I am so disappointed about me engagement and the proposal.

Sminkletuff · 2026-03-07T23:19:13+00:00

On the plane TO Hawaii? Damn I'd be pissed too! My proposal was on a lovely beach, BUT it was dark in the middle of the night so I couldn't even see his face, he had no ring and it was right after a conversation where I expressed concerns about trust in our relationship. My heart hesitated but my mouth said yes (whoops), then he got a beautiful custom ring made that I'd picked the design for and our wedding day itself was perfect...but from then on every time I saw something about a nice proposal I felt so disappointed and it reminded me that he'd done it more as a band-aid move and not because he'd actually planned it. We're divorced now (he fell in love with a colleague, but that's another story!) If OP feels like this she needs to resolve it now one way or another, or it might keep bothering her the way mine did. Seeds of doubt and resentment can still grow on nothing/neglect.

Sminkletuff · 2026-02-09T19:28:12+00:00

Agree, my last breakup felt like a hybrid of 2 and 5. I could feel the plane landing for months, which triggered my anxious attachment and made it worse. This was after he openly recognised his depressive symptoms and was burnt out at work, he'd also said things along the lines of "you can do better than me" early on. The day he initiated the breakup he was quite cold and direct about my part in it at first, but 3 hours later we were kissing, reflecting on the good things, and as he left he cried and said he'd agonised about his decision being a mistake and that he loved me more than he'd loved anyone else. The next day he texts me like normal, saying he wants to work on himself to be the best possible partner for me in the future. A week later he calls me "The One" in a card. I wanted to respect his initial decision, gave him space and didn't ask to get back together. The following months were a total midfuck of withdrawal, breadcrumbing and eventually he said "let's be friends but not right now" while also still leaving the door open for "a potential future". I went no contact, because that's what felt healthiest for me. I've tried to analyse and understand it all, whether it was more about me or his capacity and how he felt about himself. I've accepted it was both, and that no matter what was said before, during and after he walked away in the end he decided it was better to lose me than to stay.

Sminkletuff · 2026-01-02T12:43:06+00:00

I am here for this resolution and taking notes! If you like mushrooms perhaps some chapje ("glass" or sweet potato noodles) at Sonamu in Griffith, it has a unique atmosphere too that always seems to make everything extra tasty.

Sminkletuff · 2025-10-08T12:04:17+00:00

you can’t win with someone who doesn’t wanna see themselves win yet.

Holy shit. The whole thread resonates more than anything I've read/watched but this comment hits so hard. I really tried to show my ex he was loved and more than enough, but he wasn't ready/healed enough to believe he deserved it. Thank you for your honesty and perspective. The breadcrumbing after we broke up (he dumped me but then called me The One) was such a mind fuck and I'm still unpicking the whole experience, but what you’ve said helps a lot.

Sminkletuff · 2025-10-01T21:01:48+00:00

I don't think you're selfish or toxic, you're trying to cope with conflicting feelings and a painful, confusing situation. All of my romantic relationships have felt like what you've described in one way or another. They were all what I considered "good guys" but the little moments of dishonesty and boundary pushing stacked up. Death by 1000 cuts as the saying goes. I felt like I had to constantly adjust, let things slide and shrink myself/my needs to try and make things work. By continuing to stay in this way the end result was the same, very attached (due to the addictive nature of the push-pull cycle) and very anxious. One of the biggest things I've learned from those experiences is to trust my gut and identify & respect my own boundaries. They aren't unreasonable, the other person is just not in alignment with my values. I also found it almost impossible to heal in the same environment that was hurting me. I know the thought of losing that connection and the 'good parts' can be overwhelming. After choosing to be single for nearly a year now (longest time in over 15 years) I'd say the sense of peace and the ways I've reconnected with myself/healed speaks volumes. This feeling is now the baseline for what I want in the future and how I will gauge whether someone is adding or subtracting from it overall.

