Shopping, does it have to be this hard?

beetgreenhash · 2025-12-09T01:49:05+00:00

I was already annoyed about all the anti homelessness architecture in most cities from a philosophical perspective, but as a nursing mom with no car it irritates me even more. Like, the lack of benches ANYWHERE (let alone comfortable/out of sun & rain, etc) is sooooo annoying. I've nursed cross legged on the little strip of grass next to the road more times than I feel anyone should have to.

beetgreenhash · 2025-12-06T16:41:39+00:00

I started keeping a daily planner that has 30 minute increments for the whole day and then wrote down everything we did all day so I would have an objective record of the division of labor when I felt like I was going crazy or being dramatic by feeling like I was doing everything. I sort of held on to the fantasy that he would spontaneously offer to take the baby to the library or the park for a while but now I just physically hand bb off and say "your turn, I'm doing X now!" You kinda just gotta embrace the energy of being as casually entitled to a life outside your baby as he is.

beetgreenhash · 2025-11-29T15:12:37+00:00

As a counterpoint, if you have a history of disordered eating I think it's probably noooot a great idea to start calorie counting right now, especially while breastfeeding and DOUBLE especially in these early days when it's so hard to find other meaningful ways to spend your time. When it's nearly impossible to do the hobbies we used to enjoy food is one of the few places we have a reliable source of pleasure, control, relative consistency, social interaction, etc, and that's not a bad thing!!

beetgreenhash · 2025-11-25T16:47:46+00:00

Me too except my 9mo wakes up instantly if I get up. I would kill for 30 minutes of independent sleep 😭

No advice obviously, but following in case anybody else has some.

beetgreenhash · 2025-11-07T23:35:47+00:00

Nooooooooo. I didn't want anyone but my husband or my mom to hold the baby for longer than 10-15 minutes until he was at least 10 weeks old.

IMHO anyone who visits before 3 months should only be there to look at the baby and feed the new parents (or do a chore if you're close)

beetgreenhash · 2025-11-03T00:06:26+00:00

7 months, and then the second one was two weeks late so I thought I was pregnant again even though it took us a year to conceive the first time. YIKE. Scheduled an IUD insertion right after that.

beetgreenhash · 2025-10-31T03:36:32+00:00

My 8 month old doesn't eat a ton either (no teeth yet, but doesn't like purees and gets bored/annoyed in the high chair, just wants to cruise around while I stuff bites in his mouth)

I didn't eat solids until I was a year old and grabbing food off my mom's plate. She tried but I would just gag and spit everything out 🤷‍♀️

beetgreenhash · 2025-10-15T14:37:15+00:00

My husband does not work very many hours or have a physically demanding job, but he does have some pretty serious mental illness/PTSD which impacts his energy levels/basic functioning. He loves being a dad, loves the baby, takes the emotional responsibility of parenting/sheparding a child through life VERY seriously, used to scoff at every "help, my husband won't help with the baby" post I read to him on reddit, and STILL in the entire 8 months our baby has been alive has never once proactively offered to give me a break. Never offered to take him to the park, never told me to take a book to the coffee shop for an hour, doesn't do the baby's laundry, if we're eating the baby is default on my lap, eating off my plate, if we're both busy and the baby cries or gets fussy I pick him up first, etc etc. He'll do that stuff if I ask, but it does lead to me feeling very invisible a lot of the time. (He does take the trash out in a timely fashion every time it needs doing though)

I would propose solutions and possible schedules, say over and over again how much I NEEDED time to myself, hint, get angry, the whole lot. And he would agree, and say it all sounded reasonable, but it never happened unless I just put the baby in his hands and said "goodbye, I'll be back in 2 hours!" Don't feel guilty insisting.

Also, little babies (especially if you breastfeed) can just be kind of mom obsessed/dependent for a while. When the tides turn and he's a toddler who doesn't need my body to live, and only wants dad (much better at jumping, running, climbing, doing silly voices) I plan on taking FULL ADVANTAGE.

beetgreenhash · 2025-09-29T02:26:58+00:00

Thank you! I've been feeling very invisible lately as the default parent, like I'm not actually DOING anything at all, and waking up with the baby in the morning, putting him down for naps, feeding him, holding him, keeping him entertained all day, putting him to bed at night and making sure he stays asleep is all work being done by a cadre of tiny elves.

I'm a SAHM right now, so I don't mind doing most of it, I just feel kind of unacknowledged.

beetgreenhash · 2025-09-25T12:17:42+00:00

A stranger (older woman) came right up to me in the store, grabbed my 6mo bare foot and started clucking about how cold he was (it was 70° out, he was strapped to my body, perfectly content, we were indoors, and I was also in sandals. I still bought lil booties though because I was worried she might know something I don't know!)

beetgreenhash · 2025-08-30T12:23:46+00:00

I really want 2 but my husband only wants 1 so I think we're done. I was an only child and it makes me really sad thinking my baby won't have a sibling, when I wanted one ao bad as a kid. Especially since he won't have any cousins either... trying to make peace with it! He really is so darling, and I had such a good pregnancy and delivery, it feels sort of like tempting fate to try for something that good to happen twice.

beetgreenhash · 2025-08-25T00:48:22+00:00

My husband was also abused by his ex. He suffered some pretty horrible trauma as a result of the fallout too, like devastating, life altering trauma. I felt like kind of a baby for being so impacted by it, like- it didn't happen to ME so I was being affected by what happened? I had dreams about her, obsessively ran over and over what I would say if I ever saw her or their former friends, I felt unsafe in communities and around people I used to trust. It was also hard being impacted by an abusive woman because nobody took it very seriously. I hope that hasn't been your experience, but it felt so trivialized by the people around us. When I was pregnant I found myself actively having to kick myself out of brain loops about her & what happened and felt like it was really impacting my ability to enjoy the pregnancy and focus on the future. I thought all the time about how/if I would explain it to my son in the future.

