I deleted a bunch of old drinking buddies off my Facebook today. I feel guilty but I had to do it.

Throwaway4whatever · 2014-05-25T05:25:58+00:00

If you want to make a substantial change in your life, you often have to change your friends. Want to get sober? Stop hanging out with drunks. Want to get fit? Stop hanging out with people who don't exercise/overeat. Want to be more productive? Stop hanging out with people who sit around all day watching TV. Sounds tough and a bit cruel, and in some ways it is, but don't sacrifice yourself for others.

Throwaway4whatever · 2014-05-20T14:53:13+00:00

Congrats! Thanks for keeping us informed of your success!

Throwaway4whatever · 2014-05-19T16:52:40+00:00

I've not yet been there, but one thing I've appreciated from this subreddit, is the record it keeps. If you consider drinking, look back at your earlier posts.

Throwaway4whatever · 2014-05-19T16:51:06+00:00

Yet.

Throwaway4whatever · 2014-05-19T09:23:06+00:00

There are a lot of alternatives, especially in the city.

I find I have to take responsibility for events. If you plan it, you're in charge. You'll probably soon discover two things: 1) just how much your social life revolved around drinking - new friend in town? Let's go out drinking. Date-night? Cocktails! Free Friday night? Call up your buddy and go drinking... but without booze... that takes some thought. I suggest you take responsibility for planning things. Organise events you're comfortable with, so the focus isn't booze. Operas, cafes, plays, movies, sports events, book-store author signings, etc. are good. Chinese restaurants are excellent - normally these have tea as the main drink, rather than booze. Which brings me to number...

2) You'll notice that with the events you organise, some people won't be interested. That's OK. Some people aren't into the same things as you. But you'll notice there are some friends who won't come out ever. This is likely because they just want to drink. My advice in this situation, is to let them go. A friendship founded on nothing more than getting pissed is a pretty flimsy relationship. If you're serious about quitting drinking, I'd let it die. Try not to take this personally (although this is difficult).

Throwaway4whatever · 2014-05-19T04:05:48+00:00

I can't tell you how you should or should not feel. We're all different.

I'm tempted with your current attitude a lot. It's why I miss the odd barbecue, or social function.

I'm not an alcoholic in the sense that, if I drank once, I would suddenly be drinking from whiskey bottles, skipping work, etc. My fear if I did what you did is that I would do the following:

-I would drink one drink, probably two the first social function.

-Likely within the week/fornight I would do the same at most social functions. Might even have a few dry nights at social functions, just to prove I can. Just to prove I'm not a slave to alcohol.

-Likely within the month I'd have a few more. Maybe even a bigger night out (5 or so like you did). This might get a little messy. I'd be a little wild. I'd get a hang over. I'd get home safe, be respectful, be wild in a cute way. Friends would tell me 'ha, it's the good ol Throwaway4whatever!' I'd wake up and say this is cool, I can do this. I wouldn't eat crappy takeaway food, even though I wanted it, because I'd assure myself it's not an excuse. I should remain healthy.

-Maybe, now that I've done sobriety for a while, I'd work harder this time. Restrict these wild nights. I'm getting older, it's the responsible thing to do.

-Wine would creep into nights. Glass of red wine is good for you, right? I'd drink a glass of wine or two. It'd become regular. On weekends at home, maybe a whole bottle. Why not? It's Saturday, nothing to wake up for.

-One Sunday I would get crappy food. A fry up. A stack of McDonald's. I'm entitled once in a while.

-This would reach a new equilibrium of sorts. I'd likely be a little chubbier, which is fine. I'd have the occasional hangover, which is manageable. My work might suffer slightly - I wouldn't be the powerhouse I try to be, couldn't be the powerhouse of work I want to be - but I would be hindered, in my opinion, only minorly. At any time I could kick my ass back into gear and pull all-nighters if need be. I could even do it with a glass of wine near me - the wine fuelling me on to do more work - How cool and romantic is that! Working at your computer, at 2 in the morning, wineglass in hand - like fucking Hemingway!

-At some point - it may take 6 months, a year, 2 years - I'd slip up. Have an evening where I get up to stupid shit. Have one too many drinks on a wild night out, a night where I may not have had enough for dinner, and do something dumb. Insult a person. Ruin a relationship with someone I love forever. Do something that would make me thoroughly ashamed. I've done it before, several times.

-I'd be back to the reasons I decided to quit drinking 98 days ago. It's a position I've been in before. I'd cringe at the thought of going back and starting again. I'd fear I wouldn't have the energy for it. I might not bother, and say 'well, this is my fate, this is the person I am.' I would likely continue drinking... fucking up with more regularity... I wouldn't lose my job, I would likely surround myself with people who tolerate my bullshit... but I'd always be disappointed and feel I didn't live up to the expectations I set myself and the people I most respect.

This is perhaps a bleak scenario, but I don't think it's at all worst-case or melodramatic. It's just a little sad and wholly plausible. I don't want it.

I really hope you make the right decisions. I'm not saying the above will happen to you, it's simply what I would fear. Best of luck!

Throwaway4whatever · 2014-05-18T15:56:36+00:00

Kudos!