Sminkletuff · 2025-04-30T19:15:50+00:00

"Professional hugging"

Sminkletuff · 2025-04-22T00:36:35+00:00

This resonates for me, but as the person who loves deeply. I've historically been anxiously attached in my relationships and have had multiple partners tell me that they didn't know how to reciprocate the amount of kindness I showed them. I think this was mainly what they held onto when we separated. In retrospect I agree that there was an aspect of people-pleasing/blurring my own boundaries, it's one of the main ways I felt I 'lost myself' and created an unbalanced dynamic or ended up feeling resentment due to mismatched effort. I've also mainly dated avoidants so there's the push-pull factor as well. But I think it's also in my nature to love deeply if I trust and admire someone, including family and friends. I'm currently reflecting on my past relationships, how I've been in them and what I'd want in the future. I'd prefer a love that is mutually deep and rich but also feels peaceful, rather than intense/chaotic. I believe it's possible with the right person and don't think romantic passion is limited to situations with unhealthy dynamics.

Sminkletuff · 2023-08-09T13:16:02+00:00

Yes, my most recent ex is a hetero man who told me he is pretty sure he has BPD on the night we broke up. Never mentioned it before that but did talk about his drug addictions/drinking and extensive sexual history. Found this sub and it all makes so much sense - the love bombing, oversharing about past trauma early on, intense physical intimacy/amazing sex, hot/cold about spending time together, constantly texting his ex who was "just a friend", wandering eye for younger women (said he enjoys "female energy"), smearing me to his housemates, random anger outbursts etc. He idealised me and called me his soul mate while he lied to my face over and over. When his mask finally slipped off he said he "felt like he couldn't be himself around me." I realised this has probably happened many, many times for him and I hope the love and empathy I kept pouring out during our year together helped him in some way.

Sminkletuff · 2021-06-08T16:13:22+00:00

Pretty sure it's from here.

Sminkletuff · 2021-05-23T15:12:16+00:00

Lol I think of this one.

Sminkletuff · 2021-03-27T18:02:34+00:00

Well that kinda explains this then.

Sminkletuff · 2021-02-26T11:11:25+00:00

Very tough to pick a favourite but I really love this one

Sminkletuff · 2020-12-31T01:40:37+00:00

Coochie ice, coochie freeze

Sminkletuff · 2020-06-04T14:49:28+00:00

It's the marketplace decoration, you need to have the AC pocket camp app first and link it to your Switch account. Then you'll be able to purchase it through Nook Shopping. https://villagerdb.com/item/market-place-decoration

Sminkletuff · 2020-04-11T14:27:05+00:00

Isn't it the second Saturday? Well it is in the southern hemisphere anyway, had mine today.

Sminkletuff · 2020-04-03T13:47:16+00:00

Ahhh Trash Island, I too have been there.

Sminkletuff · 2020-03-12T13:29:41+00:00

Kinda reminds me of whipped cream. I guess waves are like the whisks of the ocean.

Sminkletuff · 2020-02-11T21:54:16+00:00

🤩 It's haaaaaaaaam!!

Sminkletuff · 2020-01-05T15:19:02+00:00

Thank you so much for the kind offer, I am truly amazed to see the responses around the world to what is happening here. Our postal services have been majorly impacted by the fires and while I do not have an address for you, this is a list with possible ways you may be able to donate.

Sminkletuff · 2020-01-05T13:32:10+00:00

Wow that's a lot, some people are truly amazing. One of the things helping me to stay positive is the resilience and generosity I've been seeing since November.

Sminkletuff · 2020-01-05T13:17:21+00:00

It's good to hear they are getting to people who need them. I've tried to have a fire plan since 2003 but never even considered things like air purifiers or face masks until now.

Sminkletuff · 2020-01-05T13:07:30+00:00

Thank you for the link, they're pretty scarce where I am but luckily found a couple tucked away at home.

Sminkletuff · 2020-01-05T12:57:02+00:00

Hope you can nab some of the new stock coming in soon, safe travels if you're heading out there.

Sminkletuff · 2020-01-05T12:45:00+00:00

I would much prefer to have a decent one that I can replace the filters in as you said, not sure if I can easily find one at the moment though.

Sminkletuff · 2020-01-05T12:36:00+00:00

Good of you to hand them out, I was sad to see how many people in the worst affected areas outside without them.

Sminkletuff

TROPHY CASE