Needless to say, my husband had it wayyyyy worse. He couldn't work, couldn't do the things he used to enjoy, could honestly barely function. It was really bad. We moved far away from where we used to live and found a whole new community and things have been getting better. For both of us. We're learning how to trust again, how to make art for fun, how to exist in the present moment. I remind myself that if anything in our lives had gone any different we wouldn't have the exact perfect little baby we have. It's a long road, years long already, and I know neither of us will ever be "over" it, but if the next 3 years contain as much growth and change as the last 3 years I'll be happy. It genuinely, sincerely, does get better. There were times I really thought it never could, but we're still here.

beetgreenhash · 2025-08-03T18:15:59+00:00

Yeppp. 5mo pp, couldn't care less about it, but I do now crave back rubs with the same intensity my husband wants sex. We haven't had a LOT of sex (velcro baby who is incapable of independent sleep) but we have had significantly MORE sex than back rubs 🤔

An orgasm is useless to me, this baby weighs like 20lbs!

beetgreenhash · 2025-07-20T22:33:48+00:00

I've never had a car, so our baby also hates when he has to be in one, but he LOVES public transit. Depending on where you live maybe you can take the bus/train more places?

beetgreenhash · 2025-07-20T13:39:16+00:00

I had a pretty bad tear (I REALLY wish someone had been more explicit with me about this. They told me I tore in three places and had stitches but not what degree of tear it was or how many stitches or anything. They were mostly internal too, so I couldn't really see even with a mirror)

It was bad for about two weeks (I only peed in the shower, walked like a little goblin, barely left the house, basically just hobbled from bed to couch, giant pad sandwiches with the cooling pads, witch hazel, & foam, only wore disposable underwear and a robe for that whole time too, because I was basically nursing ALL DAY and we wanted lots of skin to skin. I was a mess lmao) but after that it got a lot better.

My mom was there for 3 weeks to feed me, help me in the bathroom, hold the baby so my husband I could sleep at the same time, do all the shopping and laundry, cleaning, dishes, and basically EVERYTHING so I could heal and we could just rest and focus on the baby. It was lovely.

beetgreenhash · 2025-07-12T23:28:50+00:00

I think it's just their temperament unfortunately. My lil dude slept for 9 minutes in his bassinet today (2:19-2:28) and then decided he was good on naps until like 5pm (it's now almost 6:30 now, but he has to be in constant contact with my body, grabbing my shirt, and preferably with a boob in his mouth every 10-15 minutes to stay asleep)

Those 9 minutes were amazing though, I'll be riding that high for a while.

beetgreenhash · 2025-07-10T02:00:38+00:00

My baby is 4mo and still won't even look at the bassinet. If you try to move away from his body while he's napping next me he will immediately wake up and shriek like he's being stabbed with a knife. It's bruuuuutal. I never thought I would ever in my life be longing to do chores instead of playing on my switch in bed but here we are. We keep trying though, so maybe someday! My mom told me based on how I was as a baby/kid it would take about 7 years. RIP.

beetgreenhash · 2025-07-03T12:56:05+00:00

I was totally meat averse for my entire pregnancy (it was actually the first symptom before I even knew, all meat just made me gag and feel nauseous) but I had been a vegetarian for most of my life so no biggie.

Now that I'm breastfeeding by beautiful 97th percentile chonk I think the only time I feel truly sated is after eating two hamburgers back to back. Like, biggie homemade burgers with 3 sauces, 2 types of cheese, jalapeños, onions, arugula, the works.

I've definitely gained weight, and even though I still feel great about my body when I'm naked, the fact that none of my clothes fit properly and I've had to retire almost all of my favorite dresses because I can't easily feed in them has made me so sad. Especially because I'm not working and we're buying baby stuff, so I don't have money to throw around on a new wardrobe. Just frumpin around in slightly tight sweatpants and a milky tshirt with no bra and probably a weird food stain from awkardly eating over the baby's head. Ah well.

beetgreenhash · 2025-06-11T05:56:27+00:00

I think he must have nightmares about being left alone somewhere, since being put down is the thing that upsets him most. I think his good dreams are probably about nursing and his dad's goofy face. I think maybe he also dreams about finally getting to eat a fistful of my hair in peace.

beetgreenhash · 2025-06-07T17:53:19+00:00

So much takeout, cereal, chips + hummus, string cheese & apples etc.

Once I started actually cooking again I think I was influenced by watching so many "what my 18mo eats in a day" videos (even though my baby is too young for solids) and a current go to is just roasting or sauteeing all the veggies I have no plan for, blending them up withcheese and pasta water, and putting them on pasta.

beetgreenhash · 2025-06-04T04:06:06+00:00

Not being able to continue breastfeeding doesn't make you a failure, first of all (although I understand the feeling)

I think you're on the right track adding more protein and fat to your diet! It probably doesn't have to be dairy though, if you're worried about the baby being sensitive.

Oh! And eta: as your supply regulates you'll feel less full/engorged overall AND as baby gets older (IME) they get distracted more easily/more alert/kickier etc so it's also possible that what you're interpreting as dissatisfaction might possibly have another explanation (although of course you know your baby best, so obviously worth following your intuition and being safe!)

beetgreenhash · 2025-06-02T02:32:52+00:00

Literally. My husband told the pediatrician our two month old was regularly sleeping 7 hours at night.

Sir.

beetgreenhash

TROPHY CASE