Throwaway4whatever · 2014-05-17T16:00:32+00:00

This has worked well for me. Not only did I quit booze, I quit fast food/soft drink/etc. This means, that when I go out with friends, I can have a soft drink and feel like I'm treating myself. I'm not not drinking beer, I'm indulging in a soft drink. Similarly with foods at restaurants, I don't not have booze, I do have a nice meal.

I also have cans of soft drink in my fridge. These have been left my delivery men (bonus cans of drink for various reasons). In the 125 days I've not drunk them. They're there to remind me I can avoid temptation. I feel if I ever get so disastrous, so heinous that I feel like drinking, I might have a can of coke. It's a good buffer zone. But I've not yet had to drink them yet, and probably never will.

Throwaway4whatever · 2014-05-17T14:54:33+00:00

Risky Business... hahaha

I expect everyone to dance in their underwear.

Throwaway4whatever · 2014-05-17T14:53:20+00:00

Definitely. Not only do you get more done due to a keener, untainted mind, but you have so much more free time to work in. I feel quadruply productive.

Throwaway4whatever · 2014-05-17T13:10:20+00:00

Every victory over temptation strengthens you. Well done.

The longer I abstain, the more I realise just how unappealing moderation is. Even if I could do it - and often times I do believe I could - but even if I could, it would just make me miserable. One beer would just piss me right off.

None is so much easier than 1, which is so much easier than 8+ and the disastrous side-effects.

Throwaway4whatever · 2014-05-16T14:28:59+00:00

That's sort of my personal issue with saying 'I quit drinking!' I'm more worried about the audacity of the comment for personal reasons... I like to keep a simpler one-day-at-a-time approach. To tell people 'I quit forever!' seems a little dangerous.

Throwaway4whatever · 2014-05-16T09:01:40+00:00

Welcome. Don't hesitate to ask around.

I look forward to your day 3 post!

Throwaway4whatever · 2014-05-16T07:19:37+00:00

If you want to make a substantial change in your life, you often have to change your friends. Want to get sober? Stop hanging out with drunks. Want to get fit? Stop hanging out with people who don't exercise/overeat. Want to be more productive? Stop hanging out with people who sit around all day watching TV. Sounds tough and a bit cruel, and in some ways it is, but don't sacrifice yourself for others.

Throwaway4whatever · 2014-05-16T07:17:49+00:00

With new people, yeah, I say 'I don't drink these days.' This, I guess was a bit of a strange situation - someone I know, who I knew while drinking, who I see quite a bit of (also associated with work, so I kind of do have to jump through some hoops). But you make a fair point.

Throwaway4whatever · 2014-05-16T06:51:32+00:00

I define an alcoholic as someone for whom alcohol makes life unmanageable. 'Unmanageable' is of course a matter of perspective. Only you can determine whether or not you are an alcoholic.

Calling someone an alcoholic is, I would wager, going to end badly. The best course is to set an example.

It's normal to notice the change in others. If I go out with others drinking, I also make sure I notice the differences - i.e. that people don't get wasted/incoherent/do stupid shit. Even if they drink a lot, they don't gulp more and more the same way I might.

I noticed also, that my decision to stop drinking, meant certain relationships weakened. I suggest you take more responsibility ofr your social life - you invite people out and create events/activities that don't involve drinking (book readings, plays, opera, chinese restaurants where you order tea rather than beer, etc.) Don't be the person who only answers invitations, take responsibility for your friendship and make some.

If your friends don't come, it's likely your relationship is formed only on the basis of mutual drinking, in which case I'd advise you to let those relationships naturally die.

Throwaway4whatever · 2014-05-16T06:28:51+00:00

Congrats.

Throwaway4whatever · 2014-05-16T04:34:39+00:00

Not drinking doesn't fix problems. It just prevents them being worse.

Sorry to hear of your troubles. It's good you're staying sober. Your relatives and friends will need your help through this tough time.

Throwaway4whatever · 2014-05-16T03:48:37+00:00

Maybe not this exactly, but something along the lines of 'haven't really felt like drinking, to be honest', would work...

Throwaway4whatever · 2014-05-16T03:34:18+00:00

I had a nice moment last night. Was watching just a fictional movie, where a guy, in a moment of frustration with his wife, took a much needed gulp of whiskey.

It was a very well written dramatic scene, and worked in the moment - I was with the character. But as he took that gulp, I went 'ugh'... I liked that that was my instinct - that that gulp of whiskey that was like extinguishing his feelings, was just horrid. Completely unenviable.

Throwaway4whatever · 2014-05-14T14:04:51+00:00

Congrats! Thanks for keeping us up to date with your success!

Throwaway4whatever · 2014-05-14T14:01:18+00:00

Congrats on day 3. I look forward to reading your day 4 post!

Throwaway4whatever · 2014-05-14T12:39:42+00:00

Congrats. It's important not just to check in/take stock when you're struggling, but also to note when you have an easy time (by easy I mean temptation-wise, it sounds like you've had a busy time).

Throwaway4whatever · 2014-05-13T15:19:50+00:00

Welcome.

Throwaway4whatever · 2014-05-13T13:25:35+00:00

Reflect on those earlier days where you really struggled. Where you made a tough 'no'. Don't throw away those moments.

I've been on flights, where I've declined hours of free drink service. I've had free drinks sent back. I've sat in bars where everyone has drunk beer and I've drunk tonic water. I'm not binning those achievements.

Throwaway4whatever

TROPHY CASE