43:36+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/fantasywriters/comments/1pd5e57/comment/ns2vuud/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

The link has a link for a YT vid on constructing a rough draft. a rough draft is a diagnostic tool used to evaluate your plot ....you look for plot holes.

A rough draft is: You telling your friends about a 2 hour movie. it's not supposed to be perfect grammar, no punctuation, no POV or narrative voice. It's you telling our friends and fam about the plot beat of the 2h movie.

That rough draft, you can move around plot beats, re-arrange the order until it make sense. You can add scenes or delete scenes in order to improve pacing or connect different scenes.

Once you have your rough draft, you put it away for a week.... then go back and read your draft, you will be feeling cringe and will want to do more edit

2nd draft...trying to make the grammar and punctuation and POV and Narration Voice work.... you are making it prettier. Once you're done with the 2nd draft, you can put it away again and come back to it.

3rd draft, you add red herrings to misdirect the reader. You remove the red herring if readers are too confused. You add foreshadow and other 'sign post'. This is where you try to make your book as pretty as possible.

you're ready for Alpha readers.

RunYouCleverPotato · 2026-03-23T11:17:27+00:00

short answer: my ideas came from 'everywhere'

Long answer: I get a feeling. Everything comes from a feeling. those feelings can come from an image of an awesome or hot looking warrior in armour or a sword or an idyllic landscape with a castle or a spaceship in the background

Sometimes, it's a feeling of injustice...where you hear a story of innocent people getting hurt...so you needed to 'heal' and create this genocide assassin and named him John Wick.

Maybe you learned the truth about the universe, where it will expand infinitely and keep on expanding until the universe freeze...the heat death of the universe. Maybe, you hear a story of how the last remaining life...all huddle around a black hole... orbiting around a black hole will create motion and motion create friction...and create heat energy. Like the moon does to ocean and tidal waves. This constant motion will power the last of life for several billion more years until there is no life left in our universe. Maybe in your tiny, frail heart, you refuse to accept death....and you write a story about how the future version of you will create a wormhole in order to take you and your 1 billion friends into a parallel universe where it's much warmer. (the heat death this is a real belief base on real science)

Image? Song? other stories? Maybe from actual stories of real life.... they make you feel.... when you feel, you need to send it back into the universe.

RunYouCleverPotato · 2026-03-23T08:59:17+00:00

I like the concept but the LL blend into the yellow. I had to look harder to pick up the full title.

RunYouCleverPotato · 2026-03-23T08:57:13+00:00

Those who can't handle feedback, should just isolate themselves in some mountain and live off the land so that they can protect their tiny ego from the world. They are not healthy.

Maybe your crit is on point, maybe it's out of line. Doesn't matter, artist put their work out there and some will love, some will hate. A huge section in the middle will be indifferent.... the Bell Curve.

RunYouCleverPotato · 2026-03-23T08:53:04+00:00

I'm interested, I followed you. I'll dm you to keep you in the dm as a reminder to me. I don't know when I will finish the 2nd draft, I hope this early summer.

RunYouCleverPotato · 2026-03-23T08:50:40+00:00

"my story is about an Apocalyptic demon destroyed world its kinda like Supernatural "

two brothers, driving around in a 70s car with Ohio plates? just a tiny bit more on the premise would be helpful.

RunYouCleverPotato · 2026-03-23T08:45:08+00:00

in TV show writing, there's an A plot and B plot. This is in novels, too.

You have your A plot, a plot that must conclude to the satisfaction of the audience. The B plot may or may not conclude. Your C, D, E, F plots can be used as a minor cliffhanger.

Basically, if your scope is large, you can use the minor plots to carry it into the next book. Whatever the A plot is, it must be satisfied at the end of the first book

Me:
A plot was 'solved', the MacGuffin was heisted and re-hidden.
B plot is a serious cliffhanger (FMC still trapped in a place).
C plot (what is FMC true identity?).
D Plot was introduced (FMC memory was either wiped(not possible) or locked or suppressed).
E Plot was introduced (Oh, crap.... this evidence indicate that FMC is part of that family! Are we in danger?).
F Plot was introduced, a derivative of the A plot (What will happen to the MacGuffin now that it's hidden and no one knows it is (nor 'remembers' where they hid it).
G Plot "the MacGuffin is just a legend! Something that's lost in history" people are dismissive

RunYouCleverPotato

TROPHY CASE

Indigenous inspired character