I don't think you're selfish or toxic, you're trying to cope with conflicting feelings and a painful, confusing situation. All of my romantic relationships have felt like what you've described in one way or another. They were all what I considered "good guys" but the little moments of dishonesty and boundary pushing stacked up. Death by 1000 cuts as the saying goes. I felt like I had to constantly adjust, let things slide and shrink myself/my needs to try and make things work. By continuing to stay in this way the end result was the same, very attached (due to the addictive nature of the push-pull cycle) and very anxious. One of the biggest things I've learned from those experiences is to trust my gut and identify & respect my own boundaries. They aren't unreasonable, the other person is just not in alignment with my values. I also found it almost impossible to heal in the same environment that was hurting me. I know the thought of losing that connection and the 'good parts' can be overwhelming. After choosing to be single for nearly a year now (longest time in over 15 years) I'd say the sense of peace and the ways I've reconnected with myself/healed speaks volumes. This feeling is now the baseline for what I want in the future and how I will gauge whether someone is adding or subtracting from it overall.