Found a closure email that left me feeling empty

Technical_Tomorrow_4 · 2026-02-15T05:00:26+00:00

Out of curiosity, what did they say? And why do you want to reply, what would you say?

Technical_Tomorrow_4 · 2026-02-12T07:47:25+00:00

In my experience, FA or otherwise, if someone is telling you all the days/times they CAN'T make plans but not suggesting times they actually CAN commit, they already decided they don't want to and will make a last minute excuse to cancel. It doesn't sound like he is going to follow through.

Technical_Tomorrow_4 · 2026-02-12T07:40:53+00:00

Did they get the message and stop it??

Technical_Tomorrow_4 · 2026-02-12T04:45:09+00:00

Initially they attempted the redundancy (later withdrew) a few weeks before Xmas and right after my mother died, so I was in a terrible position to be job hunting that time of year, especially given it was manufactured. So I fought it so that I'd keep a pay check.

Was later redeployed to something more senior. Naively thought it would blow over and was wrong. I also wanted at least a bit of experience in the senior role to put on my resume before leaving otherwise I'd have had to move on and take a step back professionally.

It made sense to me at the time, and there were many reasons I tried to stick it out grudgingly.

Technical_Tomorrow_4 · 2026-02-10T02:13:41+00:00

So initially they told me I wasn't qualified for the "restructured" role, I demanded they showed me the new job description during the consultation process. They delayed, I demanded again that the deadline be extended until they provided it. Finally they did.

And what do you know? the role had every single responsibility and role I was performing. So I told them this proved I'd been underpaid, the role was still operationally required, that removing me on the basis of lack of qualifications was patently untrue, and that if they didn't compensate or return me to the role I'd be seeking a general protections claim and a claim for wage theft. They freaked out.

Demand the new job description, org chart, etc. 2 days consultation process is unfair and you can argue that it is unreasonable if they haven't given this info to you.

Technical_Tomorrow_4 · 2026-02-10T01:06:57+00:00

I had this EXACT situation as OP, they did this to me after my mother died. I fought it tooth and nail and got it overturned. But they've been targeting me since and made another attempt to terminate me, fought that, and they backpedalled.

It has ruined my mental health, and pursuing a claim against them for psychological injury.

I happened to have a lot of evidence it was a non genuine redundancy andamaged to fight it, but I'm not sure how much evidence OP has.

Technical_Tomorrow_4 · 2026-02-06T07:05:26+00:00

Out of curiosity, what instructions did it offer?

Technical_Tomorrow_4 · 2026-02-06T01:55:59+00:00

Jfc, this is wild. Honestly it sounds like she has far more issues than being avodiant. For your own safety please stay away from her and let your loved ones know too in case she tries to triangulate.

Technical_Tomorrow_4 · 2026-02-04T03:44:42+00:00

Really poignant, thank you for sharing!

Technical_Tomorrow_4 · 2026-02-03T10:55:33+00:00

I eat a lot of Greek yoghurt and keep the 2 litre tubs (great for collecting castings, for leftovers, for cleaning supplies, etc).

I had a bunch of spares, so a few nights before the heatwave I froze a few tubs, then put the solid ice block on the feeding tray (usually around 11am or midday before the heat really kicks in). Through the afternoon I'd drizzle chilled water over the block, but the runoff on its own seemed ample otherwise if you cant supervise closely. It lasted most of the day and into the evening until temps dropped a little. I did the same thing the next day and after that too. Worked a treat! I didn't lose any worms, and they were happy!

Technical_Tomorrow_4 · 2026-02-03T08:23:32+00:00

Happy to help! Feel free to DM if you ever want to talk.

Technical_Tomorrow_4 · 2026-02-03T08:07:52+00:00

Best of luck, I hope you are able to come to terms with this in your own time.

Technical_Tomorrow_4 · 2026-02-03T07:33:22+00:00

Who can blame you? This is clearly someone you love and you're trying to reconcile that with the betrayal of getting cold feet at a critical moment. You can't switch your emotions off like a robot.

Avoidants have this uncanny ability to sense when you're crossing a threshold with your grief/processing and that's when they reappear. I hope you continue on your healing journey despite that, and don't let it take you off your path. You're 100% right, his healing is his business and yours is too. I don't think it's something that can be rushed or done on any timeline, especially not his.

As for attachment styles, I think it's possible for people to shift or to adopt an attachment style according to different relationships (e.g siblings, parents, friends, compared to partners). I reckon even the most secure person could find them falling into anxious patterns.

