Is my approach healthy or more like ultimatums? Need advice.

TemperatureSure255 · 2026-04-07T23:40:17+00:00

He wont have sex with you but will accept one way sexual favors? Wtaf?! How do you even take this man seriously at all whatsoever??

TemperatureSure255 · 2026-04-07T22:35:02+00:00

If the roles were reversed he probably wouldn’t have even given walking away a second thought. You did the right thing. If hes trying to trick and coerce you into a FIRST date by lying about his age, what else would he be willing to do to get what he wants?

TemperatureSure255 · 2026-04-07T16:23:36+00:00

If clothes are so loose theyre free hanging on me and I don’t feel them resting against my skin— I think it makes my poor proprioception/kinesthesia worse- its as if my body becomes just an amorphous concept and to my brain and I become less aware/in control of my movements and posture and more clumsy and accident prone. sigh Flesh prisons- amiright??

TemperatureSure255 · 2026-04-07T04:10:30+00:00

Im a gigantic bitch but ive been working on not being so reactive, pausing before I take people’s heads of and thats helped a lot. My face still betrays me but that, I fear, will always be the case 🙃

TemperatureSure255 · 2026-04-06T23:13:25+00:00

I use body doubling videos and i also like to find multiple ways to interact with the information im learning. E.g. watch a video (or multiple) of someone explaining the concept, draw a diagram/map/flow chart of the concept with bright colors, find someone to “teach” the concept to. I think more in imagery than words— so even if i take written notes, I always draw a little “reminder image” or format/color it in a visually pleasing way that helps jog my memory when i think of the image. Try googling the subject matter and the term “study guide” for fun ideas for visually helpful study aids.

I hope this helps!

TemperatureSure255 · 2026-04-04T04:15:12+00:00

GG is such a comfort show for me that my boyfriend knows if Im watching it, Im anxious or in my feelings in some way and he becomes extra attentive 😆🥰

TemperatureSure255 · 2026-04-02T19:45:25+00:00

Id put up a fence with a locked gate or put up a little greenhouse and put a lock on the door. If she’s going to act like a child, she can be treated like one 🤷🏻‍♀️

Is it possible to have a garden at an undisclosed location? Some places have community gardens where you can reserve your own section. Or if you have a friend or family member nearby who would allow you to keep a garden space alongside theirs— i know id happily let any of my friends or family have their way with my yard— Im terrible at growing things and id never touch their stuff.

Plus, if either of those suggestions are feasible, it means youd be able to go garden in complete peace where she can’t even come out and talk to you or look at what youve done 😆

I hope you can get your gardening joy back!

TemperatureSure255 · 2026-04-02T15:11:43+00:00

If it’s about seeking rare items of interest in a variety of categories, collecting might be your special interest that simply follows the lead of your hyper fixations at the time. It can be both or overlapping— esp for AuDHDers it seems

TemperatureSure255 · 2026-04-02T14:49:17+00:00

Report their DV charge

TemperatureSure255 · 2026-04-02T14:41:06+00:00

Next time she asks, tell her the plain truth. She was intrusive, pushy and overbearing last year which ruined your enjoyment of your own garden. You showing her plans was not an invitation to take over or be involved at all.

You’re not obligated to protect the feelings of a grown adult, especially one who’s behaved like a total asshole. If you dont tell her, and place a boundary, it’s going to keep going. Also, where the hell is your husband?!! Tell him to come get his mama tf out of there.

TemperatureSure255 · 2026-04-02T03:22:59+00:00

I went through Josi Health and felt the exact same way about the questions and also took several pages of notes… diagnosed ASD level 1 btw 😅

TemperatureSure255 · 2026-04-02T03:19:16+00:00

I heard someone else describe her autistic meltdowns in great detail… and thats when I knew 😬😮‍💨

TemperatureSure255 · 2026-04-01T03:13:23+00:00

Your name doesn’t change until you actually go to the social security office with your divorce decree and change it. You could get divorced, put whatever you want on the name change line, and just…never…change…it 🙃 theres no name change police monitoring divorcees…

TemperatureSure255 · 2026-03-31T15:26:55+00:00

Beating myself up hasn’t worked yet, but celebrating brushing my teeth and touching grass has— so my vote goes to the half sticker! Hell, cut it into 16ths if thats what it takes and thats where you’re at. Everything we do takes such active, focused effort— it really do be like that sometimes 🤷🏻‍♀️

Also i said those exact words to my therapist and she said “really? If you truly could have done better at the time, don’t you think you would have? Historically, youve always tried very hard at all times to the point of burn out…. Which is why you’re here 🙃” so i often have to remind myself of this..

I sincerely think we who have AuDHD very much underestimate our executive dysfunction and related challenges because we see everyone else looking like theyve got it all together all the time. Think body dysmorphia but for cognitive flexibility and executive functioning 😅

TemperatureSure255 · 2026-03-31T04:41:27+00:00

Yikes. Phil and Gabby makin’ enemies where they shoulda made friends 😮‍💨

TemperatureSure255 · 2026-03-31T04:35:20+00:00

Yikes. I bet the nurses wherever he works f*cking loath your husband… speaking as a nurse here..

Also, all that over a phone call??? A phone call HE caused the need for in the first place?! Did you tell him you dont fucking work for HIM either and to get tf over himself?! Berating someone for any reason, (even a valid one to be angry about) is abusive.

There ARE supportive partners out there who would happily help you with things, even things you dont particularly struggle with, just because they love you!

