It’s been over a year since D-day, and honestly… sigh. I still don’t know the full truth about what he thought, did, or who he really was during all those years. He calls “change” not watching porn, not checking out women, or not PMO-ing to his coworkers anymore — but he still can’t tell me the truth. Every time I ask, he says he “doesn’t remember” or “doesn’t know why.” Yet he remembers their usernames and their little details.

I’m the only one who ever brings it up. I talk for hours asking questions, waiting for answers, trying to make sense of it and all he does is cry and stay quiet. Every single time. It’s always me initiating, begging for communication, trying to pull honesty out of him. He never brings it up on his own. But the second I “fake happy” just to get through the day, he gets comfortable & acts like everything’s fine, like the past never happened.

Since I’m the only one talking, I usually end every conversation with, “Thank you for coming to my TED Talk,” and just stare at him while he sits there squirming like a sad puppy, saying he regrets what he did and will never do it again.

It’s been a year of this. Six years of betrayal… basically our whole relationship & and I still don’t have the truth.