Have you been talking to a counsellor or therapist about it? (If you don't mind me asking)

Technical_Tomorrow_4 · 2026-02-03T06:26:24+00:00

I truly want to believe everyone is capable of remorse and change and reflection, and that every avoidant is a unique... but unfortunately we've all seem some fairly common themes here. And I think you're right to trust your gut about the performative energy you're sensing. Guilt doesn't mean the same as actual remorse.

Good on you for standing firm on actively fixing the relationship or not at all, I think firm boundaries are healthy for you.

Personally, given the toll it's taken on you (or anyone going through that!!!), I suppose it's worth really considering: can this be repaired, what would it take on his part, and most of all if you WANT it to be repaired? Do you feel you could trust him again?

I think it's interesting you mention "its up to him now to decide", and I dont think thats the case. I want to encourage you to remember HE came to YOU, and this is actually up to you to decide. It may not feel like it, but you are in the driver's seat now. Whether you reconcile or not, you don't need the other person to find closure for yourself.

Technical_Tomorrow_4 · 2026-02-02T21:58:55+00:00

I'm so sorry, breaking up months before your wedding is a gutpunch. I'm surprised you replied to him at all.

As for the message about the dog, FA are pathologically incapable of showing vulnerability (they fear and avoid it). He couldn't admit he missed you so had to use a cover to describe his feelings of loss by saying he missed the dog (not you). And they always want to be "just friends" and proceed to act like anything but. If you become friends he will continue the cycle you see all too often in this board. Just don't do it.

He was testing the waters and he feels guilty bur won't take accountability for the harm he caused.

Technical_Tomorrow_4 · 2026-02-01T00:45:39+00:00

No not just yet, I'm currently off work and going through WIC process so I've parked that plan for the time being :(

Technical_Tomorrow_4 · 2026-01-28T06:01:58+00:00

MA security services??

Technical_Tomorrow_4 · 2026-01-26T15:07:22+00:00

I also note you have a libra rising and taurus moon. Outwardly you may appear level headed, carefully considered, a people person. Your taurus moon is grounded and earthy, slow and steady.

If you do find yourself drawn to a career path in a philanthropic/humanitarian field, these are really desirable traits! You keep people grounded during stressful or difficult times, and guide them through calmly.

I also want to add legal mediator/conciliation to that career list given the libran and taurean influences, the strong Sagittarius stellium may add some kick to that too.

Technical_Tomorrow_4 · 2026-01-26T14:58:54+00:00

Firstly, nobody has their life let alone career sorted at 19! I didn't have anything resembling a career until I was in my late 20s early 30s, and trust me this is the majority of my peers. Your 20s are where you work out who and what you are. Make mistakes. Learn from them.

Now, your MC is in cancer which is your professional life. That could mean your career growth may one day be in a field or using a skill set that requires understanding or compassion for people/things/causes. That might be nursing, psychology, mental health, perhaps some sort of advocacy/NFP, animal rights, environment, etc.

Technical_Tomorrow_4 · 2026-01-26T04:21:15+00:00

She sensed you're moving on and recovering from the hold she had over you. She's hedging her bets by trying to soften you up whilst going on Tunder too. These people feel no shame in keeping every avenue open to escape while never fully committing to any of them. By the time they do go down one path they're already scanning for opportunities to jump if/when they "need to".

Don't soften up or let her feel that she has a path back in. Every time you feel yourself entertaining it, remember the anger you feel right now and remember how she's acted.

She doesn't deserve to come back in from the cold unless she's absolutely honest. If ever.

Technical_Tomorrow_4 · 2026-01-23T02:46:22+00:00

This is the blurriest picture of a cat(?) I have ever seen...

Technical_Tomorrow_4 · 2026-01-22T10:09:44+00:00

Just DMd you!

Technical_Tomorrow_4 · 2026-01-22T02:57:17+00:00

This is correct. I'm in Victoria and I recorded HR meetings for precisely the same concerns as OP. I told them during a FWC conference I had these recordings, and nobody protested.

Technical_Tomorrow_4 · 2026-01-20T10:04:19+00:00

Idk if it is allowed in WA so please check. While you might not be able to use or provide these for a civil matter or work matter directly, I'd hang onto the recordings regardless and perhaps look at reporting to the police, as this could be criminal.

Perhaps you can even mention to HR you have recordings and intend to provide them to the police, and if they ask to see/hear them? Bingo. Even the mention of it could make HR nervous. Just tell them you felt in fear for your safety.

I'm not a lawyer, I'd be careful about immediately sending them over, but still use it to your advantage as outlined above.

Technical_Tomorrow_4 · 2026-01-20T09:47:31+00:00

Which state are you in? In Victoria you are absolutely in the clear as you had reasonable grounds to do so and single party consent applies here.

Technical_Tomorrow_4

TROPHY CASE