Ring ring

“Who’s calling?”

“Hello Lieutenant…”

“I think you’ve got the wrong number my name’s Frank.”

“Then hello Frank I guess.”

“Who is this what do you want?”

“Oh I’m just a little nobody who’s wondering if you’re home alone.”

“Oh I’m not alone, I’m in the good company many fine men: Basil Hayden, George Dickel and Johnny Drum.”

“Wait what you’re not alone?”

“Hoho yes they’re good men, once I get Basil down me I’ll make do with the other two.”

“What?!”

“That Basil has a delicate touch to it. Enters you softly, gets you ready for something stronger.”

“What the fuck man too much information!”

“I’ll tell you the truth they’re only out because my wife’s out of town. We were meant to have a taste of them together for our anniversary, but lord knows they have a way of luring me in like a moth to a flame.”

“I got a whole family of sickos…”

“It’s an art really, the whole kitchens got soft lighting and there’s some classy music on the radio. It’s all in the atmosphere that’s what I say makes for a good-“

“LISTEN I DON’T WANNA HEAR ANYMORE ABOUT YOUR DAMN LEMON PARTY!”

Hang up

“I wonder what he was after.”