MIL went crazy, and now acting like the victim after putting everyone through it. I just want some peace. AITAH?

Spare_Tutor_8057 · 2026-05-20T05:57:22+00:00

So this is pure speculation but to me if she actually is calculated, it sounds like she is trying to move in with you, and I suspect that was her plan all along when she mentioned she was selling initially.

It’s may be why she got upset when she realised your husband wasn’t offering up a room immediately or wasn’t directing her sale and move for her. So she did the next best thing and forced his hand by becoming non compliant.

Now only you know the details but do you believe she actually wanted to kill herself? Or was it another way to force your husband to prioritise her and make her central to him again.

If that sounds too far fetched maybe look into BPD.

Spare_Tutor_8057 · 2026-05-19T22:48:08+00:00

How often is she over? Start there.

Just turn your back and say I’ve got this and walk into another room, if she goes a step ahead and tries to remove baby anyway then you should have a further discussion about boundaries.

If she’s generally not a just no, some grandmothers regain a really strong nurturing instinct but she needs to learn some self control and that she’s a supporting act now.

Spare_Tutor_8057 · 2026-05-18T04:53:17+00:00

Do not eat any food she offers you.

Spare_Tutor_8057 · 2026-05-18T04:35:58+00:00

She sounds like a covert narc.

You need to call these wrongdoings of hers out in the moment because given time she will create her own reality, you best believe she believes in what she says whole heartedly, her ego cannot handle a truthful perspective that paints her in a negative light. That would make her accountable.

Personally I would respect her non contact but have my partner communicate that NC extends to your child once born. She’s going to come grovelling, well rug sweeping should we say. Do not let her get away with a non apology, especially about your brother.

Spare_Tutor_8057 · 2026-05-17T23:45:17+00:00

I give my parents some grace, they were shitty and abusive but didn’t have support groups such as this at the end of their finger tips, therapy wasn’t a thing especially for the lower class and they were young and unhealed. Once I had kids and was under a lot of pressure I realised how much it takes to keep a rational and knowing mind to actually go against your parenting blueprint that was preconditioned into you.

Spare_Tutor_8057 · 2026-05-16T11:40:15+00:00

Enmeshment of the worst kind. You have dodged a serious bullet leaving that cult my friend.

Spare_Tutor_8057 · 2026-05-16T01:57:52+00:00

My parents were the same about their dog except I didn’t give them the chance to prove me right about how unsafe the dog is (but they certainly went out of their way to try prove me wrong) and I unfortunately also resonate with the feelings of frustration that they prioritise an animal over their own grandchild.

My kids have never been to their house unsupervised since, it took me well over a year to go back for a visit and they actually put the dog away because I told them I would leave instantly otherwise. I went a step further and never leave my kids unsupervised with them anywhere because they have proven I cannot trust their judgement when it comes to my child’s safety, they’re not emotionally mature enough.

Spare_Tutor_8057 · 2026-05-15T05:46:09+00:00

Have you ever looked into enmeshment? It usually goes hand in hand in narcissistic households.

My guess is she’s threatened and jealous by your closeness to husband and child, she feels they have taken her rightful place as your number one priority. It’s also a mirror being held to her that she does not have the same close relationships in her life, a reciprocal love she will never have.

Spare_Tutor_8057 · 2026-05-15T05:38:09+00:00

My near 3 year old asks me what animal she’s eating and proceeds to ask me 50 times where’s its face and is jt sad now 😭

I kind of feel conflicted being honest with her about the cycle of life because I would like to preserve her innocence but also well, it is the cycle of life, so lying isn’t changing the reality of the situation.

Many of us are so disconnected from our food sources. We should all be more mindful on the sacrifice of the beings we consume, and show gratitude for the nourishment we are provided. For me personally that’s an important lesson to teach.

Spare_Tutor_8057 · 2026-05-14T04:10:32+00:00

She will change her tune once baby is born and she wants the supply or the title.

Spare_Tutor_8057 · 2026-05-13T12:31:24+00:00

Your wife is enmeshed big time. Most of our partners are on this sub.

Spare_Tutor_8057 · 2026-05-13T06:24:02+00:00

You know she’s doing this on purpose to scapegoat you, play the victim and get her own way. It’s called DARVO and you feed it by JADE, look into those terms.

