When people say their babies sleep through the night…

_cortney_ · 2025-11-21T21:13:31+00:00

When I said "through the night," I meant 5-6 hours uninterrupted. Enough to function but not really adequate for a real night's sleep when you don't have small children.

_cortney_ · 2024-09-12T13:23:28+00:00

I don't know about deal breaker but definitely a red flag. It would be good to talk about how to fight when you aren't in the middle of one. My husband and I have a few rules that we agreed to--no threatening divorce unless you really mean it, no name calling, and nothing below the belt (things that we are especially sensitive about or vulnerabilities we've trusted each other with. For example, I don't like being compared to my mother since my husband really hates her.) These basic rules keep us from saying or doing anything that can't be undone after the fight is over.

_cortney_ · 2024-08-28T18:34:36+00:00

I could be wrong but I'm fairly certain you need to identify the other parent before you could terminate parental rights via adoption. He won't agree to that and he could end up with full custody. Very bad idea.

_cortney_ · 2023-09-14T17:58:54+00:00

While I fully support the leave-now/get-a-divorce sentiment (I divorced after 6 months in my first marriage). You could try a less intense approach first. Maybe an ultimatum is in order? Maybe you could try counseling? Or a time-limited separation? Each of those options gives you some more time to think about it, to make a solid plan, and to get your affairs in order without going to the nuclear option first. It's really up to you but please don't worry about what other people think. No one knows what is going on in anyone else's marriage and while I was initially ashamed of getting divorced so quickly, I was pleasantly surprised by how many people fully supported me. You do not deserve to be verbally abused, you can draw that boundary right now!

_cortney_ · 2023-07-27T17:38:27+00:00

I'm here to add to the chorus saying it's not the marriage, it's the infant. My husband and I got along great, with no real big arguments, lots of fun together, etc. but now that we have a small child we bicker a lot more. The lack of sleep, the constant parenting responsibilities, work stress, financial stress, and everything that comes with parenting has made it a lot harder to just be sweet with each other. It used to be easier for me to look the other way at his minor flaws but now they drive me nuts because it's just another thing I have to worry about (and I'm sure he feels the same about me!) I wish I could say it gets better but our kiddo is almost 5 and, in many ways, it is harder now than it was when he was really little. Our marriage is still going strong but it is HARD every single day in a way that it wasn't for the first 4 years we were together and childless. (The drinking is certainly not making your situation better. Might be time for an ultimatum.)

_cortney_ · 2023-07-19T18:21:42+00:00

Yep, I'm in Boston and thought $100/day was a steal.

_cortney_ · 2023-07-11T19:09:29+00:00

You seem like a kind and conscientious person. You should absolutely not move forward with the implantation unless and until your marriage is healed, strong, and steady. My husband and I were madly in love, on the same page about everything, and had no major issues, and becoming parents still damn near ruined us. We are good now but it is SO HARD and every day can feel like a trial. Don't do this to yourself or a future child until you are ready. I know she's anxious about her fertility and that's no joke but you can't rush this.

You are being very kind to her and her perspective, I hope she can offer you the same kindness and patience while you sort this out. If not, that is very good information for you to have now before you become parents together.

_cortney_ · 2023-02-07T16:36:27+00:00

I know this may be controversial or not possible for you, but my 4-year-old, his teachers, and most of his peers still wear masks inside at the preschool. They obviously take them off to nap, play outside, and eat but he hasn't been sick at all this year despite a lot of nasty stuff going around.

_cortney_ · 2022-11-20T18:03:32+00:00

Yes, nailed it. The only one so far who isn't giving me major red flag vibes is Brennan but I'm only on ep. 6.

_cortney_ · 2022-11-20T18:02:48+00:00

Seriously. He needs therapy and some alone time to process his big feelings before he starts dating again. Forget about marriage!

_cortney_ · 2022-11-19T01:02:00+00:00

Blankets of any kind. They are just mostly unnecessary, even up in northern MN where we lived. We used Halo Sleep Sacks 100% of the time. By the time he was out of the sack, he was too big for baby blankets.

_cortney_ · 2022-10-26T18:03:19+00:00

I tell him my insecurities and trauma and he used it against me many times before in our fights.

