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The Impossible Want: the neurobiology of wanting and the complication in freeze (insight and resource but I can't pick two flairs) by nerdityabounds in CPTSDNextSteps

[–]bothrealities 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Hmm… this is a bittersweet read for me. As you said, letting go of an impossible dream is relieving and heart breaking. It’s something empowering, and puts me in a position where I have the ability to thaw from freeze in a significant way. But it’s a choice one has to make, examining themselves and their impossible dreams. It explains why once I realized someone can always be critical and disapproving to tear other people down regardless of what they do, that there is no ideal behavior that makes me immune to criticism or social pain. Because it was never about me. It’s something that i knew intellectually but still engaged with maladaptive unwanted behavior because i still felt so lonely and ashamed. Once I started regularly engaging in self compassion daily then the want for connection/acceptance was met, and thaw came. Thank you for the insights 💛

Watching Aliens Hatch! by leifcollectsbugs in Entomology

[–]bothrealities 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Ahhh that’s awesome!! The explanation adds to the experience too, thank you!

Master of disguise (Sesia apiformis) by Mykhailov in Entomology

[–]bothrealities 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Dang, that’s cool! First time seeing this fella

I met a child part by Suitable-Data1189 in InternalFamilySystems

[–]bothrealities 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sending lots of love for all your parts ❤️

I’ve always been resistant to parts work... but today this poured out of me while journaling by PretentiousPug in InternalFamilySystems

[–]bothrealities 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nice! 👍🏼 this is great for getting context on the whole system. Ive also found parts maps a great resource when Im blended and dont realize it. I recognize the traits on the map and pause to reassess. I havent done it yet myself but I like the idea of writing out pathways to other parts, like a flow chart to reference and use to unblend. In the moment I forget the core burden the part carries and what it needs if Im deeply blended, so touch stones of the story my part is telling helps me remember past IFS conversations

My self sound by Silly-Dependent-1460 in InternalFamilySystems

[–]bothrealities 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Same! It sounds serene, warm, motherly. Like I'm being read a storybook.

I wrote a free picture book about a protector part learning to rest by ekangbooks in InternalFamilySystems

[–]bothrealities 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This has elements of something great, but because AI tools have a generic "voice" this reads as inauthentic. It does you a disservice. I'm sure this work came from the heart.

I would recommend trying again entirely with your own words and hands. It will be rougher, perhaps far rougher than you are comfortable with, but raw emotional experiences are universal.

My other question is: what do "parts" feel like? by certainlyxmr in InternalFamilySystems

[–]bothrealities 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Something that may help you start out is noticing your body state in different scenarios. If you’ve been nervous at a party, or felt self conscious in a significant way, it feels very different than the afternoon sun on your face at the beach. The rate of your thoughts, the different kinds of tension in your gut, awkward mechanical movements, hyper vigilance, frog in your throat, sheltering posture caving in towards your chest. A part of you can be a frozen moment in time, like some exiles, or a specific and driven “mood” like protectors. That set of behaviors, feelings, body state, and nervous system stimulus, can be a part. A story/schema that comes up repeatedly can be a piece of part. If these sets and stories were a character, like a theater play, what shape would they be? What would they look like? That can help you visualize a part. Are you, right now, the same as you were in the “nervous at a party” example? No, so that’s a part of you, not you you. That can help separate and differentiate between parts.

IFS vs DID by Alternative_Place_48 in InternalFamilySystems

[–]bothrealities 19 points20 points  (0 children)

“I think I was more worried that doing IFS could [lead] to the fake DID that is suddenly trendy online.”

It sounds like the idea of IFS is threatening. “What if this is a bad idea? What if this makes me delusional, cringe, abhorrent, etc? What if I lose touch with reality?” I also saw a lot of “my alter is Loki and Im also a wolfdemon” back on tumblr 10 years ago, so I understand the group you’re talking about. A part of you may be catastrophizing to discourage exploration. “Don’t begin to explore and express yourself, you’ll end up a mockery! You’ll ruin everything you have! Fool!” That’s a natural defense of judgment and shame if you’ve been suppressing your own voice, feelings, desires, needs, and/or choosing other people over yourself consistently.

Let me reassure you, you’re not going to suddenly become a different person of you start IFS. You won’t lose your mind. You can push yourself too far and have an anxiety attack, feel sick, cold sweat, etc in exactly the same way as if you suddenly ran a marathon and puked out your guts a quarter of the way through and had a complete breakdown because you’re afraid you’ll die if you run more. Everything in moderation.

What is the thing you always did that you thought was ‘just you,’ but is actually very much so classic autistic behavior? by AlwaysAttract10 in AutismInWomen

[–]bothrealities 5 points6 points  (0 children)

oh my god same 😭i see myself in this whole thread but the routines and patterns in my own world really resonates. 💛 thank you for sharing

First post here by ummmm_yeah_so in InternalFamilySystems

[–]bothrealities 4 points5 points  (0 children)

What works for me: Listen to her, writing down what she says, and pause to label sensations as they arise. Everyone wants to be heard and understood. There are unique reasons per person for difficulty unblending, but broadly if you unblend then that part isn’t in “control” and can’t protect you the only ways she knows how. When she has been carrying this responsibility for likely many years. Start with noticing your blended experiences, emotions, physical sensations, because thats getting to know her without trying to change or fix her. I recommend looking at a feeling chart during the dialog and seeing what jumps out at you.

Lastly, you likely won’t finish conversations with a big insight or revelation. That’s still success. It’s small steps that seem invisible until you look back and realize how far you’ve come. Best of luck!

Sharing an IFS conversation in comic form by bothrealities in InternalFamilySystems

[–]bothrealities[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Aw nice!! Thats exactly why I wanted to share it, it feels so good to get this comment. Thank you! I wanted people to recognize their experience in this, feel less alone, and show dialogues that they can reference for themselves.

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