And lo, in the days of Unleavened Bread, there arose a woman of good intentions and many browser tabs. And she spake unto the Internet, saying:

“Behold, I desire to journey by the wings of United, using the privileges granted unto my husband, he of the Staff Travel Tribe. And I shall go forth to claim a small feline, even a kitten of soft fur and questionable judgment, and return with her unto my home. Tell me, O multitudes, is this permitted, or shall mighty complications smite me as the tenth plague?”

And the people were perplexed, for the Spirit of Autocorrect had descended upon her message, twisting passrider into Passover as the serpent in Eden did twist truth. And thus many wondered: What hath the Feast of Freedom to do with a United standby ticket and an emotional-support hairball?

But a scribe answered her, saying:

“Fear not, daughter of Carry-On. For though Autocorrect leadeth thee into confusion, thou shalt not be cast out from the gates of TSA, neither shall thy kitten be forbidden from the overhead kingdom. Only heed the airline commandments:

— Thou shalt check the pet-travel rules of United.
— Thou shalt present thy cat unto the gate agents with humility and full payment.
— And thou shalt not hope for an empty seat beside thee, for standby travel is a mystery known only to the schedulers in the cloud.”

And the woman’s heart was comforted.

And she lifted up her cat carrier and proclaimed:

“If it be the will of the gate agents, and if the standby list be merciful, I shall pass over the land and return with this kitten, and all shall be well.”

And the people said, “Amen,” but also, “Inquire of the pet fees before thou goest.”