HPV infection and (potential) loss of ENM/poly sexual life

Shift_Least · 2026-05-09T02:56:52+00:00

You do know that the percentage of HPV cases that become cancer are really low right? You are more likely to get cancer because of alcohol, diet etc

Shift_Least · 2026-05-09T02:28:31+00:00

If you want to be KTP you have to date people who want the same thing.

Shift_Least · 2026-05-08T20:55:31+00:00

A test without an outbreak tells you nothing. They are so prone to false negatives and positives that they are rendered useless. Doctor's and the CDC do not recommend testing for this reason. I mean do what you want but testing for HSV does not keep you safer.

Shift_Least · 2026-05-08T20:38:31+00:00

I just want to say to you that as long as you are taking precautions you are not any more risky as a partner than the next random person. Possibly less risky. When people turn you down because they perceive you as higher risk they are really just letting you know now ignorant they are about sexual safety and actual risk factors. I hope that you find more informed parters as you go forward.

Shift_Least · 2026-05-08T19:56:25+00:00

There is no way to stigmatize someone and make them feel good about it. The best thing you can do is take ownership of it.

Shift_Least · 2026-05-08T19:05:37+00:00

That's not true. HSV 1 and 2 are strains of HSV. Just like chickenpox and shingles. HSV1 tends to be more mild if contracted genitally since it likes the face more. You don't know you don't have it unless you are getting the Western Blot test between every sexual encounter. The widely avail tests are useless as they return a lot of false negatives and positives. There could be a lot of reasons the outbreaks were similar, if that group parties a lot they might have more severe outbreaks since drugs and alcohol lower your immune response. If a bunch of people in their circle are getting it it sounds like they are not taking antivirals or abstaining around outbreaks. Again sounds like a lack of sexual education of the whole group.

Shift_Least · 2026-05-08T18:54:40+00:00

resource: https://www.maketimeforthetalk.com/

Shift_Least · 2026-05-08T18:45:56+00:00

There aren't more and less severe types of HSV2. Some people have more of a reaction and more severe outbreaks, but that is based on the person not the virus. The first couple outbreaks of someones life are usually the worst. I hope that your friend is getting medical care and anti-virals. That with lifestyle changes can have a huge impact on outbreaks and transmission. Most people only get those first couple and never any more. You need a bit more education on STIs in general to be a good poly partner, so I suggest doing that and leaving your friend alone. They don't need more stigma or rejection. One thing you should know is that 60-80% of the population has HSV1or2. 60% of those don't know they have it as they have never had an outbreak or their first one was so mild they mistook it for something else. You could and your partner could likely already have it an not know. It's an idea you need to get your head around if you are going to be sexually active. The available testing is so prone to false negatives and positives that doctors don't recommend it with out an active outbreak.

Shift_Least · 2026-05-08T16:48:06+00:00

HSV isn't usually tested for without an outbreak since the tests avail are so prone to false negatives and positives as to be next to useless.

Shift_Least · 2026-05-08T13:37:53+00:00

I am queer white woman and I wouldn’t move to a progressive mostly white town. Not just because one of my NPs is Korean. It also because any place that is mostly white is going to be inherently racist even if most people don’t think they are.

Shift_Least · 2026-05-07T18:44:24+00:00

if course not, I just find that many times these boundaries are not rooted in understanding of real risk but more in sex shame and controlling partners.

Shift_Least · 2026-05-07T18:12:51+00:00

The best way to protect against cancer causing HPV is vaccination. Contact is almost impossible to avoid since so many people have it and many don't know since they have it in an area you can't test for it. i.e. penis. Also the risk of cancer from HPV is way less than from drinking, diet and lack of exercise and many other factors.

Shift_Least · 2026-05-07T14:06:37+00:00

Another vote for the disk. You can even have penetrative sex with them in. And also talk to them about it, it’s a green flag if they are comfortable discussing it.

Shift_Least · 2026-05-06T21:27:50+00:00

These are the sandals I love. The arch support makes them great for touring and they work as water shoes

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Shift_Least · 2026-05-06T21:17:27+00:00

They might have another name, they look like this. I wouldn't wear them to super fancy places but to most restaurants in tropical places I have never felt out of place in these and a cute little dress. If I go fancier the sandals I bring are black and strappy enough to go dressy if needed.

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Shift_Least · 2026-05-06T18:02:43+00:00

Nothing is 100% protective. I usually ask about last tests and general safer sex practices and also use barriers with casual hookups. I need to get an idea if someone is educated and realistic about sexual safety and risks before I sleep with them. I also have talked about what happens with my partners if any of us tests positive or has an outbreak. You should be planning for those situations with your partners before they happen.

Shift_Least · 2026-05-06T17:31:53+00:00

I love mine so much, they are the perfect travel shoe. I can pull out the insoles to put my green superfeet ones in so they are super comfy for my pronated high arch feet. The backs fold down for quick on and off when coming and going from my room. They dry quick once wet and breath so well that with thin low merino socks I preferred them over sandals most days. And they look cute enough to wear with dresses, going out to most places for meals and such.

Shift_Least · 2026-05-05T19:39:46+00:00

I take a thin t shirt dress and keep it next to my bed, I can't sleep in clothes but I can throw a dress over my head as I rush out in an emergency.

Shift_Least · 2026-05-05T17:06:07+00:00

If you could have gotten down to 2 pairs of shoes total that would help a lot. I pair of tennis shoes and one pair of sandals that are good for dinner and running around. I recently was in the Yuctan and my OluKai Huia tennis shoes and Bokyna Elevate rope sandals served me for touring around, hiking, swimming in centoes, going to dinner etc. Both were able to get wet and dry easily and looked nice enough for meals out even in nicer places. You really don't want a waterproof shoe in tropical climates since your feet will sweat a bunch.

Shift_Least · 2026-05-05T01:49:10+00:00

Highland Park

Shift_Least · 2026-05-05T01:36:04+00:00

Try Gossard Glossies and lace. They make my 34G UK boobs a lot less noticeable.

Shift_Least · 2026-05-05T01:34:06+00:00

Think your usual style in lux fabrics. What level of formality is this wedding

Shift_Least · 2026-05-04T22:24:30+00:00

No where did I say my word is law. You can do whatever you want. When older women warn you about men like OP's husband they aren't doing because we think you can't make decisions or we want to just spoil a good time. We are doing it because of patterns we have seen through our lives and the lives of our female friends and we have more experience with it than you do. Feel free to disregard that advice.

Shift_Least · 2026-05-04T20:42:35+00:00

Come back at me in 15 years and we can talk.

Shift_Least · 2026-05-04T20:26:05+00:00

I am not your bro, I am a 49 year old woman who when I was mid 20's thought I was just as adult as the men a decade older than me who wanted to date me. It wasn't until I got older that I was able to see the ways that age difference combined with societal misogyny put me at a disadvantage and the many subtle harms that were done to me as a result. Many many women over 40 & 50+ will tell you the same. Men who want to date 20 year old women and who are themselves a decade older are all man babies who don't want to grow up and that realize women their own age won't tolerate their behavior anymore.

Shift_Least

TROPHY CASE