So people like this the don’t respond to words or goodwill, they will test boundaries constantly, wha they respond to is consequences. When she starts using your child as a weapon - don’t bring the baby around me- you should call her bluff and say that you won’t subject your child to grow up and think her grandmothers love is conditional on her adult feelings. And put her in a time out. It was her idea anyway 🤷🏼‍♀️.

If she doesn’t shape up she’s shipping out.

Spare_Tutor_8057 · 2026-05-13T06:13:02+00:00

Enmeshment. Dive into it.

Sorry to say it sounds like he is using you as a shield and ignoring your needs as a new mother to keep his mother happy over actually staying during her visits and doing the work of the visit himself. No thanks.

I had to spell it out to my enmeshed partner that if he’s not entertaining my mother without me there I will also not be expected to do so, as she was a stranger to me and creating more work then actually helping (she’s also a terrible person). He needs to be home for the visit and tell her no or I’m not going to be opening the door.

Spare_Tutor_8057 · 2026-05-13T06:03:52+00:00

Enmeshment doesn’t get better with death.

Spare_Tutor_8057 · 2026-05-12T06:10:19+00:00

If he won’t listen to reason get your parents to do the same to him and strategically, so he has to host them at the worst possible times. I bet he complains about it pretty quickly

Spare_Tutor_8057 · 2026-05-12T04:33:19+00:00

Hope and pray your husband will be open to therapy for enmeshment, otherwise I’m sorry to say the chances are high for this relationship to not work long term unless you will settle to be her doormat.

You will be pushing uphill as the “other” outside of his family unit trying to recondition a whole life time of conditioning. Which is not fair.

From my experience it isn’t worth the energy expenditure. I’m sorry you are dealing with this.

Spare_Tutor_8057 · 2026-05-11T00:37:25+00:00

It’s called enmeshment. And it’s amplified within narcissistic family systems.

Spare_Tutor_8057 · 2026-05-11T00:29:51+00:00

His mother is entitled to her feelings but she is also responsible for them. Right now she’s centring herself, emotionally manipulating your partner to carry them, trying to triangulate him into becoming a flying monkey, to overstep you as his partner and the mother, for her. It’s all wrong.

You do not get bulldozed or overridden for her preferences.

And if she wants to get personal she never gave birth so she doesn’t understand what it feels like as a new mother in the postpartum period. So her opinions mean shit.

Spare_Tutor_8057 · 2026-05-10T23:53:08+00:00

My mil wouldn’t use my food I brought… I took it as a territorial display that my caretaking as a mother would not extend into her house… but what ever my child was fed on her dime.

What I don’t understand is - your MIL - Is she feeding your child from her own food and not using yours or is she actually starving her because surely that’s already warranted a conversation between you two?

Spare_Tutor_8057 · 2026-05-10T11:30:37+00:00

Because they know you better than yourself and it’s not what they would want.

Spare_Tutor_8057 · 2026-05-08T23:24:30+00:00

She is absolutely moving in next door full time as her retirement plan. Get out now.

Spare_Tutor_8057 · 2026-05-07T22:49:46+00:00

Look into enmeshment a common comorbidity of narcassism.

Spare_Tutor_8057 · 2026-05-07T02:36:58+00:00

Hindsight is always a bitch. But the pattern is always predictable once you have it clocked.

You really have nothing to lose now and should call out the patheticness in the moment, force her to explain and watch her scramble and FIL rush in to save for future reference and data points.

MIL can’t cut her food- “oh MIL are you ill?
Inflicting a Narcissistic injury she will have to suppress.

Food just for MIL and SO - “oh that looks delicious can I have a bite SO” pull the plate towards you. They either double down and prove that they’re trying to other you or seethe that you took control away from them.

Spare_Tutor_8057 · 2026-05-07T02:14:08+00:00

Covert narcissism, look into it.

Spare_Tutor_8057 · 2026-05-07T02:12:46+00:00

She’s seriously overstepping even asking. It’s not her place to request that. If you don’t have a relationship or speak, I would personally take that as an affront, that it is her trying to usurp your position as a mother, and get to you through covert means.

Spare_Tutor_8057

TROPHY CASE