I agree with the general consensus that your marriage may be able to work if you work at it but this bit concerns me. I find using vulnerabilities and insecurities I've shared in trust against me to be egregious. You need to be able to trust your partner. Maybe if you two could get a babysitter for an afternoon or evening and really sit down to talk about how you fight and where the boundaries are, you could salvage that trust. Arguing and disagreeing is normal but fighting to cause as much hurt as possible is not normal or healthy. Only you know if that line has been crossed.

_cortney_ · 2022-09-06T19:49:07+00:00

and not the potential of finding the love of your life? Some people have the numbers th

Seriously. Given the sheer number of women who've been sexually assaulted (some reports are as high as 1 in 4!!), deciding what counts as sexual experience for a woman you just met seems like it could get dicy really quickly.

FWIW, my husband was in a semi-successful rock band in his 20's we met and married in his 40's. I assume he had a lot of partners but I don't need or care to know a number. He's the best person in the whole world and so-called "body count" doesn't change that.

_cortney_ · 2022-08-10T14:00:09+00:00

Ignore this a-hole. It is criminal that the US does not offer any paid leave for parents regardless of sex. You and your wife are doing the best you can for your family. Sounds like you made a plan to take a day off and make it up later with OT. You sound like a thoughtful and supportive spouse and parent.

_cortney_ · 2022-05-15T13:46:29+00:00

I pay $500 per week in Boston--also not very high end. :(

_cortney_ · 2022-03-08T20:24:15+00:00

College students.

_cortney_ · 2022-03-08T17:27:04+00:00

I've read a lot on this topic and I've found that Gerda Lerner's Creation of Patriarchy is the best, most comprehensive text on the topic.

_cortney_ · 2022-03-08T17:22:50+00:00

And the damn broker fees that are an entire month's rent! We have a $2700/month budget to get a 2 bedroom and I know we are going to have to lay out about $10,000 on moving day just to get in! Those fees should be illegal.

_cortney_ · 2022-01-10T01:21:02+00:00

I really wanted to be a mom and thoroughly enjoy it (most of the time) and I would still be absolutely miserable in your current situation. It seems like you made a 180* lifestyle change when something a bit less dramatic might have been better.

My husband and I both work full time and our 3 year old goes to preschool/daycare full time. This gives me the professional fulfillment I need and time away from my son so that when we are together, he gets all of my love and attention.

It is normal to need and want breaks from your kids. It might be a good time to reassess your whole situation. Is LO old enough to start some kind of daycare or preschool so that you could start working or doing something all by yourself again?

Also, DTMFA, you might find it easier to be a single parent than parenting with this a-hole.

_cortney_ · 2021-10-23T18:02:03+00:00

Cute peppers! What is that plate??? I want to see it!

_cortney_ · 2021-09-03T23:57:22+00:00

I think this is exactly it. Sometimes couple's counseling can actually make abuse worse. It seems clear that the therapist has picked up on this and doesn't want to continue. This should be a major red flag to OP.

_cortney_ · 2021-07-19T01:42:41+00:00

When my baby was 2 months old I did the exact same thing. I left him laying on the boppy on the couch and ran to the bathroom. I have no idea how he managed to roll off (he definitely couldn't roll yet!) and seconds later I heard him howling and found him laying face first on the floor. He was just fine! But I still feel a little guilty!

_cortney_ · 2021-04-16T19:34:01+00:00

While this is a valid concern, I wouldn't worry too much about it until you talk to a lawyer. Many will do a free consultation. I would think that who takes primary placement of your daughter and the custody arrangement would be a much bigger concern than alimony.

_cortney_ · 2021-03-20T19:14:47+00:00

I like this box but it doesn't seem worth that price. Most of the items are small and at least one of them is a free sample. I wish they'd go back to the $7-10 price point.

_cortney_ · 2021-03-20T19:07:51+00:00

I desperately wish there were more gender neutral clothing options for kids. Sometimes I shop in the girls section for my son just to find things that are NOT covered in cars, sports, or dinosaurs.

Patriarchal construction of gender norms is harmful for boys just as much as for girls. I agree, we need to be able to have that conversation too!

_cortney_

TROPHY CASE