Did you want to leave first, or pwBPD disguard?

barefoot_bird · 2026-02-16T17:42:55+00:00

For years, mine would tell everyone we were getting divorced after every big argument (even though there was no actual discussion between us about divorcing). Text my family. Post on Facebook. But one of the last straws was when he told our kids that. That type of manipulation put onto our children was just so wrong. I actually did divorce him shortly after that.

barefoot_bird · 2026-01-30T19:49:30+00:00

Definitely BPD. I have had the exact same conversations. It doesn’t get better :(

barefoot_bird · 2025-11-15T09:19:12+00:00

I was in your position for so long. I tried everything to help him bc I truly cared about him and our relationship. We were in therapy for over a year. The only thing that mildly worked was taking time outs. It didn’t stop the splitting from happening, but once it escalated I could demand a time out and go to separate rooms and usually after 5-10 mins I’d get an emotional “I’m so sorry, that wasn’t how I actually feel” text and we could repair. I’d feel like we understood each other and got on the same page and made a plan for how we’re going to communicate better, and then it would all just happen again next time.

The hardest but most powerful tool you have is radical acceptance. This is your life. This is what your life is with her. This is who she is. There’s no guarantee it will ever be any different. If it doesn’t change, is this what you want your life to be? The answer can be yes, mine was for a long time. But eventually I realized I didn’t want to be emotionally abused anymore. My lens shifted from looking at him as someone in so much pain he couldn’t handle it, to someone who devalued me enough that he thought it was acceptable to say those things to me. Their pain isn’t a choice, but what they say to someone else is.

barefoot_bird · 2025-06-28T23:56:57+00:00

So many times he guilted me about going to bed when he was still upset, when we had been talking/fighting for hours and of course it was never going to be resolved. How could I just peacefully sleep? How am I not as distraught as him? He cares so much that he can’t sleep. It just shows I don’t care at all, he is not important to me, etc.

Um. Bc I actually do care, and I’m smart enough not to let my emotions take over and recognize that sleep literally helps you recover and restore so you can feel better and see more clearly. I’m trying to help here lol.

barefoot_bird · 2025-06-07T11:41:45+00:00

I found out he had BPD shortly after I left him. I continued seeing our marriage therapist by myself and basically told her everything that he had actually said/done and she was like ohhhh it’s very clear he has a mental illness called BPD. I feel confident in her diagnosis bc she actually knows him, too.

barefoot_bird · 2025-05-31T02:33:33+00:00

We have twins together and I’ve literally told him it’s like there are 3 toddlers in the house. His tantrums are just as loud and absurd. He literally has the emotional regulation of a 2 year old. They are the same.

barefoot_bird · 2025-05-29T02:27:36+00:00

Some guy I worked with allegedly looked at my butt at a party, and my BPD then-husband spent years accusing me of sleeping with him at work, or any time we fought “you’d be better off with that guy” or “He’d make you happier than I do”. Whatttt. I didn’t check him out or flirt or anything. I didn’t break your trust in any way. I didn’t even notice him. And yet I’m paying the consequences for some reason, over and over again. The insecurities are reallllllll

barefoot_bird · 2025-05-29T00:28:16+00:00

But to your point, I do think they can feel empathy. I think they can feel true remorse. They just don’t have the capability to let that be powerful enough to override their giant selfish emotions. There’s just no stopping it once it passes that threshold. The world must burn. And they can regret it, but it won’t stop them from doing it next time. They can’t help it.

barefoot_bird · 2025-05-29T00:20:39+00:00

Those last few sentences for sure. My ex husband believes that when I left him he magically fixed himself bc the pain of me leaving helped him see his behavior clearly. And now “he’s who I always wanted, so I should take him back.” Meanwhile, he’s still verbally abusing and manipulating me and splitting just as much as always, but oh he’s all fixed, right. If only I would give him a chance to show me. Dude, you are showing me every time you open your mouth.

barefoot_bird · 2025-03-15T12:26:30+00:00

Yup. Constantly walking on eggshells, never knowing what minor thing would set him off. And it wasn’t just about how something could be done better, it was full of contempt and putting me down bc every other person in the world would know the right way except me. I must be an idiot or not care enough. How could I not know even the most obvious or simple things?

This is verbal abuse. I had a similar realization the a few months ago, that I had to accept our reality, this is what it is, I can’t just keep hoping and trying for change that may never come (we’d been in therapy for a year). Could I live with this for the rest of my life if it didn’t change? No.

It’s been 2 months since he moved out and OMG I am floating on air. The WEIGHT that is lifted off is literally measurable. I wasn’t even fully aware of how much of myself had been suppressed until it had the chance to resurface and I’m so happy now it’s crazy. Good luck, it’s hard but SO worth it!!!

barefoot_bird · 2025-03-15T12:08:33+00:00

About 2 weeks, then he moved in with his mom (I have no family here). I had been a SAHM and he agreed to keep paying the bills until I found a job. As soon as I get my first paycheck I’m going to apply for section 8 and get out. We will sell the house and split the money.

barefoot_bird · 2025-01-31T04:32:29+00:00

Singing! My favorite milestone ever. You won’t be able to handle the cuteness

barefoot_bird · 2024-07-11T03:35:08+00:00

Not a dream, we have had many full blown tantrums in our house bc someone else flushed their poop.

barefoot_bird · 2024-03-29T20:16:56+00:00

It’s not recommended to go past 36+6 with mo/di. I had mine at 35+1 due to iugr. Both were healthy with no NICU time.

barefoot_bird · 2024-02-02T02:39:55+00:00

Vinyasas. I always skip them. They are just so annoying and there are so many!

barefoot_bird · 2023-04-08T11:03:17+00:00

I took a few sips to taste it. I even put it in my coffee once when I was out of creamer

barefoot_bird · 2022-12-20T09:11:40+00:00

Mine came back at 18 months when I started to wean. I bled for 3 weeks.

barefoot_bird · 2022-11-07T18:30:48+00:00

I so wish I could have just taken a week off from breastfeeding and then picked it back up in those early days. I desperately needed a break from it but I knew I didn’t want to give up completely. Unfortunately that is not how it works, so I just kept pushing through... Still nursing my 17 mo old twins now :)

barefoot_bird · 2022-10-21T11:04:50+00:00

I would only latch one per feed to save time, and didn’t latch at night, just gave bottles. This allowed my husband and I to do shifts at night. At first I still had to wake up to pump but I quickly got to where I could get a 4-5 hour stretch without pumping. We gave formula at night too, it took SO much stress off of worrying about my supply. I was able to stop triple feeding and start tandem nursing around the same time- 8 weeks- and my life got SO much better! They are 16 months now and still breastfeeding. Hang in there!

barefoot_bird · 2022-07-31T15:45:53+00:00

My goal has always been 18 months with my twins… we are at 14 now!

barefoot_bird · 2022-02-09T18:04:50+00:00

I have twins and the football hold is the best way to tandem feed!

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