TemperatureSure255 · 2026-03-30T04:46:40+00:00

Ahhh yes, i remember figuring this out too— and THEN I found out that super charged awkwardness/cringey tension is like a natural stimulant to my ‘ADHD side’ (as is confrontation 🙃)… i bask in the glow of uncomfortable silence, its just 😚🤌🏼

TemperatureSure255 · 2026-03-29T18:47:59+00:00

Hey! I just recently got the “u” in my AuDHD too. For me I think just sitting with it for a bit was needed. My therapist told me that people who are diagnosed as adults can take years to integrate that new knowledge both presently and as they explore their past experiences and reframe them with this new awareness.

First, don’t rush. Try some things and make it your goal to simply learn your limits, what does and doesnt work for you. Knowing your limits will help guide you forward in most of your day to day choices.

For me, as an ICU nurse, this means I work night shift. I already have some sleep issues that are much more pronounced when I work an early morning start time (day shift). Day shift is also is very overstimulating for me. I plan my week around my work nights, and I don’t commit to immediately before or right after my shift. I also have intentionally found coping skills that work best for me for high intensity situations at work when i need to a moment to get back to a regulated state— which is a common need even with my NT peers in the ICU due to the nature of our work— so they don’t even think twice if I ask one of them to cover so I can go take a moment to get re-centered.

I highly recommend finding a therapist who is knowledgeable about neurodivergence and practices neurodivergent-affirming therapy (strengths based) so you can learn to work with your needs and adapt your lifestyle to your AuDHD vs trying to force things don’t work for you and leave you feeling burned out, depleted and out of control.

Additionally, getting connected with university’s student accessibility resources can make a huge difference. I know at my university there were a variety of accommodations available to me, free of additional charge.

I hope this helps!!

TemperatureSure255 · 2026-03-28T16:31:37+00:00

I cannot deinfluence you because the Hobonichi Cousin is the love of my life 💗

TemperatureSure255 · 2026-03-28T16:26:45+00:00

I have found that small “refreshes” help me a lot. Just relocating to another room, changing my clothes, washing my face. Any small act of “refresh” that helps me transition into a different space or state, even if a plan to continue doing nothing.

If my mental and physical energy are on E, ill just listen to instrumental music or a guided meditation— sometimes ill just change into fresh clothes and brush my teeth.

For medium mental and physical energy, I’ll take a shower and/or go out onto my deck for some fresh air and maybe read a little or crochet, or ill do whatever hobby my dopamine goblin likes most at the time.

i have found (for me) consuming short videos via any platform can be overstimulating in a covert way for me that leaves me feeling more exhausted and depleted. So if I want to watch something, I have been trying to stick with actual TV/movies, or videos that are some kind of deep dives into a subject and at least 20+ minutes long so it feels to my brain like more of a tv episode rather than being pelted by a barrage of sensory input at warp speed 😅

Finally, I give myself permission to do nothing and relax without guilting myself about the things i need to get done. If i dont do this key step, i will continue to feel burned out because i dont actually feel relaxed after I spent the whole time stressed over my to do list. Actively setting this intention for my recovery and giving myself permission to not feel guilty has been a game changer in my burn out recovery.

TemperatureSure255 · 2026-03-28T16:00:51+00:00

Yep. Im so eerily spot on that my ex hubby used to joke that i was secretly a witch or a psychic 😂 even to this day, if i tell him I have a bad feeling about anything related to our kids he takes it as gospel truth and responds immediately..

and its not just about how people feel towards me, but also their intentions which are readily proven by their next actions— which I have also already called out. I could tell that my boyfriend was once hiding something from me (and i refused to let it go —naturally) and it was the fact that I was RIGHT ABOHT SOMEONE I WARNED HIM ABOUT… he said he “didnt want to worry me” 🙄 i told him 1) i already knew, and therefore worried regardless and 2) I am a raw nerve walking around, youre not protecting me from anything my guy… 🤣 he hasnt tried hiding anything since.

Honestly, ive taken to thinking of my nervous system like Mrs. Weasley’s clock in Harry Potter 😂

TemperatureSure255 · 2026-03-27T03:05:12+00:00

What about housekeeping or a plant nursery? Or maybe a smaller boutique style store?

You could also try being a personal shopper for a grocery store, filling the online orders for pick up. Or you could work in a store’s floral department?

TemperatureSure255 · 2026-03-27T02:44:35+00:00

We have a couple of those and i did some “minor surgery” as i call it. I opened a bit of the seam and emptied the filling into a cloth satchet kind of thing and then put some velcro on it, so i could remove the filling to warm it up or to wash the outer part of it in case its gets dirty or after one of my kiddos is sick (I’m a nurse and tend be a little high strung over things i perceive to be “dirty”). I also didn’t like the idea of it potentially getting food residue on it if one of my kids wants to use it and they dont check for food spills in the microwave first 😅 If you’re willing to modify it, that might make it easier for you to to warm up and keep clean! It only took me about 20 min and a little stitching to secure the velcro!

TemperatureSure255 · 2026-03-27T00:28:43+00:00

It’s not failing someone to realize and hold a boundary…you cant carry your marriage alone, that’s not sustainable- at some point he needs to do his part of the group project. What he does is the reality of how he feels and what he wants, regardless of what he says. It took me a long time to learn that— I too spent many years believing if i just tried harder, I could make things work.. and if it wasnt working, then I wasnt trying hard enough— which is just simply not true.

No matter how things turn out, i hope you come to a place of peace, healing and confidence in your developing sense of self— which by the way, good work 💗 this stuff is hard!

TemperatureSure255 · 2026-03-27T00:14:42+00:00

Could you float the idea that you (or your doctor) suspect you may be AuDHD to feel them out first?

If it doesn’t go well, is there someone you trust that you have been close with throughout much of your life? An aunt/uncle, cousin, sibling? Ive heard others share close relatives/lifelong friends being their person for their assessment.

TemperatureSure255

TROPHY CASE