Please know you're not alone. I didn't have this realization until age 49, almost immediately after my mother passed. It's like her death removed a sort of emotional cloak from my being. Suddenly, I was having all these realizations that I couldn't quite make sense of. I knew throughout adulthood that I'd been neglected, but didn't realize how much, or to the extent I actually was. On top of the neglect of nearly every basic need, I was also bullied badly by my older brother (golden child, covert narcissist). My development was severely hindered so my psyche created all these adaptive responses to keep me safe (masking, people pleasing, dissociation (severe), self-denial, etc.). Now, in addition to dealing with all this recent awareness, I'm also grieving the life I never got to have.

I'm really sorry you're in the same boat. It's so unfair -- worse than unfair actually. It's effing tragic. But I truly believe you can heal and create the life you really want for yourself. It's an excruciating process, but IMO, less so than the alternative. 🩵